Scales

Hey guys.

Haven't been writing eh? Sorry. Dunno wat to put in. Alot of things seem kinda useless n uninteresting...
Guess i'll just put fingers to keyboards n see wat comes out eh? :)

Been kinda depressed this few days...
Not really the whole day, just er, bouts of depression now n then i guess. :)

Maybe it was coz i went back to my old school again.
Met my friends there, that was good ofcourse. Im not extremely great with all of them, but im still more comfortable with them than any of my new friends i think...

Anyways, the reason for my 'depression' ;), met all these people, peers n juniors....
Quite a few of them mentioned this person whom i used to be good with, real real good...
Some tease me about our relationship n all....coz no one knows that its over.

What can i say when everyone just goes about making fun about how close we 'are'???
The cause of the problem hasnt been agreed on by both parties so it will be unfair to state my side of it...
Not interested in explaining anyways....only lead to looks of disbelief....

I HATE THAT!
One of the things i hate bout conversing with old friends/acquaintances...
They only know the pass....not the present......
Bring up things that affect me in a way which they have No idea!

Oh well...
So been thinking bout that friendship of mine...
Keep thinking bout the good times, n how i cant have that anymore...
Real irritating this memory thing. ;)

After this certain episode where my friend was absolutely angry, i tot all was over, n that was what saved me actually.
From that moment on i was suprisingly happy and at peace.
I was over it.
And i didnt really care much anymore. Not like the months b4 that!

Den my friend did call. Eventhough there were certain reasons behind that...
N now my friend (lets call X from now... ;) ) acts like nothings happened.
But X is real smart!
Calling me only when its convenient for X.
Of course X'll have no problem with that!
If i started calling X whenever i feel like talking, im sure X'd wish we werent talking to each other anymore...

N ive been at war with myself. Since Xs acting like nothing happened, should i just let go too?
Im not holding any grudge! I dun hate X or anything. Which im real grateful for...
But, i tried...
If i do take X as a good friend again, if i do allow myself to care again....Im sure i'll be hurt again.
Things have already changed. Not because of the fight but b4 the fight.
X hurts me without knowing that X does.

So wats the point of letting myself get hurt again?
Wats the point of getting mad? Of fighting?!

Ofcourse i miss the old times. More perfect than anyone could ever imagine...
Ofcourse i Hate that i cant have it back...the memories...

And once again im confused...
But i know i'll be hurt...

This is why i hate life! :)
Good things are so hard to find. So so hard.
N ive lost the best thing i ever had!

Gotta go. :)

Good news though.
This other friend who hasnt been talking to me.
Finally got over his problem. :)

Erm. Bye.