My First

Missed my blog entries?!
U jus miss me talking bout U dun u! :p
Useless jerk.

Isnt it bad enough that i SO havent been studying...?
N u so noe why... =P
n i shud stop sayin so coz its so really bimbo-like =D

i dunno...
all i wanna talk about wud be us...
sorta
But alot of it is private isnt it?
hai...

well, how about updates for them?
(Hey Liny! :) Thnx for dropping by! I know ure really busy n stressed out there! Chill ok?! *hugs* )

We broke up...
hahahahahahaha
Well we did.
on Sunday.
When were we together again?
Hahahaha....
long story...

But the things is, after we 'broke up'...I felt so So much more for u...More then beFore we 'broke up'...

So that was Sunday...
N with how things were goin, how we were feeling..., i thought they were kinda perfect...
But then Monday came...
The 1st day i actually studied btw. Haha...more or less la...
Until the last 5 minutes...
screwed us up... :)

N they have No idea wat im saying...
Does it matter?
Im too lazy to bother (sorry guys..)
Too lazy to even bother about my exams....
My actual AS exams...
...

The tables have twisted n turned too much... :p
since i last blogged...
wats tat? 9 days? :/
hmm...

Well lets say...alot of those last few posts no longer apply...
~Like how i cant picture myself with him?!
HAH! Long gone down the drains! *grins*!
~N how i dont know how he feels?
Well, i guess i do now...
I felt ur heart dear......unless it WAS just the hormones! =P
~About the girl?
Well.....its sorta settled...i hope... :P
See? Im still selfish...
~N also how stongly i felt? ....
*sigh*...u noe my prob...*sighs*...

Well, I'll tell u wat I DO noe...
I have feelings for u...
I think of u when my eyes open (not neccessarily 'wake up' hehe)
I miss ur messages
I miss u
I wanna be with u
I wanna talk to u
I wanna be in ur arms
I love touching u (err....Sick twisted Minds!!! Not THERE!)
I dont mind u touching me...(err....I DONT have to explain it to u guys! :P)

There might be a million reasons to these things...besides the apparently obvious One..
Lets hear some of them eh?
U can ALL tell me wat u think...
Im too lazy to think...

sorry...not now k...too many thoughts...

Hmm...Boston Public repeat. See i getta watch. :)
Hrmmm...Seen it before though...
on Singapore tv...

Collide is playing as usual...
It makes me sad sometimes u noe...a little...
love the song...
it pulls out my emotions...
something like tat...
Let make it our song? Whether we will be together or not it doesnt matter...
lets make Collide our song...
Ure gonna have to dance with me to it some day... *smiles*

Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I finally find, U n I Collide...

hmmm

I cant think when its playing btw...

I think i had quite some stuff to say...
but as usual i think too much n now ive forgotten...

Shouldn't a relationship build up on time? Even if you love this guy - take the time to get to know him.. you've prolly only seen 1 side of him.
How about that hmm?
Yea...
Lets wait now k...
Lets take some sort of a break...take our time...
We probably have plenty...
I Dun mean from each other...i cud never do that...
Lets do what we feel like doing, what we want to do...With boundaries n limits in mind of course...
As in...we can spend time together...id love that...but lets cut out all the other stuff hmm?

Oh btw, I was right!
ALOT of things did happen n develop in 2 months...
Heck it took 2 weeks! (or less than tat! haha!)

I've never felt for a guy the way i feel for u...
I've never done or wud have allowed any of the things that happened between us, to happen with any other guy....in my life so far....
I've never shared so much with anyone....
ok well, not so much, not the amount of it (after all ive only known u for 2 weeks!), but the extent of the sharing...
Nobody in this world knows what u noe about me...
I've actually made myself vulnerable around you by doing the things i do with u....telling u the things i tell u...
N yet, u are ultimately (so far) the one that is at risk.....
Maybe we both have.....Maybe we're both playerz.....
N yet, (seeing as to how things are going) im probably the better player! (Not to mention kisser! hahaha)

u noe, i was probably (definitely) right about the feelings thingy...
How how we feel affects how we feel...hahaha

Shall we give ourselves some time?
Some time to figure things out.
Some time to learn, to feel, to fall...

Shall we give this a chance?
Selfishly, if u dun have anywhere else to go.....Stay....
Selfishly, if u do.......*sigh*.....i dont wanna think about that now...

Its 12.45pm
I cant believe ure not awake yet!!!
Jerk!
N i cant believe u did not reply my msg!!!!
My last msg was just frikin scary ok!!!
It was still buggin me somewhere deep inside my mind when my mum came online!!
Sub-consciousness n consciousness got errr unconscious?
mised up n forgot wat actually did happen n wat was jus in my dream...

Anyways....i shud go now....
SpenT my morning writing this!
I hope ure Happy! =P
Why d'ya even bother anyways?
Shudn't u be studying?!
Shudn't we all?!?! *grins*

OK...goin off now...

~bye~

NOTE: Hey guys...Hmmm maybe i didnt express myself properly. :p That 'break up' that i talked about...It was just un-officialising things...coz i freaked out on him after we became 'official'. We didnt actually fight n not talk to each other or anything...Like i said...i felt more for him then...Its jus tat...well stuff happened on Monday...
Anyways, yea...we're sorta taking a break...slowing down things...we still spend time together (or plan to) shudnt have rushed into things...its only been 2 weeks...We're not over yet...

N Shaf, if we ever were to not be together...in a relationship, or watever...u are still special to me...N always will be...I hope that we'll be...jus as we are...or something like tat...
U mean alot to me...U always will...
After all, IM the one with the good track record with the exes! *grins*
love u...
Might not be the kind of love that u feel for me, or wish that i felt for u...
not yet
but i ...care for u...
*Hugs*

u lose ur appetite.......wen u fall for someone :D

U cant get with her unless u stop missing n falling for me like this...
Ure gonna hurt her again.
N ure gonna be hurt bcoz u hurted her...
N den im gonna be hurt coz i caused u to hurt her n hence get hurt! hahaha
im not gonna let u hurt someone bcoz of me...

i noe ure not gonna stop caring...but tats the prob...

U cant be missing me n flirting with me wen ure with someone else...
U cant care for me the way u do now if u get with someone else...
Cant, as in, u shudnt...
Its not fair...

N yet i wont have u forget about me...
Jus as i refuse to not have u around if im with another...

But i dont want u to pick Me...yet...
coz im not sure i can give u wat u deserve to get...wat u might get with her...

I dunno if i love him...though recently ive wanted to say it So Much!
I jus noe i more than like him...yes, i feel so much for u too. :p

we need to stop flirting!!!
I Hate U! :p

I cant believe i can feel so so much for u...n yet not be able to get with u...
I dont want to give u up!
I dont want to stop loving u like this...
I dont noe wat id do...

I've gotten it out...the word love...
If i say it...dun think i really really mean it until i tell u tat i do, Ok?

There are signs to me, that we cant be together...
I cant see myself with u...
even though u can...i dont...
N i feel uncomfortable wen u tell me wat u see...
Y do i feel uncomfortable??

if i cant see myself with u, how can i be with u?

i worry...
I worry tat i feel so strongly, because u feel so strongly too...
n tat i wudnt have if u didnt...n werent so good to me...because u feel for me...

wat does it mean if u miss someone every second of every day...
Every second that ure not together?
Its aint gotta be love...
Wat is love?
Izzy!! Wat is love?!
What is it if it isnt love?

Wat does it mean if u keep thinking about someone?
Keep thinking how much u feel for that someone...
No no, not I Love U.........more like I Hate U! :p though, its pretty much the same! :p
It still aint love...

you're rite...i dont love u...not yet...
haha but i cant stand it wen im not with u! :p
I hate u! U terrible jerk! :p
Ugh! How am I going to concentrate?!?! How am I going to study?!?!
U noe those dumb elders who say we shouldnt fall in love while we're studyin, coz itd affect our studies?!
Well HERE! Im not in love! But im Just as Affected!!!
Ass! ;)

hahaha...welcome to the 5th day of this twisted tale! :p

Hey Sarah! :) If ure wondering how come i never told u...well...its because this only started after i last wrote u... :P
its so terrible...
N to think i wrote about relationships in my last reply! :p
Leave me a msg k? *grins*

oh yeah...haha
Ive not been having any appetite for the past 2 days!
I didnt eat anything at all on Fri.
Not a single bite...
N i still had no appetite at night...
Even the slice of cake i had...was at midnite on saturday. hehe
N i didnt have any appetite today either!
Ugh....im hungry! But i just cant eat!!!
WHY?!
~he says its coz u lose ur appetite wen u fall for someone
tats dumb! haha :p

...

I Hate U!

I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U!!!

How can u fall for me wen u have her on your mind?!?!

Im So sorry for bringing her up...
But u love her...
N ure still trying to get her back!

Its not fair to her...
N its not fair to me...

but den again...no dun leave...im not giving u up...

Im So sorry for doing this to u again n again...
i wanna say i love u...but i dunno if i do...yet...

The only reason ure with me now...is coz u havent gotten her back yet...
No...i noe u care...i do...but u cudnt be doing all these things with me if u were with her, cud u...

im not gonna make u pick...
coz im not gonna lose u...
not tat theres anything to pick...u love her not me.
hah...

n i cant, because im not sure i cud b with u even if there wasnt a her...

ure gonna make me cry!
haha...
Im sorry babe...sorry im messing u up like this...

please dun be sad...
haha...stupid request, i noe...

i hate u...

This one's for u... =)

[Most of this was originally directed to the general public, yes. :) but den...certain sections were directed to one person...If u dun get it...it wasnt meant for u to get...Sorry. This ones dedicated to...u. :)]

Morning! =) (to U! :) leave me a msg, or 2, or more! :D )

:p

3 days...
Does that sound like a long time to u?!
No.
U wake up on Monday, quickly pass through it....Tuesday.....n before u noe it, its Wednesday!!!
Tats 3 days.....
Gone....Over....Never to come back....

But den....alot can happen in 3 days....

College started on the 7th of January. Wednesday.
After the end of sec school, my Best friend then shud ofcourse still be my best friend on the 7th...
Ok fine, so Wednesday...
We were placed in different classes...
things happened...dun wanna say...
Anyways...by Friday nite, i cried.
Desperately...
Knowing tat it was gonna be over...
It took jus 3 days for something to happen, that i cud tell something was wrong....
Anyways, i was rite.

3 days.
N ur heart can be broken.

Den recently, *grins*

3 days, n u can fall in love...

haha OK OK fine. Not in love! :)
Hows fall for someone? =) *grins*

I hardly knew Him (yes! Theres a new Him in town! haha ) before this week...
Infact, he was only sure of my name like...a few weeks ago....
Den last week...tuition... ;)
N only this Monday did i actually get his phone no...n him mine....
N Monday it was that it started....
Monday tat he starts msgin me....n msgin n msgin...
n msgin n msgin n msgin!!!
Monday nite....tues(well actually tues dun have la! haha)...wed....n Thurs....
N on Thurs he tells me he has a crush on me! (Yes yes I noe! TINY crush! Bah!)
N i tell him tat i like him too....

cause, as amazing as it sounds....it took us 3 days.....(i noe we were saying 4, but if u count, mon nite to thurs nite is 3 days! haha)

aih....but it was also then that my problems started....(yes! new guys new probs! Ugh!)

Aih...ya....i think this was wat this was supposed to be about...

Anyways....how come???
I dunno....
He was jus real sweet...
N he was the one who kept msgin....
bcoz...yea...if he had not...we wudnt be here today...coz i wudnt have msged...
I mean...tats wat im like...
Im always scared of buggin ppl...
Id usually expect the other person to be wanting me to stop...n get lost...
neways....he was the one who jus kept msgin...n askin me questions...
Eventhough i probably gave him chances to stop the conversation...
like, jus answerin his questions n no more...
but no, he went on!

Why ah? :)
Feel comfortable?!?! But tat was like the 1st time we 'talked' la...how to feel any comfort?!?!
I dun get....

Hes too sweet...
Ure too sweet...
N yes, why shud i believe u?!
The boy who cried wolf?
No wait....let me explain to them...
He....he has a sweet...err mouth? tongue? hahaha....
Hes always saying something sweet...
but like....before this week....like last fri, tuition time...n like this mon, at BK....?
All those things u sed??
U didnt like me then....so u were jus fooling around...like u sed....even i dun believe wat u say, rmmbr?
Well....ure saying the same things now...
wats the diff?
wat makes u mean them now wen u didnt mean them back then???

i trust people...
i believe wat they say...
I believe wat ppl say...

n if they wish to play me, n they're good with words....

i get played...

well....ya.
Coz if ppl tell me something...i believe them...
anything...
So all u have to do is tell them to me a few times....
den id start to think about it....
so if u wanted to play me...itd be all too easy...

dun u think itd be a problem if ure too sweet n make me fall for u??
haha...i jus wrote tat to u.....

n well....jus working it out with me wont settle the problem...id still, well...hurt...

but, nvrmnd...forget bout tat. :)
Im jus being paranoid...

yes i care about u...
yes i do like u...
n yes, haha i have a crush on u... hahaha

i dun think i'll fall for u...
either tat or ive already fallen for u...

No i dun believe wat u say...
No i still dun believe wat u say...
N no, i dun think i look better with glasses! ;)

Why is it tat 'we'll never work out' again?! (See?! U said Never!)
haha...yah...id get too jealous n upset!!!

yes...it is another crush...
but den again....its different....
different from the last one...

I think im gonna stop...

Haha...u noe wat?
I'm like a kid around u... *grins*
which is a good thing. hehe.
Tats y u get to call me kiddo! ;)

Oh MAN! U made me All School-Girly n Mushy n Gross!!!
I Hate U!

Oh n just so u guys noe,
NO we arent in love.
NO we arent together.
N well, dun think we'll be...

He has a girl in mind by the way...dun they all...

I cant believe i wrote all that crap for u!!!
U sure as hell better not be playing with me!
See?! I can speculate about that n yet not protect myself by doing something like this...

No...i dun trust u...(I do n yet i dunt...)
How can u care for someone like that n yet not want them ultimately??
[Add on: Do u noe why i refuse to believe ure really not playing me...? Because, after u told me on Thursday...I started believing what u say...more. I cant believe u mean all u say...Coz u cant!.....tats why...]

... ... ...
Good nite.
Im gonna misscall u... :)

N Elly: Dont puke n dun pee! :) I bet u wished u hadnt 'Made' me tell u tat day! Heh!

playerz

I think im being played...

Im scared.

I am.

well maybe im not being played....but im scared tat i might be...

i trust people...
i believe wat they say...
I believe wat ppl say...

n if they wish to play me, n they're good with words....

i get played...

I HATE not being able to trust!!!
I HATE this Dread im feeling in my heart!

I dun wanna be played!

i want to cry...

cry n forget it all...

lalalallalalalaallalalalalalaalalaaaa... ;)

Hello!!!

Eh! U guys are SO bad la!!!
hahahahaha

Along with my family!
Hmrph! Not a SINGLE one of them.....Hmmmm

hahaha.....if ure blur, well ure meant to be!

I'll elaborate some other time!

Bad bad ppl! :p

haha

Nite nite!!!

lalalalalalalalalalalalalaala....

The Reason

'Somebody' msged, wanting to borrow some cash from me.
note the qoute marks..

So i said ok. Remind me.

N she did.
She msged, 'Hey gul sory but jus wanted to remind u bout the money i wil try to give u bck in a few days time. Thanks'

U noe what that says?

It says that we are not friends.
Tats what it says...

Life is supposed to be difficult.....i guess.

Actually I dun really wanna create a new blog so soon...
Liked the last one...
But since im here n all...got something to say in the nex blog...

First off:
Its not really very interesting, but its true...hope some of it will get to some ppl, n let them learn.
Might save a heart from being broken...

EASY ....... DIFFICULT
>
>
>
> Easy is to get a place in someone's
address book.
> Difficult is to get a place in someone's
heart.
>
> Easy is to judge the mistakes of
others
> Difficult is to recognize our own
mistakes
>
> Easy is to talk without thinking
> Difficult is to refrain the tongue
>
> Easy is to hurt someone who loves
us.
> Difficult is to heal the wound...
>
> Easy is to forgive others
> Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
>
> Easy is to set rules.
> Difficult is to follow them...
>
> Easy is to dream every night.
> Difficult is to fight for a dream...
>
> Easy is to show victory.
> Difficult is to assume defeat with
dignity...
>
> Easy is to admire a full moon.
> Difficult to see the other side...
>
> Easy is to stumble with a stone.
> Difficult is to get up...
>
> Easy is to enjoy life every day.
> Difficult is to give it real value...
>
> Easy is to promise something to
someone.
> Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
>
> Easy is to say we love.
> Difficult is to show it every day...
>
> Easy is to criticize others.
> Difficult is to improve oneself...
>
> Easy is to make mistakes.
> Difficult is to learn from them...
>
> Easy is to weep for a lost love.
> Difficult is to take care of it so as not to
lose it.
>
> Easy is to think about improving.
> Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into
action...
>
> Easy is to think bad of others
> Difficult is to give them the benefit of the
doubt...
>
> Easy is to receive
> Difficult is to give
>
> Easy is to read this
> Difficult is to follow it
>
> Easy is to keep a friendship with
words
> Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

---

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into
action...

True. As is proven by Me being Here right now!!! (Read: Not studying!)
In fact! Did nothing today. Came back from coll, slept, was woken up b4 6. Had to send brother off at airport!
Just came back. Gonna catch Boston Public soon...
...I dun understand me either...

Easy is to hurt someone who loves
us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Jus wanna high-light that. (Im sensitive again tonite...)
My wound is not healing. Especially since the party who wounded me hasnt really gotten it yet, N wont set out to heal it...

Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

Or maybe it has healed somewat...but the scar is there...
Somebody, Teach me to forgive n forget, n move on!

Easy is to promise something to
someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

Kindly make a point to watch what u promise...
And when u do promise, try Very hard to keep it...
THINK n see how much it means n how important it is to the other party before u just brush it off..
inform early if u have to break ur promise...
N nex time, dun promise again..!

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...

Ppl always ask u to look in their eyes wen u say 'i love u' to see if u mean it.
I dun think ill have any problems passing that test...
is it really hard?
dunno....
DUNT say I love u unless u mean it.
Why lie?
Why lie?
Why lie???
...people hurt u noe... is it fun to hurt??
Dont lie!

No time for relationshipsmelationships! I HAVE NOT STUDIED!!!

have had alot goin thru my head recently....
like, lots to blog about...
dunno which topic to pick
n oso....shudnt be doin this...:(

i'll try this one 1st, coz its simple n short. [EDIT: hahaha, Hey! It Started out short okay...:) I din noe that my frens 'story' wud have such a great effect on me! =)]

Im chatin wit a guy fren now who asked me why girls can change their mood so easily...
He said, he made a little mistake n his gf can ignore him for 4 days (hey, i din noe he had a gf!!! =) )
So i asked him about it...
He said that all that happened was that he got disconnected...den she got mad at him...

so i digged deeper...
apparently, he got disconnected...den he went back online....45 minutes later...
:0
~Why 45 minutes later??
-I got dc, den i was too lazy....

Ta daaaa....
Aint it Obvious?!?!
And i was like, Aiyaa...so simple ma...
But still he can ask me "Ha???"

~U were 'too lazy'! Ofcourse shes mad la!
-Huh? I was too lazy...so???

Hai....is it All guys?! Or jus this particular one?!?!
I mean....i basically knew tat guys were dumb! (hahaha)
Ok ok fine, i mean more like, in relationships, or rather, dealing with the opposite sex...

Aint it obvious?!?!
He was "TOO LAZY" to go online to chat with her...
DUH! Ofcourse shes mad!
how can ur boyfriend be 'too lazy' to chat with u?!?!

Ok Guys: Basic tip!
This is how girls think, and wat they want ok?
If u are their boyfren, obviously u need to care for them...
u need to care for them enough to....do WANT to do...everything....
call them, sms them, hold them, hug them, think about them, miss them.....EVERYTHING....
its really hard to say....

This is why....
Girl: Hrmphhh!!! *turns back on guy*
Guy: Wats wrong?
Girl: HRMPPHHHFF!!!!
Guy: Are u mad at me? Wat did i do wrong???
Girl: If u Dont Know, Im Not gonna tell u!!!

hahaha. ;)
I noe, i noe...its dumb....but still.....tats wat u love about us rite? hahaha jk...

U see, we dun wan u to call us because we Tell u to...
we want u to call because u missed us, and thought about us, n basically WANTED to call... :)
Its not as simple as, 'if u want me to call, jus tell me. I wont mind. if u want me to call, ill call...'
U cant just "Not Mind"
Its not good enough....U need to WANT!

but den again....whether a person 'Wants' something or not, cannot be controlled, can it?

If u loved her....u'd want to call...
If u loved her enough...the right way....
Den there wont be this problem.

Wat im saying is tat, most of the time, this problem exists because this 2 ppl are not truly in love....not really meant for each other...

A couple should be comfortable enough that both parties call each other, in a system that is right for themselves....
As in, if it jus so happens that this couple both feel that they should call each other (about) equal no. of times...and they both do just tat, den everyone is happy.
If the guy naturally Wants to call the girl 24/7 n shes perfectly happy with that, then That is their system...
Like that...

As in the case sorta mentioned above, the girl should be comfortable enough in the relationship to Understand the guy...as in, understand tat not calling doesnt mean he doesnt care (if tats wat it is, im not talkin about my friend here, bcoz as i later found out, he didnt care....more on this later...), its jus His way, n him being Him.
N maybe the guy should understand wat the girl wants n feel happy to make Her happy.....
Something like that....

It has been proven in Chemistry (which is ofcourse an essential element in a relationship!)

Guy + Love <=======> Girl + Love
If the Girl loves the guy more than equilibrium will allow, according to Le Chatelier's Principle, equilibrium position will shift left to produce more of Guy's Love.
N if the guy loves the girl more than equilibrium...., according to Le Chatelier's Principle, equilibrium position will then shift right to produce more of Girl's Love.

However, if the Guy (in case 1), has too high an activation energy, and is unable to react to produce the desired amount of love, equilibrium cannot be reached, and then, the Girl + Love (reactant), will react completely to form the Guy's Love (product), until it (the reactant) is spent......
N vice versa...

Im not a chem expert though....may those better than me comment on this... :)

Its long and complicated....I could go on forever....But its basically the same thing.
Love.
N well...fate.
The right one...

I crap so much about chem i forgot what else it was that i had to say....

Oh well, back to my friend then....
He went on to complain to me about the girl, and in 2 secs i could see that the relationship was doomed...
sorry to say....
But it was SO obvious!
He doesnt love her!
He went on about what she does/did n how it was making him miserable...
He asked whether all girls were like tat, and if not, he should find a new girl...
(Hello?!?!?! Should u even be Thinking this seeing as she is ur GF n its supposed to be a pre-requisite that u Love her??!)
N more on how he feels bored when hes with her n blahblahblah...
u get the picture right?

N den more truth came out...
~Why did u start with her in the 1st place?
- err...because she liked me first?
(WTF?!?!?! Cant u SEE that that is SO not right??!?!)
n apparently they broke up....n they r currently back together because
in his own words, she wanted him back...
???

But den....he says its because she has been depressed, n he was thinking about her exams....
he feels responsible....n doesnt noe wat wud happen to her shud he break up with her....

Aikz....i dun even noe where to begin....thinking i mean....
as u might noe from several of my previous blogs....i have a million thoughts on this...relationship stuff...

hai.....

oh ya, another thing.....
even as i say that a relationship is not right if it isnt.....at equilibrium, well like i have also expressed before, its not neccessarily impossible to work out right?
i mean....i dunno, but im sure almost every single couple has this problem.....otherwise life would be perfect..
N yet, relationships do work out.....
And yet again, i dun think married couples have this problem though, of caring n not caring...
which would den strenghten my conclusion that couples with this problem wont work out...

ARGH!!!
I shall Stop thinking now!!!
As the wise people say, Thinking Kills!

I'd really appreciate ur thoughts on this....(no not about Killer thoughts! About this relationship dilemma thingy!!!)


Better go off now....
Im miserable by the way...
This has been a bad week...
Both my problems that are constantly haunting me, were bent on ruining me this week...
And then theres the added hassle of the darn exam which is burning my brains....
I havent even finish wat i shud have done yesterday! WAt more today!!! N yet im online!!
(N why did i come online in the 1st place?!?! HIM tats why!!! GRRRRR)

Byebye bloggy.... :'(

hey guys.

No im not dying.....nor m i deleting this blog...yet... :p

College has started....as u might have guess....
which means...

NO MORE BLOGGIN!!! :'(

sadly sadly....

2 n 1/2 weeks to AS exams!
BIG FRIKIN DEAL!!!

n have i studied???
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I am so so so so dead!
So dead!
So dead!

n i cant even type more here coz my idiot brother is buggin me!
being the youngest naturally means being the object of all the bullying..!
Ive received orders to vacate the comp, n vacate the comp is wat i have to do...

as u can c i m full of crap...

=)

Note on my crush: (hahahaha) He came up to me, THRICE, surpirsingly.....especially after wat i tot was ignoring/avoiding me....anyways, wat i wanna say is tat, ive jus realised why it is tat i never felt tat i actually 'wanted' him.....
Theres No CHEMISTRY! :/
Sadly..... :) yeah..... i dun think theres any sparks there....
Eventhough the lovecalculator says our relationship has a 99% probability of working out!
WOOHOOO!!!! hahahaha
check out d calculator.....dun believe it too much of course...but i think its quite accurate.....
stilll, SERIOUSLY, dun go putting too much on it....
things like this, u usually end up MAKING it the way its 'predicted'....get me?

anyways.....

gtg....

Wish me luck! (for my exam doofusses! Not my crush!) :D

cheapskate

U guys are TOO pampered! :p (namely tat crazy fella)
Just coz i blogged almost all week last week! Almost everyday tis hols!!! ALMOST!
Expect me to B-L-O-G All day Everyday ah?!?!
I have a life u noe!!! hehe well actually i dunt...

College starting mahhh
But actually more because of the dumb UCAS form la.....
hai......
blur, tension, sad, depressed, worried, AIKZ!!! (This word is a new fetish wit me! But i WONT tell u Why!!!) ;)

lalala....wat shud i start wit...

Aikzzzz (c!? Told ya!)
I stopped there at first...not knowing wat to blog about (though theres like a million things running through my head, most i think wont garner any response...:( )
I was in fact sleeping on the couch! (Which REMINded me Very clearly of the blog-that-i-lost, as I was doin eXactly tat (sleepin on couch), b4 'saving' my blog, which didnt actually get saved....)
Den i closed this window......and started on my UCAS again.....

and den i found something i could blog about...

---

A typical medical degree would take 5 yrs to complete.
2 yrs of pre-clinical n 3 yrs of clinical...i think. (if my personal statement assessors could c how little i noe, Id have to go do engineering!!! :'( )
Pre-clinical studies r about $10 500 a yr.
Clinical studies, $19 300 a yr.

So, 2 x 10 500 = $21 000
3 x 19 300 = $57 900
$71 900

lets say $72 000 la ok?

OK now, living expenses.
Generally, if u dun take escargot n chocholate eclairs everyday, $500 a month shud work...

So, 12 x $500 = $6 000
5 x $6 000 = $30 000

And SO, $ 72 000
+ $ 30 000
$102 000 for 5 yrs.

BUT!!! People, lets not forget. $ was standing for pounds......aaaaahhhhhhh

SO (again) we have: 7 x $102 000 = RM 714 000

PLUS book + flights + clothes + misc...= RM 800 000 !!!!!!!!!

Why?! Does that seem like a small amount to u?!?! Fine, i noe Quite a number of people are able to afford Dat amount, (by quite i mean atleast 4 outta 5 of Taylors students), but I CANT!
Even if by some wild twist of fate, im able get half of it on loan,.......wat about the rest of the money?
Sell my house n my brothers house, let my whole family sleep in a cardboard box by the road side, while i enjoy a dam cool campus in UK? ;) Hehehe!!!
Is it right that my parents scrape out all their hard earned money, all the money that they spend SO many years saving, just on one dumb degree course???
Its THEIR money, they shud be spending it enjoying themselves...trip around the world or watever! ;)
[Actually u noe? It Might not be TAT bad if they sell of all properties, cars, furniture, clothes, everything...maybe get 800 000, and go buy a merc!!! Yey!!! They could Sleep in it ya noe!!! ;)]

But, dont u think its true?
Why shud they spend their savings on me?
yes....parents are sorta responsible for their childrens education, but well....not if it takes out their lives savings!!! That jus aint fair!
Wat are they gonna do after that?! Wait for me to earn loads n DEN enjoy?!?
It Doesnt work tat way anymore....
Parents these days have children much later in life...by the time their children get settled down in their jobs n start making a reasonable income, they wud hardly be left with much life/strength to enjoy!
ESPECIALLY if its medicine!!!
Come oN! Im 18 now k...so I'll complete my A Levels in my 19th yr. My med degree will go until my 24th yr.
25th yr for housemanship...den 5 yrs of work experience, 30yrs old.
U Think u cud start earning den?!?! no WAY!
Specialising, 5 yrs: 35yrs old...
I'LL BE OLD!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! OLLLLDDDDDDDD!!! :'(
N tats not even IT yet....Thered still be a few more years before the income starts being reasonable, i think...or at least comfortable....

But, well, Humans are as always, greedy.
Buy new house, new car, new clothes, new shoes (tis is for a certain Someone as I only own 1 pair of shoes! *wink*), etc. etc. etc.
Ur marriage? (hmmm wen did it become 'Urs'...? Shudnt it me 'My' ??? ;) )
U noe HOW expensive Rings, Gown, Photos, HONEYMOON, can be?!?!?!

WEN will u (or I..) be able to provide for (ermmm) our parents?! =)
to give them a nice relaxing holiday......
the peace n comfort tat they deserve...

I ofcourse dun Expect them to turn beggars for me...

And so...the mind wanders back to Indonesia (hehe. Must put new skills to use ya noe...! ;) )

ITS 100% FREE!!!!!!
Shudnt it be give MUCH thought?!?
Lots n LOTS of it?
aih....

Sometimes...i dunno...
i changed my mind a million times...
First it was 'HELL no! NO WAY!'.
Den there was 'I dunno...maybe?'
And also alot of 'India','Russia', 'India', 'Russia'......
Some "Indo" again....n somemore "no..."

hai....I dunno!!!

I mean, well, India shud be fine...But den well, i might as well go Indo den, its Free!
India's dam fine, but the living conditions r Waaaaayyy Bad! (ppls advice...)

aikzzzz, I DunNoe!!!
Do U noe?! Do U CARE?!?!?! *grrr*

i dun......

Oh wel...Ive crapped too much talk aldy...

I SO shud not be doin this now! ;) (Its 5.30 am btw, usually id be readin LOTR...)
I Shud inStead atLEAst be doin my UCAS...hah! :p

Blogging is evil and addictive! *grins*
If I FAIL with my application, we ALL noe who to blame!!! *cough*crazyMsian*cough*

well, niterz...

p.s. hoping tat maybe some sesat doctor will stumble here and give some valuable advice! If not about where to go, atleast about how to get IN (uk) ;)
DAT, or a rich, handsome, prince or something, who has to be a nice person ofcourse (hehheh), stumbles here, falls in love with my blog n me, marries me, and pays for my education!
(Harhahahahahahahahaaha...................)
It wud ALL b worth it den... =)
hmmmm yeah.....I think Id prefer the 2nd choice....wudnt u?! =)

P.p.S MUCH LUCK TO LIYANA OUT THERE IN RUSSIA! ;) (do u even read my blog anymore?!) WE ALLLL NOE HE-WHO-I-SHALL-NOT-NAME LOVES U LOADS! CAN U GET HIM TO SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY?!?! =) (*grins* totally kiddin ;) )

I had too much to drink... ;)

I didnt write for d 14th!
Aikz!!!
I still havent told u guys my Lagoon story....(Coz the dumb comp screwed up on me n refused to Give me Back my ENTRY!!! *Huge Sob* )
Aih....i think ive come to terms with my loss... *sob*

But i shudnt be here now...
Hai....worrying bout the UCAS form!!!
SO last minute! SO SO Dead!
Theres a Million things I havent done!!!
Shitty results! No attachment!! No DOE!!!! No nothin!
Wat in the World am I thinking?!?!?!
Medicine........*huge sigh!*

Obligations obligations obligations!

Well i cant do much for u guys today...

Except, I Cant BELIEVE i Forgot about Boston Public yesterday!!!
Wow!!! The Whole Day i was thinking "Monday, got show! Monday got Show!"
But i Totally forgot that BP was ON Monday!!!
Until it came on n i was like "AAAAAHHhhhhh! Boston Public is on MONDAY?!?!!? No its NOT!!! YES IT IS!!!!"

*sheepish grin*

hai...'Somebody' 'lied' to me today! ;) (3 guesses who. ;) ) (btw, dat was rhetorical...i dun really expect u to guess...=) )
Hey! 2 ppl Lied to me today! (or rather didnt keep their promises!)
Hmm....Dat Somebody 'Lied' to me Yesterday as well!!! {Maybe i need to take the hint? *grins*}
HEY!!! Wats going ON?!?! ITS A CONSPIRACY!!! :p

Ugh! I HATE ppl who Say they're gonna do one thing, n den Dun do it at all, or even let me noe tat they're not gonna do watever it is... :)
Fortunately, these particular ppl dun owe me anything. As in, i dun have any right to expect anything from them, so its ok. ;)
Hrmp! Except my ex! He is So gonna die! He SAID hed be Back!!! I TOLD him id wait for him!!!
GGGRRRRRRrrrrr!!!!
(ps, by being back i meant on msn. same goes for 'waiting'. Hope u guys didnt Think TOo Far!!!)

hahaha.....watever.....

nite guys....need to go clear the mess in my room....n check out the UCAS form......!
*Huge mother of all Sighs!*
(ps, again, wen ppl write 'mother of', my mind tends to register it as an obscene phrase...sounds crude to me...;) maybe u noe why....Hell, u probably do! *wink* my apologies... ;) )

so, nitez all...
sweet dreams...

(wait a minute, Im the one goin to bed now...I doubt any of u guys will see this just b4 goin to bed......(since its already 3am!), so me wishing u guys sweet dreams doesnt really make sense does it...?!...)

Man i talk too much......

Oh my GOD!!! I think i jus discovered how to place a Link!!!
here

YES!!!!!!
I AM A GENIUS!!!!!
Wahahahahahahaha........(maniacle laughter) (grammar?)

Invitation to dinner

Hello.

Im bored.

hai...

ok, let me see if i can tell u a short story...
it was supposed to be my blog for sat (or sun morn...wateva)

ok anyway, i went out wit a frend dat day, to pyramid.
My frend left b4 me n told me to be careful n all, to call her if there was anything. (yea rite, if anything Did happen, i dun think id be able to call anybody, wud i?!?!)
I Obviously did not expect Anything to happen at all, as usual...
But on my way out of pyramid, to the nearby shopblocks, to wait for my bro, some guy came up the stairs...
He sed something, dat i didnt quite get, so i asked him...
he sed again "wats the time?"
..."The time?"
I was a little apprehensive coz i didnt have a watch, n the oni way i cud tell the time wud be to look at my phone...
I reached into my pocket but was unsure as to whether or not i shud take my phone out...
Den the guy asked me "Where r u goin?"
...
I was stunned! I stared at him quizzically...
Wat the hell was he doin askin me where I was goin...???
"wat?"
"Where r u goin?...Do u understand English?"
"Yes, i understand English...but y r U askin me where im goin??"
"well, i was wondering whether u cud have a meal with me..."

(AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Bad guy alert! BAD GUY ALERT!!!)

Wat in the World?!
Den i tried to get away, sayin i was goin back (y in the world did i need to tell him so much anyways?! stupid...)
He started askin even more question, like where i was goin back to..cudnt i jus have a meal wit him...bcoz he was a student from Sunway College, he was a foreigner from Pakistan...!
Yeah rite! If he Was a foreigner from Pakistan i doubt his English wud be dat good...
[Edit (14/10/07) : I wud like apologize here, bcoz i realize that i was rather immature to say this. But i was alot younger n more naive back then, n i have since grown, n seen more of the world. (or so i wud hope. :p) ]
or if im wrong n bias den at least if he was from Sunway College den hed probably have a million friends dat he cud asked out....Whyd he need me rite?!?!?!

N the thing was, just as he was sayin that he was from Pakistan...Id made up my mind to jus go, N I APOLOGISED TO HIM!?!?!?!
I have No idea WHY!
In fact! I felt bad as i realised i said 'i gotta go' just After he told me he was from Pakistan...
I didnt want him thinking That was the reason i was leaving...
OMG, wat am i sayin!?!?!

Here i am feeling bad about saving my ass from a guy who was probably planning on kidnapping me or something! (yea rite. i dun believe dat either.. ;) )
Weird huh!?
Can someone tell me y?! ;)

The guy was plain Nuts to think that id go out with a total stranger...
but den...some girls do...

Im wondering wat in the world he was thinking..
Wat was it dat he actually wanted to do?
A dinner?
Wat decent guy wud ask out a total stranger for dinner?
Without even a conversation...(asking for the time is Not considered conversatioN! ;) Not that id go even if der was conversation though..hehe)
Lifes little mysteries huh?
just like those dumb prank calls dat u get...
those wer the caller actually sorta knows u...ur name...ur favourite band! (happened to me! ;) )

Go figure.

UGH!

I lost a blog entry. AGAIN!

UGH!!!

I typed it yesterday, it was Really long, n Really late!
I fell asleep!
So i decided to Save it n continue today!

BUT NOW, ITS GONE!!!

I was probably only 1 third through but IT WAS ALREADY VERY LONG!!!

I LOVED DAT ENTRY!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ugh!~
Im so pissed!
Getting off to watch Shrek2 (again!)
MAYbe i'll be back later! :p (dats not a cute smiley face BTW! IM STICKING OUT MY TONGUE AT U!!!)

UGH!

I'm blind.

Today was a good day! ;)
Or rather, it ended well... ;)
(note: whenever i say 'today' tis days, i usually mean yesterday, as i always type pass midnite.)

Went out wit my frenz! ;)
Had a hell of a blast!
Except for 1 friend who was kinda down....made me feel bad coz i cudnt cheer him up... :(

I had a great time. ;)
Though, both His absence n presence bugged me! :)
Wen we finally saw Him, it was really funny wen my friends teased me about it!
N really embarrassing how schoolgirly i was! :$ hehehe
AND, n idiot fren of mine almost got killed by me for callin out his name!~! (he looked! :o)

ANyways.....

u noe...i think i'll stick to emotional stuff for a while....
my specialties... ;)

U realise how to best part of relationships (ok ok, sOme relationships..) is rite at the begining!
Wen he's smitten with her n she is infatuated wit him! ;)
Both think the world of each other n try their hardest to make the other happy... ;)
Enjoyin every moment...sweet missing...
The smallest things: waking up n thinkin bout her, msgin him a simple hi, miscalls that say 'i love u', blahblahblahblahblaa... ;)

Remember the 3 couples i blogged about?
Remember the one wit the said 'mature' relationship?!
Well, that really Was coz i didnt see them together...
apparently, it aint so mature after all....
they do do those childish 'lovers' games! *sigh* (theres no hope in this world!)
~merajuking...querellin over small matters...worryin about 3rd parties.......

well...its kinda sad...
Dat when 2 people who love each other get together (which wud seem the must Duh! thing to happen), they get upset over petty fights!
Is there a point to this?! I dun get it...

I use to care about this things...i think...
Use to play stupid irritating immature games....
Den i got tired of it.
I realised how stupid n pointless the games were...
(One of my exes ones 'broke up' wit me jus for fun, to see whether i cared about him enuff to beg him not to leave, or watever....WTH?!?!)
N resolved not to start a relationship unless it was serious n we really were in love... ;)
I hate games, i do....
But i cant swear that it wont happen in any of my future relationships...
i dunno....
i still wud want him to show that he cares...(ie: call me...often, somthing lidat...)
A million things.....
wat do i do then?!
I'd say that, b4 we started a bf-gf relationship, that he'd already be doing these things bcoz he cares...n that he'd love me enuff to continue them....n if he didnt, which wud mean he didnt love me, to dump him!
*grins* but Thats not right...
no, coz these things arent the most important things in a relationship...itd be nuts to break up for something like dat...maybe...
AND sometimes, ud love to person so much, n the person'd love u back too...but didnt 'fulfil' the sed requirements (im not even sure wat they are!....r u confused yet?!)
so not starting a relationship.....that wudnt be right...?

BLUR

=) Heh! Yes, I am here to confuse us all...

Thats it la...3am...have to wake up for drivin tmr...(hopefully!)

Aikz...(private grin!)

Nitez

P.S. Love is blind...(I'll let u guys noe who blind I was wen i get over my crush, k?! ;) )