use me as you will

Alone.

Throw it away, forget yesterday, we'll make the great escape..

They dont care.

I do.

We wont hear a word they say, they dont know us anyway..

Why am i such a bytch sometimes?..

Why do i make a big deal of things that other ppl dont care about.
Am i that stupid?
Grr.. Stop making me feel stupid.

Well you cant please everyone.

---

Whats the point of studying if you're gonna fail anyways?

Why is it so hard to study when i did fine my last sem?

N its not funny.
What would you know?

---

Do you know how tiring it is?

to always be the one to try to work things out.

The one who gets cheated on
taken for granted
used and dumped whenever you fancy?

To be the one that TRIES
despite all that.

not get up and walk away like so many of you do.
not drop something so easily just bcoz you dont even care enough to try

to try to Fix things
to try to Help
to try to make You feel better.

But in return?
Only looked up when You feel like it.
dropped the second theres someone else you want around
dropped the second you're done using me for whatever it was you wanted.
Treated like Crap just bcoz you have your goddam temper.

Show a little respect for the things people do for you, will you.

Not just care about the times you think we let you down.
How about all the times we dont?

You cant just change tack just like that.
leave just bcoz you have someone better.
forget all we've done
n get mad at things that arent even our fault
just bcoz you dont want to be there anymore.

..

Why am i always the one hanging on
holding on
holding it all together.

Looking past all your crap.
all of you.
n still being there.
still trying to listen, to help.
still trying to make you feel just a little bit better.

Bah.

I'm past all that.

never come

“I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart.And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you.But those words may forver stay in my heart-locked inside.Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.”

I didnt write that by the way.
(I wouldnt. ahem. =p)

Go heeeerree.

Just put it up coz i tot it was rather sweet. n stupid at the same time.

Lots more sweet n stupid things where that came from. =P


Am supposed to be doing PBL (work)

PBL is bad.

(PBL is an evil ploy by the university to Pretend to actually be doing their job and Teaching us when actually all they're doing is just shaking legs n sucking up all our money!
Where we sit around in groups of ten n discuss cases that they throw at us, have to go back n read up to present at the next meeting.)

I proposed an Anti PBL Society!
where we all sit around n bitch about PBL n refuse to do it (tho eventually having to succumb to such trivial matters in the end.)

Oh wait.
We already do!

Bah!

Why should i be doing PBL when there are much more interesting things
like TV for example
or peeing
or wasting time looking up random sappy quotes.
to do.

Bah.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Lol.

seriously

I attempted to blog.

but then i got bored with what i had to say.
(n thats really bad coz if it bores me.......)

so i erased it n am writing this instead.

riiight.

Im so lazy.

I just need a good book to read.

Watched : Final destination 3.
Mercury rising.

Both great shows.
In completely different leagues but, great shows.

Gd night.

PS, oh n also Charlie n the Chocolate Factory but that was kinda lame. Willy Wonka was spastic. N i cant believe Johnny (Depp) looks so young n milk-teeth-y.. Oh n hard to believe hes Jack Sparrow too. Willy Wonka that is.

Right. Nites.

above

Exams over now.
for now.

they sucked big big big time btw, but we wont get into that just yet..

N now that exams are over,
as usual,
have lost mood to blog.

Haha.

Mood to blog is mostly abundant during study-for-exam weeks as we are all looking for ways to slack.

Oh well.

Now to enjoy short short reprieve before next horror starts on monday.

Oh wee.
(see? i am excited!)

Oh watudo watudoo..
must make most of free time.
hmm.

Ok.
Shud go shower now.
or forage for food.
either is good.

Gooood.

Your gurdian angel

Found something..

Saving it here for use 4 months, 19 days from today..


[Edit : {21/11 1.31am} Had to repost vid coz apparently after a while, it stops working.. Which means i'll have to repost somemore in the nex few months. Was dead just now when watching the vid. So maybe when you watch it a few months from now, it wont mean anything either. But im guessin even if, you wont admit that. Linking for good measure.]

First it was just that it was from FF n so i clicked to see..
den, nevermind that the song is beautiful..
its called something that i've been looking for for a long long time.
something like that

N i guess it correlates with what will be engraved.. at said date..
if all works out.

Just, enjoy.

so good so far

The last i wrote about my new bloggie over at blogspot
they wudnt let me put up my sloganizer slogan!

So i was bloody pissed off n sad n all.. =P

But now, i found out how to do it!!
(Actually not tat i actually 'found out' anything.. i think i was just using the wrong html code the last time.. haha)
N Now i have THREE slogans on my blog! THREE!
Lol!
So now i'm Happy!
Happier atleast..
All of a sudden the new blog seems slightly acceptable after all..
haha..
I'm changed the template..
N moved bout 3 months of stuff over there.. just for the feel..

N guess what?!
I found the colour changing settings!
So...
Its YELLOW!!

Yayyy..
it is indeed yellow!
Do go take a look!
coz i think i wanna change it back to white or something.. hahaa..
or maybe not.
haha..

But the thing as a whole is still a lil sucky so far..
Hate the blogging page..
looks so lame..
Someone let my know if they can change that or something... =(

Hey I've even put up a blogboard so do go n leave a msg! (omg i sound weird...)
N its yellow too! Weeeeee..

Moving the posts weren't tat bad..
though ofcourse moving 300 posts is gonna suck alot more than just 20.. =/
But even suckier wud be moving all the comments.
which i guess i plan to do.
U G H.
N look! Now that i'm posting this here, I'll have one more to move!
hahaa..

Blardy blogcity.

Actually i'm not at 300 yet.
290 i think.
Maybe i'll post till i reach a full 300 before officially moving over?
Then again if i continue posting here i might just never move. (till i get kicked out.)
hah.

OK gotta go gotta go.
Lots ta study. (not that im gonna)

The articular surfaces are configured and positioned in such a way that normal loading enhances the closeness of their fit.

Oh just give me bout a week or so..
till exams are over..
den maybe i'll blog a lil more huh.
may-be.

I'm hungry.

I am a little stupid potato..

n i hate sounding this hyper

so..

Chao..

pointing to the moon

I crashed my car today.

Blehhh...

3 weeks before i turn 21 and my Probation license (happens to) expires!
3 weeks!

Dogdarnnit!

My mum says it was because i was wearing all black. (yea, even the insides were black... ahem.. =/)
n had a band on the right sleeve of my shirt that reminded her of mourners bands.

I say it was because she cursed me.

Bah..

* note how i very slyly inserted information about my upcoming 21st.. cough cough...*

I intend to break away from such superstitions!
I must!
Especially since this whole week is my black week!
I intend to wear black the whole week see.
(except maybe Friday.. we'll see)

Why?
bcoz im all dark n moody?
bcoz i intend to revert back to my 'teenage rebellion' seeing as my age is suddenly catching up on me?

Bcoz black is a nice colour la!
N bcoz 6 of the 8 tops i recently bought (+1) are black.
n i wanna wear em.

Haha.

Anyways, so,

illegal things took place today..
tsk tsk tsk...

Maybe it was just the date.
Y'noe.
y'noe y'noe.

if only one cud cry..

This morning
i had to wake up way too early for my own good.
For class.
At 8.30.
Which i havnt had to do for TWO years now if i rmmbr correctly..
(unless u count those csu sessions.. which even den were like, wat, 2 sems ago?!)

ANyways. Whatever it is. It is an ungodly hour.
Ungodly.
Made worse when theyve gotten me SO used to getting up waaay after 12 for the past year!
N it definitely does not help tat when my 8.30 session finishes an hr n a half later, I have to Wait.
6 FRIKIN HOURS.
Till 4pm for my next class!

UGH!
How UNproductive is Tat!
i mean, not tat i'd be doing anything particularly productive otherwise but still...
Sleep! Sleep y'noe...
Tats pretty high up the priority list!

>>>

Messy day...

messy messy...

number of ppl with messy issues in front of me today too..

doesnt help.....

>> y'noe what..
i was gonna whine about my stuff as usual..
coz y'noe, tats what i do right. =P

But somethings jus happened tats putting things in perspective for now..
sucky n shitty n crappy things might be
but there're actually people going thru really serious things in life right now..
n when they're ppl u know..
...
its just not right to be whining bout some stuff..

so tonight..
i'll just finish this off..
take a shower
n probably plop in bed..

coz its been a long day..
long day of doing nothing..
which is actually alot more tiring than doing something...

n though there are things i shud be doing before bed..
im obviously gonna skip them again..
coz tho i wont whine about things..
somethings are still too much to handle.. =P
like actually being a lil hardworking, for one.


I'll say one thing though..
Having your friends voice indignation on your behalf is a dog-dam decent feeling..
:)

Thanks alot guys..

May God bless you too..


Listening : Perilously here - Scott Moffatt


P.S. Ahem.. it Wud have been nice to hear you say my friends friend is not your friend either but one cant expect so much right? Dont worry, i dont.. =P One can hope tho.. =P

n im not coming back

You havnt changed one bit.

But i guess neither have i.


Need someone to tell me im right.


No arguments Fleur, no arguments..


N to think i actually thought that u cared.


Not brave enough to ask you to just leave me be.

For fear that you would.


But close enough..


Need someone to tell me im right..


N it’s the way u say it..

Maybe you never will..

N I’ll never feel too evil.

Cause i'll know u’ll always be ok.


n still i shed tears for you..

"should we care?"

why care about people who dont care about you right?

ive heard it from a few ppl these days..

but its not always tat simple is it?
yep..

sometimes you cant help it.
n sometimes,
u do it because u give allowances...

i'm tired.
why shud i even give a shit.
when all my shit (ahem) is only look upon with disdain.
(n dun say wat dyu expect. its metaphorical!)

it gets really reeeeaaallly really tiring y'noe wen ya try to be nice
but only get shot down
when u look past it all n try again (n again)
n u still get shot down

sometimes, many times,
u try to understand
bcoz one shud always try
bcoz one wants to
n bcoz one owes the other tat much

but many times,
it just goes way beyond understanding.

n u wonder if ure just being really stupid,
giving all this shit only to have it thrown in ur face.


so this is me not caring.

---

bad week..

i wanna talk to you too..

but whats the point when its not gonna change anything...

you only ever reach back when i pull away..

its the journeys home that're the worse..

wish me good night

Hey there delilah,

do you think im stupid?
do u think i keep harping on things tat i shud hav let on go by now?
tho i only mention because u asked..
do you think to urself 'im not interested' as i go on n on n on?
do u rather i didnt say?

i wonder..

Hey there delilah,

you must think im crazy!
for putting something up there for all to see.
tho the person its directed to, the only person it might matter to, i hav made sure wont see
i am not tat evil after all.
it is just a reminder to me..
but u must think it is still really crazy.

i am.

Hey there delilah,

did you think i was really lame?
for being indecisive about what to pick.
for going in the second time uninvited, assuming tat i wud be welcome?
for wanting to spend a lil more time..

Hey there delilah,

yes i am stupid.
but im working on it, n im much cleverer other times..
yes i am crazy.
but as no one gets it but me, it is only ever a signal to me..
yes i am lame.
but with my reasons, surely, i can be forgiven.. it is only once in a blue while..

Hey delilah,
i wont wish you..
but i will wish the dream
gd nite..
sweet dreams tonite..

Momentarily untitled

What I have done this hols:

1. NOT moved to new blog. (need to be kicked in the ass for tat. no! not literally! I'll settle for mentally. really.)
2. Not Found new blog to move to.
3. KLCC on Sat.
4. 1U on Mon.
5. 1U on Tues.
6. Midvalley on Weds.
7. Asam pedas at hometown on Thurs!
8. Fishy soup (n asam pedas!) at hometown on Fri.
9. Youtube on Sat.
10. Sort of Subang parade on Sun but not really really oso..

{ Words u might not understand above are either names of Shopping centres or of food. =P }

As u can see..
Busy busy occupied huh.
But not reeaally either.. Lots of healthy boredom n moping about doing nothing as well..

Oh ya n definitely

11. LOTS of Not doing anything productive.

Yup. that about sums up my hols.

>>
Thing is, more than half my outings were with old friends n alot of times it feels obligatory.
like. purely obligatory.
Thruout the whole week i had to plan a Number of outings with said friends bcoz ofcourse, holidays are times for obligatory meetings.
Friends that i have not seen for, say, a year or so n now that we 'can', we 'Must' meet up.
Right. Must.

sigh.

They're not all disastrous of course..
yea the few i Hav had so far were... okay..
(n yes.. i will admit here.. some i did, purely to get it off my back....)

But i have one more set for today.
Today because if i dont, there will Be no other time.
N as i said earlier, we Must of course.

[Edited]
Why do you make it such a big deal when you know we have nothing left to say?
You know that everytime we talk nowadays its always the same lame stuff just to avoid the awkward silences as much as possible.
what have we still got in common now that we can talk about?
How much do you still care?

N its not that i dont care.

I'm just being realistic.
n Honest. (tho admittedly, this honest part is completely in secret as ofcourse, i agreed to the outing.)
I miss you.
but what i miss is what we Used to have. n what will never be anymore.

So tonight i will see you.
N i hope that You will hav something to say.
bcoz i'm too tired to dig up things to say n find u uninterested anyways.

N Why do I make This such a big deal?
because I was the one who cared n You were the one who walked away.
because I had to learn to accept n now You are here pretending.
n I am not gonna pretend bcoz, Firstly I do not pretend.
n Secondly, you do Not get to pretend when,
again,
You were the one who walked away, n I was the one who cared.

Yes,
I am sorry.
N i do feel guilty.

So, tonight, I will see you.
n maybe it wont be so bad after all.

Try harder wont you.

---

I had really weird, freaky dreams early this morning.

The first was that I'd Missed an exam!
UGH!
Boy was that freaky.

First, i'd woken up late, n had Completely no idea that the exams were held that day!
Something to the effect of.. There only having been 2 weeks of classes, n i'd not checked my timetable to see when the exam was, Yet, coz Usually.. USUally my exams are held at the end of 4 weeks.
so..
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N den ofcourse i arrive at the place where EVERYone was sitting for the exam.
(at like.. 9.08 or something.. exam started at 9 apparently..)
I was outside some house or something, n i was cycling.. i think..
n i pass everyone sitting at separate exam tables n Den it hits me and i freak!n i cycle along the rows waiting to u-turn to get there so i can take the stupid exam too when..
er.. i dunno.. i guess i Think that it might be held at this other house..
So i'm at the house nex to the one i wanna go to (which is down the road from the first btw)
n i try to get to the one i wanna go to..
n i forget wat happens but it TAKES A WHILE!
n i FINALLY get there n den i realise that the exam IS NOT THERE AFTER ALL!
N den i rmmbr that i REALLY shud head back to the FIRST house..
but again.. i forget why..
but i was HELD UP!

until
FINALLY...
i cycle down the road to the first house..
n a couple ppl are moving past me, opposite direction, n i see one of them is my batch rep.
n he stares after me incredulously!
N i get Near enuff to the house to realise that the EXAM IS OVER!!!
N Den it Hits me again that as its 10.30! (God knows how i know the time in the dream..)
N my exams oni last for an Hour!
I ALREADY MISSED MY EXAM!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh.

quite freaky.
n something about telling my dad i MISSed it. Ugh.
But tat wasnt bad, coz he pretended to not freak out, for my sake i guess. Tho tat wud ofcourse ONLY happen in my dreams. Tsk.
N anyways, his NOT freaking out was actually kinda scary.

N den at some point i woke up.
Fortunately.
N digested how freaky the dream was!
But also consoled myself tat as it was a dream, it was NOT really happening.
N wud be unlikely to happen!
That is, the Not knowing its Exam day shud be unlikely!!!
The missing the exam is completely plausible.
haihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Scary isn't it.
The thought tat you dont even have any friends to TELL you that you're having n exam.
Haha.


Ok. Gonna head to class now.

The allegory of the city

THANK God for Youtube~!

Yesh..
Will elaborate later..
*yawns...*

Gonna get some sleep.
2.15pm now n ive been trying to get off youtube n go sleep for the past few hours!
No im not addicted to youtube..
Im addicted to what i was Watching on youtube!
Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *grins*

have calmed down somewhat from when i started watchin..
hehe..
or i'd be gapping n gawping here..

Anyways.
yea sleep.
Slept from like 3-6am..
barely..
cudnt get comfortable for the first hour!
N den drove back here from hometown down south..
Been up at at comp since.

So i think i deserve some sleep..

yup.. ok.. gonna bed now..

kisses!

P.S. Listening to AWEsome tunes! I luv my Baby!

not me, not me

Found a Great new song a few days ago n been listening to it since.

Now its become my new theme song! Taking over from Good Charlotte's Dance Floor Anthem
bcoz its so Nice n SO Healthy!

Hahaa..

Chris Daughtry - Over You

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Theres something bout the after-exams..
where u get too lazy
n tend to slack off bloggin.

Atleast i do. =P

Need to go a-hunting for blog providers or hosts or wateverucallit
have one at blogspot (same pagename) but havnt moved posts as not very please with it..
Hmmm...

Imma picky picky.

Soo, I'll be seeing ya. (i hope)

You've gotta try harder than that. You dont want it enough.
Thats my answer to you, for now till always.

this ones for me

Wasn't there a time when you held me n i cried
for no other reason than
because of the feelings that overwhelmed me?

i cant remember it..
but a vague memory of such a thing occuring..
(almost like in a dream.. or another world..)
very early in our... world.. (it must have been.)

..ah yes.. there it is.

it was in that cafe.
the one with our quiche
n our rice

our chocolate
n my milo.

there was your shoulder
n the waiter
n words mumbled through the waterworks

the table behind the counter
the glass door.

n i cant exactly remember why it happened
but i remember that even back then
i didnt really know,
there wasnt really a reason.

idiopathic, we call it here.

just the sadness that suddenly overflowed
a single tear.
n den the overpowering feelings.
threatening.
n there was right there
the ready made, safe place
to let it go..


funny, wasnt it..
cute, you said.
ya right huh.
haha

funny, wasnt it..

nah, there you go..

this ones for you.