after darkness, comes dawn

When the choice is between doing something,
n not doing something,
the thing is, not doing something only lasts until you do do something.

while once you do something,
its done.

not doing something,
is always at a greater disadvantage.
-

i watched the Dark Knight tonight

(i cried when they said silent guardian)

n i missed you.


Theres not a show i can watch

(not once can i sit there)

without missing you.

but you dont miss me. (like i do)


I want you to, but

Dont ask me,
if im free to catch a rat.

Dont tell me,
that my facts are right.

Pick up the phone
say,
Fleur, i'm sorry.

say it.

dont say it.

dont say it because you're not ready to do it all.

dont say it unless
(no buts, ifs, or maybes.
no unless.)
dont say it because you need to want to trudge thru all the sludge in the moat,
that which stinks n smells n will burden you n pull you down.
to want to go thru it all to reach the gates.
the gates the gates.

oh
dont let me open it up if you're not ready to do it.

"i want you to want to do the dishes"

or dont
because as always,
n den what?

dont
because,

i dont want to be 2nd class.
or 3rd or 4th or 5th..

i cant.


oh
so many negatives,
so familiar.

do it
because you should...
because i need you to.

n den what?

( if you do it...
oh, please dont let me go....
... )
(but i guess the thing is,
i know that you cant not let me go.)

do it
dont do it

i cant say.

-
time has passed.
i dont need to anymore.
but im doing it all the same.

because im weak that way.


All i can think of is you

but d'you know what im afraid of?
im afraid you'll tell me that you need to go to bed.

i'm afraid you'll tell me, 'sorry, i forgot.'

if not today,
den the next.

I'm sorry.
for the things I can not do.

for missing you.

P.S. i was yelling for reasons, 'why not?'.
n then i remembered why.
because i'd have to spend my days feeling like this.
hope. expectation. where they've no place being.

so i remembered.
so, no.

dont.