take me away

i never knew you had one..
why does it hurt so much to find out u have one now.....

sigh...

because it makes you more like me?
(even the starting dates are the same..)

sigh..
dun wanna think about it..


didnt intend to blog but...
came across some crap as i was slacking n avoiding studying..

tho u have to admit..
half the time when we are faced with things we dont like..
its because we went searching for them in the first place..

or..
even if it was thrown at you..
there wud be points where u had the chance to say no n walk away
but u didnt..

but hey,
we all try our best eh..

stop blaming me for things!
cut me some slack.
i am doing my best.

im doing the only thing i can.


thruout the past couple weeks, whats come to mind every now n den is

i'll be ok, as long as you stay out of my face.

sounds harsh, yes..
but its only the truth.

why is it that when i've finally walked away, there come things that, walking away just isnt enough to get away from it all.

its just not fair.

maybe staying away from ppl isnt enough.
maybe i should stay away from things too.

yes.

but even that wont be enough.


i hate it!
i hate remembering all the times you lamented the lack of one..
how ive always known it was always a thought on your mind..
i hate remembering n reading about you talking about lacking it..
Always..
like its so important.
i hate knowing that i knew before you did.
n now tats over.
u get your wish..


i hate it!
i hate everything about it!
i hate how you can feel that you'll be ok for one moment...
n the next you're plagued by all these thoughts that you just cant get away from.

i hate not being able to study.
i hate knowing i havnt done enough n that i wont be able to do enough,
not being able to do more, or even just the same as the last try.
i hate knowing im gonna screw this n not even have a good reason why.
i hate it coz my chances are running out n i still havnt once achieve what i need to.

i hate that hating might show that im not as far away as i should be..
i hate that no matter how far along i think i might have come.. it just doesnt seem to be that way sometimes..
i hate having to pretend that its ok just bcoz its supposed to be.

i hate that theres nothing i can do that will be enough.

i hate that you're more than ok.

n i hate that ppl are going to read this.


sighh..

will i ever get those three words out of my head...


i just wanna get away from it all.

What Is this problem that you have with me??!

...
atleast amongst the pile of shitty work i have that i wont be able to finish...
i've found something today.

i've found that tho many things suck n hurt..

i dont miss you anymore.


N.B. Allyssa has been an angry prandy perd, and rant-ed, because ranting is good for the soul..
(like chicken soup)

now run along now theres nothing more to see.