hows it gonna be

So many things in life are circumstantial.

N when relationships are

it gets you thinking alot.

My voice changes when i speak to you.

I dunno why.

- sometimes its scary -

But i know you dont really care.

N what about the other?

if onlys n circumstances that didnt work out that way.

n why not either? when you try.

So its fate.

Time, place, date.

N nothing more or less?

N atleast i have some time with you.

Even if it means nothing to me or you.

.

Everytime it makes a noise

i think of you.

or not, im not sure.

But its such a familiar sound

n it all used to tie in with you.

Tho its been a while.

such a while.

Familiarity,
that maybe I am misinterpreting.

.

I dreamt this morning about a message.

It was a good one, a nice one.

N half of it was filled with chinese words that didnt make sense

that neither of us could read.

hah.

But it held pleasant words

n when i woke up n realised it was just a dream,

it was disappointing.

but brief,

coz i had not expected more than that.

They say you dream to deal with unresolved issues.

(I wonder what that says about my friend, who dreamt that she was the rubospinal tract (a tract in the brain) n she was Lost in the brain! N found herself at the Pyramidal decussations! N got scared! Coz they were Much bigger than her, the rubospinal tract, N she was far away from where she was supposed to be! Haha!)

So does this dream help me deal with my issues in my subconscious,

so that having been dealt with, i wudnt have to worry about it when awake.

Or does it Tell me how to go about resolving my issues.

The words to say.

N words that i would receive.

You say that i see it the wrong way
but so did you..

But everythings fine.
The world is fine.

How did it ever come to this,
do you wonder sometimes.

.

I dont hate you.

But this is not how the world sorts out.

.

Why does my so called sincerity work out this way?

Maybe bcoz im now trying to Love myself more than i Love something else.

N that effectively removes said sincerity.

Bcoz years of 'sincerity' was only met with hurt.

abandonment.

Bcoz sometimes, alot of times,

sincerity hardly matters.

N tainted, as someone would probably attest to.

tainted somewhere along the line.

Nothing about this could be considered sincere.

not even in the past maybe.

Maybe thats why.

As said person would be the first to say.

N trying just doesnt equal to being..

.

~ Would you find it in your heart,
would you let me rest in pieces ~

.

N im hurt that you would think that of me.

haha. right.

N it is bcoz i care, that i say that i dont.

Whatever makes you happy.

But i do not deserve to be blamed for any unhappiness...

Thats not how it works out.

Not me.


N somethings i just dont admit..

But that doesnt make it any less true.

.

But i doubt i am that lucky.

.

So hows it gonna be.