Odd Filterings. Of chocolate flowers n yellow roses.

Falling back into bad habits..
Heart breaking..
But if reasons ensue that those habits be broken out of
again...
Id be even more broken..



She looked into the stream..
n saw.. again.. wat she feared she would see..
feared.. yet always knew..
n still she'd feel that familiar pang..
everytime..
It was always the same..
she had always shruged it off..
n yet.. some part of her
died
everytime..
Will she someday, finally find wats shes looking for?
no..
cause she cant see no more..
She will never again wish for someone who can see what she cant
i think its called 'misleading' in court..



Hes never touched soft skin
Never seen sweet face
Never heard soothing sound
Never felt little hands
Never known.. love...



I cant do it..
cant..
N i know i Never did...



If you throw a hungry dog a stalk of kailan
its not his fault if he cant eat it..



I think its funny that im taking wat u used to say..
but i think its funnier still..
that it wasnt for me anyways...

Xmass

Merry Christmas everyone..

my apologies..
dun feel like bloggin..

But Have a merry Christmas..
N a great New year..

Hope you all got great presents..
n hope all the presents that weren't great, can be returned for better ones..

Yay..

Good night.

sleepy eyed

Bored out of my mind OVER studying..

decided to do this...

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Which i Have to say is total BuLL!
Wat laa...
The logical stuff i got correct ok?! *sniff* sighh..

And I Tikam the Verbal stuff for Goodness sake!! I DidnT know Wat those Words Meant!!! =P

*grins* glad to know me genius at math..(onlyyy bcoz i actually spent time counting!) dah lama give up on math d..

HahA! General Knowledge Exceptional! Isnt tat new.. :p
Now to figure out.. which ones better.. Genius? or Exceptional?.. =Ppp

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Bah.. Hmmm..

Your Kissing Purity Score: 77% Pure

You've hardly ever been kissed But the kisses you've given are very missed

Kissing Purity Test

WahHahAHhAhhaaaa!
I Have to say...
ONLY because i Didnt get a chance to do half the stuff they had there..
Not tat i didnt Want to.. :p
Give me some time.. ;)
heheee..

Hardly? hmmm Dont think so.. But missed?! Oh yea! =D

Heh.. Bored-ness eh...
NEED STUDY
sighh..

Conclusion, no matter how you try to justify the shortness of Dr. Nilesh's notes.. It takes you Damn bloody long to get through them.

Argh.

why gays make the best boyfriends

Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

---

Admiring the duality of this...

Interesting isn't it..
This is after all sung by Lifehouse..

no idea wat im talking about? haha..

Oh.. if u listen to another one of their songs, Somewhere in Between, theres actually a similar line between the two..
I know coz it was the line that grabbed my attention here.. N when i listen to Somewhere in Between, hey, there it was again..

:/

sighh...

confused now..

had a bright, beautiful path somewhere ahead of me..
its way lighted.. its beauty enticing..
unattainable, unreachable..
but there to be longed for..

now..
its surprising how imperfect one can be..
humbug
disappointing to learn ones own.. demerits..
fickle
the lights gone out..

weird..

wat am i thinking...

sighh.. need some time to think..
need help...

fishsticks

When you love someone..
You want, only the best for them..
tho technically to a certain selfish extent..
tats ok..
(coz most people believe they arent whats best for the ones they love anyways)

You want them to be happy..
you want them to be ok..

until..

Until you yourself get hurt..
a bit more here.. a bit more there..
n you lash back..

perhaps unintentionally..
perhaps subconsciously..
perhaps without admitting to even yourself, that you want to hurt them..

because you dont want to..
but you want to..

Hard to understand isn't it..

but somewhere inside you know..
that if you truly loved someone..
you'd never want to hurt them...

n from that..
you know why...

den again.. even true love is so subjective..

n when they get hurt..
perhaps you'll enjoy it for the teensiest of seconds...
perhaps..
but more likely den not..
before you know it..
you get hurt too..
n you wish they were never hurt..
wish you never hurt them..

until it happens again..

bloody vicious cycle i say..


no idea where this came from
take it any friggin way you want to
too tired
tired of blogging
tired of waiting
jus.. tired...

Take heed in what you believe in..

bye bye fishie

Once upon a time..

I have a Fishie!

fishie nice..
fishie pretty..

Fishie very loved by all those around him.. her.. it.. watever..



I love fishie very much..

:)

but now..

:(

Fishie die...




*sob*

Noooooooo!!!

bye bye dear fishie..
fishie very much missed...

:'(

a life, alive

I've known for a long time now...
weekends n muar..
give me bad karma..
very very bad karma...

sighhh...

---

Today,
I went for my first ever
Drumming lesson!

Yay!!!

(Dreamt of it last night... But for some reason... there was a guy lying on a bed.. in my drum class... Hmmmmmmm...)

N Better yet!
I got to Drive there!
N Back!!
ALONE!!!
FIRST time Every Driving ALL ALONE!
IT WAS SO COOL!!!
(Ahhhhh... the smell of Freedom is in the air!)

It was only a half hour lesson..
n i think the teacher didnt even know i was coming..
weird stuff.. haha..
But anyways.. Now i know WHY its only Half an hour!
My hand arm n leg were aching by the end of the half hour!

But it was Sooo Coooool!
*Ahhhh... the sound of two drumsticks, hitting against each other.. liberating.. =P*
I, Allyssa, Can Now Play the DRUMS!!!!
I Am OFFICIALLY KuuuuulllLLL!!!
Come on.. say it.. U know u want to..

I AM KuuuUUuuullllLLLLL!!!


And so.. I walk out a half hour later..
New pair of Drumsticks in hand..
Head held high..
walking tall and proud..

because i walk now with the knowledge that

if u PISS me OFF

I Can STICK MY DRUMSTICKS UP YOUR SORRY ASS!!!!


n den i fell down the stairs.. :/


I'm waiting for Allyssa, pure lust! Teeheeheeeeee...

tentative. mystery. memory.

Found out about this from someones blog..

postsecret.blogspot.com

where people sent in their secrets on postcards


reminds me of something

I lost my messages that day..

When you love someone - you'll do anything
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

For months now i've been keeping my phones inbox practically full..
with usually about a couple spaces free to receive new messages..
n constantly deleting the new ones
Or digging out an old one to delete when there was a new one i wanted to keep

you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone

But last week..
had my phone in the pocket of a particularly tight pair of shorts..
probably pressed on the buttons while it was squirming around in my pants..

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie
there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly

when i got home, my phones screen was at Delete All Messages..
I cancelled it, thinking for a sec that i had come close to losing all my precious messages..

but your lonely nights - have just begun
when you love someone

Only to check, n realise, that it was already too late..



Not such a big deal you might think..

But i lost a whole inbox full of messages
that i kept, obviously for a reason

when you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
and nothin else can ever change your mind

that were practically a last, scarce record.. of.. a memory

when you want someone

that i'll never get back..

when you need someone

hmmmm..

when you love someone...


no, i never lock my phone...



this one also reminds me of the same something

I realised today..

that i dont have very many.. important mail in my email account.
n that theres some mail that i wouldnt delete..

when you love someone - you'll sacrifice
give it everything you've got and you won't think twice

even if it might not have carried much meaning..
though not everyone thinks this way..

you'd risk it all - no matter what may come

in a way.. it does..

when you love someone


Been reading alot of stuff recently..
Sometimes,
u just have to wonder
about that thin line between unconditional love
n naivety


sidenote: finally figured out how to post pics


why am i .. .. .... .... ... , still...


By the way, the song on this post is by Bryan Adams.
(think the title is pretty much obvious)
i Tot i posted it before..
Admittedly, it wasnt entirely appropriate..
not that the words came out in my head exactly where i placed em..
but oh well..
Tot of posting another song up too..
overkill tho..
anyone interested can refer to She is Gone by Hidell on my lyrics section

Mehh..

opportunist

Get to know yourself better


Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


Tuh!
*rolls eyes*

...

TUHH!!!

to sell your soul

Wizard
You are a calm, shy person with an introspective
view on life. You may be skilled in some
artistic endevor. You can grow deeply attachted
to people who you are close to. You fear change
and may heap undue guilt upon yourself. You are
also a worrier.

What type of soul do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla


From where i found it.. I tot it wud be somewhat accurate..
I guess it aint tat bad..
Altho most of the questions, there wasnt an answer that i wud hav wanted to pick.. Had to settle for something.. Tat sometimes hardly fitted wat i wanted..

It now says that the quiz has been taken 50 times..
But i think the last 3 times were me. =P

(Dam.. I tot it came with a cool pic.. Aihh..)
(Dammit! I refreshed n now its 52! Last 5 times being me.. Arghh..)

it's never gonna set in

at some point you'll admit

that some things do exist..

but only an underlying layer

its not gonna be there to pick you up when you're down

---

gonna have to step up

to smarten up

to stop
look

realise.

---

the dark
the night..

its too bright.

doesnt carry the comfort it used to..

---

i know no ones gonna understand the stuff ive written.

i apologise.
tats the best i can do..

:)

sorreee.. :/

oh no

Oh, what have i done


nothing, probably

---

There are some things in existence

that you just.. know..


doesnt really help much
especially since youre usually too stubborn
to do much about it

hiding behind that veil


hope

an oddly delusional fellow

---

life

is full of little misunderstandings

alot of which
never gets cleared up

maybe because u never tried hard enough
maybe because u were too scared to
maybe because you knew better

but sometimes

its just

life

---

most things that you do in life

you cant change.

once its done

its over.

u can try to fix it
to wipe it away

but it can never disappear
not really

the mark it left

forever etched along the path of ur life


the sketch of your future
probably.

regrets.
are plentiful.

maybe's, might-be's

only god will ever ever know.

---

n den there will come that point in time

where u'll change

a lil here.. a lil der..

move down that path a lil..

backtrack

den head back down again..

changes

unfortunately. not all of em last.

---

sometimes

the nights are easier to get through.