hie...
I have not written in ages. Again...
well...now i have something to write about.
I dunno where to start or wat to say...i'll just type.
So...i have been goin out with someone for
Unofficially, 2mnths 19days, or 2mnths 16days, or 2mnths 13days or 2mnths n a no. of days la... =P
dependin on which day u consider tat we started goin out. (altho 2mnths 19days wud kinda b impossible since 2mnths n 19days ago wud be the day we re-met) (n i say re-met becoz it wasnt the 1st time we met, jus tat tat fella still din noe (or care) who the hell i was =PPP)
Officially, 1mnth 20days. OK, tis no. of days is confirmed (i guess =PP) since we hav n official date. N yes. If u count, it is the 31st of October. Halloween. (N i wud also like to say here tat unfortunately for us, we picked, out of the 31 possible days, the 1 day of the bloody months tat only appears 7 times a yr... our 1mnth anniversary was non-existent since November doesn hav a 31st!!! N yes i still blame him for it! =PPP) (God, i cant believe its only been 20days since we celebrated tat... so much shit has happened... seems like forever...)
*being melodramatic!* hah.
so. jus so u noe. I am a chinese. He is a malay.
yes.
n so, since the begining of tis relationship, i hav been wonderin about wat my parents wud think, wud say...
I 'knew' tat they wud disagree...strongly, Strongly disagree...
N yet i cudnt see WHY, HOW they cud disagree... (scratch tat. I noe they WUD definitely disagree... jus didnt noe (or want to noe) wat they wud do about it...)
so they wudnt want me to marry him... as i wud hav to convert to Islam...
N its not a religion tat i was brought up in... Not a religion tat i understand... Not a religion whoose rules i comprehend n live by...
A religion which has rules tat we dun agree wit...
N if anything ever happened after i converted... Anything at all... I wud be at a disadvantage...
I wud be 'the convert', not the born muslim...
tell me honestly tat they wud favour me n not him...
(besides the fact tat he's the man here...)
watever...
besides i oso didnt noe how theyd feel about me havin a boyfren in the 1st place. not to mention 1 of a different race. Not to mention a malay boyfren.
I figured they wud probably be somewat ok wit me havin a bf... tho i wasnt sure about tat...
oh well... now i noe.
So i did wat i normally do...
ask around...
ask my friends wat they tot i shud do... wat they tot wud happen...
(N thanks to all of u who cared about me... who spend time talkin to me about my crap...)
N guess wat?! None of my friends had a problem wit me getting a malay boyfren!
I mean... I tot tat some of my old friends wud find it weird n all.. (coz i noe some of my friends to be somewat racist against malays n all... long story...)
But apparently (unless they were jus acting! hehehe...) so far... those ive spoke to (my old friends) are ok wit it.. they dun mind as long as i dun mind... n they havnt even met him yet! =) (Coz i dun think they Cud mind once they meet him! =) )
(actually tat wasnt wat i wanted to say after guess wat! haha... of well.. here it is)
Out of all the ppl i talked to... None of them seem to hav a problem wit this relationship...
All of them sed tat i shud jus tell my parents...
or tat it wud be up to me... but tat they tot tat it wud be somewat ok..
I mean, wat cud they do rite?!?!
wrong...
All of them... all but one friend.
This one friend... i shud hav trusted (n i did actually... wat she sed made me hold on from tellin for as long as i did i guess..)
This one friend was my best friend only a while back.
This one friend has heard all the stories i cud possibly tell about my family...
This one friend understands wat my parents are like...how they think.
Coz her parents are the same.
In fact, shes goin thru somewat the same problem...
Shes indian, goin out wit a punjabi boyfren (somehow i dislike the term 'bf', pronounced 'bee-aaf').. (n might i add tat they are so absolutely in love n serious in their relationship........) n apparently theres tis Huge racist thing tat goes on between the 2 races... or religions... n on both sides, the parents wud be totally against it.
Tho we both figure... if things come to the very end, we figure both her parents n my parents wud probably still allow it... eventho theyd absolutely disagree... but both of the guys sides apparently are absolute no's....
hah....
(but apparently, she says, if her parents (dad mostly. yes. its the same on my side) actually allow it, it wud only be bcoz they didnt was to severe ties with us... didnt want us to do something even more stupid. yes, tat is wat i sed. n as i hav recently found out... it is absolutely the same on my side too... )
(n also tat both guys... eventho are absolute no's, both think tat if they absolutely absolutely wanted it... they'd somehow find a way. ha....)
One wonders how everything can be so absolutely alike for the both of us...
yes... i did sorta noe tat she wud be the one who wud understand it the best...
After all... she Was also the only one out of the ppl i talked to, who was in the same situation... n had everything to risk as well...
yes... she was the one who wud understand everything the best... understand our parents, my feelings... everything.
So... all but tis one friend of mine says NO! Are U Crazy AH!!!
~I dunno!!! I hate keepin it a secret! Wat cud they do!
- Make U BREAK UP!!!
...
no... i cud not see tat... how cud they?!
How cud they, my parents... educated... liberal n all...
how cud they force me to do something...
...
But talkin to her definitely place doubt in my mind...
N yes.. i might hav started to see a little of wat she meant...
my dad with his temper...
yes... i cant begin to guess wat hed do... but i had n idea...
things wud not be pretty...
N so i did not tell them...
But i was always... bugged about it...
I was not used to keepin things a secret...
not something big like tis...
not something tat they... i dunno... wud consider sneakin around.
I wanted it all out in the open so i wudnt hav to sneak...
so tat itd be much easier n more comfortable n safer n well... right... for us to be together.
N i played wit it..
yes...
especially recently...
I wanted to introduce him to them as the friend i was out wit, if it came to tat.
wanted to jus let it out... let his name out... if it came to tat... if they asked...
the last few times i went out...
if my mum asked... if be honest.
Who were u out wit?
a friend?
Guy or girl?
guy.
...
stuff...
n den finally...
finally the day came wen i finally made the absolute mistake.
finally the day came... wen it all came out... n i was officially screwed...
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