we get this sometimes

Today will forever be known as the day that i walked out of the house in one half of two Different pairs of shoes on each feet! (n got all the way to the hospital too before i realised!)

Things to be happy about today.

- My unfinished report getting an 'i'm impressed!' from my supervisor! Woot!
- Presentation that didnt get to be brilliant what with the lack of amenities! but was cool anyways. I'll enjoy all the pics i put in even if no one can. :p
- Lancaster (free ride n free food too! xmas lunch no less!) which was - Awesome~
- Snow in Preston. like. Serious snow man. (no, not enough to make a snowman though.)
- This being the day just past all the hormonal 'pre' period. *cough* (oo. Look at my most suitable use of words! Muahah!)
- The impending END to all this nonsense n OFF to DINNER n MOVIE n RELAXATION n PARIS (n LONDON!) after todayyyyyy!!!
(After i actually FINISH my report tonight though that is. Damn why didnt i actually Pay attention when she was telling me what to put in. Hm.)

Ah joy.

But.
Definitely not the THREE MARKS im short to an HONOURS GODDAMIT!

hah~

whee~
:)

a thought..

Friendships or relationships, they change all the time.
they grow or they ebb,
people drift in, drift out, or drift away.

Dynamics change.
Roles reverse.

Not many things stay the same.

Sometimes, you get closer, and then drift apart, and then get closer again.
Sometimes you find yourself missing out on the others life, but you both think, 'isnt this what happens?'
Sometimes, you find yourself slowly inching out, unknowingly maybe, until one day you go, "Hey, whats happened here? What do we have left? Maybe its time to bail."
Sometimes you wake up one day and think, "God, what have we done? How did we get to this?"

So when is it time to decide?
When is it time to reevaluate your relationships?
When isit time to wake up n choose which ones to hold on to, which ones to let go.
which ones to fight for. (not that many maybe)

Or do we all sit here quietly n 'let things take their course'
because after all,
why should we be responsible for who gets to be in our lives,
n whose lives we get to be in?

deflect

because i am editing the words i had thought up just a few minutes ago

what i will say is


this image of jumping off the ledge has been running through my head all weekend.

hmm indeed.


-
(maybe this is why i dont tell you, or anyone, how i feel.)


ladidadida.

wanting

I wanna stop crying. :)

:) :)



~Music n passionate circumstances.

"Go"

drifting

i think..

not just you,

but ive moved away from my friends as well and

its my fault i know

- circumstance

- change

its our responsibility and i mess up, i know.

we hold the keys to our lives

n i changed mine.

so, how now?

dont take it away..

it saddens me that its never (ever) you ... anymore..

did you know?

.

i miss you...


?
i wish i could tell you, (n maybe i'll be stupid n i will)

but i cant.

because you never fix me anymore.

you'll be blase or you'll be distant*
without knowing you are

n you never fix me anymore

n maybe thats how you know?
(i know)

that its not you.

how can it be?

when you dont, you could but you dont.

..
oh, silly silly me.

*or you'll do what you just did

n well, really, what was i thinking.

what was i thinking?

the ways in which you could disappoint me, somehow always manages to surpass my expectations.

n i dunno whos sillier now.

=)...

you know i love you

because im soooooo nice to you.

:p

always have, always will

you're fucking her up.

me

i would have sat across from him, i so would have, the way i like him.

(especially today. when there could have been alot of wow-ing. :p)

if it weren't for the many many things.

like how i wouldn't have known what to say.

n how jealous i would have been.

:)

No, its not a good place to be, so close to you.

---

n

i know what you're doing.

but you dont know what you're missing out on!

=).

baring it

let me just say that

what ang mohs mean by you dont really have to get naked,

and what we mean by you dont really have to get naked,

is a completely different thing.

i'll tell ya that. :p

the rubber

My fun pack of condoms.

My pack of Fun condoms!

My Fun pack of Fun condoms!

Yea, thats the way!

=P

Now, to play, or not to play? =Ppp


Ooo Look! Blueberry Muffins! :pp

you n me both

if 'pathetic' is an adjective,

what is its noun?

patheticism?

pathetia?

pathetathy? (you know, like apathy?)

:p


anyways.
i am sure there is a simple answer
that has just whooosh past me.


*let us not pretend to be more noble than we really are.

I am so f*cking attracted to you,

its not even funny.

=.="

the right guise

coming from someone with shirt tuck out at the back

who sits spread out like that in front of who we set up the fronts for..


it must be quite bad.

=/...

Dont get up in the middle of the night. (not even to pee)

its f-cking bad for the soul.

=(.

her sad little smile..

this is me laughing sadly.. incredulously.. incredulously sadly.. (theres a word for this)

np.

thats what I say when i feel...... this way.

so, dont think i dont know.

(hah)


i try godknows i try.

more than *insert suitable continuation* you know? you deserve? you will?

oh yes i try.

so.

:)..

this is my sad little smile.. :)


"Dear God.. take over where we cant..? Amen.."

toast

Today,

i had toast.

I had one toast with butter and jam.

i had one toast with butter and cheese. n den jam.

n i had one toast with nutella.


Today, I had toast. sss.

They say they dont.

But the world only cares about princesses.


the world gave them everything.

To bed, to bed,

oh bed...

What a long week...
n not even one has passed.

You must be stupid to be waiting.
but you're not.

You just think you are, so that can be your excuse.

But well. Oh well.

Oh well.

Selfishly, selfishly, you pulled me back in.

Did you ever, Ever stop to think bout what you were doing.

n whether it benefited Anyone other than yourself.

dont lie to yourself. what good could it possibly do me.
when you started off saying "If i need you to.."

Again.

There when you need, away when you dont.

How do you Ever justify yourself to yourself.

bedding

oh and..

normally the fact that im about to do something so.. 'forbidden' (tho really.. in my books not really. but i revel in the fact that it probably is in yours.)

would excite me tremendously.

(payback)


if i werent so busy 'trying' to be emo.


=/p


ps. why does it feel so wrong today? hm.

where are you

where are you..

now

when its not You 'needing' Me.

i wonder.

hm.

the very day

When i said "years.."

n he asked, "why not anymore?"

n i said, "its been so long."


You were gonna get back at me weren't ya.

the very day..

-

Maybe ive stopped caring if im making the same mistakes, knowing nothing will ever change, even if i 'played it right'.
Why lie to myself?
Why deny who i am n hide how i feel?

good morning august

its not about talking

its about being.


its not about what i want.
(i know what i want)
what do You want?


what i hear, is probably not what you mean
(n vice versa)
but thats the way it is.
it unfolds. always.
n we end up where we always are.
stuck right there.


why its so quiet in here
is because
we could fight the same fight
over n over
but where would that take us?
a rhetorical question thats rhetorical

n u hate me enough already so
whatsthepoint.


You can Ask me, at the peak of all your cycles..
but really, how much should i try?


so, yes, im fine, and good morning august.

we were better in my dreams.
happier.


and then you wake up.

beautiful

She was a bunch of laughs really

cracking a load of odd, random jokes..

infectious maybe.

He later said that it was how she dealt with her life, her condition n its probs, her depression.


but there was the point,

she turned to him after trying one of her jokes..

n said, You're not sweating, are you?

she looked at me incredulously, as if for laughs,

n then more pointedly, Are you sweating??


n he fumbled..

with a quick rub over his forehead..

No.. me? its just a.. i just have shiny skin..


No babe. you dont have shiny skin.

She didnt mean it literally, t'was her closing of one of her funny jokes..

You dont have shiny skin babe.

You're beautiful.


My heart breaks everytime i think of you.

not in a sad pity kinda way..

in an I love you kinda way.


if only your name wasnt.

n how beautiful it is..


You've been doing beautifully all this while..

dont let anyone ever let you feel like you're not. not for a second.

the way you do it, hold yourself,

its the most amazing of all.

bells of

I guess ive had it wrong all along

"Dont let anyone ever make you feel like you dont deserve what you want."

it says nothing about not being able to have what you want
bout being good enough..

Have, want, and deserve.

they are all different,

overlap maybe, but still separate entities.


Its not that i dont deserve what i want.

but just because you deserve something, doesnt mean you will have it.

i guess we all deserve a load of things in our lives.

some we'll get, n some we wont.

not because we dont Deserve them..
but just cause.
you wont have everything.
things wud just get complicated.

n some things are better than others.

n maybe those are the things we will have.


So, was it you who told it to me wrong?

or was it me, who was blind all along.. n saw it the wrong way.

coz in the end, it is only i who can let or not let anyone make me feel any way.


so, its not that i Dont deserve what i want.

i just deserve better.

n i shud never have let anyone let me feel otherwise.

=).


you do too.

isit only me?

Er..

I did not sign up for this?


Im an inertia kinda girl remember?
inertia?

i dont do sudden.

not the first time.


Maybe im just a pessimistic b*tch.
wait i thought i was optimistic.

No. im the devils advocate.

When you're down, im your optimist and your cheerleader (so gay)

but when you're up, den im just the scare-dy cat bitch
forever afraid to thread.

hmm.


Trivializing all it was.

but i guess its your right.


btw, didnt you know?

Im a terrible liar.

.

F*cking bastard Malaysians! (who are in Malaysia!!)

Stop f*cking Food-blogging!!!

You're driving me inSane already!

You bloody Live there just Eat in peace n Leave me Alone!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!


Miss home miss food.


supposed to be studying. :((

--
p.s. some people are so f*cking lucky but they dont even know it.

post hoc

The brain cells said : "Yes! We managed to order the expulsion of the alcohol. We think it was a success. We think we got most of it. It wont get (inside) us now!"

And the stomach says : "Urghhh groan groan burnnnn..."

Brain cells to body : "Stay down lads, stay down!" (ala Eddie Izzard)

..

n the brain cells say : "OooOoo.. a lil whoopeedooda here... *sway sway* maybe a lil remnant effect afteralll.... *slurr*"

n the stomach says : "Fooooooodddd! NO no! No food... sickkkkkk..."

n the brain cells say : "No! Give stomach Food! We need food! We need food! *brain cells holding signs walking around chanting*"

..

after food :

Brain cells and stomach : "Ahhhhhhhh..."


Another pointless post brought to you by...

14 days

it is very hard to decide between

what is good for you but makes you confused and upset and longing

and what is bad for you but makes you happy, if only for a while.


The choice should really be obvious

if you know whats good for you.

but you want it so bad
that you're willing to risk it, even if you've made the same mistake over and over
and over

and you're not sure how right you are in analyzing it that way

how fair you're being n

whats the right thing to do?

Whos happiness matters?
matters more
Or whos happiness has been sacrificed all the while

How important you are,
how much can you really do,
is it really for them, or really, for you.


So,
Whats the right thing to do?
Should you sacrifice whats good for you for that something that you want, for, possibly, that someone else as well
or do you hold back n do what might be right, right for you, n maybe, maybe (you'll realise) they dont need you after all.

relativity

3am.
the mildest time of the day or night.
probably because everyone sane is asleep.

everyone but people like me.
(and that will be .... ?)


theres alot to be said about trust.
n what it has to do with comfort
proximity
ease
mood..

theres alot to be said about trust.
n how it can make you feel.

after the first time
everything just went downhill.


we were having a chat about Einstein n his theory of relativity today.

its only just Monday today

hows that for relativity.


this.

the story of my life.

maybe i should have had it figured out by now.
the number of times its happened

maybe it is really me thats the prob.

i should know better.

so, how do you change how you feel?


is it right that things seems these way
or was i supposed to be better?

am i being my usual me, instead of the unselfish person that one should be
or does it all make sense
or, have i done enough already.

which ways the act?

trying to figure out what kinda person to be
n what things to feel.

sounds

That tone is fast becoming one of the most annoying sounds ive heard in my life.

It used to be another.


I wonder
what if i played the two next to each other just to see which one bugs me more.

two completely different people..
you wouldnt think there was a competition.

but u never know.
its annoying me now.


what am i doing?

Backup plan

if im honest with you, its because i trust you.

if i didnt trust you, i wouldnt be honest with you.

if i tell you something, but not everything,
i trust you, but not too much,

maybe im not sure how much.


So which way do you want it?


How well do you know me?

How well do you need to know me before you can tell.
or can read whats going on
or even just
sense.


I refuse to listen to the left overs
or process for you

it is not a privilege,
its disrespectful.


How much do I trust you?
..

(p.s. - hate that hanging around people makes me feel inadequate.)

Earth Hour

temp



very emo~!

and check this out



so cool~
haha..

ok now i gtg, n turn off this page as well coz ppl are here.. in the dark.. n because i Made dem, now ive to provide entertainment, with My laptop.
haha~

maybe i know just how to hurt you


maybe thats why i hate myself

when i inadvertently do




maybe no more

maybe its lock-away



maybe all my claims of doing it for you...

n this is one more thing to do..



-

n that dark place...

thats where i'll be.




(who cares anymore)

maybe tis why i rather be alone


maybe when you turn off your need for anyone..

it doesnt matter so much when you have no one to turn to.

mistake

nobody else was a mistake.

nobody else,

but me.

Introducing...

Allyssa has met

the Most beautiful thing in the world~!

Behold!


maybe this would be a good time to, you know..
follow those ppl who name their phones.

Haha.

So, what do you think?
Any suggestions?
Look like a.. James? no..
Jordan? no...
William??? hahahaaa <--inside joke

Man!
Ive had it for 7 hrs now n Still i havent opened it!
Thats bcoz i spent the first few hours taking photos and admiring it..
Staring n staring..
Jus cant take my eyes off of you babe~!
Hahaa..

But after that i just got distracted by other stuff la.

Was a whole load of drama getting this phone, mind you.
But then again, my life has been wrought with So~ much drama in the last few days, you wouldn't believe.
Haha.
N ive managed to keep a good head through it all so..

I'm doing good..


Maybe u'll hear about it all some day.

Now its time to study!
(Damm its 3pm! Wtfoof! Didn mean for distractions to go so far..)

But wait!
First to uncover..
wait.. what name did we decide on?
=p

Sorry Edward, I love you, but Dr. Cullen is So. Hot!

*i swear its the dr's coat*
(omg)

oh... my... Gawwd!

Why is it so easy to steal my heart?

-

caring for someone more than they care for you in return
is a very tiring thing..

I think i'm like Edward.

its not easy being around you..
that, i can safely say.

you keep getting caught off-guard..
n then you struggle with what to feel,
what to think.

i did a 'noble' thing today.
i avoided the obstacle.
i looked away eventho it hurt.
because its not meant for me.

i am getting better at it
(its about time)

but sometimes its alright,
n sometimes it isnt.

but that means, sometimes it is, isnt it.

maybe i can do it?

maybe im doing it for me,
and for you.

*would you believe how much i never stopped.

*kiss..*