inability to express

Forgive the verbal diarrhoea,
in fact if you cud, ignore it.

So, having said that,
now that leaves us with..


Shit.

Pfft.

i dont wanna know.

what? is that it?
that all it ended up being?

I am currently in a state of pre-hurt n pre-sad.
Hmmm.

n im hungry.
n ive printed way too many papers for stupid pbl.

Dam that darn Jo P!

i am stupid.

I hate the uk. i hate the uk. i hate the uk.

i hate ppl.
tho that is mean. hmm.

if it goes on like this much longer..
i think we just might end up fighting about something...
why?
maybe we're not as close as we think we are?
i dunno whats going on. think we cud work it out?..
sigh..
stupidguystupidguystupidguy

all that hours spent on useless work n all i did was find, compile n print.
nevermind read yet.
ugh.

why am i so stupid?

right.
so maybe i shouldnt have told them that much.
(maybe i shouldnt be Telling ppl that much!)
tho technically i refused to say anything
but they deduced from my selective silence. im sure.
pfft.

n maybe there're other things i shud keep under the lid as well. hmph.

Its funny that he had the Exact same idea! =P

Dont hit me!!

i wonder why is it that people whom you have spoken to
tell me things like, i shouldnt.
ive talked to him, n hes so not a guy!

right.

Dont you ever question whether what you think is right might actually be wrong?

theres a mini frog under my comp / under my leg. :'(!

i am sad about many things in my life.
many. yars.

What? I Am naturally all wise n stuff. :p

Sry. i just need a place to release all my pent up wisdom. ahem.
i enjoy it. it makes me feel good i guess.

The problem with being wise then is that
then you have no one to listen to.

Dont you think that maybe i have done all my thinking.

Why am i so stupid, n worthless, n worse of all so terribly terribly doomed??
Why do we do things we shouldnt?

Why do i keep looking out for you?

No way yours could be longer than mine. Hah.

Time for bed.

whoareyouwhoareyouwhoareyouwhoareyouwhoareyouwhoareyouwhoareyou!??
why??!
*lost......*

i dont wanna know

Bloggin. because........

Have you ever heard the sound of a heart crying?

it goes like this
.........................................

-
There are somethings you dont need to know.

Somethings you dont Want to know.

dont go looking for things you dont want to see
Now doesnt this bring new meaning to Things you dont want to know?


Some things,
n you just want to put down your head and cry...

She told him the other day,
that she just didnt have any more tears to cry.
N he said that, even he did sometimes.
So she said that she Had been crying, for years now,
n there just wasnt anymore.
N still he said that she should..
that she would feel better.
But she has cried.
Only, there really isnt anything left inside to cry out.

Not over him anyways.

But that wasnt exactly true was it?

Apparently so.

-
How many people are you hurting with this?...

i dont want to know i dont want to know

i want it to be me..

i dont want to know i dont want to know

hows it gonna be?
whats gonna happen to this?

where do we go from here?...

i dont want to be i dont want to be
i dont want it to be!

*cries..*

but it cud never work in my favour..
never again.
n i'll never ever have that place again.
any place.
no matter what happens...

n how many more?

a fling

.....

-
Sometimes when you hate someone
for your own personal reason..

you dont realise,
that maybe that person,
hates you back,
for their own personal (tho possibly similar) reasons...

Do i still have to put others before me?

Do i always have to pick this role
just so you are happy
just so the things that matter to you are right
just so you'll be in a good light..

Do i always have to pick to feel this cold...
just so you can be happy...
bcoz thats all that matters to me...

dont dont dont dont dont dont dont

i dont know what to say to you

-
.
Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
.

-
Not moody anymore.

but i wish i knew what to do.

Coz now even doing nothing seems to be the evil choice.

But its not my problem to worry about...........

n how do i even know......?

i wish i didnt let myself feel all these stupid feelings.
the need to ask all these stupid questions.

coz in the end it will all

never be.

n tomorrow i'll realise what a FOOL i am.

n just hurt.

all over again.

-
for the past

n the letting go

n the once gone it'll never come back.

not hurting anymore

but i never never wanna know.

coz i'll never know how to be there for you.

P.S. You taught me too, to realise a situation in which i could forgive such an atrocity,
not because you taught me forgiveness, but because i found i could never live without you.

But i am..

closest to heaven

無印良品 - 想見你

疲倦的背包 它不问我是否 寂寥
无奈的手表 孤单地走过每 一秒
阳光静悄悄 街上有人拥抱 我听得到
没有人知道 口袋里我藏着 你的味道

想见你 没有你 城市再炫也没意义
热闹的 全都是你幻影
想见你 心太急 狂奔拥挤的人群里
多希望 下一秒就见到你

天虽然很高 思念像云笼罩 我很低潮
我所有沉默 如果你看得到 给我拥抱
微风轻轻飘 寂寞在笑声里 默默喧闹
只有我知道 不需要再寻找 谁的依靠

想见你 没有你 每天生活只剩呼吸
闭上眼 晃动的 全都是你
想见你 我的心 其实从来不曾离去
这一生只想和你在一起
想见你 没有你 每天生活只剩呼吸
闭上眼 晃动的 全都是你
想见你 我的心 其实从来不曾离去
全世界最重要的就是你

Tried VERY hard. (you wont believe how hard)
but cudnt find the Song. Yet. (especially since limewire claims my net is down)
So i had to get it on youtube instead.
(Also theres a very long history to how hard it was to even Get any trace of this song, but i wont bore you with That Too.. :p)

n in the middle of looking for the song on myflashfetish, (where i got my playlist on my sidebar)
i accidentally stumbled upon one of the most beautiful songs ever..

Its the one that seems to play in every Korean series.
N Ive loved it forever but How do you find a song that you Dont even know the lyrics to right. I mean How do you google Korean when you dont know it. =P

So anyways.. I cant believe i (actually, accidentally) found it.. but i did..
Had some problems adding it to playlist.. (i have to say the flashfetish thing can really suck in this sense)
Ive to do a whole new playlist instead, long story.
But i'll oso add up a youtube vid, just bcoz i found one thats (appropriately) really sad.. :)

Stairway To Heaven 天國的階梯 - 想你

How can you listen to this song n not cry. inside. ??! =P

Oh n No, this does not mean I Have studied.


NB. click on the links if the vids no longer work..

do you know?

You're being selfish.

n you're always just thinking about you.

When you stop all that,

n start thinking bout me for once,

You'll have it right.

---

5 weeks.

(5 fcking weeks)

N knowing that

freaks me out

but is not working.

(im so fcked)

so,

(eventho im really proud of my recent excessive blogging)

Conditional Hiatus.

No blogging per day until i get a substantial amount of work done.


drastic measure can be taken
(dont push me)

tho they might not work.
but what choice do i have?


Shit.

I will dam bloody miss this.
(sigh)

Lord o lord,

Please help me get my work done...

---

Right or wrong

words are just words.

n either way

they have to come from within.

just like wrong,
but Thats where right will come from.

-

Trust me.

it is not that hard to disappear.

a long long time ago

Few minutes ago, cared.

But at this second,

does not care that the crush doesnt care back. at all.

Hav done my best. put myself out there enough.

its not important anyways.

:)

-

Do not enjoy talking to you.

Am wondering why we have been so close for so long.

You dont listen n we have nothing to say.
unless its about you.

Maybe thats what things have become lately.

how den?

I resent your scolding.
It is not true. not right. n unreasonable.

Tho a long long time ago is right.
(gmail is a bad bad place)

(fine, i'll take responsibility. But not the way you see it.)

It is not that hard to listen n your favourite word, empathise.
considering how much unrelated stuff ive had to put up with right.

No im not interested, i never have been.
i only listen, For you.

Can you do that?

Nevermind la.
We'll find it back somehow right?
Right?

Dont be so consumed la..
n dont do it out of duty ok.

:)

-

The ex was a darling.
(lil devilish but still rather the darling)

Its funny.

most of the time i wudnt exactly say we're that close.

But he is right.
Special relationship is right.
Talk about anything is right.

You're going overboard tho, darling.

its not exactly open-minded ness right.

aih.
controversy here. but not for today..

atleast i know i have someone to pull around if i feel like it.
;)

atleast he listens
n has not the wrong words to say.

for me atleast, not for her maybe,
but hey, im doing my best to help you.

Its funny,
the ex being a darling.

I guess i do get it right sometimes.

(or maybe im actually doing it wrong but am too stupid to see it.
hmm.
ah who cares.
im allowed my play time.)

:)

-

footballs kinda stupid.

i mean, im sorry but its on tv right now

n the ppl are kinda dumb. =/

Anyone wanna trade Manchester?

-

Shit.

Im in the wrong company.

Did i do this to myself?

-

Now, That makes things easier.

:)

funny bone

Not that i wanna blog dat dam often but
lots of funny jokes ive been reading / watching. =D

In class,
Yesterday wasit?
The lecturer told the Pharmacist n Condom joke.
Haha ive read that one b4, posted it even, possibly :p. Love that one.
He didnt tell it exactly right but hehee.
Ask me if u weren't there. =p

In the mail :

**บทกลอนของเด็กอัฟริกัน ผู้ได้รับรางวัลยอดเยี่ยมจากUN **
Nominated by UN as the best Poem of 2006 - Written by an African Kid

When I born, I black : เมื่อผมเกิด ผมผิวดำ
When I grow up, I black : เมื่อผมโตขึ้น ผมก็ยังผิวดำอยู่
When I go in Sun, I black : เมื่อผมอยู่ใต้แสงแดด ผมก็ยังคงผิวดำ
When I scared, I black : เมื่อผมกลัว ผมก็ผิวดำ
When I sick, I black : เมื่อผมป่วย ผมก็ยังผิวดำ
And when I die, I still black : และเมื่อผมตาย ผมก็ยังคงผิวดำ

And you white fellow : และคุณ...เพื่อนมนุษย์ผิวขาว
When you born, you pink : เมื่อแรกเกิด คุณมีผิวสีชมพู
When you grow up, you white : เมื่อคุณโตขึ้น คุณมีผิวสีขาว
When you go in sun, you red : เมื่อคุณอยู่ใต้แสงแดด คุณมีผิวสีแดง
When you cold, you blue : เมื่อคุณหนาว คุณมีผิวสีน้ำเงิน
When you scared, you yellow : เมื่อคุณกลัว คุณมีผิวสีเหลือง
When you sick, you green : เมื่อคุณป่วย คุณมีผิวสีเขียว
And when you die, you grey : เมื่อคุณตาย คุณมีผิวสีเทา
And you calling me colored?? : และคุณเรียกผมว่า คนผิวสี??

Hehee.. No comment on its authenticity n all but still, funny. :p

On tv,
Keeping Mum.
The show with Rowan Atkinson.
i remember watching it at the movies..
with Elly n Fabes? was it?
when was that.
cant rmmbr exactly who i was there with.
whether it was him.
anyways.
2005 apparently..

Yea so, theres this Awesome joke in it ok.

A vicars been driving after drinking and gets pulled over by a cop.
The officer smells alcohol from the car n sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
So he goes, "Reverend, have you been drinking?"
N the vicar answers, all innocent-like, "only water Officer."
N the cop goes, "Theres an empty wine bottle in your car."
n the vicar goes, "Wine bottle?! Good Lord, Hes done it again!"

LOL GET IT?!

HAHAHAAA!!

N BBC entertainment had stand up earlier.
It was Super duper Hilarious i tell you! hehee..

Reasons why im not studying? hahaa..

cracked

Oh.
I dont sleep Thursday nights.

just incase you dont know that by now.
So today, i run back home at 1pm. (to sleep)
I hope Somebody went for the evenings lect,
coz it looked to me like no one was gonna!
Hah.
Shudve gone Just to see what that was like. =P
N so Anyways,
that means today is study day.
seriously.
Looks like its Not gonna happen, as usual.
But Seriously.
Study day.
argh.

-

Aha!
A Black turtleneck.
Dun laugh!

N silver stuff.

Why does it look good on other ppl?!
must be a good reason. :p

Ahh, who knew
when i bought my jacket 7 yrs ago (bloody old)
that id have a chance to wear it again.

I guess theres a good side to not havin grown,
physically,
in any way whatsoever. ahem.
since i was 14. :(

prob wont look good tho. *bawls*

-

I hate em stories with happy endings.
(ok u know tats not true but lets just take it at that for a sec)
you can call me mean or evil or selfish but
seriously.
Nate : im sure we can figure something out.
Andy (girl) : you think so? *puppy eyes*
Nate : Yea.. *smile smile*
seriously.
whats up with That!

-

is wanting the Mc Dreamy.

-

i dowan talk to you.
but then what else is there to do?
so i still do.
hmph.
but u notty.
but bit guai oso la.
bit.

-

I be gettin me Watch on Sunday!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tho it probably not be This :

Tho this Be nice! It be i swear!

Anyways. It be something else.
Hope you like it too..
*Now am thinking which would i like to see on my wrist for nex 5 yrs.. =/*

N i be needing some shoes too.
:(

-

Step one : You say "we need to talk",
he walks, you say "sit down its just a talk".

Everyday.

Holding on..
barely.

Where did i go wrong?

Unfair..

But den how would you get anything done right?
how would you study?
yea...

Would you know how?..

Fighting right..
yea i forgot.
That shud make it easier.
shud..

-

This be nice.

foliage

Guess enough time has past
n now the niceties have been abandon huh.

Fine, whatever.


Dont look for things you dont want to see.

Sucks.
But holding on just a lil longer..
So im not stupid.

*does anyone ever notice what i do? i hope not.*


Why do i never tell you about me?
Is it bcoz theres nothing new to say,
n nothing at all for you to say,
but what you have always said.

Why is it always about you?
Day n night.
Do i really need to hear you gush about your girl all the time?
Why am i always there,
why do i always have things to say to you,
when you need something to hear,
But not you to me when i need it?

Is it why i only ever talk about you,
n avoid me.

Because theres nothing for me,
n nothing for you.
Because i know better than anyone.
N theres nothing more out there.

So what else can you do?
*demanding my rights tonight.. :)*
(boy dum dum)

sui bian ni. gao xing jiu suan le. hai neng zhen yang ne.

4.40am

Am actually pissy about the work im doing at this hour
but its my fault / problem anyways so..
Currently dealing wit it.

Am here for other things.

Just realised that its just a lil longer now..
whether thats good news or bad
we shall just take it to be good now.
ok?

So, im holding on..
to not be stupid..
n we'll see what happens den.

*smile bcoz smiles are good for you..*

will deal with the shit when it hits the fan.

怎么原谅得了一个从未请求你原谅的人呢？

P.S. does no one say ne anymore??? :p

P.P.S. 我伤心。。是因为找不到你。。

i see in you

Dammit!

Youtube is dam smart man!

I never realised that, the posted videos dont even last more than one day!

hahaaa..

I was gonna come back home n post a happy post today!

But then my friends at school scolded me for being emo =(

den abit... like obvious right..
happy post coz u say i emo.

but nope.
was gonna do it anyways.
=P
i think.
=P

Oh Pft.
who cares?


So this is what a happy post looks like :

=

=)

I am happy!
(actually im not, im just pretending to be)
=P
ok that is not true either. =P
cant u guys take a joke?

.
I forget which is it, the unlucky one.
Happy, or unhappy?
Its happy right?
happy brings u bad stuff.

So its not good to be happy rmmber?
coz that just lead to bad stuff.

Oh Crud.
Maybe this will just confuse you (eg. karma n such ppl) so much,
you wudnt know what to do.
.

.
N then theres hoping.
I know i said
that its not wise to hope too much,
coz when you dont get it,
u only end up disappointed..

well guess what guys?
ive found the downside to not hoping for much.
that when you get something good,
that u didnt spend that much time hoping for..
you dont know how to be happy bout it.

like its been with me for the past few weeks.

so now you know.

or not.

so dear, its good to hope sometimes.
coz when you get it,
atleast you know how to be happy.
.

Eh! Dam emo the youtube!
Suddenly can play again?!

.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU, OK!?
.

But yea..
i guess its about time happy came in..

so that bad things can come back in too?

cycle cycle mycle bycle.

=p

.
I've been havin extensive dreams lately.
(actually i just felt like putting tat adjective in)

Last 3 nights.

3 nights ago i dreamt of alot of ppl.

i dreamt of you. n you, n you, n you.
n him, n her, n they, n we, n us.
everyone.
:)

but i cant rmmbr by now.
but alot of things happened.
coz everyone was in it.
but i cant rmmbr by now.

2 nights ago i dreamt of a no. of ppl too.

last night,
ah yes!
i dreamt of spirits!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I was reading for an exam or something.
n went to my room to check on the timetable!
n i guess i insulted the gods. verbally. cant rmmbr what i did.
n then they started messing up my room
before my eyes!
like, spiritual stuff just moving things in my room y'noe!
to freak me out!
it was kinda awesome..

n i watch my stuff being swap around a few times n all
like everytime i opened my door, my stuff wudve moved, y'noe like in ghost stories!
n once, they even started, invisibly, moving things right in front of me,
n i called my mum to see it.
but Obviously, since this is a dream n all
n these are supernatural stuff we're talking about
by the time she came, the stuff had already stopped moving.
but she cud tell that they had indeed been move around y'noe.

Then i decided on something n told my mum,
'but it cant be the gods y'noe, its gotta be spirits! Theyre punishing me for insulting them.'
"why dyu say its not the gods?"
'bcoz God isnt gonna involve himself in such trivial / petty stuff right.. Hes got greater things to do.'

And then at some point i woke up.
N was rather glad.
I was like, Ahhh, was just a dream.
Good, atleast im Not being haunted by spirits.
Coz that wud just be senseless y'noe.
Stuff flying all over on its own.
The world makes more sense now.
=P
N i was glad, that even in my dream,
i could associate God with what was more real.

Ok i know im not much of a dream relive-r..

--
What else?
oh yea, since we're on dreams..

I am TIRED of my not studying ok!
ok that might not have sounded right..

But all this, everyone studying around school thing..
I cant stand it!
Reminded of my Eternal Non studying!
Bah!

This is what i do.

Besides, sitting in front of the comp,
in the process of blogging all day,

I SLeep early lately, bcoz im just Too dam lazy to study so i have nothing to do right.
But I Just cant wake up!
I cud wake at 9 right,
Coz God knows ive gotten enough sleep.
n im not even Tired when i wake.
just too lazy to Get up.
So what do i do?
Go back to sleep.
Same thing happens at 10.
n all the way to 11.
Finally, around 11 i start thinking,
ok, i Really shud get up now.. things to do..
so?
I get up to turn Off the aircon.
That helps right? makes it too hot to sleep.

N-O-T!

Apparently i am skilled at sleeping Without the aircon, OR fan.
For HOURS at times.
Wow.
The skills u have that u never knew about.

seriously.

sometimes i turn em off, n the other isnt on right,
n i even draw back my curtain partly for the sun to come in.

Not! bothered!
at all man!
I cud carry on sleepin for Hours!

Pfft.

/ Boy needs to start making me study ok?!
N spanking isnt a real threat! /

=(

Bad bad bad.

---
Oh yea,
so i came home in a good mood today.

bcoz of some stuff that im too lazy to talk about by now.

coz happy stuff is unimportant n inconsequential huh.
=P

But anyways,
We Found Nice Place n It Is Pretty OK!
Pweeetttyyyy!
tho that cud be deceiving.
=P
But bad thoughts aside!
All seems good for now!
=D

Tho ive been plagued by mix feelings about this.
Constantly swooping up n down
like everything else about me.
Some things to be sad about.
Somethings to be happy.

Ok fine.

Me feelings about our trip :
It started off a while ago, n back then ofcourse it was happy thoughts.
but recently its been sad thoughts bcoz of unhappy stuff..
But that day when i heard 'them' say, last trip with the family.
i felt like, hey, i want one too, y'noe.
Constant waves of different emotions.
But when we found the pretty place today, i was happy ok.
I just hope everyone is, with it too.
coz no one ever says their mind. sigh.
Its Not gonna be disappointing ok! cept for the possible drunkards maybe.. :p
But i can only say that about the Place. No words on the whole thing overall. =P

it'll be good if we make it.

Anyways,
To the TWO Brats out there who read this!
(ok, i dunno why im calling u guys brats.. its just in my head from somewhere. hee)
COME OK, COME!
ok fine, i know i wont be able to convince u if ure not gonna.. :(
But COME!
:(
Pretty please?!
It would make it alot more fun. :(

it would.
---

-

As seldom now as i used to!
Well DUH! N that Still doesnt Raise any warning Flags??
God!
-

Im a dam bloody show-off.
dammit.

inconsolable

Just in case i dont get it back..



But i want it back ok..
Its mine.. i want it back..

Just like the hug.. Thats mine too..


and another.

dont ask me why. i wudnt know.

a love that could fall down like rain

I have alot of words to say.

But i forget.

Most of them.

Today we watched a movie in class!

Wheeeeeeeeeee!

When they Start showing you Movies to keep you interested,
you just Know you're in the right course!

or not.

hahaa..

So we turned off all the lights

and did you see who was sitting next to you at the movies?

It was a Good movie ok!

It had McDreamy in it!
WHeeeeeeeeeee!!!

ahhh.. him n his dreamy eyes...
*swoon*
Hes even Tat dam sexy when hes Speaking to a Monkey!
Haha now Tat says alot bout his acting skills,
but not that much bout Meredith. hahaa.

Anyways, it was a Good movie!
Morgan Freeman,
Dustin Hoffman,
Kevin Spacey,
Cuba Gooding Jr.,
Patrick Dempsey (ahem. eventho his screen time was like, 10mins. =P)
among others.

Some way into the 2nd half i realised i had seen Some of it before.

But i know, watching it alone at home,
i would probably just have dismissed it as another B grade movie.
But theres something bout watching it with another 150 or so medical students,
in school no less
that made it alot more interesting n fun,
n alot easier to concentrate on the health / medical issues involved.
Hahaa.

Best day of my life.
ok. obviously not true.
Best 2 hours of the day then.
Not just before (which sucked badly), n not just after (which sucked terribly as well)
(for the same reasons)
But a good 2 hrs den.

.

Had to go get comfort food post trauma.
Chocolates!
But the book shop cum convenient / candy store in school was closed
So, thought id get some chocs wen i stopped for gas / petrol.
Kinder Bueno - RM 3.60!
WTF!
I Cud get it for 3 bucks at school (if it were open!)
N that itself is kinda a semi rip-off if u look at the quantity.
Pffft.
So, had to settle for junk food.

Which is completely unhealthy for ur kidneys, n liver n what not right.
Bah.

N only choc can make u feel better. :(

.
"You make my heart beat fast"

thats something that Always pops into my mind.
One of those quotes from my sweetvalley days.
Im sure theres more to it, but i cant rmmbr.
I remember copying the poem down into my pseudo diary.
(N once sending it to my den bf. ahem.)
But i was 13 or something, give me a break. =P

*took a break at this point, for bout 3-4 hours. it is now 12.22am*

am currently eating chipsmore.

will end this now bcoz i cant think anymore..

...

i wish i had never let the one person who could take my heart,
n keep it for all this time,
n hold on to it even when he doesnt want to,
n touch it n move it n work it,
all with just a look, or a word,
all it takes is a look from your eyes, the sound of your whisper
i wish i had never let that one person
have my heart.

but 'let' is the wrong word.
as i never would have had any control over it.

even when he doesnt want to.
even when hes more than willing to hand it back..
so its just.. lying there..
left out on the porch.
no longer being held on to,
but unable to return to me.
coz try as i might,
i still dont know how to get it back.

can you tell me why?

why is it that a simple something from you
makes My heart beat fast
not the nervous flutter of a young girl in love
but with shakings, tremblings, n tremors
of?
fear?

Have you ever thought about it?

Bcoz I have.

N i dont have an answer.

I'm tired.

tired n hurt.

but what can you do.

huh

You Are A Bad Date!

Sometimes it just seems like your heart isn't in it At least, not unless the guy is a dead ringer for Brad Pitt (with more money) You just don't spend enough time wondering if he's having fun... And newsflash - he probably isn't!

Do Men Think You're a Good Date?

Oouch..

N I did it Twice ok! Twice!

*runs away n cries*

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttt. :'(

---

You Are Low Maintenance

Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a doormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight.

Are You A High Maintenance Woman?

N this is so not true. -_-"

---

Sometimes when im alone n i think of you
i find that my idea of you gets distorted.

The you that i think of
the you that i miss
is only the you that i used to know.

N occasionally i remember
n remind myself
how different you have been
n for how long

n how you'll never be that guy again.

the look in your eyes
the tone of your voice

the words that you say against me.

N sometimes i wonder,
how can someone change so drastically over time.


But thats who we are right?

in between you n i

Sometime these last 2 days,
these lyrics suddenly got into my head,

"ey oh ey oh ey oh ey"

N i was wanting to figure out which song it came from.

And then suddenly today
this voice came on,

Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,
It was love from above, that could save me from hell.

n immediately i thought 'Nickleback'
n at the first verse i was wondering whether it was the same song i was looking for.
But i thought not.
Till the chorus came on ofcourse.

She had fire in her soul; it was easy to see
how the devil himself could be pulled out of me.

But some way into the song
i started to notice the guitar riffs
n got to thinking,
thats sounds aLot like Santana.

There were drums in the air as she started to dance.
Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands.

N by the guitar solo, i was pretty much convinced.
Santana featuring Chad Kroeger den (tho at that time i forgot the name of Nicklebacks lead. :p)
coz his voice is So distinct.
N i guess Santana's guitar sounds are pretty characteristic as well.

;)

And we sang…
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,
And the voices rang like the angels sing,

Is loving this song right now.

We’re singing…
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,
And we danced on into the night.

..

Also.

Played the Cuppy cake song, cutest song Ever, for my parents a short while back.
N they said i should play it for my nephew.

So i Did today.
N He Liked it!
It was SO CUTE!

First i played just the song,
n he just kept Staring at the comp wondering where the voice was coming from.
He kept raising his eyebrows or frowning!
So adorable man!
N den everytime the song ended he would shake his hands 'no no'
HAHA!

Den i searched on Youtube for the vid n found the original.
Den i played That for him!
N we kept at it coz he refused to be carried away!
Cried when my mum wanted to take him away to put him to sleep. (no, not wat u do to animals!)
Haha!

Think my nephew just found his first love.

Haha.
Guess something about kids voices keep em at it.

Oh, n den we distracted him with pictures of himself.

Haha.
Now Thats His first love. =P

Heres the vid,



Some of the bloopers vid, n some of the picture versions are So Cute too!
I Love the deer one. :p

...

Sometimes it makes me feel like you're using me when you say things like
"Give me some motivation!"

Maybe its time you stop telling me that you luv me.

Sigh. Its so easy to please you, to get to you.
Sometimes, its so much fun.
I wish i could do it as easily with other people.

deal

sigh...

dont think so little of me..

some things, they dont change so easily...

n what are these feelings in me now

hunger..

cold..

n more...


what am i supposed to do?

tell me what im supposed to do

how am i supposed to feel?..

tell me how im supposed to feel

...

11.00pm

N when i saw it move into my place,

all i could do was mutter an i'm sorry..

im sorry...

you wouldnt believe me..
if you knew how it is that i feel..

but it doesnt matter..

crossing worry,
n self torturing pain,
hurt, for you,
n knowin its better off when im not there.

bcoz it doesnt matter.

bcoz its better.

bcoz i dont want to know,
i dont want to pretend.

bcoz i know

bcoz i Cant do it.

bcoz
just bcoz.

(a mixture of wanting, but cant, of feeling stupid n guilty of stupidity,
of hurt n pain, of knowin n watchin it go along. better.)

bcoz i dont matter.

(n its ok.. if only..)


Came so close to breaking down.

with all these left over feelings of you..

But im better now.

do you get it?..

just so you know

2 hrs ago,
what i wanted to say was,

I Did not sleep the whole night,
my work had not been completed.

I was Pissed off and angry
at ppl who Shud listen but talk back to you. (n are stupid. bah.)
at the system.
but mostly at myself.

I was emo-ing on the ride to school.
'why?'

N i was wondering whether my mood was in fact affected by lack of sleep (almost complete absense of)
But wondering, who wudnt be pissed off in such conditions, even with sleep.

(But yes. Sleep would have helped.)

真正爱你的男人，只可 能在你一个人的面前流眼泪。

Den i got to school
n had my class (which was dum. but i say that in a nice way)

n when i got out of class
1 hr ago,
i suddenly found myself,
acting happy. =/

Talking to yourself (and extensively so) is probably a sign of mental illness.
But for me, stems from being a pseudo-only child. apparently.
[ I actually have 3 older brothers, which is like the farthest thing from being an only child, but a school obligated trip away from home for a few days brought some comments by friends who were with me that i seemed like n only child, n dey eventually figured out that it was bcoz i dont actually Have any of my brothers With me, to keep me from physically being unlike an only child.
My 2 eldest brothers have too big an age gap btwn me n them that they stopped playing with me once i grew up past the kids stage. N they've been away studying/working since i was 3 i guess.
N my 3rd brother, a year older than me, left abroad for studies when i was 12.

He too apparently talks to himself alot,
which probably comes from the same reason.
That we've been alone / without siblings, for most of our lives, since 12/13 yrs of age.]

ANYways.

im hungry.

真正爱你的男人，不会轻易对你当面说“我爱你”，

因为他为你做过的每件事都已 经这么说了。

But un-digressing. (or in? like, indigestion. =p)

Walking around cussing away (tho animatedly so) is probably not a very good show of sanity either.
I cuss too much.

N thinking, n saying random thoughts.

ditto.

真正爱你的男人， 如果他去机场接你，不会像你期望的 那样捧着玫瑰大声叫“亲爱的”，

只是自然地提过你的行李，然后想用眼睛抱紧你 似的心疼地说，怎么瘦得像豆芽菜了 ？

Im gonna be dead tired during class.

N not sleeping the night before definitely does not put u in the mood for Studying in the 7 hours btwn now n class.

Doesnt exactly put u in the mood for going out Either but that just might be the direction we're heading.

(Going out is bad. baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddd.)

The rationale being we could study After class. But with my current mood (not bad, but tired.) it does not seem very likely.

So basically,

not sleeping is very Very bad for you.

very bad very bad

It Also makes you hungry. Like i am now.

N bored.

真正爱你的男人，当你发脾气时， 只会不做声地听你把火发完，
然后慢 慢地说，你明天有课吗？早点睡吧。<--- kinda dum but does sound sweet. i would kill him. unless he said it the right way..

....

Selectively.

这样的一个好男人，好像很 难才可以遇到吧！又或者你已经遇到 了，但你偏偏不爱他。。。

what you gave up

I like you.
Why is it so hard for you to like me?


N this isnt the first time either.
I've given up before.

N now i'm back again.

-

There are certain people,
you just keep going back to.

She is right in front of you.

-
--

Will not blog about what i said i needed to blog about now.
Bcoz it wud have consisted of Hope, n Ranting.
N Ranting will only get you(me) pissed off about it.
N having hope only gets you shot down.

But its ok.
It will work out alright.

Maybe another day then.
(bcoz its still important)

N what happens if that happens?

I dont know.

So why do ppl have to Lie to protect their interest??
That was something that completely pissed me off today.
(N sent me running for ice cream to un-emo myself. ahem.)

It is Just a small thing.
No ones gonna sabotage you.

Seriously.
Bah.

--

You begin to wonder,
could you find a better one,
compared to her now shes in question.

--

On Meet Joe Black -
Joe : I like the way you smell..
Me : I like the way you smell too...
Susan : I like the way you smell too..

HaHA!

--

Lookin for the right one,
you line up the world to find,
where no questions cross your mind.

--

Theres actually a huge, few hour gap between the time this was opened,
n the time im actually gonna post it.
will change posting time.

Bcoz i Cannot blog with ppl around,
n with the tv on in the background. (depends)

N i have Better things in life to do
den do work for you.

*angry*

Well atleast now its all quiet
n i can blog.

pft.

-
Yes, i dont find it necessary (or atleast i wish it wasnt) either
that i explain myself or my feelings to whoever wishes to read.
this just might be one part of it but this is what i want to put out right now
n i dont want to apologise for it.
-

--
*
She wont keep on waiting,
for you without a doubt,
much longer for you to sort it out.
*
--

Why do my friends (plural) suggest that i/you
dress up
look good
wear a skirt.

ahem.

to try n get someone base on looks
isnt that just..
bleeeehhh..

But i guess its true.
As will apply to everyone
the first thing ppl Will notice is how you look.
or how they find you.
how much importance they eventually place on that aside.

I myself im sure look or rate ppl base on their looks first off.
that is the first thing you see.
Tho what i find physically attractive would ofcourse vary. (to each his own)
Add in the fact that, finding someone physically pleasing would not necessary lead to attraction, even just physically.
Factors modulate these things, somethings just tend to matter to some ppl more than others, or at that moment or watever.

A smile.
a look in the eye.
hormones.

i dunno.

N ofcourse the other side, not finding someone immediately physically attractive doesnt turn you off that person.

N just bcoz you do in fact recognise someone as generally attractive,
there tend to be factors that might turn you off
or, just not be that interested,
even before you even know the person.

All still on looks.

Basically, like,
Hot guy - ooooo Yum!
Hot guy - whatever.

-
She so Obviously Wants him coz hes so HHhaaaaaaawwwwwwwwt!
RRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrr! *drools*
-

N everyone (almost) knows
that just bcoz someone did not appear attractive at first,
when you get to know the person
is when you actually start actually liking the person

n most times, when you do like the person
even if its only as a friend
you tend to start finding them attractive.

n more n more so the more you get to like them.

Also,
semi digressing,
I tend to find generally attractive guys, as in the kind everyone wud agree on,
boring. (too much hype) (like blogspot. grr)
n i tend to like less obviously attractive guys
i think
like, attractive in a different, not so obvious sense. (yumm)
/ I'm talking bout Crushes here, n this is Real life im talking about, leave Orlando out of this. /

Altho im sure there wud be incidences where i fall prey to the obvious hotties.
ahem. ahemahem
But mostly they get boring after a while i guess.
(Unless they are also Super attractive personality wise. ;) )

-

N well my current crushes.
Ive gotten bored of most of them, n dropped them down to 2.
My crushes tend to blow hot n cold..
but mostly just cold.
=P
Well actually, 1 of em, i wont actually call a crush.

My use of the word Crush is actually very loose.
But it needs a certain feel attached to it.

N well 1 of em isnt anymore.
But is a kinda like.
N tho he might not be technically, particularly attractive or anything..
i have found certain parts of him, raaaather Attractive. Ahemmm.
* guys are so nice to look at. ;) *

So that brings us to my crush.
I wont know what to comment on him physically.
bcoz its his mind or personality thats got me right now.
hmm.

but its not important.

My crushes were never there to be more than just that anyways.
Ive hardly ever wanted more than just crushing, from my crushes,
n maybe just sometimes (but mostly not really), friendship.

Oh whatever.

N den there are the guys
that you Just should not find attractive.
aHEM.

Oh n i find,
one of the things that i tend to admire in a guy,
(tho subject to whether or not said person has such a feature to be admired)
is his hands n arms.
(i know its inappropriate but, yummm =p)
but That is not at first look ofcourse,
u dont see such things at first look.

Right.
Now i rather wish i had not told you all that.
All of that.

--

Maybe you want her,
maybe you need her,
maybe you started to compare,
to someone not there.

--

4.44am. Maybe its time i started my work.

Why do i even bother with you.

They would all do everything you want. I should know.

I appreciate your yi qi.

Indignation on your behalf is a great thing.

Because it cant Always be All about you. n what You want.

So, why is it so hard to get you to like me?
to get you to care?
What have i gotta do?

Nobody gets you.

Because im not about to go out n Condone it.

You're Harping on the wrong things.
That wasnt even what it was about.

You're stupid.

N pretend that nothings happened at all.

I dont derserve this.

If you're gonna flaunt it, den just leave me out of it.
in fact, just leave me out of it Anyways.

-
Perfection will not come
-

N theres so many people better than me.

Maybe you want her,
maybe you need her,
maybe you had her,
maybe you lost her to another

Maybe I'll try that skirt thing some day.
=P

to another.

wonder

I dont really have anything to say except

Darn it, that dam static thing happened again.
Like, whos calling me at 4.25am?
No its just stupid random cheating static rmmbr!
Oh yea..

My friend asked me to research green earwax.
Ahem.
Not that i really care coz i Know i do/did have an infection, whether or not green Might be normal in some cases is besides the point.
But anyways i googled for fun n
one of the sites had this
"The general rule with stuff that comes out of ears is if it's not green, it's okay. ..."

LOL.

OK! That is just Too hilarious n it Does Not bode well for me. (again)

Riight.

Anyways.

Yea.
I need to blog about something before Friday,
N i have Work to do tmr..
but its way too late now
im way too tired
(n too tired of reading all that stuff)
i have not done anything technically productive (towards finals that is)

but i shall go sleep.

N hope tmr will be more productive.

Hmmm.

N you wonder whats gonna happen.

But it'll be alright.

N maybe you wont have to worry bout it then.

P.S. So now you know but do you know which? (You dont)
N its actually a few steps before that're the ones that matter.

deeply

Hey.. Its not your 4.40, but it is 1.20 in the morning right now.
I miss you too.

No.. Its not your fault...
Its just me being me...
Doesnt mean im not happy.
I just wish you could have seen that.

Did you ever finish reading it?..

Never wanna are strong words.
not for anything are strong words.

N no, you didnt..
You were everything instead.

You're not a horrible looking dumbass. (Tho either way, that shudnt be anyones priority...)
Annoying maybe (definitely), but not the other..

But Love doesnt need a reason does it.
(It is there, just not in words..)

N I never said that you were..
(But you are)


I don't know baby.. I just don't wanna be the guy who
makes you fall madly in love with him, then goes on
and screws the rest of your life.. I know it's being
melodramatic.. but I can't help it..


Deeply is a big word.

Forever is a big word.

N no, they did not seem, at that time, to be really, really fucked up.

I will.

I love you too.

Good night.

-----
A song is just a song right?

Sometimes, a story is just a story.

Sometimes.

loss of words

Todays exam over.

I think i failed.

That is, i counted my marks at the feedback session.
63 marks.

Pass is 65. -_-"

My friend says, Its okay, they'll be more lenient when they mark.
Yea. Cept that i was pretty lenient myself.
hah..
Pretty much the ones that i didnt give myself marks, were the ones where my answers were Completely off.
haha..

Stupid exam.

Oh well. I Miiight pass if im lucky.
(But just a B :( )
But oh well.

Stupid exam.

All that studying for nothing. =/

-
But,
Whhhheeeeeeeee...
Semi freedom now!

Gonna go embrace John Grisham, n TV, n all things Not studying!

For just one night. -_-"

N then its back to bad ol' studying.
Or procrastinating bout it, take your pick. =P

2.59am night before exam.

TV n storybooks.

I am on a role baybeh!

=/

6 lects, 2 pbls, or so to go.
tat is if i skip
4 or so lects n 1 pbl.

Bah.

Skipping Anything in this course is.. detrimental?..

This is not. good.

Oh ya,
Plus i hav to review everything coz most were done days ago n ive forgotten everything by now.

Great just great.

-
btw, poor guy on tv.
Robbed a musem n died.
poor baby boy, i all sad now.

Great show.
Must rmmbr to watch Smith after exam.
-

Gona do pbl.

sigh.

P.S. 15 mins later: Done with pbl, sorta. Apparently i dont Have much on the last 2 to read anyways. Not sure if thats a good or bad thing. Ugh.

loomy doom

So lets see..

Night before exam.
10.32pm.

12 or so lectures to go.

How great right.

skipping a few of them.

ARGH! SIGH!

n PBL PBL to read.

Bah. i am gonna cry.

-

Oh and headache.
rather bad headache
(acute onset, comes n goes, scale of 1-10, 10 being most severe, it is 6.5? when it comes)
Right frontal lobe.
Just behind eyeball.

My headaches tend to be located behind the eyeball, i dunno why.
Friends use to say something bout sinusitis,
but den again i dont have any other flu symptoms..

Dunno.

So what possibly precipitates headaches?
Too much french fries?
ie. Carbs, salt, oil....???
[for some reason, downward flexion of neck seems to be an aggravating factor. hmm]

n DAMMIT I Should have gotten meself a dam burger Just like i wanted to!
Instead of being all nice n comin back home where there is
NO FOOD!
or actually crappy food coz the darn maid always slacks whenever my parents arent around.
Gah bloody porridge. I want my burger.
=(

-

Oh ya.
Was trying to stock up on chocolates earlier.
Endorphins needed. ahem.
But Why, WHy does Both the minimart And the darn petrol station shop NOt have ANy Kinder Bueno?! WHY?!
Everything but.
Pah.
Even Kit Kat! But no kinder bueno..
n my loyalty has moved from kitkat to kinder hmm..
coz the new kitkat started to suck or taste funny hmm.
(tho i noticed they're selling back the old kitkat now.. maybe its good again? gotta try sometime.)

So instead i got chipsmore (Mmm Yum!) n Muffins!
Come to think of it, Wheeee.. =P

[btw, i semi semi miss the guy who calls someone muffin. semi. due to long absence. hmm. oh n i think i found ur muffin! n its kinda weird. =/]

-

HOW TO STUDY?!?

sob sob cry cry.

SINCE WHEN did i start doing so badly for my preperations huh?!
sigh. darn.
Somethings been wrong with me this Sem.

Oh well.
STILL not stressed out i duno why.
Hope that means it'll work out.

sighhhhhhhhh...

-

Can i Go out tmr? Pretty please?!? :(

n Will you please be around?.. I cant do it alone-ish..

wacko

Modern Love - Sunday, September 17, 2006

OK.

So apparently i cant post the comic i was trying to.
Not sure why.

But anyways, thats the link den,
to the missing white patch that was to be my comic.

Bleh.

perfection will not come

Dont look at me like that!
...

oh fck.

the video's out.

-_-"

(sorry i cant tell you wat..)

ok.

way too soon.

BUT OH WELL SO WHAT!
(no one else cares.)

anyways.

Now Why is the song so wonderful.
n Why are the boys so beautiful...

sigh...

Perfect video.

---

Its 5.15 am.

i AM up.

But i dont feel like studying.

Hm.

Late.
Up.
ALot to cover.
Need to wake Soon to study some More.
ALot to cover.
Exam SOON!
Dont want study.

Bah.

a place for my head

Hm.

I thought i was doing
not great,
but OK.

Until i counted n realised that
i've been studying for one week,
n ders two days left,
n I still have Half my lectures to cover.

Wow.

Nvm that i have things Other than lectures to cover,
n oso Need time to run through everything.

Hmmmm indeed.

n Still im not studying. =/

-----

I'm wondering...

.

N since when did i start
missing something.

-

Studying is really boring.

So much fun.

N so boring.

N how are you doing?

hmmmm.

-

N what exactly went wrong?

N a voice to say : It's okay.

-

N i also just realised that there will be a Long holiday too.

But. Thats. Still. O.K. Bcoz. Im. Banking. On. The. Holidays.

n its evil
sigh...

But i am not knowing what to do now.
N i wont know what to do then.

n i dont want it i dont want it.
but i dont want the other.

Will God forgive me?

I dont know what is wanted of me.
I dont know how to give you anything.

---

Seeing your name reminds me to study..

*laughs*..

n suddenly maybe i know what im missing.

maybe.

I'm sorry you think im not good enough.
Thats ok.

I'll miss you.
Along with the rest of them.

I'm sorry im not as nice as you would like a person to be.

N its just too bad that i Know, there wont be any more.

-----

I'm sorry i was not as old as I am now.

I'm sorry for the things i did not know.

I'm sorry i was not grown up enough.

But all you had to do was ask.

TRY.

All you ever had to do was ask.

but i guess why bother, when you can just start over again..

-----

I'm not saying i have the answers.

I Know. That i Wouldnt know what to do.

But i cant just pretend like nothings happened.

When too many things have.

Now, stop listening.

I'll shudup now.

why

Some kinda daily report on studies.

6.24 am.

Fell asleep as usual so
3 days to exam
so Technically i shoud stay up n study now that im awake.

but we all know what im going to do
especially since i used the word should.

sighh....

this is very bad.

Technically 1 more day left for study studying per se.
technically.
but.
basically --> dead.

I Really need to start avoiding my room when studying.

Sighhhhhhhhh...

dammit.

N Why is my ear not feeling ok?!?

again,
Somebody save me.


They say you need to save yourself.


N what did i dream about again?

hows it gonna be

So many things in life are circumstantial.

N when relationships are

it gets you thinking alot.

My voice changes when i speak to you.

I dunno why.

- sometimes its scary -

But i know you dont really care.

N what about the other?

if onlys n circumstances that didnt work out that way.

n why not either? when you try.

So its fate.

Time, place, date.

N nothing more or less?

N atleast i have some time with you.

Even if it means nothing to me or you.

.

Everytime it makes a noise

i think of you.

or not, im not sure.

But its such a familiar sound

n it all used to tie in with you.

Tho its been a while.

such a while.

Familiarity,
that maybe I am misinterpreting.

.

I dreamt this morning about a message.

It was a good one, a nice one.

N half of it was filled with chinese words that didnt make sense

that neither of us could read.

hah.

But it held pleasant words

n when i woke up n realised it was just a dream,

it was disappointing.

but brief,

coz i had not expected more than that.

They say you dream to deal with unresolved issues.

(I wonder what that says about my friend, who dreamt that she was the rubospinal tract (a tract in the brain) n she was Lost in the brain! N found herself at the Pyramidal decussations! N got scared! Coz they were Much bigger than her, the rubospinal tract, N she was far away from where she was supposed to be! Haha!)

So does this dream help me deal with my issues in my subconscious,

so that having been dealt with, i wudnt have to worry about it when awake.

Or does it Tell me how to go about resolving my issues.

The words to say.

N words that i would receive.

You say that i see it the wrong way
but so did you..

But everythings fine.
The world is fine.

How did it ever come to this,
do you wonder sometimes.

.

I dont hate you.

But this is not how the world sorts out.

.

Why does my so called sincerity work out this way?

Maybe bcoz im now trying to Love myself more than i Love something else.

N that effectively removes said sincerity.

Bcoz years of 'sincerity' was only met with hurt.

abandonment.

Bcoz sometimes, alot of times,

sincerity hardly matters.

N tainted, as someone would probably attest to.

tainted somewhere along the line.

Nothing about this could be considered sincere.

not even in the past maybe.

Maybe thats why.

As said person would be the first to say.

N trying just doesnt equal to being..

.

~ Would you find it in your heart,
would you let me rest in pieces ~

.

N im hurt that you would think that of me.

haha. right.

N it is bcoz i care, that i say that i dont.

Whatever makes you happy.

But i do not deserve to be blamed for any unhappiness...

Thats not how it works out.

Not me.


N somethings i just dont admit..

But that doesnt make it any less true.

.

But i doubt i am that lucky.

.

So hows it gonna be.

5.28am.

s. I. g. h.

siiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

die.


how do you do it?


dreams.

missing love letter

Me is moody.

Me does not wish to say me is moody,

but me thinks it is necessary to put it down in writing,

here.

So that Mdm Karma up up there somewhere,

doesnt think that it is time to punish me,

as She seems to find necessary.

Ahem. =P

.

N me says to go check this out

here

Me does not wishes to steal so me is post link to ask you to go see instead.

/ so sweet /

Positive energy.

Yes, that is what Me was looking for earlier, Pah.

All this reading me daddys work mail,

where lots of crazy psycho adult ppl is write bad bad things,

puts me about alot of Negative energy,

N it is BAD!

BAD.

=P

Me needs more positive energy.

How?

.

Me is need to study

very very musch right now.

/ Foramen of Luschka /

but me is Want to sleep

or want to Read (not study)

very very musch now more!

sigh.

Me is in very very bad shape.

both ways. =P

N me has lots lots lots to study.

So how?

.

N finally Me is wonder,

why you is not able to see.

see

even when it is pretty please.

sigheeai.

Me is still same.

same same ok.

still same

(still never study)

still same.

Me is thinks me is need goes study now.

Me is goes pray not sleep.

n Me is wishes you can see.

sit back.

sit back, n see.

But still see.

N me says, other than me,

lots lots still same too.

yay.

pretty please?

.

N me says me is betters goes now

coz me sees that the mores me stays

the worse mes words is getting.

No sense. No sense.

=P

Prays for mes lots lots yars?

Mes is be pray too.

living in your afterglow

Our separation has it's faults
but i don't wanna leave it all
so write the letters in teary ink
I just need some time to think
and I just need some time to breathe

I know that i've been bloggin alot lately.
hmm.

Its like i have alot of words running through my head
every now n then.

N several times throughout the day they are significant enough to be able to constitute a post.

N its just a matter of whether or not i come here to put them down.

Maybe i've just been doing so more often than before.

But even now i dont write All that goes on in this head of mine.

Hee.

baby just say goodnight
I'll be gone tomorrow
baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
baby just walk away
you know I can't stay
there's no easy way to say goodbye
so baby just say goodnight

Anyways.
Part of what that means is that,
my blogs obviously dont represent my whole life.
As is true for everyone i am sure.

You should never judge someone by their blog.

tho ofcourse you can use it as a general guide into their lives. :p

we're in a spell that never ends
the empty hourglass wore me thin
so let the phone do it's work
your voice is heaven
but it hurts
your words are memories
but they burn

For example.
I have happy times too.

Last night, i had a great time with a bunch of friends.

But i didnt find it necessary to put it down.

Coz somethings just dont carry too much weight in words.
or something like that.

Somethings u cant put in words.

N its not necessary anyways isit.

baby just say goodnight
I'll be gone tomorrow
baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
baby just walk away
you know I can't stay
there's no easy way to say goodbye
so baby just say goodnight

I am currently in a good mood too.

baby don't say goodbye

Tho part of me somewhere in there is kinda stressed.

Just currently pushing aside the stress for a while.
(bcoz i know it doesnt help.)

baby just close your eyes

I enjoy studying anatomy.
Sometimes.

N it wud be alot more fun if i cud do it slowly, take my time n stuff.
But that is a priviledge we dont have with exams.

Ofcourse, the thing is that we Should have studied much earlier.
n den we cud have taken all the time we need.
(or I)

But, i just dont do that.

lazy ass

So i tend to have alot of if only thoughts during the exams.

But, Hah. =P

and dream,tomorrow's on it's way

I hope that in my future years of studies
(3 more of that left. dammmm.)
I'll be able to do it the right way.
Enjoy what i can.

But i doubt it.

so just walk away

Its late now.
Time to pack up n go for lunch.

baby just say goodnight
I'll be gone tomorrow
baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
baby just walk away
you know I can't stay
there's no easy way to say goodbye
so baby just say goodnight

I dont want to know.
That's why.

baby just say goodnight

Baby just say goodnight - The Click Five

lifes a piece of shit

Depressed,

not stressed.

.
Now Depressed And Stressed.

.

I Hate You.

.

Angry.

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

WHY do ppl have to MAKE A BIG DEAL out of EVERYTHING n MESS UP EVERYONES LIVES along with IT?!

GAH!

Taking my anger out on ppl for something thats my own fault.

sigh..

I was up before 11.
UP B4 11!!

I DO NOT NEED TO BE HERE!

I COULD HAVE GONE EARLIER!

WHY! WHY DID I STAY!

GAH!

Its is now almost 2.
ALMOST 2.
Do ppl NOT NEED TO EAT?!
WORK??

WORK!!

Taking out my anger on ppl for something thats my own fault.

THIS is why i hate telling ppl what or when im doing whatever i plan to do bcoz YOU are NOT a part of it n DEN i have to LIVE MY LIFE according to WHAT IVE TOLD YOU!

BAH!

WHICH I DONT WANT!

BAH!

WHY do i have to be RESTRICTED just for your WHIMS!


register. retain. recall.

i get it.

Im not even registering. Thats why.

sigh....

help. need help.

N i cant tell You anything bcoz den you'll call me depressed or emo. (or sad apparently. who cares what you think.)

which i am.

Why cant i be depressed.


register. retain. recall.

/ That is depressing. /

sigh...

can you say f.u.c.k.e.d.

.
Campaign to be un-emo is not working?
This is angry.
n depressed.
not emo.
n if it is the same.
So what?

i AM screwed.
Im allowed to emo along with the rest of you.

sighhhhhh..

Save me save me save me.
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllpppppppppppp!

P.S. I need to lose flab.
P.P.S Why do i not have any clothes to wear? Hm.

bu shi wan quan dou wei le ni

I was not being emo.

I was not blogging emo-ly.

I was just having some thoughts

n i put them down.

I HAve been very emo alot for a while

but atleast, Not the last few ones.


So maybe you guys just cant tell?.

One Can have thoughts without being Emo about them.

n one cant help what thoughts those are.

But whatever.


Not every post is an emo post.

But really, fine with me what you think.


Now This is an emo post.

or rather, an angry post.

Bcoz Now i am pissed off n angry n stressed.

over things n things n things n things to do.

Just great.

(i Cant Do This!)

*breathes...*


So yea u can call this an emo post.

somehow

Thats what i wanted to say the other day.

The higher you climb,
the further you have to fall.

Being happy is a dangerous feeling.

I'm sorry.

So thats why i didnt want to be too happy.

all too familiar danger

But thats not really the reason is it?

hm.

-----

N it just hit me today.

That i'll be losing my friends.


N i thought it wouldn't matter.

But it does.

.
Tis the END of this stage.

This will determine the REST of your life.

This.

is Goodbye.


Guys,

N atleast I have loved you.

a sky like heaven

My thoughts for the day before.

Before n after..

Eh, Prayer is a serious issue.

Yes. it is.
(you need to know me well enough to understand my tone behind this. as it is neither reverence nor sarcasm.)

I wonder how many ppl think its fair that we ask for Gods help.
but do little for him in return.

What is required of us?

Love Him.
Be good.

?

I am not a religious person.
For me, I feel that religion is a personal matter just between me n Him.
I believe in Him.
n that is enough for me.

i know some wud say that all my arguments are just excuses.
but thats ok with me.
Personal.
so i dont believe in pleasing anyone else with this.
just like they are all free to believe how they wish.

As one of my biggest problems with the way ppl handle religion,
is that they tend to turn to God only when they need something from him.
They ask for that they want.
Get it or not,
they den forget about Him
until the next time they need Him again.

Not everyone. i understand that.
There are many who Love him like 'they say He should be' loved.
Maybe they know to Thank him.
n stuff.

But this is me.

N so basically, my deal with myself is.
I dont ask God for things.
as much as i can help it.
bcoz i know that i dont thank Him or go to him otherwise.
this is probably still wrong ofcoz but anyways

So i dont pray to God for things.
cept for very big ones..
when i feel i really need Him.
or when i feel that i should please ask him for something.

Generally.
I dont pray for exams.
i dont pray for results.
i dont pray for gifts.
n so on.
you get the picture i hope.

/ n i personally find it.. odd.
that the ppl i know who Are supposed to get this prayer / religion issue right-er than me
pray for things like,
an ipod to heal. /

Anyways.

The last few days..
there were some events that might have needed a prayer or two.
An exam.
n the release of important results.

I feel that i did not go all out to ask him for things that i do not deserve.

bcoz in a way i semi felt that i had so called used up my quota of prayers.
ahem.
made clearer later.
its stupid i know.
but its how i rationalize to myself.

However i must admit that i did not completely not involve Him.

I did (quickly) ask for calm during the exam.
- N i received.

N then i pointedly refused to ask for anything during said important results day...
- But i received anyways.
n this i must remember to thank Him n be grateful for.

---

Does God exist?

i wont argue but i believe so.

n
Some, 4 months ago,
I asked hard for something one long hard night.
you have to understand. it was a humanly impossible situation
out of the blue..
N He saw it fit to grant it to me.

---

So tonight.
I will remember to give Him all the thanks He is due.
(n i hope that its enough)


N I'm better than that too.

static

Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don't you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don't think so.

Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won't come around here anymore
Come around here? I don't think so.

~
- its really quite hilarious, really, aint it? =P
Well it cracks me up!
Maybe coz i first got the lyrics wen i watched the vid..
which is, as i said, hilarious. =P

-----

First, i must apologise about not replying comments.
Will get down to it soon..

But blog is currently potentially going through partial / semi / hemi(paraplegic) / transient / superficial / i-cant-find-the-perfect-word,
reform and/or (but probably not) hiatus.

/ n so is owner. /

Dont worry.
It will not be noticeable to you.
Only under microscopic examination.

[n the keyword?? It is 'potential'.]

N if you think this stems from studying too much,
you are wrong.
It is Clearly from all the hours spent thinking of how i Shud be studying.

yes yes.

Which btw...
Sleep calls! Loudly indeed..
But lectures to finish today (ie, yesterday.)

One week to exam! N i have yet to touch anything!
Such a surprise! Yet all too familiar yes?
hee. not like this before.
but oh well.

(GAH)

I have dragged my butt off my inviting bed n plonked myself in front of here.
bcoz this is less guilt inducing than sleeping.
hah..

-----

The antz of my computer table seem to be diabetic.
But not of diabetes mellitus ie. high blood sugar, which atLeast makes sense! as the norm.
But of diabetes insipidus. the high water kind!

Why?!

I leave me mug on the table.
Which had previously been filled only with water!
N they come flogging around n Into my mug!

What is This?!

Antz that go after water!

BAH!

-----

I forget what else...

sleep is really calling...

sigh..

that is not good ok..

Anyways, whatever it be,
appointment made..
gotta up early morrow..

Must. Work. Hard.
Eventually..

How?!


What else?

---

/ I am angry n so i wont say.
But you should pick the best thing for you.
Regardless of all else.
(dont bother pretending)

It is big.
But it is all small.

But i wont have to know.

you're right.
u like la.

lol.

The wrong kind of lucky.

But nothing matters.

I Am better than that. /

---
I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away