so good so far

The last i wrote about my new bloggie over at blogspot
they wudnt let me put up my sloganizer slogan!

So i was bloody pissed off n sad n all.. =P

But now, i found out how to do it!!
(Actually not tat i actually 'found out' anything.. i think i was just using the wrong html code the last time.. haha)
N Now i have THREE slogans on my blog! THREE!
Lol!
So now i'm Happy!
Happier atleast..
All of a sudden the new blog seems slightly acceptable after all..
haha..
I'm changed the template..
N moved bout 3 months of stuff over there.. just for the feel..

N guess what?!
I found the colour changing settings!
So...
Its YELLOW!!

Yayyy..
it is indeed yellow!
Do go take a look!
coz i think i wanna change it back to white or something.. hahaa..
or maybe not.
haha..

But the thing as a whole is still a lil sucky so far..
Hate the blogging page..
looks so lame..
Someone let my know if they can change that or something... =(

Hey I've even put up a blogboard so do go n leave a msg! (omg i sound weird...)
N its yellow too! Weeeeee..

Moving the posts weren't tat bad..
though ofcourse moving 300 posts is gonna suck alot more than just 20.. =/
But even suckier wud be moving all the comments.
which i guess i plan to do.
U G H.
N look! Now that i'm posting this here, I'll have one more to move!
hahaa..

Blardy blogcity.

Actually i'm not at 300 yet.
290 i think.
Maybe i'll post till i reach a full 300 before officially moving over?
Then again if i continue posting here i might just never move. (till i get kicked out.)
hah.

OK gotta go gotta go.
Lots ta study. (not that im gonna)

The articular surfaces are configured and positioned in such a way that normal loading enhances the closeness of their fit.

Oh just give me bout a week or so..
till exams are over..
den maybe i'll blog a lil more huh.
may-be.

I'm hungry.

I am a little stupid potato..

n i hate sounding this hyper

so..

Chao..

pointing to the moon

I crashed my car today.

Blehhh...

3 weeks before i turn 21 and my Probation license (happens to) expires!
3 weeks!

Dogdarnnit!

My mum says it was because i was wearing all black. (yea, even the insides were black... ahem.. =/)
n had a band on the right sleeve of my shirt that reminded her of mourners bands.

I say it was because she cursed me.

Bah..

* note how i very slyly inserted information about my upcoming 21st.. cough cough...*

I intend to break away from such superstitions!
I must!
Especially since this whole week is my black week!
I intend to wear black the whole week see.
(except maybe Friday.. we'll see)

Why?
bcoz im all dark n moody?
bcoz i intend to revert back to my 'teenage rebellion' seeing as my age is suddenly catching up on me?

Bcoz black is a nice colour la!
N bcoz 6 of the 8 tops i recently bought (+1) are black.
n i wanna wear em.

Haha.

Anyways, so,

illegal things took place today..
tsk tsk tsk...

Maybe it was just the date.
Y'noe.
y'noe y'noe.

if only one cud cry..

This morning
i had to wake up way too early for my own good.
For class.
At 8.30.
Which i havnt had to do for TWO years now if i rmmbr correctly..
(unless u count those csu sessions.. which even den were like, wat, 2 sems ago?!)

ANyways. Whatever it is. It is an ungodly hour.
Ungodly.
Made worse when theyve gotten me SO used to getting up waaay after 12 for the past year!
N it definitely does not help tat when my 8.30 session finishes an hr n a half later, I have to Wait.
6 FRIKIN HOURS.
Till 4pm for my next class!

UGH!
How UNproductive is Tat!
i mean, not tat i'd be doing anything particularly productive otherwise but still...
Sleep! Sleep y'noe...
Tats pretty high up the priority list!

>>>

Messy day...

messy messy...

number of ppl with messy issues in front of me today too..

doesnt help.....

>> y'noe what..
i was gonna whine about my stuff as usual..
coz y'noe, tats what i do right. =P

But somethings jus happened tats putting things in perspective for now..
sucky n shitty n crappy things might be
but there're actually people going thru really serious things in life right now..
n when they're ppl u know..
...
its just not right to be whining bout some stuff..

so tonight..
i'll just finish this off..
take a shower
n probably plop in bed..

coz its been a long day..
long day of doing nothing..
which is actually alot more tiring than doing something...

n though there are things i shud be doing before bed..
im obviously gonna skip them again..
coz tho i wont whine about things..
somethings are still too much to handle.. =P
like actually being a lil hardworking, for one.


I'll say one thing though..
Having your friends voice indignation on your behalf is a dog-dam decent feeling..
:)

Thanks alot guys..

May God bless you too..


Listening : Perilously here - Scott Moffatt


P.S. Ahem.. it Wud have been nice to hear you say my friends friend is not your friend either but one cant expect so much right? Dont worry, i dont.. =P One can hope tho.. =P

n im not coming back

You havnt changed one bit.

But i guess neither have i.


Need someone to tell me im right.


No arguments Fleur, no arguments..


N to think i actually thought that u cared.


Not brave enough to ask you to just leave me be.

For fear that you would.


But close enough..


Need someone to tell me im right..


N it’s the way u say it..

Maybe you never will..

N I’ll never feel too evil.

Cause i'll know u’ll always be ok.


n still i shed tears for you..

"should we care?"

why care about people who dont care about you right?

ive heard it from a few ppl these days..

but its not always tat simple is it?
yep..

sometimes you cant help it.
n sometimes,
u do it because u give allowances...

i'm tired.
why shud i even give a shit.
when all my shit (ahem) is only look upon with disdain.
(n dun say wat dyu expect. its metaphorical!)

it gets really reeeeaaallly really tiring y'noe wen ya try to be nice
but only get shot down
when u look past it all n try again (n again)
n u still get shot down

sometimes, many times,
u try to understand
bcoz one shud always try
bcoz one wants to
n bcoz one owes the other tat much

but many times,
it just goes way beyond understanding.

n u wonder if ure just being really stupid,
giving all this shit only to have it thrown in ur face.


so this is me not caring.

---

bad week..

i wanna talk to you too..

but whats the point when its not gonna change anything...

you only ever reach back when i pull away..

its the journeys home that're the worse..

wish me good night

Hey there delilah,

do you think im stupid?
do u think i keep harping on things tat i shud hav let on go by now?
tho i only mention because u asked..
do you think to urself 'im not interested' as i go on n on n on?
do u rather i didnt say?

i wonder..

Hey there delilah,

you must think im crazy!
for putting something up there for all to see.
tho the person its directed to, the only person it might matter to, i hav made sure wont see
i am not tat evil after all.
it is just a reminder to me..
but u must think it is still really crazy.

i am.

Hey there delilah,

did you think i was really lame?
for being indecisive about what to pick.
for going in the second time uninvited, assuming tat i wud be welcome?
for wanting to spend a lil more time..

Hey there delilah,

yes i am stupid.
but im working on it, n im much cleverer other times..
yes i am crazy.
but as no one gets it but me, it is only ever a signal to me..
yes i am lame.
but with my reasons, surely, i can be forgiven.. it is only once in a blue while..

Hey delilah,
i wont wish you..
but i will wish the dream
gd nite..
sweet dreams tonite..

Momentarily untitled

What I have done this hols:

1. NOT moved to new blog. (need to be kicked in the ass for tat. no! not literally! I'll settle for mentally. really.)
2. Not Found new blog to move to.
3. KLCC on Sat.
4. 1U on Mon.
5. 1U on Tues.
6. Midvalley on Weds.
7. Asam pedas at hometown on Thurs!
8. Fishy soup (n asam pedas!) at hometown on Fri.
9. Youtube on Sat.
10. Sort of Subang parade on Sun but not really really oso..

{ Words u might not understand above are either names of Shopping centres or of food. =P }

As u can see..
Busy busy occupied huh.
But not reeaally either.. Lots of healthy boredom n moping about doing nothing as well..

Oh ya n definitely

11. LOTS of Not doing anything productive.

Yup. that about sums up my hols.

>>
Thing is, more than half my outings were with old friends n alot of times it feels obligatory.
like. purely obligatory.
Thruout the whole week i had to plan a Number of outings with said friends bcoz ofcourse, holidays are times for obligatory meetings.
Friends that i have not seen for, say, a year or so n now that we 'can', we 'Must' meet up.
Right. Must.

sigh.

They're not all disastrous of course..
yea the few i Hav had so far were... okay..
(n yes.. i will admit here.. some i did, purely to get it off my back....)

But i have one more set for today.
Today because if i dont, there will Be no other time.
N as i said earlier, we Must of course.

[Edited]
Why do you make it such a big deal when you know we have nothing left to say?
You know that everytime we talk nowadays its always the same lame stuff just to avoid the awkward silences as much as possible.
what have we still got in common now that we can talk about?
How much do you still care?

N its not that i dont care.

I'm just being realistic.
n Honest. (tho admittedly, this honest part is completely in secret as ofcourse, i agreed to the outing.)
I miss you.
but what i miss is what we Used to have. n what will never be anymore.

So tonight i will see you.
N i hope that You will hav something to say.
bcoz i'm too tired to dig up things to say n find u uninterested anyways.

N Why do I make This such a big deal?
because I was the one who cared n You were the one who walked away.
because I had to learn to accept n now You are here pretending.
n I am not gonna pretend bcoz, Firstly I do not pretend.
n Secondly, you do Not get to pretend when,
again,
You were the one who walked away, n I was the one who cared.

Yes,
I am sorry.
N i do feel guilty.

So, tonight, I will see you.
n maybe it wont be so bad after all.

Try harder wont you.

---

I had really weird, freaky dreams early this morning.

The first was that I'd Missed an exam!
UGH!
Boy was that freaky.

First, i'd woken up late, n had Completely no idea that the exams were held that day!
Something to the effect of.. There only having been 2 weeks of classes, n i'd not checked my timetable to see when the exam was, Yet, coz Usually.. USUally my exams are held at the end of 4 weeks.
so..
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N den ofcourse i arrive at the place where EVERYone was sitting for the exam.
(at like.. 9.08 or something.. exam started at 9 apparently..)
I was outside some house or something, n i was cycling.. i think..
n i pass everyone sitting at separate exam tables n Den it hits me and i freak!n i cycle along the rows waiting to u-turn to get there so i can take the stupid exam too when..
er.. i dunno.. i guess i Think that it might be held at this other house..
So i'm at the house nex to the one i wanna go to (which is down the road from the first btw)
n i try to get to the one i wanna go to..
n i forget wat happens but it TAKES A WHILE!
n i FINALLY get there n den i realise that the exam IS NOT THERE AFTER ALL!
N den i rmmbr that i REALLY shud head back to the FIRST house..
but again.. i forget why..
but i was HELD UP!

until
FINALLY...
i cycle down the road to the first house..
n a couple ppl are moving past me, opposite direction, n i see one of them is my batch rep.
n he stares after me incredulously!
N i get Near enuff to the house to realise that the EXAM IS OVER!!!
N Den it Hits me again that as its 10.30! (God knows how i know the time in the dream..)
N my exams oni last for an Hour!
I ALREADY MISSED MY EXAM!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh.

quite freaky.
n something about telling my dad i MISSed it. Ugh.
But tat wasnt bad, coz he pretended to not freak out, for my sake i guess. Tho tat wud ofcourse ONLY happen in my dreams. Tsk.
N anyways, his NOT freaking out was actually kinda scary.

N den at some point i woke up.
Fortunately.
N digested how freaky the dream was!
But also consoled myself tat as it was a dream, it was NOT really happening.
N wud be unlikely to happen!
That is, the Not knowing its Exam day shud be unlikely!!!
The missing the exam is completely plausible.
haihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Scary isn't it.
The thought tat you dont even have any friends to TELL you that you're having n exam.
Haha.


Ok. Gonna head to class now.

The allegory of the city

THANK God for Youtube~!

Yesh..
Will elaborate later..
*yawns...*

Gonna get some sleep.
2.15pm now n ive been trying to get off youtube n go sleep for the past few hours!
No im not addicted to youtube..
Im addicted to what i was Watching on youtube!
Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *grins*

have calmed down somewhat from when i started watchin..
hehe..
or i'd be gapping n gawping here..

Anyways.
yea sleep.
Slept from like 3-6am..
barely..
cudnt get comfortable for the first hour!
N den drove back here from hometown down south..
Been up at at comp since.

So i think i deserve some sleep..

yup.. ok.. gonna bed now..

kisses!

P.S. Listening to AWEsome tunes! I luv my Baby!

not me, not me

Found a Great new song a few days ago n been listening to it since.

Now its become my new theme song! Taking over from Good Charlotte's Dance Floor Anthem
bcoz its so Nice n SO Healthy!

Hahaa..

Chris Daughtry - Over You

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Theres something bout the after-exams..
where u get too lazy
n tend to slack off bloggin.

Atleast i do. =P

Need to go a-hunting for blog providers or hosts or wateverucallit
have one at blogspot (same pagename) but havnt moved posts as not very please with it..
Hmmm...

Imma picky picky.

Soo, I'll be seeing ya. (i hope)

You've gotta try harder than that. You dont want it enough.
Thats my answer to you, for now till always.

this ones for me

Wasn't there a time when you held me n i cried
for no other reason than
because of the feelings that overwhelmed me?

i cant remember it..
but a vague memory of such a thing occuring..
(almost like in a dream.. or another world..)
very early in our... world.. (it must have been.)

..ah yes.. there it is.

it was in that cafe.
the one with our quiche
n our rice

our chocolate
n my milo.

there was your shoulder
n the waiter
n words mumbled through the waterworks

the table behind the counter
the glass door.

n i cant exactly remember why it happened
but i remember that even back then
i didnt really know,
there wasnt really a reason.

idiopathic, we call it here.

just the sadness that suddenly overflowed
a single tear.
n den the overpowering feelings.
threatening.
n there was right there
the ready made, safe place
to let it go..


funny, wasnt it..
cute, you said.
ya right huh.
haha

funny, wasnt it..

nah, there you go..

this ones for you.

4.48

You are always so flippant in deciding to throw stones into my lake

you never see the ripples that they so callously make.

(oh look i rhyme)


From your very words
you obviously dont want it enough.

n that is precisely why i cant give it to you.


No more jerking around, intentional or otherwise.

No more easy way outs,
cheap attempts to free urself of guilt.

No more.


Until the moment you realise what it has all meant.

Until you finally know what words to take out of your mouth...

n that will take a while. possibly forever.

which is perfect coz in the mean time

I will be doing my lil dance.

:)

doesnt mean tat i dont want to

It is 3.27am of this fine (one can hope) friday morning
n i am eating (n bloggin, clearly)
to avoid studying.

:p

7 days to exam.
I have yet to start this late... ever? (not since sec sch la atleast)
hehe.
consoling self by saying that this block is lousy lameass pointless stupid bullcrap that should not (should not, not as in wont, but as in life shudnt be this way!) require so much studying.
but ofcourse as the world would have it, it is precisely the lousy lameass pointless stupid bullcrap crap thats so hard to study as our brains just arent trained to retain crap.
examinable crap that is. all other crap is obviously very readily retained.

Ofcoz, 7 days is the technical timeline countdown thingamajig thingy.
the Allyssa-clock, or the attempt-to-deceive-self-time recorder thingythingy still pretends assumes that tis is still thursday
to ahem.. pretend aTtempt to cover todays quota
the quota set to allow self to finish lectures before exam time
the quota which changes everyday as every days quota is religiously unfulfilled (untouched more like)

tsk tsk tsk.. bad girl bad girl
today shall be different yes? 'today'.
it has to be!
ahhhhhhhh.. pick up first lecture note of block.
ahhhhhhhh.. i remember thisss (vaguely)
yes yes.. this is one of the, wat? two? lecture notes i attempted to pretend try to be hardworkin with sometime in the first(?) week.
worked out well it did!
promptly went thru a page or two before pleasantly giving up.
precisely why the first few pages are highlighted while the back is very nicely, untainted.

:p

grew alot smarter in the 2nd week of class, i see.
none of my notes are touched! (infact i didnt even Get my notes till yesterday! Hah!)
clearly didnt even bother to erm.. bother.
=P

Ofcoz (again) this is Utterly unbecoming! (of a... wat?!..)
Especially as i jus heard today!
Statistics of results of last exam is out!
Oni half the no. of students who managed to obtain an A for the exam before tat, got an A for this last one. (Ofcoz the no. is still frikin high. Like > a quarter of the whole frikin class ok! Stupid lousy UNSTUPID ppl of my stupid Unstupid class! GRR!)
but that obviously means that for the exam before that (n the one before that too!) more than Half the stupid (unstupid) class got a friggin A! URGH!

A NY WAYS!!!

in short.
all the above ==> bad news ==> bad omens (ok not really omen but wtf.) for results.
maaaybe they shud start releasing our results a liiiittle earlier.
atleast TAT might get us studying.
(or not. :p)

OK OK ENuff bout results results!!
Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
get the picture yes.

Good.
Coz i Must get to studying.


Read : Finished reading Hannibal Rising. My fake xmas prezzie, rmmbr? I see i have the dvd too! Must get to watchin that sometime soon. errr... maybe after the 'xams eh? heh.

Listening : Hey there Delilah - Plain white T's



Dont try to be nice to me just bcoz u feel guilty.
I'm only nice to u bcoz im supposed to.




4.19 am. Time to study. Lets hope this time i'll atleast be able to finish this one eh.

what is it to you?

Contrary to prior notions

its not OC thats dangerous,
or even Greys..

Its Tree Hill. maybe.

not that it makes me sad or anything.
just.. gives rise to indulging in unhealthy thoughts.

i have way too much time on my hands.


what i need to remember
is

no matter how many times u try.

when, how, if.

no matter how many times u try

it doesnt really change anything..

N i shudnt care or bother asking

coz ur answer isnt gonna be illuminating, or provide relief, or anything of anything at all.

dont you get it?
nothings gonna change..
u cant change the past. u cant change the whys n hows n whats.
u cant change the truth.

its the one thing u cant change no matter how many times u lie.

But i've always given in to u, to ur wishes.
because i have always been weak.
because you are my guilty pleasure n i crave to indulge.

...
its likely im gonna be weak again tonight..

Bear with me.

Do ur prayers work?..

repressed accusations

Oh n i forgot to tell you guys!

I was in serious pain last night! N today in fact!

it hurts just to Move!

all this from badminton yesterday morning! Ha ha!

thats wat i get for not moving my ass for 10years!

(wat i Also get, is laughed at by idiot friends for not being able to even hit the shuttlecock! ugh.. how lame of me. *sigh*) =P


AND something else, when we got to the courts, National players Hafiz n Chong Wei were there!

How cool is tat?!?

ofcoz there were oso a few others.. but i cant say i recognised them... =/

But Better yet was, WE Had to Chase them out coz they were using our booked courts!!
Wahahahahhahahahahhaaaaa!

We Sat there for 20mins when we first got there bcoz all of us were too chicken to chase them off! Hahaa..
N also bcoz none of us were 'biao ba' enough to wanna Embarass ourselves in front of them.. hahaaa..
think about it man.... serious pressure wei, with National players staring at you!

hahaaa...

Anyways... long n actually very funny n interesting story but.... =/
rushing thru this post as im not really in the mood to write stories... sorry.
its kinda crap anyways. :)

Anyways, the gist of it is, we had to Get up der n tell them to get off please vacate our courts as we had booked them..
n den, screw up our courage n hide our embarassment n get up there RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM n make a fool of ourselves.
n hope we were too insignicant for them to care to watch. (which is true ofcourse.) hahaa..


After alot of embarassing attempts to hit the shuttlecock
sweating alot n enjoying myself thoroughly
even falling on my butt once..
=P

i had to leave a lil early for a meeting back at school..

on the way in the car i noticed my arms were itching... n red... n there were LIL RED BUMPS growing on em!
ARGH!!!
I WAS OBVIOUSLY having some sort of bloody allergic reaction!
Urgh!

As there was this blue powder/dust thingy coming off from the disintegrating rubber wrappings of the handle of the racquet that i had borrowed from my brother, staining my hands, i concluded that that must be what was causing the allergic reaction.

Or as a fren later suggested,
maybe it was the sudden exertion.
......
IM ALLERGIC TO PHYSICAL ACTIVITY!!!

HAHA! WAT A LAUGH!

(ok fine. its not funny when i put it like that but it Was when we were talking bout it! Grrrr...)


sigh. oh well.
was attempting to get a laugh off u guys.

not the best time for me to be bloggin tonight. =/ :)


N.B.: Whoever said that its been up to you?..

for the greater good

I had a great day today.

awesome.

N it was while sitting down. Sweaty body emanating heat. Muscles starting to feel the pain..
-in that moment- Surveying my friends n my surroundings..

that for the first time since a long long time
i felt like i'd found myself again..

It was a good day today.

So i thought i'd blog before i lose the feeling again. =)
as im sure its not gonna last too long.

but hey, every step right?

---

oh look.
heres me being sad again..

:)

but its ok..

this friends back..
been back for a couple months now..
n its a little sad that he didnt think to let me know..
jus let me know
cause, nevermind the milo ais he owes me that we never get around to getting anyways
nevermind the meeting ups we've said we shud do countless times but never actually do
i dont mind all that but
its always been nice jus hearing from you that ure back..

in the times u spoke n the twice that u met up..
did it not come up?

jus bcoz hes moved on, you have to move along with him too?

yea, busy's the word for him huh?
hahaa..

its times like this...
that somehow make me wanna know..
if you still care..

but i wont stay weak for long. (right?)

oh, darn, what a taint on my healthy, happy post.
:)

---

Since its past midnight, its my dads birthday today!

Happy birthday daddy!

hahaaa..


n my brothers flying off later this afternoon..

When he came back jus one month ago, i was thinking of blogging bout how sometimes i feel like i cant wait for the day when he goes back..
Not bcoz i hate my brother.
Not because of his sleeping on the floor in my room, tho it is a total pain n invasion of privacy, for an entire month!

but bcoz on the day he leaves
i get a hard-to-come-by, oni twice a year, hug from him.
(something that only started after he got himself a girlfren. haha)

which as a younger sister..
where u dun always get to bond when u want to..
n infact, hardly ever bond (n havin to shop for boxers for ur brother is not considered bonding. not if hes not there.)
is a pretty nice thing.


Anyways.
its time for bed now..
Spent the past few hours reading up on a couple strangers..

call me kepoh.

tho it was saddening stuff i was reading
took my mind off my sad stuff long enuff to allow me to get back to a healthier place.. =P

for now. :p