without you

What i dont get is

How can there be people out there who are happy
who laugh n smile n play

when it hurts so badly in here..


I feel like im stuck in this unreal world
where i cant seem to wrap my head around reality..

Here i am taking big steps that i could only have done if i understood
n yet i cant seem to stop myself from expecting..


This here is the middle.
the path between two worlds..
n ive dragged myself up n chose where to walk

N yet i cant fathom
what life will be like

without you.

its me baby..

i have school tomorrow.
didnt quite realise that.

just read someones blog..
that was too beautiful..
unfortunately due to the site system.. i cant really comment..
needta register n all.. n when i tried my name was taken..
dont wanna put in too much thought for something i'll never use again.
but he did write beautifully..
Ezra.


not doing too well...
sigh...

my apology

I'm sorry...
please accept my apology..
i want things to be different... but i cant think... n i cant think how...
i wish you would talk to me but i was the one that asked you not to..
i guess you, like me, have nothing to say that would actually make a difference..
i guess you, like me, dont know what to do.

maybe the stars will jump in and fix things after a while.
maybe deep down in our hearts.. a small part of us will keep the promises we made to each other..
even if the rest of us cant.
sigh.. i'll never really leave you.. but i guess we cant talk of that right now..

i'm sorry.

in our lives

i hate relationships.

sex is my alcohol

boys will be boys.

sigh..

i think there's somebody i need to stay away from..
(someone i dont trust. sigh...)


so many words.. so many thoughts..
so many things happening, or on the brink of happening..
but i cant write about them right now.
or i dont want to..


Anyways, schools starting tomorrow.
end of the holidays.
bugger.

So i've been a good lil girl the past few days. stayed at home n didnt go out.
bah..
but its the end of my hols. last chance to go out.
so i did. today.
AND, my parents arent around (big brother is tho), so its the perfect time to stay out late n stuff.
I seriously considered sneaking out of the house last night.
jus because i can.
n there wont be a better chance than this anymore.
too bad i didnt tho.

I dont know why
but ive been considering doing alot of things i shouldnt do.
alot.
well, i guess i do know why.
but at the same time.. why? why suddenly?

maybe it isn't tat suddenly...
or maybe its because the oppurtunities have been presenting themselves..

yes, there's somebody i need to stay away from.. sigh..


but instead of doing anything bad
im sitting here listening to a song.
a song thats a mockery of me actually.
but here i am,
listening.

laugh at me.
coz i sure am laughing at myself.

dreams are where i wanna walk

Lips of an Angel - Hinder

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late

where heaven is

Woke up from a bad dream this morning..
scares me..
coz it played out my fears..

Its freaky, knowing this.
Knowing what im afraid of.
knowing that it appears in my dreams..
it makes it.. omnipresent.. so that i cant even escape from my fears..
knowing that.. i probably have to face this fear..
or live it, soon.


Went out today with a bunch of old friends (ok, not tat old.) and watched Click.
That was one good movie too.
now This one made me cry. :(
sniff sniff
N amidst all the comedy..
theres actual meaning to the movie.. (that, if u pay attention, u can catch before they lay it in front of you.)
didnt seem to be a movie that would amount to all that much, except laughs..
but clearly, that wasnt true.
Beat the Break-up by miles. tho admittedly, That show sucked.

Havnt made plans for tmr and so on.
Not looking forward to being stuck at home all day.
With nothing to do, and with people i dont fancy.
Honestly, theres NOTHING to do. (cept study ofcourse, but that doesnt count.)
I have finished re-reading my book, n the books i havnt finish, arent tempting me.
Theres nothing on tv in the morning, or most of the time anyways.
Theres nothing to do on the comp anymore. Nothing online.. not tat into games at the mo..
So once again, we're left with studying.
Pfffffffffft. right.

But its not just about going out n leaving the house.
I cud have plans if i wanted to..
but it has alot to do with the people im out with.
theres only a small number of people i can be with right now..
oh well, lets not get into that now.

Whats left to say?
Schools gonna start soon.. n with that comes alot of woes..
aLot..
sigh.

Id better go charge my iPod. Gonna be needing my music tonight.


Will you hear my plea... tonight?..

Bad day again

Today, I watched Dragon Tiger Gate. Again.
Hah.
But atleast it was 6 bucks.
N it really wasnt bad watching it 2nd time around.
Damn good show that one.

But, as i forgot to mention the last time, Both chicks in the show do the sacrificing thingy for the guys.
Bah.
It was a good show. with great fighting yes.
But also touching stuff.
Sniff.
n Music.

I hate chinese shows.

Today I was out with a friend.
:)

Today I went guy-shirt shopping!
Weeeeeeeeeee..
which i actually did the past two days as well but toDay was more fun. :p
I need to find a compliant subject to drag around. Wahahahahahaa
I Think i know which friend wud subject himself to being my model.. hehee.. but unfortunately i dont think i'll be seeing him again soon. :p


Today, I came back, n had a bad day.
like i knew i wud..
today, i cudnt get through the night.
only with the help of a friends company, n some music..
but with every passing minute the dread in me escalates.

Do you believe in signs?
I dont know if i do, but i see them.
But theres nothing that they can possibly mean.


Listening : Bad Day - Fuel

dare you, dare me.

i dont want to be happy

Explain that one to me.

If i cant make you love me..
..atleast i can make you hate me.

crashed n burned

Sunburned!

In pain.

my face is all red. n it makes an odd marking on my back. hehe.

my shoulders are in pain!
It hurts with my clothes on!
It hurts when i move my shoulders!
N when i touch the sore areas i Wince!
Which hurts because my foreheads all sore too.

Bah.


I watched Dragon Tiger Gate today. Which was kinda really good!
surprisingly Nicholas Tse looked like a lil kid.. hmmm.. But cute all the same. :p

Through Most of the movie, the main character Was rather Hot.
But at the end of it, i decided that it was only so, because his HAir was covering Half his face Most of the Time!
Hehehee.
All three characters had their hair covering the ride side of their face. quite sad la.. i mean, Cudnt they come up with Some other hairstyle?! :p


ok. i have become sad now. so im gonna go.

Have been out for 2 days straight.
Will be out tomorrow.
Will (probably) be out the day after.
Thats 4 days. Perfect.
Cant stay in the house right now.
If only i cud make plans for Thursday n friday too eh?
cept for the fact that i'll have seen all the good movies by tmr. great. pfft.

anyways, watever.

marriages are stupid.
love is stupid.
promises are stupid.

whos gonna disagree?

Baby just say goodnight

Just watched Lemony Snicket : A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Was oddly stupid.

But actually quite a nice show.


Would have been a great show to watch at the cinema i think.

Darky yet pleasant i guess.

Still stupid though.
Hmmm.


I know i havnt blogged in a while.
quite a while.

Sometimes songs say it all
but most of the time its all kinda pointless.

Cant say ive been having fun.
but there have been a couple days where i rather enjoyed myself.
unfortunately, for Particular reasons that im afraid wont be repeating themselves.
(darn)

planning a couple more 'better days' anyways.
tho they hardly last long enough.

If i can upload some pics den maybe i'll update.
easier to blog with pics.
take up more space, need less words, see.


Well anyways, the hols are upon us, that is to say, me.
but before we can say much about em,
them hols will be leaving us soon.
in about a week.

back to boring old school den.
with lots of non existent studying.

obliterated

I read Potter and i see you

i know what you're like
and i don't believe in you.

Everyday at school, i see you

i see you
but i don't believe in you.


I cant live like this anymore
but neither can i stand the alternative.

you're screwing with me.

Isn't it funny how time seems to slip away, so fast.
One minute you're happy, the other you're sad.

- If Life Is So Short

Enough time has past.
my life seems to have been stuck
for way too long
and on what, you may ask.
I would like to know the same.

I want my nights back.
when i can go anywhere n do anything
even when im just staying put.
when i can play any song n just travel
without having to be wary of treading on forbidden ground.

I want my days back.
when i can hang out
when i dont have to hide
when life means something.

I want my life back.
my laugh
my happiness
my ability to Feel.

I want
to be me again.

timeless

So i guess it wud be my duty to inform u guys that i'll be off in some jakun place from tues to tues.
no net access.

not tat it wud be tat much different if i did have net.

Thats all.


Oh ya.

They butchered my hair.
Butchered.

Why do they always do that!

now i have no hair.
dammit.
sigh...

i dont have to heal every wound i see
n i dont have to defend myself.
even if i might have caused it.

i have tried. countless times.
n thats when i figured how little im needed.
you dont need me
n therefore, i wont try.

i refuse to apologise.

the meaning of happy

A guy with a name i like, which also happens to be the name of my crush, patted me on the back today.
Because i was aggitated.
*laughs*
no no, its no biggy.
just found it amusing.

:)

They say you never forget your first kiss.

Bastard doc gave me meds last time that didnt work. N now hes giving me the same bastard meds. Tat dont work. Dammit.
N the bastard meds effervesence in the stomach and come up and out as gas, n leave a fckn horrid taste in my mouth.
Bah.

im being too foul yes.

" It's tearin up my heart when i'm with you
but when we are apart i feel it too.. "

Heard it on the radio the other day. old song. (duh)
I'm not posting this for the lyrics.
but because of what they remind me..

This is the holiday period.
summer.
winter.
just hols.

I've had a few friends ask me out.
xin xue lai chao bout a month ago. at the begining of their hols.
n den promptly forgotten so far.
hmmm.
or more accurately, blew me off with promises of later. baaaaah.
:p

den ders one whos weird n i wont talk about it.

den ders one, who i let off the hook, coz i assume he doesnt really want to. n i cudnt really care.

den ders one, who i actually sorta like. but i had to turn down. too many reasons hah. boy, tat was one amusing day.

so in short. i've had loads of promises of dates or going out(s) n stuff
but none tat actually materialized.

hrmphf

Did you really think that anything was going to be different?
did you really believe?
did you really, actually, dared to hope...

No.
i had my doubts.
i know better
again.


So whats different now?

Being friends isn't just about being there when you're needed.
friends are there to share the times
not just to lend you a shoulder or a ear. (even if you're having middle ear infection)

Friends are people who want to.

And, rather importantly right now,
friends dont get to choose when they would like to be friends, and when they dont feel like being friends.
friends, even if they think that 'now n then' they should be allowed to 'take time out', sometimes it gets to a point when its not just 'sometimes'.
sometimes, it gets to the point when you're taking your friend for granted. More than the allocated amount that friends are allowed to take their friends for granted.
even if u think ure right n ur friends an ass who pisses u off.
maybe u never thought of giving them a chance. the benefit of a doubt.
maybe you never told them how u felt. or gave them a chance to explain.
or maybe you forgot, that maybe, they've been giving you alot of chances too.

I'm too old for all this 'friends' talk anyways.

Starlight cinema is back.

I wanna go goddammit.

Goddammit.
goddammit.

I want to dye my hair pink.

So i told my mum i wanna dye my hair pink.
N she says no.

So i tell my dad. Coz i know he lets me do wat i want with myself.
N he says ok. good. very nice.
=P

So i'll dye my hair pink.

Haha.

Jus you wait.

So.. u wont get it.
but u never did.

tats a lil unfair
to me.

but wats fair right.



" and no matter what i do i feel the pain
with or without you. "

my turn

She Says - Howie Day

Sweet is the sight
of a room
Window open by candlelight
How would you know?
Cold winter on the shore
chills the dress she wore
It's on the floor
Still it feels so warm, today

That's why I'm wondering why
You had to tell me
What's going on in your head
What's wrong
Come around to another time
When you
Don't have to run

And when she says she wants
Somebody else
I hope you know
She doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and
Makes a sound
You never hear her
The way that I do

And when she says she wants
Someone to love
I hope you know that
she doesnt mean you
And when she breaks down
and lets you down
I hope you know
She doesnt mean you
Yeah,
No, No...

Swing into flight
Over hills
Over her hills, it's twilight
Yeah, I guess that's right now.
While we're here
Tell me why it's so funny
That you're so funny when you're mad
Cause its mad, so mad

And that's why I'm wondering why
You had to tell me
What's going on in your head
What's wrong
Come around to another time
When you
Don't have to run

And when she says she wants
Somebody else
I hope you know that
She doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and
Makes a sound
You never hear her
The way that I do

And when she says she wants
Someone to love
I hope you know that
She doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and
Lets you down
I hope you know
she doesn't mean you
Yeah, no
she doesnt mean you

Yeah I don't know where
i'm coming from and
I don't know where
i'm coming to and
I don't know what
it means to me and
You don't know what
it means to you
She doesnt mean you.