monday letters

I dont want to see you.


because you've hurt me before.
n you've been hurting me ever since.
(ok fine. not hurting. pissing me off. coz im claiming that you havnt been able to hurt me for years now. look at that.. did you know its been two years now since you left? )

even after i got over you n things got better.

everytime you reached out i was there.
but when i reached out where were you?

even after i stopped letting you push me around
n i stop caring because id had enough of you.

but everytime you asked for me i answered.
because i am that damn nice n i never hated you enough to push you away after what you did to me, when You pushed Me away before anything was even wrong.
but all those very rare times when i reached out, n u couldn't even respond.
it was always me responding to you. everytime. never the other way around.
n when you're not the first person i offer my help to. u resented that didnt you. well, too bad. for a second you forgot youself. its me, you say. but then u remembered didnt you. that You cut Me from your life.

I dont want to see you.
now that you're back.
like i knew you would ask me to.
because its always when you want. when its convenient for you.
(do you really miss me? i wont entertain those questions anymore. coz they dont matter. nothing will.)

but i guess i will tomorrow.
cause i never learned to hate you.
n i never learned to say no.

i dont know how to enjoy myself around you anymore.
i stopped knowing how. because when it was over for me. it was over.
but thats ok. u'll have to figure that one out.

dont worry.
i'll try my best to remember never to reach out to you.

n i thank God.
that i am over you.
that at the very least. u cant hurt me anymore.
coz thats wat being over is all about.

yes i still care.
which is why i'll smile when i see you tomorrow.
n if we're lucky we'll have long chats without any glitches.
but i wont work my ass off to make things run. (i think)
they'll never be the same dear.
but we both already knew that didnt we.

i guess in a way, i am glad you didnt completely forget about us.
sigh.
but you weren't the one that got hurt were you.
everythings exactly where you want it.

shit happens.
i get it.

so i'll see you tomorrow.
n i'll smile.
n i'll care.
n we'll share.
like we used to yet not the same.
n when i leave, you wont be on my mind.
n if you want me again, i might be there.
but i wont be wanting you.


[ Edit : AND u bailed on me again. what a surprise eh. tats ok. no more whining. (i guess you dont deserve all this attention im paying to you.) some other time then.]
[ For some reason, im getting dumped by alot of people. damm.]