to move along

I dont have a problem with u.

one of the rudest things ive ever had to hear..

about as rude as

will u be my pet sis?

dont get it?
sounds sweet to u does it?

i guess its all about context..

no wonder it was so easy to give up n go on.

---

in the past two days, ive discovered that two people have forgiven two other people...

i am impressed...

wasnt something that i had thought was likely..
or atleast.. didnt know it had been done already..

coz i remember when you weren't ready to..

coz it wasnt just forgive as in forget, dont care, go on..
forgive to the extent of being able to......
<link> <link>
the links are just for my reference.. doubt anyone will get it.. or 'tleast i almost hope not..

i guess thats the difference between normal ppl, and.. abnormal ones...

theres a 3rd person somewhere there too..
has she jumped into the gracious wagon?

i doubt it...

but thats only as far as i know.

---

i do think that it was just an excuse..
ur convenient excuse..
to shrug off responsibilities.

makes everything so much easier now dont it.

its quiet

its so painful..


but not any of it is even my fault anymore.


so what can you do when uve played no part n no part to play..?

when 'not fair' is like a bubble against a rock at sea..


hurt..

but tats so normal to you..

say goodbye

I found it.

took me quite a bit of trouble..

but finally found the right one..

with the blessed net that got fixed...

HOW TO SAVE A LIFE

Step One : You say we need to talk

Listen


8. Hold still


15. let it go


36. Dont be scared of death

Laugh


18. Talk to Someone

45. Touch

breathe

22. Cry
23. Accept

7. Forgive

Fear
release
Have Faith
surrender

1. Love

86. Open up


11. Remember


99. Say goodbye

Once,
i was having quite an argument with someone in the car..
when the song came on..
n he said, fitting..

yea, fitting..
but the thing is, i think you were only listening to the chorus.
while i was listening to the rest of the words.

would you still have felt the same?


Read it with the song..
Or watch the video.
Its quite beautiful..

its a ring. we'll hang it from a chain.

You thought I was talking bout you but i Wasnt!

Hah! Take That!

or well.. everyone thought/thinks i was i guess.. =/

watever.

Its Not! Hah! HAH!

watever.


Theres something wrong with my internet.
No wait..
First i must tell u..

I've Got my Net BACK again! YAY!
Just got a new one fixed today!
WOOHOO!

so now ive no excuse to not blog?!?
Darn it!

Nope dont worry!
I'm sure i can come up with a good one! or bad.. who cares. =P

yea.. studies..
studies shud do it!
From here henceforth (wait.. somethings wrong with that sentence) I declare that everytime i Do not blog, it is Definitely because i am busy studying.
or pretending to.
which is equally important ofcourse. (if not more so)

ok that settled.

MY NET IS SCREWED UP!
SOB

YES.. the new one that was just fixed...
it was so good atfirst
oh those were the days...
or hours technically..

but now its acting kinda psycho..
selective amnesia!
for some reason it can open some pages but not others!
For one, it cant open ANY blogs. ANY tat i have tried. UGH!
But its completely fine with google, yahoo, friendster, nst, n whatnot.
Bah.
It was fine with gsc for a while.. N den it decided it didnt like gsc after all.
but favours tgv.
wtf!
ugh...

had to trick my way onto a few sites..
for example, came here by going thru my history, n gettin to the admin page.
Yea Tat it allows huh.
God knows if it'll let me post this tho =/
Got on pookpooks blog the same way too!
n managed to open the main page somehow.
heh..
weirdo net.


Oh Look!
Guess what!
In Ur own pool of shit or ur happiness.
U didnt think of me either.
where were u with all the crap ive been going thru?
where were u with This piece of shit?

its ok.
i dont blame you.
im just ranting coz i blamed myself over you.
funny huh.
my own doing i know.


its such a heavy weight...
you think u can deal with it but u cant...
or its just really really tough..

its nothing like theres been before..
its not sadness.. not pain..
just this heavy weight crushing you in..
pulling you down..

sigh..
coz sighings like the only thing u can do.
hah.

its like no matter what you think or dont think..
the weight inside you is jus pulling you down n down.
funny.

only thing tat gets it off.
talking.
bout anything.
renal physiology even.
*laughs*

but i cant do renal alone.

fast running out of things to say..
fast running out of people to say them to.


I got a cheque for a thousand today!!
Tat outta make me happy!
*grins*
for doing nothing mind you.
its a cheque i dont deserve.
but hell, Im not complaining!
Not to the 'management' atleast. haha.

Ive gotta get me a music player. (dam ipod)
TAts something i really need.

I'd like a new phone too!
One with a camera!
Today i took a pic of a couple of mates sleeping in class! (with a frens phone)
BOY was that hilarious!
One of em woke up just as id taken it.
CUDNT STOP LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!

YEP!
Most enjoyable lecture in a while.
HAH.
Completely no idea what the lecturer was mumbling on about.
Much better way to spend my time i tell ya.

See! Now TATS why i need a new phone.
But sigh... Obviously cant afford to get both.
Im gonna get my player. tats decided.
Guess i'll wait a yr n a half for a new phone, for xmas or bday..
not this year probably..
tryin to be a good girl here..

i'll find out in a few weeks if i'll be getting a 2nd cheque..
but i doubt it.
seriously.
screwed up my 2nd chance big time.
cud have done better, but didnt.
sigh...
its getting so late...
HAH! Wont tell u how ive been gettin the cash!
Till Later~ Hahaa!

now if Only i cud figure out what player to get.

n if Only i cud figure out how to cash my cheque.
=P


tell me its a bad dream.
tell me its just a really really bad nightmare.
but i saw the guilty faces.
so clear in my mind.
n i know its not.

you dont wear my chains

I f-ing hate this!
How many times must this happen!?
With how many more people!

Ppl Dont appreciate ur f-king existence
They Dont appreciate the f-ing things u do.

Big or small.

Its ALWays Too f-ing small for their liking!
Too f-ing not enough!
F it la!
Just take it will you!

sigh.......

......
maybe ure right....
ure right....
i was too damn selfish to do a little bit more...
too damn caught up in my own lil pool of shit..

n der was the point with the choice, n i picked me over you..

so ure right..


n how many times
were we guilty of waiting for the other side
to give a lil sign
throw a lil invite
n how many times
were they waiting for us too..


as mere mortals we will never know everything..
n everything of everything..

please understand..

will an apology suffice for now?..


sigh..
im so tired
so tired of life working out like crap..

"you think you have problems?" they say..
yes, my problems are smaller than some,
bigger than others..
no, no, i cant say i have problems anymore...


She told me one..
n she asked me some...
Will i tell her?
Shall i tell her?

i shouldn't...

what will you say?..


3 of my closest friends havnt been much of friends recently..
much of friends for a while now..
maybe 2 i havnt been much of a friend too either..
i was quite some in some..
but maybe deficient in others...
but the 1 i know i have been a friend to...
the only 1 ive been able to turn to for a while now..
stopped being a friend for a while too..
still a friend at some points..
but not being fair n not enough..
but can u really complain?..
yes n no..

but i cant tell you now..
ive gone too much to u while u were gone..
im tired..
i know its ok n all..
but i cant for now..
n not with this..

i've no one left to talk to..

but i shouldn't talk to anyone.

n i shouldnt have anything to talk about...


how empty i am inside..
how much mud is in my head..


Listening : Boston - Augustana


for me, its not about hate..
are you going to hate me forever?..

theres a hole in me..

the story of my life

Do you really think that after suicide, your soul is condemned to hell for eternity?

now now dont get all emo-psychopathic-paranoid on me
its just a question.

i just think that its rather harsh....
although technically if u already believe in hell (not that i do or dont)
den its just a matter of how u view the particular sin right.

coz if u believe, like it is written that you should, that suicide is a mortal sin or the worse sin or watever u call it (sorry, im obviously not well versed with the book)
den you ofcourse would accept that it is equally as bad to take your own life as it is to take say anothers. (or worse maybe, like i said, i dont know.)
den ofcourse said suicide commiter would den belong in the fiery depths that we tend to accept that the rest of them 'evil' do-ers belong.

but as i havnt been led to believe that taking your own life is as bad as the rest
i find it harder to accept that hell is where u'll have to go to after all your troubles
(i mean yea ofcourse u dun get rewarded n stuff, but hold on)
yea for me, its just easier when u think about other sins right.
though hell is kinda a harsh punishment for anyone..
but to believe in a divine being, and/or in the afterlife, it would den be neccesary to accept some sort of heaven, and therefore, some sort of hell as well.
so den it is almost natural to assume that people who have been judge to not belong in the upper class one, get send down to the underground basement.

i mean to take your own life would be after having gone through some shit right.
though ofcourse you shouldnt. n ofcourse its not right. n ofcourse there are better way den it n other ppl can n have done it..
it does happen.
n the deed is done.
n after all that you're stuck in, according to whatshisface, inferno dude, errrr Dante! yes. if i not mistaken,
a tree stump. stuck in your hated form for an eternity. unable to move or do anything.
(no i havnt actually read his piece. it was in poem like form, whatever u call it.. not tat intellectual.(me i mean) though i wud like an abridged version if theres one. anyways. yea, no havnt read. but read a book that was semi based on it n stuff. still completely based on memory n cud be totally wrong ofcourse. the tree stump thing. but u get the picture.)
yea in short, hell. (literally.)
to suffer even more n for forever.
(oo Yup. just checked on it. trees were right. =p. will read more on it later. linked ya.)

den.... like.. wtf right??
but yea.. tats why ure not supposed to do it.

n i guess if i think of it the way i put it just now..
u obviously cant exactly expect to be rewarded for that now can you...

but still. watever it is.
i guess is becoz to me atleast.
suicide, the taking of ones life, it doesnt exactly harm others.
yes i know it does. hurt, pain, guilt, left behind.. but not in the way that ppl are normally banished to hell for y'noe..
At the gates, they dont go like, Y'noe John, Mate, I see here ure a fine dude n all that, never stole, never murdered, never even commited adultery i see! tho u were coming quite the close there weren't ya, ya dog you.. oh but wait.. lookie here.. wats this! U forgot ur mums 47th birthday! U were a whole day late! U broke her heart that day my boy that you did.. sorry friend.. down to hell u go.
(haha.. ok sorry for tat. anyways)
yea back to it
its the taking of your own life. your own.
so to me its like, wtf dude. leave the poor fella alone wont u. its His problem.

but i know thats because i wasnt brought up religiously in the first place.
n that there would be where u'll learn n accept, that your life is not actually Yours.
that its Gods.
n its therefore not yours to take.

messed up huh.

We're put here on earth to live not by choice as far as i can remember..
n when we go is not by choice either.
N when we try to take it in our hands coz we cudnt deal.
coz the hands that were dealt us just werent doin the trick..
we get sucked in n stuck in Another place we didnt want to go to.
why the hell?
what did we Do in the first place for all this to start?
Unasked, uncalled for..
the cursed apple?
n what was it doing in the garden den?
n why were Adam n Eve created?

toys for entertainment?
a test, a chance?

but den how many of u wud opt to not hav life to Begin with.
not that it gets taken away..
but to not have existed. never. to have been nothing at all. not a memory, not a past, not a drifting soul. but a before.
A before-life.

i know ive always thought that was the best deal.


i know.
its what we do in the time between (btwn being placed here n taken away) that matters.
but its still true that we didnt ask to be here.
but ok.
thats done.
we are.
yea fine, we'll do what we can huh.


but back again to the afterlife.
if the whole point of life, is its pain to appreciate the blessings..
den whats a (after)lifetime of pureness in heaven?
whats that?
wont we get tired of the happy?
or are angels immune to such human feelings.

i think a part of me believes in nothingness after life.
as in after we die
we just *poof* become nothing.
ur life runs out n leave ur body.
ur body is empty without a soul, n ur soul isnt whole without a body.
so, nothing.
i personally find that thats a better option.
that after our life that we've been put here to live has run its course
there jus isnt anymore.
n thats that.

what dyu think?

i guess we'll never know huh.
or atleast, never know wen we're in a position to put it down for other mortals to see. =/

Well
I think this article has just condemned me to hell.

Thank God (hopefully!) for Limbo huh.

How To Save A Life - The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life


How did you know?
The story of my life?

Anyone know where i can find the words that were in the video?

Maybe it was the praying.
or lack thereof.

wooooops too late.

16 / 6

I had a feeling i knew this date.
premonition-ish ishy? =P

Maybe it was just the 16 thingy.

Over My Head - The Fray

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm over my...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind


Woooooops.
Too late.

the ultimate lameness

HAH! A BLOG! TAKE THAT U YELLOW BELLIED SCALLYWAGS!!!!

no idea what that meant so dont ask me, i just got it from potty potter. =P copyright?

haha anyways YAY lookie here! Here i Am! Blogging!
N YEs.. how sad.. It HAS indeed been as Ashwin said, 2 months n 5 days (or rather, 2 monthsn 8 days today. :p)

But SINCE i am blogging this Post! Which shall be posted in MAY, only April will have been empty! Wahahahhahaa~!

ok i am obviously psycho now.

N now that i am blogging
I shall be wasting your time
blogging
about how I havent been blogging.
n maybe why.

=P

n like i said, YES IT IS NOT MY FAULT!
I Have NOT had internet!!!!!!!!!!!
So Who can blame me for not posting, WHO?! (ok.. back off now.. a lil worked up here....)

anyways.. yea.. you know.. like i said..
no net..
yea.. like
if i HAD internet.. I wud have blogged y'noe..
yea..
see =P

ok how many time have i said i was barking again?

ok in all seriousness now..
coz i have to leave for lectures soon..
n if i dont finish this n post it..
I WONT have a post for another month or so!
N den y'noe.. ppl like Ashwin are gonna be all rude about..
Tsk... how rude... =P

I have been wanting to blog..
maybe the fact that i CANT even though i want to helped.. :p
but yea.. for the past few weeks..
ive had alot to say..
n wish i cud post them..

But yea my nets been down since forever.. n i cant ever get it to work enough to open a page..
so eventhough i have had things to say..
i cant..
trying to get time to get to school n leech n net too but...
yea hasnt work very well has it..

oh well..
I have to bid farewell now my dears..
i do feel so sorry..
but lectures to attend.. notes to print.. sleep to catch up on..

hope to see u soon yea?

hugsies

:)

procrastinations. i dont want u to either.

Too many people up n about.
Not nearly enough ppl around.

In memory of the things i lost..

i) my sleeping lion heart. yes its only been jus over 2 months.
ii) my heart keychain. tats gotta suck.
iii) my new pencil case. screw it it was new n black. damn dem.
iv) my highlighters. six of em. that'll cost me bout 20 bucks. grr.
v) my stationary. including my xmas parker. pink too. my yellow mechanical pencil. my nice pens n all but i guess those are replaceable. sad tho. wasted stupid cash on a darn stupid mech pencil jus coz i had a test up.
vi) 2 pentorches. 25 bucks each.
vii) my calculator! oh goddam tat! tat was quite the ex loh. now ive to get a sucky simple calc. Argh!
viii) the bag that held it all. grrr.

some stuff replaceable some stuff not. but all still sucky anyways coz im loyal to my stuff n i hate change. =/ bad coz this bag was my main one so all the stuff i like carrying around with me daily was there n hence now gone.

most missed will be both my keychains. i havnt gotten around to gettin replacements for the rest yet. probably coz i dun like accepting that theyre gone n wont come back. inertia. haha. ive this inertia thing thats constantly going for me. never can accept when things change. always takes me a dam while.

---

Anyways. apparently blogcitys not gonna be free anymore. didnt even notice the huge attention thing they had up. probably coz i never come on anyways. gotta find me a new place. again. inertia. see how that works? darn. hate the other known blog sites. n the unknown ones? well how am i supposed to know bout them if theyre unknown! du-uh!


i know a guy.
he sucks.
i mean all guys suck.
but why're u trying to divert me from my point!
jerks.
i know this guy ok.
n he sucks.
why do i get stuck with sucky ppl??
sigh.

---

lousy ipod ppl wont fix my ipod.
dam dem.
my ipods spoilt for no reason!
n the only thing they can tell me is.. aiyah.. this kinda stuff.. lidat one laa... very easy spoil one..
go buy new one.
truckers! what is this!
must be trying to get me to Spend in their shop la!
lousy tarts u!
must be a dam apple plan. jerkwads.
arghhhhh.

i am above u all.............

No ones gonna buy me an ipod la!!!
SOB!

n i cant drum without a player.
oh shucks. how now?

---

i can be so goddamn nice.
n i know it.
but i wont if you wont.
n u wont.

maybe its not my time..

but it sucks when theres nothing to wait for anymore.

writer apologises for possibly being overtly high

There is a dead puppy opposite my house.

A puppy died outside my house! N its So SAD! =(

I hate puppy. puppy stupid. puppy go die n all... =(
n now i all sad...

All SAD. *cries*

i mean.. i know the puppys saddER n stuff.. n n.. if the puppys mummy n daddy knew.. they'd probably be all SAD too! but i think if mummy n daddy CARED.. n didnt let puppy run wild over the neighbourhood.. AND told puppy things like talking to strangers.. or SITTIN UNDER MOVING CARS is BAD! BAD BAD BAD NOTTY NOTTY!!! (n maybe spanked puppy a lil).. den MAYBE.. MAYBE puppy wudnt hav DIED. *cue to sniff for poor puppy*

sigh..

now puppy going to go in paper bag.. which is such a bad way to go..

but my daddy.. who tells me not to talk to strangers. n not to sit under moving cars. (but doesnt spank me thankyouverymuch for ur concern.) says tmr we need to give puppy nice nice burial. maybe he'll go nex to the pineapple. or the banana. (whichever, means that we'll be eating dead puppy from now on btw so, eww.) so maybe puppys soul will smile down from heaven? yes. coz All dogs go to heaven dont they. even the evil ones who bark at u n make u run very fast n fall down. (No. that hasnt happened to me either thankyouverymuch again.)

Oso. apparently my nephew likes cute puppy n laughs.. (or liked. whichever. boy is that morbid.) N tats saying alot coz eventhough he likes it when u miao like a cat. (god knows why. tat poor kid.) He's usually jus stoned when u take him on walks n simply nothing gets to him. Dog or no dog. Cat or no cat. Too bad for him his daddy killed his favourite puppy. (No, thats not what happened. but shhhhh.. im certainly gonna Tell him that!)

ALso! Since we're on the topic of my favourite nephew. He cries when his grandma yawns. Again. God knows why. Weird kid. (No offense darling! Aunty luvs u very very much! Promise!) I mean. Hes 7 months old for crying out loud! Dont tell me he hasnt seen anyone yawn till now! It was jus like boom. One day my mum yawns n he goes WAHHHHHHHH!!! sob sob cry cry. distracted by cat. n den after that my mum yawns again (bcoz ofcourse u cant help stuff like that) n again he goes WAHHHHH! Like my God get a grip kid! Apparently even the sound of yawns sets him off now. Thats it. We cant have this can we. no no. Tmr. Im gonna yawn at him. We have to break this habit. Together. we shall make it my boy! Persevere!

OI! U Take That back! I am Not evil! I Am Not! I just love him that dam much ok.
Now shudup n leave us alone.


Yay. Greatness.
N Now after all the niceties. Time for the real topic of the day.

Hkl (by the way. why do they call it HKL or GHKL when GH is obViously english n Den its should be KLGH dontcha thinK!) has the Coolest elevators Ever. EVER! N i dont mean cool as in meant for the morgue dead ppl need cold freeze so dead flesh dun rot cool. (Yes my dad did think i meant tat. god.) but Cool as in AWESOME. AWESOME NESSSSSS.

Been workin (yea rite.) there the past few days. n will be for the nex 2 weeks. n yes the greatest thing about that place (or probably Only great thing) is their AWESOME elevators!

Total coolness! Why?!
Cozzzz the elevators are *dum dum dum dum!* DOORLESS!
YES! YOU READ THAT RIGHT!
D O O R L E S S!

Awesomeness! no?

constantly moving up one side n down one side. Doorless elevators! All ya have to do is hop on hop off! Like those dam hop on hop off busses in kl. Cept ofcourse if u fall Off this one u dont get run over by the bus or any other passing truck, but instead! have the greatest honour of being squished in two, or into a pancake, whichever, by the WORLDS COOLEST ELEVATOR!

Come now. say it with me. AWESOMENESSSSSSS.

sigh..... *dreams*

but dun worry. YOURE IN A HOSPITAL FOR *HEWHOMISHUDNOTNAME*S SAKE! What better place to be squished in two den a hospital huh?! RIght outside the OT too! (HAHA) cept ofcourse if u die right out. den i guess u jus go straight down to the morgue on the same lift. energy saving.

LOOK! SUCH EFFICIENCY! Who'd expect That in Msia huh?

Dont u all jus WISH u were working right where i am huh?! =D Thats ok.. i understand. Suck up to me now! Do it! N i jus might save ya rights to view the greatest elevator with me.

Yes yes.. no dont worry.. i am just that dam nice.

you wont believe me if i told you

Wonder?

why is it that the people who see the best in you,

are the ones that leave.

I hate Lucas. (one tree hill)
because he's such a healer.
"i need to heal everybody, i need to cure everybody, im in so much pain if i cant help anybody!"

Sob!

Because it makes him all sad n poopy..
n i Wuv him!
n That makes me all sad n poopy too!

SOb!

Hes so Good at making them sad faces now~!

n i hate it when people think its their job to save the world. or the worlds people atleast.
i hate people who get upset beCause they cant save the world
because OBviously
ure Not gonna be able to save the whole world.
no matter what.
u can try. n thats great.
but dont go all mopey on me if u cant save the Whole world because its Not your job.

Because they're lying? n witholding the whole truth is lying.

You've gotta save yourself first.

choo choo boo you

[Edit: apparently i didnt post this post last time (at my old blog) but while moving it i didnt realise.. n so, instead of allowing it to disappear into oblivion i tot id just leave it here anyways. Keepsake. ]

Ugh! Like i said. I hate it when u Care about someone, but THey dont care about u.. n Den they say that Ppl dun care! Bcoz Ppl Do! But U Dont!

ok fine. ugh.

I went out with a friend today.. n if u read this (but i know u wont..) Im mad at you!
or i was.. quite a bit. :(
you were quite a jerk today.
i did Not go out with you for you to be a jerk to me ok.

when

3 weeks past new year but im gonna say it anyways.

Happy New Year! Yay!

Ofcourse my excuse will be something like.. Oh im striking a balance.. right between the Western new year n Chinese New Year. Yay. hah.

yes yes as u can tell.. bloggins.. alllmost dead for me now.
quite sad to me too.

oh well. anyways im here bcoz.
- supermans not talking to me
- im in my room n its nice coz the lights are out,
- my brothers sleeping (yes... in my room. pity me now wont u..),
- (but on the plus side..) im using his comp.
how nice ya. haha
atleast no using the downstairs comp with everyone crowding in the room that was once pretty much jus mine at nites.
i'll save u the details.

ritey den.
tat was the intro...
n now ive forgotten my main content.
hah how great!

ok how bout this

my tiny mirrors staring down at me from above n dyu know how many ghost stories start out like this.

why do ppl blog when they dun have anything interesting to say.

ppl say that theyre 'lonely inside' n they 'want someone to listen'. but they dont just want any someone because sometimes there Is a someone but they jus dont give a damn back. sometimes someone is ready to be there to listen n care but they dont give a damn. precisely because its not a someone that they particularly care about. so its not just any someone that they want.
but i guess u cant fault them because u just cant click with someone just because that person wants u to. n because most of the time, u do it too.
it just sucks. when ure ready to be that someone, or maybe jus one of many someones.. but they just dont give a damn about u. (n then they say that all they want is someone.) ok enough with the someone talk.

do u think u can die from all the radiation by spending too much time next to ur comp. (like sleeping next to it). We all know our cellphones are gonna kill us. =p

tired of living in the same house as my parents n being guarded by rules n curfews. but ofcourse thats the only way i can get free food n less household responsibilities n a car n allowance n ppl to buy u stuff n so on n so forth. typical. still tired of all that curfew bull though.

i never wanna grow up coz i think being an adult sucks n im not sure i can deal with all the responsibilities thats gonna come. or wanna.

im watching all these medical shows n apparently being on the road to being a surgeon is tough, n it sucks, n it takes a long time (n pays bad while ure at it), n it Takes up All ur time During, N u have to be the best, theres no middle ground, n im not or never will be the best, n im not even the kind to even strive to Be the best. (i suck) because i dont believe in all the kiasuness, i run away from competition. i jus cant stand to compete now... But i do try to compete with myself. My new years resolution, that i didnt officially make.. is to really buck up this year. My results these past 6 months jus wasnt good enough.. n even wen i bucked up.. it still wasnt good enough. N i Know i cud hav done better. Thats the worse bit. Knowing its on u n all u had to do was work harder, n tat u cud hav. So this year.. i wanna get down to it. Not sure how or will i really take that extra mile. but hoping i will. i need to do better. Oh (back to the surgeon bit) but being a surgeon is what i want to.. er.. be.. n im not gonna give that up (unless i change my mind on what i want). Coz the other thing i believe in is doing what U wanna do because U wanna do it. So add these things up n lifes gonna be pretty dam tough.

well that wasnt exactly enough for my style but pain in the butt in my rooms awake n i shud get to sleep before my butts in pain..

take care n maybe i'll be back soon!

All i want for christmas

I'm such a Spas!

*cries*

sniff sniff...

*suffering from self-esteem issues*

Anyways, MERRY CHRISTMAS Everyone!
Yay Yay Yay Yay YAY!

*prezzies prezzies under the tree!*
(actually.. at this point in time.. all them prezzies are open n gone d loh..)

things i should have done:

i) atleast said Thank you! when she wished me, even if i cudnt wish her back. but nooooo i was like a dumb mute!

ii) why why WHY are u Staring at me like that!! So i didnt get u a present! *weeps* DONT stare at me like that! *cries n runs away-s*
note to self : this is the 3rd year they've been over... MAYbe its time we Got them some Soaps too!

iii) Told someone to get him the Right prezzies... I Knew it I Knew it I Knew it! But i din Do it! *waaaaaaaahhhh* Its Their fault they didnt ask me! *sniff* Now he has that book which i dont know if he will read.. (maybe he will!), N the toy car that i want! (because i love remote control cars.. n its Yellow! YELLOW!!!)

What i got for Christmas / things i am a-liking :

i) Lingerie. - Yes yes. dun laugh. Its not the first time, trust me. Lingerie i want but like i said I would rather pick it myself. These ones freak me out. sigh.. but =) (No No! Im Grateful! I Am! )

ii) Necklace - My mummy got me necklace. Necklace my mummy got me nice.. :)

iii) Belt! - How did they Know i wanted a belt! *gasp* So SMart! Yayy! =DDD

iv) Lipgloss!!! - *GASPS!* YAY! I Have LipGloss! I ACtually have Lipgloss! HAHA! Mummy get me DiorKISS Lipgloss! so pretty! So shiny! Smell So Nice! :) My mummy wan me kissykissy! Now all i have to do is find a boy to kissy! =D Yay!

N my greatest surprise:

v) I got a sleeping lion heart......

.........

yes... thats exactly how i felt...

......... !!!!!
Oh My GOd!~

A present that wouldnt mean a thing... Except that by accident... It means a whole lot.
Something the giver actually would have no clue about..
No, he did put a little thought into it. Which in this case is ALot considering how last minute it was.. n how little we put into His.
but by accident.. it turned into.. the most precious of my gifts this year.. (tho it shudnt ofcourse. damnit.)

Oh well.. I got a sleeping lion heart. =) Its nice.. Thats all..


Also got a few other things, like soap, but not gonna mention all of em here..
Look at what i told my brother to get me..

What do you want for Christmas?
- I dunno... I want.. baju! (clothes) But i want Pick my own baju! But i not free go with you! Korkor! Give me Shopping allowance!!!

So what? Just give you money?
- Ya. Wrap it up n put it under the tree!

I know its horrible to ask for money for Christmas. But if id said nothing he wud have gone n bought me something anyways. N its highly likely i wouldnt like it. WHich is OK except i wudnt Use it N Den thats just not very nice ISit?!?!

So what i planned was to get shopping allowance (sounds better den asking for money =p) GO off n get myself something nice when im free. Come back n go Look Kor! This is what you got me for Christmas! Isnt it all nice n pretty!? Isnt it?! =D And then wudnt everyone just be Happy?!~

But come christmas day n what happens?

I open my present (which was obViously not shaped in the form of money.) n i get books. Books! No no.. books are perfectly fine... except for the fact that i asked for clothes (Well, i DID!) n u got me books... Which is Still fine.. Except.

Know what book he got me?

He went out. Got a book that HE wants. Wraps it up n gives it to me n the moment i open it, goes, This is a good book! A Good Book! You dowan, i take it n go read it first. Ok bye.

N he takes it. (Yes! I blinked n it was gone!)

...
S W E A T.

N before the books he offered to buy me a remote control car so that he cud give it to me, n den take it n give it to his son. (who is 5 months old so actually he meant to play with it himself.) (just incase u think im just speculating! Im not. Thats exactly what he told me.) But ofcourse, along comes my cousin, n he doesnt know what to get for him, so he gives him a car. N i get books. Which are gone now.

Now aint that a winning strategy.


It was an oddly sad xmas for me though..
it was good n nice.. took me a while to realise i liked my presents, but yea. (=p)
but still.. oddly sad too..

But oh well.
Now all i need is a jewellery box n a make-up box! (A box, not a kit, coz a kit wud contain make-up-y stuff in it!)

A make-up box. To house my lone tube of lip gloss.

Yay. =)

N Now to end it all with a Song!
Sing it with me!

Jingle pau, jingle pau,
Jingle cha siew pau..
Lin yoong pau,
tau sa pau..,
siew mai.., loh mai kai....
Hey!!


Wishing all a Merry Merry Christmas!! :)

i dont owe you nothing

Exam time. No blogging. tho no exam oso no blogging. but atleast now ive a (kinda) Good excuse ya?! =)


Berhenti Berharap - sheila on 7 ------ reminds me of J.
I'll Be Over You - toto ------ reminds me of S.


what do you see when ure in ur room..
at night..
lights off, aircon on..
when you look into the darkness, what do you see?

coz, i see you..


it wud be nice if i could JUst
FAll into bed when its dark at night
n the rooms all cold n comfy.

God DAm this stupid studying thing.