the transition

i dont have much i plan to say right now

but its absolutely Essential

that i proclaim something today.

that is

I am 19 yrs old! (oh i feel so young)

yes yes..

after a whole year of claiming im 20! I shall now set the record straight!

I am 19 yrs old!

(this is tradition! for most of the year im 20! den for just one week i'll be 19, so that i'll have the chance to officially turn 20 again. hehe.. such is the pain of having ones birthday so late in the year. :p )

chunky chunky kiiitkat

House is the most amazing show ever.
Ever.

I could watch it twice in one day!
the Same episode!
infact, i did.

ARGH!

I cud analyse the whole thing but that would just drive me insane!
Woot!

We already know i hate Cameron.
but now I HATE Foreman! Hes SUCH an ASS!
i swear!
thinking hes so great!
Bow down to House u bastard!
ragging on Chase coz he says hes trying to be like House. Pfffffft.
Hes the one. Hmph. Trying too hard to anti him.

N now hes his boss! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
Thats gonna be SO Awesome to watch.
Bastard.
Who does he think he is wei?!
House rocks.
And did you see?! House had a smile on his face when he found out Foreman was his boss.
It was like the small.. "good.. good.. i know what hes gonna try. im proud of this kid" smile.
woohoooo haha.

Cameron cant act.

Chase is a bastard but atleast he listens to House.
(even if its not for the right reasons)

House kicks butt wei!!!
the show N the guy!
Hugh Laurie is like almost god!
(haha)


okok fine. too much gushing.

Now about food.

I want food. I like food. I craaave for food.
Right now i want bread.
but house got no bread. Everytime it does, its either bad baaad bread (as in, stupid bread idiots buy that i dont want to eat) or if i have my bread, i eat some den i dont eat d. hmmm.
sad :(
id put together something but... i have the feeling ive been eating too much.
been putting together food alot everytime i get bored. hehe.
plus i edi ate maggie once today n frying stuffs too much trouble right now.

foooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. :(

i Do have chocs (which i got today! Yay!) buuuuttt...
had chocs very recently.... maybe not huh? :(

OMG I KNOW!!!
I WANT PIZZA!!!

Oh! Sweet lovely pizza!
:'(
If only it wasn't 3.18am!
If only there were 24hr delivery pizzas about.....

waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

just saw tv.
with choc muffins.
now i want something chocolate coated.
thick!
but i cant figure out something that is besides doughnuts which im not that fond of..
hmmm.
brownies..

oh well enough crap. wasted too many hours on tv.
gotta get some studying done.

maybe i will get that kitkat.


btw.
i have to bitch.
i HATE the people i stay with.
ARGH.

dont go breaking my heart

You know how you tend to get mad and lash out at the people you love.
more than the people you dont know that well.

Thats because you trust the ones you love, to love you anyways.
Even after all you've done.
You trust them to love you, to know you. To understand.
To understand where you were coming from.
To understand what you were thinking.
Or to accept why you were feeling that way, even if they dont understand.
To know. that you are who you are. the one they love.
Even in that moment of weakness.


Notice another obvious thing?

The people you feel safest with.
are the only ones that can make you cry...

living in fantasy land. lie with me.

hi.
i shud blog a real blog but im lazy.
im not sure what i want to say here anyways.
too much n too little of many things.
:)
excuses huh.

exams coming up. next fri. have yet to study which is ofcourse really really bad.
no stress as yet. which explains the blogging. to excape studying i tell u.
this is bad.
need the stress to study. wonder why im so lax. really shud not be. i would like to score y'noe.

feel rather screwed.
want to have the night go on to leave me alone with my thoughts..
but this be nothing u havent heard before.

heres a song.

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lie here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

---

Am rather hungry.
wud like to have cake.
hmmm.

oh ya. was looking at em shakeys promotion advertisement thingythingys that they send out y'noe?
god knows what theyre called. me forgets.
sniff.. dem nice pizzas.. (correction, dem nice Picture of pizzas)
make me hungry
salivate.
which sounds utterly gross ofcourse but shudup u guys do it to.

looked through some of my old posts coz was searching for something.
was nice n funny to read. embarassing as well.
was nice to see how i was at a time when my heart was completely at ease with itself.
yet to be given away n yet reasonably comfortable.
hmmm.

anyways. happy birthday dear. (past midnight. tho not at your place)
isnt something that i shud be calling you but oh well. who knows right. as long as i understand.
wish for you on your birthday.. be happy.. let yourself be happy..
dont be caught up with being sad..
take care..


no proper gardenia to make sandwich. dammit.

without you

What i dont get is

How can there be people out there who are happy
who laugh n smile n play

when it hurts so badly in here..


I feel like im stuck in this unreal world
where i cant seem to wrap my head around reality..

Here i am taking big steps that i could only have done if i understood
n yet i cant seem to stop myself from expecting..


This here is the middle.
the path between two worlds..
n ive dragged myself up n chose where to walk

N yet i cant fathom
what life will be like

without you.

its me baby..

i have school tomorrow.
didnt quite realise that.

just read someones blog..
that was too beautiful..
unfortunately due to the site system.. i cant really comment..
needta register n all.. n when i tried my name was taken..
dont wanna put in too much thought for something i'll never use again.
but he did write beautifully..
Ezra.


not doing too well...
sigh...

my apology

I'm sorry...
please accept my apology..
i want things to be different... but i cant think... n i cant think how...
i wish you would talk to me but i was the one that asked you not to..
i guess you, like me, have nothing to say that would actually make a difference..
i guess you, like me, dont know what to do.

maybe the stars will jump in and fix things after a while.
maybe deep down in our hearts.. a small part of us will keep the promises we made to each other..
even if the rest of us cant.
sigh.. i'll never really leave you.. but i guess we cant talk of that right now..

i'm sorry.

in our lives

i hate relationships.

sex is my alcohol

boys will be boys.

sigh..

i think there's somebody i need to stay away from..
(someone i dont trust. sigh...)


so many words.. so many thoughts..
so many things happening, or on the brink of happening..
but i cant write about them right now.
or i dont want to..


Anyways, schools starting tomorrow.
end of the holidays.
bugger.

So i've been a good lil girl the past few days. stayed at home n didnt go out.
bah..
but its the end of my hols. last chance to go out.
so i did. today.
AND, my parents arent around (big brother is tho), so its the perfect time to stay out late n stuff.
I seriously considered sneaking out of the house last night.
jus because i can.
n there wont be a better chance than this anymore.
too bad i didnt tho.

I dont know why
but ive been considering doing alot of things i shouldnt do.
alot.
well, i guess i do know why.
but at the same time.. why? why suddenly?

maybe it isn't tat suddenly...
or maybe its because the oppurtunities have been presenting themselves..

yes, there's somebody i need to stay away from.. sigh..


but instead of doing anything bad
im sitting here listening to a song.
a song thats a mockery of me actually.
but here i am,
listening.

laugh at me.
coz i sure am laughing at myself.

dreams are where i wanna walk

Lips of an Angel - Hinder

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late

where heaven is

Woke up from a bad dream this morning..
scares me..
coz it played out my fears..

Its freaky, knowing this.
Knowing what im afraid of.
knowing that it appears in my dreams..
it makes it.. omnipresent.. so that i cant even escape from my fears..
knowing that.. i probably have to face this fear..
or live it, soon.


Went out today with a bunch of old friends (ok, not tat old.) and watched Click.
That was one good movie too.
now This one made me cry. :(
sniff sniff
N amidst all the comedy..
theres actual meaning to the movie.. (that, if u pay attention, u can catch before they lay it in front of you.)
didnt seem to be a movie that would amount to all that much, except laughs..
but clearly, that wasnt true.
Beat the Break-up by miles. tho admittedly, That show sucked.

Havnt made plans for tmr and so on.
Not looking forward to being stuck at home all day.
With nothing to do, and with people i dont fancy.
Honestly, theres NOTHING to do. (cept study ofcourse, but that doesnt count.)
I have finished re-reading my book, n the books i havnt finish, arent tempting me.
Theres nothing on tv in the morning, or most of the time anyways.
Theres nothing to do on the comp anymore. Nothing online.. not tat into games at the mo..
So once again, we're left with studying.
Pfffffffffft. right.

But its not just about going out n leaving the house.
I cud have plans if i wanted to..
but it has alot to do with the people im out with.
theres only a small number of people i can be with right now..
oh well, lets not get into that now.

Whats left to say?
Schools gonna start soon.. n with that comes alot of woes..
aLot..
sigh.

Id better go charge my iPod. Gonna be needing my music tonight.


Will you hear my plea... tonight?..

Bad day again

Today, I watched Dragon Tiger Gate. Again.
Hah.
But atleast it was 6 bucks.
N it really wasnt bad watching it 2nd time around.
Damn good show that one.

But, as i forgot to mention the last time, Both chicks in the show do the sacrificing thingy for the guys.
Bah.
It was a good show. with great fighting yes.
But also touching stuff.
Sniff.
n Music.

I hate chinese shows.

Today I was out with a friend.
:)

Today I went guy-shirt shopping!
Weeeeeeeeeee..
which i actually did the past two days as well but toDay was more fun. :p
I need to find a compliant subject to drag around. Wahahahahahaa
I Think i know which friend wud subject himself to being my model.. hehee.. but unfortunately i dont think i'll be seeing him again soon. :p


Today, I came back, n had a bad day.
like i knew i wud..
today, i cudnt get through the night.
only with the help of a friends company, n some music..
but with every passing minute the dread in me escalates.

Do you believe in signs?
I dont know if i do, but i see them.
But theres nothing that they can possibly mean.


Listening : Bad Day - Fuel

dare you, dare me.

i dont want to be happy

Explain that one to me.

If i cant make you love me..
..atleast i can make you hate me.

crashed n burned

Sunburned!

In pain.

my face is all red. n it makes an odd marking on my back. hehe.

my shoulders are in pain!
It hurts with my clothes on!
It hurts when i move my shoulders!
N when i touch the sore areas i Wince!
Which hurts because my foreheads all sore too.

Bah.


I watched Dragon Tiger Gate today. Which was kinda really good!
surprisingly Nicholas Tse looked like a lil kid.. hmmm.. But cute all the same. :p

Through Most of the movie, the main character Was rather Hot.
But at the end of it, i decided that it was only so, because his HAir was covering Half his face Most of the Time!
Hehehee.
All three characters had their hair covering the ride side of their face. quite sad la.. i mean, Cudnt they come up with Some other hairstyle?! :p


ok. i have become sad now. so im gonna go.

Have been out for 2 days straight.
Will be out tomorrow.
Will (probably) be out the day after.
Thats 4 days. Perfect.
Cant stay in the house right now.
If only i cud make plans for Thursday n friday too eh?
cept for the fact that i'll have seen all the good movies by tmr. great. pfft.

anyways, watever.

marriages are stupid.
love is stupid.
promises are stupid.

whos gonna disagree?

Baby just say goodnight

Just watched Lemony Snicket : A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Was oddly stupid.

But actually quite a nice show.


Would have been a great show to watch at the cinema i think.

Darky yet pleasant i guess.

Still stupid though.
Hmmm.


I know i havnt blogged in a while.
quite a while.

Sometimes songs say it all
but most of the time its all kinda pointless.

Cant say ive been having fun.
but there have been a couple days where i rather enjoyed myself.
unfortunately, for Particular reasons that im afraid wont be repeating themselves.
(darn)

planning a couple more 'better days' anyways.
tho they hardly last long enough.

If i can upload some pics den maybe i'll update.
easier to blog with pics.
take up more space, need less words, see.


Well anyways, the hols are upon us, that is to say, me.
but before we can say much about em,
them hols will be leaving us soon.
in about a week.

back to boring old school den.
with lots of non existent studying.