Broken

Hard To Say I'm Sorry
Chicago

"Everybody needs a little time away,"
I heard her say,
"from each other."
"Even lover's need a holiday
far away from each other."

Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to stay.

After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

Couldn't stand to be kept away
just for the day
from your body.
Wouldn't wanna be swept away,
far away from the one that I love.

Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to know.

Hold me now.
I really want to tell you I'm sorry.
I could never let you go.

After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.

You're gonna be the lucky one.

lost

terribly hungry..
havnt eaten..
wud provide more gross personal details but not really in the mood..

so i was thinking..
tat id wanna (wanted to actually) do this..
snail mail this i mean..
to someone

Dear XXXX,

Hi. Guess who?

SigningOff.

P.S. No attempting to figure out my identity through phone, or msn, or any means other than snail mail.
P.P.S. That means you have to figure out who I am, and obtain my address, and then send your reply.. Trial n error dude.
P.P.P.S. Oh and you have a deadline. Two weeks. To reach me that is. That means one week to figure it out and send it.
P.P.P.P.S. I really talk too much dont I?

...........

you know what?
forget it.
im sorry im lame.
really dun feel like going on..
nobody cares anyways..
dumb letter..
dumb me...

anyways. I scratched the idea in a sec. (So it WAsnT a Sec!! Big Bloody Deal!!! Get Off my Back!!!)
for obvious (oBious) reasons.
its L A M E !
who wud even bother...
who wud...

den i decided to put it up here..
because i have nothing better to do..
wow.
how i hate myself.
hmm..

starving..

i give up..

me

i am a duty.
an obligation.

---

i know i havnt blogged in ages..
sometimes it jus happens..
nothing to blog about..
nothing to say..
or sometimes some little thing that can be said pops up..
but the limbs do not get to work..
the brain creates excueses..
clouds the mind..

i have nothing to say..

or maybe..

i just dont want to say it..

down

overwhelmed.

disappointed.

tired.

too tired to feel pissed.

tired.

upset.

give up.


empty.

quiet.

dance with me

...

collide is playing..


i havent listened to my playlist in ages..
coz ive stopped liking most of the songs on it..
cept for the newest ones, or certain really good ones..
heard too many times i guess..
I jus wanna go straight in to the songs i like, instead of going thru the entire list..
so i end up playing em one by one..
or mostly just repeating one song over n over..

no, dun ask me to edit my playlist...

anyways..
collide was jus on..
which was wat made me start this entry..
i mean i wanted to blog bout something..
but didnt put pen to paper.. or fingers to keyboard, watever..
till collide came on..

...
i turned it on again..

after so long..
8 months (more than tat actually.. if ure counting from collide..)
246 days
countless other songs..
n even one other special one..
...
it still grabs my heart..
tugs at my heartstrings..
brings my back..
fills me up..

...
even after amazed..
this is still our song..
eventho he doesnt know it. hahaaa..
dumbass..

haha
he just put down my call..
my bunny put down my call.. =P

ok tats it..
signal for bed den..
even my bunny doesnt want me..

(time to retreat to my room. where i can be alone. curl up with a good book. (ok i dun curl..) read.. haven't been alone alone for a while...)

hmmm..

u noe wat..

nobody cares..

(the writer apologises for this pointless entry.)

Lifes tough..
its annoying me...

Lifes a bitch. But the puppies are cute.

(P.S. So are the bunnies.. =PppPPppp )

of sweetness and pies

I guess,
He does love me so very much..
So much that its probably..
Much more than I deserve..

I guess,
I Need to remember that more often..
Jus as I ask him to remember certain stuff.. :)

Happy Anniversary darling.

u Better appreciate this as much as you should!
Coz tis real Sappy love post is a Huge sacrifice that im making for you.
bcoz I love you. (Oh GOd! The Sappiness!!! ArC!)

Oh ya, and,
My boyfriend's adorable, charming, and funny.. (in that order, darling?)
Oh Shafie, Im So lucky to Have you!
[-this, i can (try n) save my sorry self, coz just so you know, he Made me put this there! He Did!]

Ugh..
Too much..
=P

(I do love you bun.. This isn't just cause.. This is because i realise that i dont realise often enough how much you love me.. Happy Anniversary..)
(you do know im going right back to complaining that you dont love me tmr dont u. =P)

-god im still so scared..

Samara

You know you are in need of a haircut, badly, if,
you scare your own self.

When
-You look in the mirror, n the long black locks falling down the side of ur face reminds you very much, of certain women in white..with long black hair.. in certain movies.. Or physically similar women that appear in the middle of roads at night. (Oh my Fckin GOD Im Bloody Scared while writing this at 5.45am, all alone downstairs in my living room, at night! FCK!)

- You catch a look of you hair spreading out while u lie on your bed, n it scared you so badly that images start popping thru ur brain n you need a call from your oh so brave n loving (note the coughs n exagerations here..) boyfriend to stop you from, screaming your head off n actually explaining to other people the embarassing details of what scared you.

ok yes im fckin scared right now..
I guess the reason why i havnt been bloggin lately..
other than the fact tat ive been jus a teensy bit too lazy to..
Would be, coz, my sweet ass boyfriend, whose ass isnt actually all that sweet, has been occupying all my late night hours tremendously well n tremendously much (n i hav i feeling im spelling tis wrongly..), at this time wen conditions are most suited for me to do my best blogging.. (Or, apparently, Any blogging for that matter..)
The wildest things that you could think that we've been doing, would probably please him very much, so i shall refrain from making any explanations.
Juuuust to please his huge ego..

Muah.

(Fck you Fabian! Typing the bloody title oso gives me the bloody creeps! Im So Dam Scared! ARGH!)

i will

ive forgotten how long its been
that i last heard you
telling me
your favourite story

i thought for a long while
and then started to panic
was it that i did something wrong

you cried, telling me
that fairy tales lie
it cannot be
that i am your prince

maybe you could not have known
tat ever since u told me you love me
even the stars in my sky
lighted up

i wish to be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

you cried, telling me
that fairy tales lie
it cannot be
that i am your prince

maybe you could not have known
tat ever since u told me you love me
even the stars in my sky
lighted up

i wish to be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

i want to be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

i will be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

together, we will write our ending

shooting stars

i am extremely nostalgic right now...

thinking of a million things in my past..

different things that arent even connected..

its so weird.. i wonder why..

different bits of my past..

anyways,

sometimes wen u get emotional n nostalgic.. u start thinking back..
but the thing with memories is.. u actually tend to focus on the good bits.. (ok.. tis isnt exactly true.. dunno how to explain properly..)
its like.. if u had someone who.. betrayed u.. or.. cheated on u.. or something..
u start thinking of the fun times u guys had..
n wen it comes to the bad.. u suddenly cant remmember wat was tat terrible anymore..
n suddenly u think, Hey! Let me drop him/her a line.. Say hi.. Chat a little.. maybe try to get back to how things were.. We had such fun back den...........

big mistake

sigh..
actually.. tis cant be categorised n stuff..
sometimes it works out well n sometimes it doesnt..

but now, im talkin bout wen it doesnt..

sometimes.. once certain things have past.. u cant go back anymore..
to steal a line from a fren of mine, uve burned bridges.. ders no turning back..

sigh...

so.. here i am..
listening to songs..
getting all weepy n wat not. (no, not true..)
msging a fren..
fortunately.. tis is a good fren of mine.. no problems der..
a fren i miss quite alot.. coz we dun see each other.. or talk much..
n yet we stay quite cool..
but sadly.. ders a warped reason behind tat..
its bcoz.. the closeness isnt Totally der..
its like.. we're close.. but not as close as two ppl can get..
its wen strong emotions get involve.. n u care more.. tat u get hurt more..

ok.. part of tat is true..
lifes jus too complicated to totally explain it..
sigh..

songs so annoying.. it just keeps gettin to me..
sigh..

so anyways..
a tot crossed my mind..
about msgin another fren..
jus for fun.. say hi.. chat a little..
but no.. i decided against it..
coz tis one.. i pretty much noe how it will go..
tis is one where ive burned the bridges.. n i jus cant go back..
no matter how good it was.. no matter wat a waste it is to lose..
i just.. cant anymore..
so wats the point..?

the minds a complicated thing..
tots are jus running thru now..

n den ders this other friendship.. where i figure.. my friend has done the burning of bridges..
infact, it was his line. ha..
i miss his grandmother stories.. :p
its not like we dun talk now..
we write.. a little..
we're on ok terms.. we can still talk.. sure.
but.. i dunno.. guess he doesnt feel the need to share stories with me..
in depth at least..
which.. fortunately or unfortunately, i can totally understand..
n worse.. relate to..
sometimes wen u cant.. u jus.. cant.

it is a loss.. yes..
but wat can we do..

its in Gods hands.

wow.. tis turned out long..
weird..

minds not clear tho.. but i doubt i can clear it. :)

i like the night sky.
i like stars.
i want to lie on my back, out in the open, staring at the nightsky..

sigh...

oh, n..
i know i might change some tots on tis..
n if something bad were to happen i probably wont hold true to tis..
but..
i believe.. pretty much.. tat everything happens for a reason..
somehow..
n tat.. everything will work out fine in the end..
tat u dun always get wat u want..
bcoz u dont know wat isit tat u really.. need..
wen u lose something.. it just leads u to something else..
something.. better..
(sigh..)
i noe.. tat if ure facing tis.. u Dont want tat something 'better'.. u want wat u want..
ive been der..
most of us have..
sigh..
oh well..
everything works out right in the end..
coz lifes a cycle..
in Gods hands..
fate
the universe

ders a reason for everything..
a reason tat u dont know..

infact.. theres an example tat i was fortunate enough to be able to witness..
where something was lost.. long months of pain were involve..
but it worked out.. in the sense tat.. if it had not occured tat way..
something better wud not have been reached..
..atleast i hope its something better.. n i hope it will be the last..

..
u noe wat?
ure right..
i dont want anything 'better'..
i have wat i need..

...

lifes a bitch..
good luck everyone.

the new stupidity

wat m i doin here

bloggin

surfin

readin

i.e. NOT studyin


fuck

...
no wait. i didnt mean tat.

fuck off

yes. tats it.

dont leave..

I Could Not Ask For More Lyrics

by Edwin McCain

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

[Chorus]
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

[Chorus]

I could not ask for more than the love you give me
'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more

---

seems to tap into my past, somewhere..
no idea..

heard this song from long ago..

means something doesnt it..

the words are..nice.. ideal..

u know? songs are cheats..
its not fair..
u can put everything nice and perfect in them..
but things tat dont neccessarily exist..

just like how books have the upper hand of controlling the outcome..
n movies where the cops always only turn up after everythings done.. (actually this i dunno why i added here.. hehee...)
n fairy tales tat end at marriage.. =P

hate them all.. =P

Almost here

Almost Here Lyrics

by Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem

Guy: Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over

You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

Girl: But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Guy: I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Both: Bruised and battered by your words
     Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Guy: Haven't I always loved you

Girl: But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Both: Bruised and battered by your words
     Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Guy: Haven't I always loved you

Girl: But when I need you, you're almost here
Guy: (Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
Girl: And when I hold you, you're almost here
Guy: (Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
Both: (Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
Guy: 'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Both: Only almost here

---

hurts..

last day of coll..

I blog more during exams den i do during hols. =P
Much more better things to do during hols..
haha...
N exams?! Jus trying to get away from it all.

But exams havnt started yet..
Jus a few days more..
No stress yet..
sigh..
Not good..
Cant believe i still cant study..

Anyways..

Its the last day of college..
The very very last day..
Sure theres still the exam period but.. exams.. gonna be too busy for anything else..
( I regret tat they dun hav long weeks between papers like during AS. Tat was SO cool! All the late Late night studying.. till morning.. Tat was So super cool..)

Im not one to care much bout leaving n stuff..
i dunno..
Maybe its not even so much the place..
the people?
I dunno..

Things are gonna change from now..
Graduation..
its like we're thrown into an ocean..
the real world..
the adult world..
I hate growing up..
i really do..

relationships tat were built during my time at college..
due to the circumstances, tat we were all thrown together.. into one tiny lil.. quadrangle.. =P
now the circumstances are gonna change..
n it wont be convenient to be friends anymore..
now, its going to require work.. (Force x displacement. heheheee..)
n im jus talking bout friendships here..
lets not even get into coupling. (phenols n diazonium salts. hehehheeee..)

lost..
confused..
saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad..

yet, not free
to think..

oh well.

Today.
13th of May.
Friday the 13th.
wow..
double badness..
maybe, they'll cancel each other out.

last day of coll..

Elly, Fabes..
Yes, i remember..
U guys are invited to my wedding n my baby showers
whenever, n with whomever..
n if i forget that u are
may it be that u wont forget with me..

To all my dear friends..
all the people who have.. played a part?
major or minor..
affected my life in any way..

Thank you.

Because of you, i have
laughed
cried
experienced
grown

Heres to life. (not in an embracing manner..)

---

p.s. i was not brought up to go against my parents..
..its hard..really hard..

happy mothers day

I have ALOT of work n studying to do..
I am Waaaaaay behind..

I CANT study coz i have WORK to do!
N I CANT WORK coz i have STUDYING to do..

Bio core.
Bio option.
Physics option.
Math EVERYTHING.

i have to re-do phys core (properly tis time) tis weekend b4 the exam.
i have to do bio core sometime.. which doesnt seem to be possible now..
i have to do phys option or i wont b able to do the questions tat he's gonna discuss..
i cant do a SINGLE math question without help..

today.
I have to
Finish up todays chem practical.
Do a phys core paper tat he shud discuss tmr.,
Do a math paper coz im not doing any studying..

sleep.
Need alot of sleep.
I am absolutely exhausted.
cant get enough sleep..

I NEED to skip classes, but i cant..
i want to go for discussions too..

i cant study..

i cant watch Boston Public..

I am Absolutely exhausted..

I am stressed out.

I want my baby..but i dun wanna talk..

I want my mummy...
...
which is why i started this..

I want my mummy,
but i dont have anything to say to her..

I dont have anything to say to my mummy..
i dont see her, i dont talk to her..
I called her up on Mothers Day yesterday.. n i didnt have anything to say to her..
I hate my life..
what am i without my mummy..
what am i without my mummy...

i miss my mummy..
maybe an illusion..
i dun really care right now..

i hate my life.

angels

like this song.
been on replay for the past few hours..
lyrics oso sorta.. sound like they.. mean something..
(eventho i cant say i hav a Clue what he's singing about..)

---

Broken Angel Lyrics

by Hanson

So small, yet still so proud
At night before he dreams he looks into the clouds
A high flyer's what I want to be
Seems they won't let me, says I'm too small
I don't feel small at all

Break my dreams, that's what they'll do
Well I'm going to run away and learn to fly like you
I'm going to go so high and swoop so low
You can't bring me down, going to be so proud

Little angel you got to learn to fly
Get up and earn your wings tonight
Little angel just look in my eyes
Get up and earn your wings tonight

Push and shove then climb aboard
This is the shuttle train to the top of the world
When you look around what do you see
These are all high flyers
But none of these high flyers look like me

What is that supposed to mean
What am I supposed to be

I pull my way up through this crowd
To find your body crushed on the ground
It's so obvious, why couldn't you see
That you can't go high flying without a pair of high-flyer wings

Little one's broken lying on the ground
Trying to get up 'till his last breath out
Wings are strune everywhere, there's blood all around
'Cause even angel's die, but that light just fades
It's so sad, but he'd be so proud

Broken angel you've got to learn to fly
Get up and earn your wings tonight
Broken angel just look in my eyes
Get up and earn you wings tonight
Get up and earn your wings, earn your wings tonight

---

the world is in balance.
everything is so called equal n fair.
because everything has to give n take something.. somewhere..

too lazy to say more..