in you

Well, first off..

scratch that.

Hey, i resolve to be happy! (haha.. ya right..)
:p
well.. if other ppl are gonna be happy i shud too right.
we all shud. :p

(altho, yes.. 'happy' scares me. i dont believe in happy, without consequences. ;p hah..)
(ok watever.. :p)

--
Well i guess said 'nex few days' turned out to be just a day.

Hah.. told you it surprises me too. :p


I was supposed to write you guys about my sleepin pattern the last few nights, (which were really odd, or non-existent actually..:p) but..
i think im gonna go hide again. =/


Have begun to feel lonely again recently..
im not sure why..
or mayb i have an idea, like i always do, but i dont want to dig into it. :p

it wasnt too long ago that i had 3 weeks..
but as of now.. ive only less than 3 weeks before.. well..
things are gonna suck.

n i know, yes yes i know.. its dam drama n emo to word it like that..
but its very true.. more than you know..
contributed in part by a certain event that several people know about..
but i dont think its the only thing..
tho ofcourse its quite a huge factor..

ok, i apologize.. i know im not making much sense..

but i must say..
5 months.. it can past by pretty quickly in certain cases..
but for somethings.. its a very long time.
think about it, its half a year of your life.

lots of things can get messed up in half a year.

ahh.. screw bout mess ups..
i guess what im trying to say is that, life will run its course as time passes you by right
n thats exactly whats gonna happen..
just.. pass you by.

who wont be annoyed? that life is passing you by..
people are learning things, doing things, going through their lives..
n you're just..

stuck.

n no, im not talkin bout simple things like being idle.

aih.. i dont know how to word it.
which is why i havnt said much about it, eventho its been haunting me for a long time.
i guess i just have my grievances against life.


anyways.
so what have we been doing?
nothing much.
bah.

its quite interesting to think that in 2.5wks im gonna leave the country.
i havent done one thing about it. :p
but its the after thats gonna tank right.

maybe im just tired of waiting.
waiting for things to happen.
of having to wait.

having to resign myself to watever life brings
to things that we have no control over.

ive been screwed over enough n in all those times ive had to learn to accept many things as part of life.

so i guess thats what im worried about.
that life Will come n kick me in the ass, again.

that my future is on the verge of being formed.
that This is where the rest of my life begins
n i dont see what control i have over that.