my wish for you

i wish i was perfect.

yes.
this is something that plagues me, on n off for a long time..
maybe it comes after everyone, at some point or the other, for any amount of time
i dont know.

but it has been bothering me especially,
recently.

Most of the time if you asked me,
if i wud change something about myself,
id say no.
But if you asked me,
if i am happy with myself,
id say no too.

Sometimes, its really a terrible thing..
going around feeling, seeing so many ppl that are better than you.

it bugs me.

it bugs me when i watch my friends get along better with ppl that i try to get along with.
but just cant seem to do it right.
it bugs me when i see other ppl, have better relationships with ppl i know.
but was never able to forge / maintain such relationships.
it bugs me when i meet people, n i try to get to know them better, try to get along,
but you jump in, n without any effort, manage to win them all over.
n i know that no matter how hard i try, its just never gonna work out in my favour.
im just never gonna be good enough.

it sucks when you look at yourself, n you know all your own flaws.
when you try to please people, try to matter.
but it doesnt work.
when you are told of the mistakes you've made, n are kick out of ppls lives.
when you hurt the people you care about..
all the ways you've gone wrong..

it hurts ok, it hurts.

n i'm sorry..

i wish i was perfect.

i really really do.

but i know im never gonna be able to be good enough for you. any of you.

i know i'm not gonna change..
n i know that every person is their own person for a reason in this world.

but sometimes i hate being such a terrible person.


n i also wish that i didnt whine so much bcoz a perfect person totally wudnt do that.

n btw, this post is an emo post, bcoz this blog,
this whole blog,
is an emo blog.
i'm sorry if you think u've wasted your time.