Selfishly, selfishly, you pulled me back in.

Did you ever, Ever stop to think bout what you were doing.

n whether it benefited Anyone other than yourself.

dont lie to yourself. what good could it possibly do me.
when you started off saying "If i need you to.."

Again.

There when you need, away when you dont.

How do you Ever justify yourself to yourself.

bedding

oh and..

normally the fact that im about to do something so.. 'forbidden' (tho really.. in my books not really. but i revel in the fact that it probably is in yours.)

would excite me tremendously.

(payback)


if i werent so busy 'trying' to be emo.


=/p


ps. why does it feel so wrong today? hm.

where are you

where are you..

now

when its not You 'needing' Me.

i wonder.

hm.

the very day

When i said "years.."

n he asked, "why not anymore?"

n i said, "its been so long."


You were gonna get back at me weren't ya.

the very day..

-

Maybe ive stopped caring if im making the same mistakes, knowing nothing will ever change, even if i 'played it right'.
Why lie to myself?
Why deny who i am n hide how i feel?

good morning august

its not about talking

its about being.


its not about what i want.
(i know what i want)
what do You want?


what i hear, is probably not what you mean
(n vice versa)
but thats the way it is.
it unfolds. always.
n we end up where we always are.
stuck right there.


why its so quiet in here
is because
we could fight the same fight
over n over
but where would that take us?
a rhetorical question thats rhetorical

n u hate me enough already so
whatsthepoint.


You can Ask me, at the peak of all your cycles..
but really, how much should i try?


so, yes, im fine, and good morning august.

we were better in my dreams.
happier.


and then you wake up.

beautiful

She was a bunch of laughs really

cracking a load of odd, random jokes..

infectious maybe.

He later said that it was how she dealt with her life, her condition n its probs, her depression.


but there was the point,

she turned to him after trying one of her jokes..

n said, You're not sweating, are you?

she looked at me incredulously, as if for laughs,

n then more pointedly, Are you sweating??


n he fumbled..

with a quick rub over his forehead..

No.. me? its just a.. i just have shiny skin..


No babe. you dont have shiny skin.

She didnt mean it literally, t'was her closing of one of her funny jokes..

You dont have shiny skin babe.

You're beautiful.


My heart breaks everytime i think of you.

not in a sad pity kinda way..

in an I love you kinda way.


if only your name wasnt.

n how beautiful it is..


You've been doing beautifully all this while..

dont let anyone ever let you feel like you're not. not for a second.

the way you do it, hold yourself,

its the most amazing of all.

bells of

I guess ive had it wrong all along

"Dont let anyone ever make you feel like you dont deserve what you want."

it says nothing about not being able to have what you want
bout being good enough..

Have, want, and deserve.

they are all different,

overlap maybe, but still separate entities.


Its not that i dont deserve what i want.

but just because you deserve something, doesnt mean you will have it.

i guess we all deserve a load of things in our lives.

some we'll get, n some we wont.

not because we dont Deserve them..
but just cause.
you wont have everything.
things wud just get complicated.

n some things are better than others.

n maybe those are the things we will have.


So, was it you who told it to me wrong?

or was it me, who was blind all along.. n saw it the wrong way.

coz in the end, it is only i who can let or not let anyone make me feel any way.


so, its not that i Dont deserve what i want.

i just deserve better.

n i shud never have let anyone let me feel otherwise.

=).


you do too.

isit only me?

Er..

I did not sign up for this?


Im an inertia kinda girl remember?
inertia?

i dont do sudden.

not the first time.


Maybe im just a pessimistic b*tch.
wait i thought i was optimistic.

No. im the devils advocate.

When you're down, im your optimist and your cheerleader (so gay)

but when you're up, den im just the scare-dy cat bitch
forever afraid to thread.

hmm.


Trivializing all it was.

but i guess its your right.


btw, didnt you know?

Im a terrible liar.

.

F*cking bastard Malaysians! (who are in Malaysia!!)

Stop f*cking Food-blogging!!!

You're driving me inSane already!

You bloody Live there just Eat in peace n Leave me Alone!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!


Miss home miss food.


supposed to be studying. :((

--
p.s. some people are so f*cking lucky but they dont even know it.

post hoc

The brain cells said : "Yes! We managed to order the expulsion of the alcohol. We think it was a success. We think we got most of it. It wont get (inside) us now!"

And the stomach says : "Urghhh groan groan burnnnn..."

Brain cells to body : "Stay down lads, stay down!" (ala Eddie Izzard)

..

n the brain cells say : "OooOoo.. a lil whoopeedooda here... *sway sway* maybe a lil remnant effect afteralll.... *slurr*"

n the stomach says : "Fooooooodddd! NO no! No food... sickkkkkk..."

n the brain cells say : "No! Give stomach Food! We need food! We need food! *brain cells holding signs walking around chanting*"

..

after food :

Brain cells and stomach : "Ahhhhhhhh..."


Another pointless post brought to you by...

14 days

it is very hard to decide between

what is good for you but makes you confused and upset and longing

and what is bad for you but makes you happy, if only for a while.


The choice should really be obvious

if you know whats good for you.

but you want it so bad
that you're willing to risk it, even if you've made the same mistake over and over
and over

and you're not sure how right you are in analyzing it that way

how fair you're being n

whats the right thing to do?

Whos happiness matters?
matters more
Or whos happiness has been sacrificed all the while

How important you are,
how much can you really do,
is it really for them, or really, for you.


So,
Whats the right thing to do?
Should you sacrifice whats good for you for that something that you want, for, possibly, that someone else as well
or do you hold back n do what might be right, right for you, n maybe, maybe (you'll realise) they dont need you after all.

relativity

3am.
the mildest time of the day or night.
probably because everyone sane is asleep.

everyone but people like me.
(and that will be .... ?)


theres alot to be said about trust.
n what it has to do with comfort
proximity
ease
mood..

theres alot to be said about trust.
n how it can make you feel.

after the first time
everything just went downhill.


we were having a chat about Einstein n his theory of relativity today.

its only just Monday today

hows that for relativity.


this.

the story of my life.

maybe i should have had it figured out by now.
the number of times its happened

maybe it is really me thats the prob.

i should know better.

so, how do you change how you feel?


is it right that things seems these way
or was i supposed to be better?

am i being my usual me, instead of the unselfish person that one should be
or does it all make sense
or, have i done enough already.

which ways the act?

trying to figure out what kinda person to be
n what things to feel.

sounds

That tone is fast becoming one of the most annoying sounds ive heard in my life.

It used to be another.


I wonder
what if i played the two next to each other just to see which one bugs me more.

two completely different people..
you wouldnt think there was a competition.

but u never know.
its annoying me now.


what am i doing?

Backup plan

if im honest with you, its because i trust you.

if i didnt trust you, i wouldnt be honest with you.

if i tell you something, but not everything,
i trust you, but not too much,

maybe im not sure how much.


So which way do you want it?


How well do you know me?

How well do you need to know me before you can tell.
or can read whats going on
or even just
sense.


I refuse to listen to the left overs
or process for you

it is not a privilege,
its disrespectful.


How much do I trust you?
..

(p.s. - hate that hanging around people makes me feel inadequate.)