proprietary

It was at 14 when she left the school one afternoon to make a call.
n on her return i questioned her on who it had been.
She said, "Boyfriend!" Followed by a quick denial of "Nah.. hehe.."

N from it i did infact conclude that it was probably her boyfriend, previously unmentioned.
but i didnt push it.
Years later, after we had grown much closer, i checked back on it and received an affirmative on my suspicions.

.

He made a reply to my question of why he had been quiet of late, at that time,
with a "Coz found new gurl gurl in campus ma!" Again with a quick "No la, haha.."

N again it seemed just obvious that is was in fact the truth, n the reason for his distance.

2 years later, they are currently seeing each other.

.

In his car, the other day, when in answer to my question on his days activities, he had claimed to have been moody in the morning,
i followed with a 'why'.
N he answered "Coz she bully me." "no la.."

Same conclusion. n so i changed the subject.

.
All this,
n maybe all the same with
(tho it is not registered in my head as the same category.. but maybe i have a different box for him.)

When his "what Have you done?", implying that i had in fact done nothing, was said quickly, with an accusatory tone.
n following my shocked silence, covered with another denial.

how could i not know that he had meant what he said?

oh normally i would have ended this at that.
to convey the feelings that id feel that would convey.
but i guess those feelings are not what i want to stress on right now..

-

Lookin at some things earlier i found myself remembering
some of the dumb-er things i used to get upset over in my last relationship.

I wonder if id still do the same now.

many things, on the way i would feel,
i know would remain the same..

but for some, i guess i hope not.

tho that they do show me how he feels
still remains true to me..

hmm.

-

he's got me thinking, that i love you.

so she said, 'whats the problem, baby'

Seems alot harder for me to blog these days..

hmm.. i mean..
i really tend to just open the page (if i actually get to it..) n stare at it for hours..

not that theres nothing to say..
heh.

jus.. the getting it out part.
the how.

hmm.

--

if you ask me why i was nice to a certain somebody..
haih..

it was just appearances la i guess..

what was i to do?

heh.

--

Today we went to the Bangsar place again.

Yumm.

altho i have to say it wasnt as excellent as the first time..
probably the expectation y'noe..
but if you (i) think about it.. relatively, it is still frikin good la.
hah..

yum..

First thing i did,
dive into the crab!
n it was all soft n nice ahhhh..
But, but, eventho that is how i like it.. Dyu know it is actually a sign that the crab isnt all too fresh?
That the flesh is soft n mushy..
hahaha..
but yea.. that is kinda sorta how i like it.. the mushy bit not the unfresh bit sniff..
i know, im weird.

Den my mum was like.. "hmm.. the crabs not fresh."
n my response was? (somewhere along the lines of) "enjoy first, pay later."
=P hahaha..
n i tell you, i Am paying now man. haha..

--

Yesterday
one of the most stressful/drama days of my life man.
hah..

well started off that way man..
full of trepidation n stress!....

but ah well.

at the end of the day, it ended with me watching 300 again
which was awesome n so much fun. (the watching i mean. the shows excellent we already know tat. :p)
n put me in an excellent mood.
hah.

but oh before that..
its funny how much drama stuff can happen in one day man.

one of them being
how i had initially planned to go out that day (aft work ofcoz =/) to run some personal errands n stuff..
n den coincidentally my dad suggested that we do go out.
great right?
except that had me waiting for them till 7pm..
till 8pm..
n den till 9pm. -_-"
n den too late.
Hah!

Boy was i stressed/pissed at that point!
mostly bcoz i had jus woken up from a nap (while waiting for them :p) n was still groggily annoyed. :p
but you know.. also bcoz they always do that!
'lie' to me y'noe!
haha.. i mean.. not do what they say we'll do..
when here i am desperate to get my butt out of the house. haha.

yea man.
Can you tell how Coop-ed up i am!
haish!
haha..

but oh well.
n den shortly after that fiasco.
i was asked to go out to the car to get something.
n man when i stepped out of the gate it was like..
(seriously, i kid you not)
Open space! Night sky! Fresh Air!!
Freeeeeeeeedom!!!

GodDam im deprived man.

hahaha

--

Oh well.
today we did get to go out.

I went n got a bouquet for Mothers Day.
arranged for it to be delivered tomorrow.

probably got ripped off but ah..
watudo..
just hope its decent/nice.

haha..

also got my most excellent choc cake!
Which i jus ate some of!
yay!
most excellent!

den walked around
whiled time away
nothing much to see

felt lonely.

but ahh..
*shrugs*

atleast it needs to take its turn with feelings like this
where i guess i have to say
that im glad that i dont need any one right now..
its not a bad place to be..

n den dinner was out again.
at Bangsar like i said.

:p

--

oh i had a bunch of emo stuff to say
but ive forgotten them by now..

bed soon.
work at 9 tmr.
haih..

Tummyache.

haha.
maybe i shudnt be pushing my stomach like this..
considering i have (forgotten if ive said this) been having sporadic diarrhoea for the past.. month or so, since ive been back from Perth. (yes, perth)

heh.

--

I know i might rant / complain / lament / stress out over
some things

but i Do know that God has his plan.

i know we want good things but
good things tend to come attached with hope
n hope in such cases leads to disappointment.
because of this thing, expectation.

no expectations, no disappointment see?

haih.. yea..

it can be quite sad going into a situation without good things with you..
but if you hold back that expectation..
n trust in Gods plan..

it might work out for you.

might.

because we dont like to have expectations here.

:)...

Im sorry for the people i love..
who, are having things not work out for them right now..
but, tho, good things might bring with them disappointment..
they are still good things after all..
i hope you can hold on to that..

--

sigh..

5am. off to bed.
work tmr.

sigh.

Shit on that front coz im up to the brim,
'bout had it with
i guess its the smothering i feel...

i think im at the edge..
which'is why i get stressed out so much..

oh haih..

light to guide you

insomnia..

what a surprise..
haih..

(yes, tho its 5.50am, n im awake.. i actually tried sleeping here n not just stayed up..)
(actually.. i kinda did sleep.. den i woke n cudnt get back to sleep. -_-" sigh..)

thoughts :

i dont know if i am going in too deep..
maybe not but.. i jus have bad feelings right now..

n why do i feel like the bad guy?
(in what i have no idea.....)
just this general bad feeling...

n i dunno if im doing the right thing..

also..
i just did something that..
if it doesnt work (n i dont think its gonna work... not the actual goal.. haih..)
i am gonna be held responsible for something...
haih..

in fact, i dunno what im doing...
haih..

-

i think, i think, (as if its not clear enough..) i am emo-ing.

haha..

oh man..
is it whats been happening recently thats got me thinking alot?

or was i at this stage anyways?

sigh..

i wanna say things like..
i need to know..

but i know i dont..
n i shudnt..

haih..

lol.. ok this emo-ing thing is not good. :p

someone else job, that.

hah.

Fix You - Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

PS : OMG! Baby you wouldnt believe what has happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hhahhahahahahhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

Soon! You shall be hearing stories about a certain person u know ok!

omg.. that is so weird.. hahahhahaa..

good luck man. (i pray for you that there are no sexual details involved. ahem)

haha..

the ticking clock

Today is monday.

i woke up early to drive my dad somewhere.
the night before there wasnt too much sleeping, tho not none either..
i escaped to my room early(ier than normal) actually bcoz of the serious lack of sleep the night before that, knowin tat i wud need some.
(n oso bcoz i was semi drained of any will to wait)
but i spent most of the time reading, and postponing sleep bcoz there was something i had to Do before sleeping. only i postponed n postponed. n eventually didnt do it.
hmmm.

the week before saw me giving up, tired of any form of waiting.
s'funny how much you can miss out on in a week...

today i have slept 3 times so far.
once was the customary night/morning sleep.
nex was just before work.
n lastly after work where i konked out eventho i knew i technically oni had an hour, bcoz there was a prior arrangement of a meeting at night.

that was 8..
oh was it only half an hour?
coz at half past i heard from the boy.
so then i spent the nex hour, hour and half reasoning to myself about getting up and (also) replying.
which meant for that hour i was basically dreaming that i had made my reply n stuff, while constantly waking up.
hmmm.
finally forced myself out of bed before 10, bcoz i felt duty bound to find out why dear friend had screamed. (:p haha)

by then the boy wasnt interested in replying anymore.
hmmm.

n den i find dear friend busy peebling, jus before the powers that be (higher powers my dear, not the one in the nex room.. haha..) make it clear that i will not be hearing about any screaming. bcoz someone needs to be studying. :p
(we believe in signs from above. right? haha.. well you better la :p)

so what did i get up for?
there was something else i needed to do.. but i felt that it wud be too late n too long n i wasnt up for stayin up again.. n because i knew how likely it wud be that after all that waiting, i wud end up being slighted anyways.
luckily, without having to purposely wait too long, i managed to get something sorta done..

(altho i also have to admit.. i made a mistake somewhere tonight.. altho it wasnt my responsibilty, n hence nor my fault.. i guess i shudve been a lil bit more observant n prevented other ppls mistakes. hmm.)

ahh. i apologize that i have not / will not / cannot make things clear.

i need to head to bed soon.
bcoz tmr is another early day.
n so is the day after i believe.

n hmm i am due for my 2nd 2nd booster for hep B.
past due for over 3 weeks.
die. argh.


why another pointless post?


Today is monday.

some people are studying; some people are bumming.
some people are sleeping; some people cannot.
some people are breaking hearts; some people have their hearts broken.
some people are tired; some people are fighting to hold on.
some people are busy working very hard, n only have time for certain other some people; some people are wishing n avoiding.

some people have the right to be hurt; some people do not.
some people are traveling to where their hearts lie; some people are running away.
some people need to fight so hard just to survive n stay strong; some people think they wanna try, but are never sincere enough.

Today is monday.

i miss you.
i miss who you are.

today is monday n today i get to hear the truth.
which is all i needed.

n which reminds me of your truth.
which i have always known, but never got.

i wonder how many yrs it took me accept n admit your truth.
that you never gave.

Today is monday.

Some people know you do have the time for them; some people know you do not.

whatever to all the whatever people

bout 7am.

Stayed up 2 nights till this time, gaming.

hoh.

Maybe stopped a lil earlier today..
but surely played alot longer considering i was at it even before dinner time.

Such is the way i burn my saturday/oni free day.
hmm.
as you can tell.. very sad very sad..
hah.

just went thru 11 levels of a special stage,
with limited resources ok.
only to die at the very last one. (the 12th. just in case u cant count. no offense tho.)
probably at the last 2 demons too.
(which, jus for the heck of it i shall mention, means i burned up my health, my herbs + medicine (n oso medicine i obtained Der.), my demon warrior transformation! (bwahahahahhaa) (which gives me full health n special powers), n my special get-out-of-death tablet (no thats not what its called). juuuuus in time. pffft.)
ugchh.
hah. but that means i get to go again i guess. hmm.

oh watever.

Bed call, tho im not tired.
but work to attend to tmr, gotta be up in a couple hrs.
perfect.
oh well..
cant complain..
dodged work for a week now.
pffft.

gotta find me a better one (ie. Not Home-based! :p)
soon.

sigh.

So.
Do you know what this means?


{this was a completely pointless post.}

how long

i am in a difficult place.

right now,
i dont know what to say
n yet i have so many things to say.

not that thats anything new.

right now,
i am forcing myself to write something
just so i can get Some of this nonsense out of my head..
n be done with it..

hate..

if you must know.
i am tired.
i am tired of people treating me... the way that they have been treating me..
i am tired of holding on..
of being alone
n yet forgiving, forgetting
always forgetting
in just a moment.

tired of making light of situations
that actually do really bother me
hurt
annoy me.
just because i care.
i give a flying ****
maybe i bring it up so much.. tho 'jokingly'.. because i actually DO care.
just like how you make a statement that you immediately brush off, but i Know that you kind of meant it.
Cant you tell?!
or do you just selectively choose to ignore it.

I MISS YOU.
Cant you tell?!
When was the last time you actually TALKed to me..
ive waited.... 5,6,7, maybe more months now.. i cant rmmbr..
but we have to count it as 3.
your 3 months.
how much longer do i have to wait?
so tired of waiting.. of giving you a break..
but really.. this is too much.
what happened to your promise?
or even common sensibility.
i am Being Understanding. but how much am i expected to give and look past n wait?
Until what?!
Where is the line? when will it finally be enough for you to cross back?

If i let you get used to Ignoring me so much, as if you'd ever get back.

How many times have i thought to myself that i WILL finally tell you.
tomorrow.
next week.
when i see you.
Just get to it n Tell you.
because we can get past that.
because i am allowed to get mad at you n you are allowed to get mad at me for getting mad at you, as long as we can solve it.
But i always put it off.
i never actually do it. why?
i dont know..
n how many times have i gotten mad n thought that id had enough of it, only to forgive you the next time i heard from you, or just when i missed you.

What kind of answer is a 'heh' when i tell you that i am feeling alone.
or did i have to put that word in there to make it clear.

this is why i wont let you come here...
because i do in fact talk about you.

sigh..

n i have focused it on one person, it seems, today.
but in actual fact, it isnt just one.

how many have been acting the same?
have not cared
have not tried.
it is not enough.
Is it because you think i have done nothing?
or you just forgot to care.

i am tired. ok?
i am tired of waiting.

i am tired of my stupid phone.

i miss you..
i miss you..
but i hate you.

because..

it is like..
when you're sent to a rehab facility.
lockdown, n they detox you n keep you safe inside, away from the real word.
n ppl get clean after a while
n they worry about steppin out into the real place because
that is where life is
where things happen
where the temptations are.

it is like that.

n my forage into reality.
was my own fault.
but with stupid results.
all the thoughts of how i am ok..
i am not.
i am. but i am only strong in what i am doing.

as long as reality stays the hell away.
'reality' can #^&* off for the rest of my life n i wouldn't be any less off.

so i hate you.
i hate you for the betrayal that you make me feel.

...
sometimes
sometimes all i need from you is an apology.
admit and apologize.
Just admit.
which is something you have always refused to do, god knows why.
why do i keep bringing it up?
because you have never bothered to admit it. when we both know that i was right.
or are you still not admitting that.
for once.. if you would just admit that you were wrong...
then i would drop it.

sometimes.
but maybe not now.

stop pretending that everything is ok.
your faking it just isnt gonna make it go away.
really... do you really think things are just magically gonna fix themselves?
...

so, thank you for leaving me like this.
you get every freaking thing you want.
you get to beat me.
you get to pretend.
thank you for leaving me in this mess.

if you only knew...........

n i cant even put my words up here anymore.

oh how much i really care

bcoz elly said so

Aha! i blog!

n yet i blog to says i be the gone now... hmmm.. :p

Me hasnt blog for a while bcoz me had big story to blog n hence has put off all little stories so no blog. =/
Also me has been too lazy to blog big story.
Bad me, Bad. :p

Me has only been thinking aBout bloggin big stories lots n lots
n end up staring at blogging page lots n lots
or run to room to think of me love.. (haha..)
n promptly end up sleeping.
hmmm..

ANYWAYS
me is the blog now bcoz me is the going to the land of no cyberspace for a while n therefore has valid excuse to not blog. =P
(n so must tell everyone)
n also bcoz elly said so. :p

hokay.
Me has to the go now hokay?
hokay.

Take care muax muax! :p

its in your hands..

so i know im supposed to write the rest of the story..

but i guess i just haven't been able to..

at that point when i was stuck in the hospital n computer deprived, oh i had so much to say..
but not for the last few days..
when my high was finally messed up a lil n brought down..
n i cudnt really get it back up.. not all the way..

because the very reason that made me so high..
i know im gonna lose in less than a week..
n thats whats been on my mind the last few days..
once the euphoria began to wear off..
it was the thought of losing it that has made me moody n lost..

...
i dont know how to continue anymore..
which has been my problem i guess..

how do i tell you i love someone that i dont really 'love'..

-
i dont think you could make me happy anymore..
i dont think you could really understand..
it'll just be one of the million things u listen to.. because it is told to you..
i dont think you could hold me n fix things..
how do i tell you.....?

-
there is someone i 'love'.. only i dont..
there is someone im infatuated with..
there is someone that makes me so happy but not because he makes me happy..
hah..
there is someone who makes me so crazy.. so crazy over him n his..
that this is so so crazy.. (oh man.. hahahahhahaaaaa...)

this is weird..

(of all the crazy infatuations.....)

n i'll never see you again..

-
my parents are fighting again.
i hate hate hate that they do.

-
the song i added on my sidebar?
amp it up n its the most amazing thing...

i wish i knew how to hold on to you

Remember all that bragging about hardly ever falling sick or needing to see a doc?

Well all that 'pride' led me to my 'downfall' this Wednesday when i found myself at the Emergency Department (ahem :p) of the friendly neighbourhood hospital, about to be admitted.

Ahem.

Wellll.. The drama started, well somewhere in the middle atleast.. with me heading to the doc for the Third time this year! And its only April! (ok ok.. third probably if you count that time at the end of Dec when i did all my bragging n complaining bcoz it was a Day b4 my Finals!) (n also not count the time i went for my immunisation jabs. which im again due for. dammit.)

But like i said (altho i might wanna stop all the bragging now.. hmm.. haha) i tend not to go for the colds, n the flus maybe if i can handle them. Mostly i only seek treatment for Stomachache n diarrhoea n upchucking n such, that dont stop on their own.

Well so it was again this time. Tho without diarrhoea or vomiting, i suddenly found myself a sufferer of a most mysterious stomachache. This, if i remember correctly, was just after id used the bathroom, so considering my bowels were n felt pretty much empty, i didnt think that it cud be that. So, next guess being hunger, i tried taking a banana. But to no avail. The intensity of the ache increasing, i decided maybe its like gastric or something (because the last 2 times i hand some mysterious stomachache that i cudnt figure out the cause to.. coz they didnt seem like hunger! haha.. it turned out to be gastric.) n tot id have some rice. But the food didnt help either. So it was settled that i probably have to abandon That idea.

In the mean time, i was talking to my dear dear friend (ahem) n told her of how i cudnt Figure out the cause of all my suffering! N being the oh so nice friend that she is.. my dear Elly then proceeded to curse me with a "Maybe its gastroenteritis!!" Oh God Knows who put that in Her head! (The evils of pbl apparently... :p) n so.. whiles putting up the front of the affronted friend, I secretly when in search of this 'gastroenteritis' on reliable ol' Wiki.. (because we All know how wise this woman actually is. ahem.. :p) n Heres what i Found!

"Worldwide, inadequate treatment of gastroenteritis kills 5 to 8 million people per year,"

My oh my what great friends i have... sniff... (haha)
N because our friendship is one of complete honesty (bwahahahhahahahahhahaaaa) i immediately confronted my dear friend (see how many times im inserting endearments here elly? hahaa..) only to have her adamantly reply "Aiyah you! Its not like you live in south africa or something!"

hahahaaaa.. :p

Back to my attempt to diagnose my condition and alleviate my pain, i decided to return to the only other alternative for stomach pain left available (if you rmmbr that i myself wud know if it was gender related.. n it wasnt.. :p hence eliminating That option.) eventho i didnt feel as if there was anything left to evacuate, i still headed upstairs to Attempt to empty my bowels because, hey, what choice did i have left?
N nope, zip, nada, didnt work.
Pfft.

So there i was lying in bed, rolling around in pain, ahem, TRYING for a bright idea to End all the crap.
What oh what cud it be??? A pain that neither food nor toilet helped, nor cud be explained by womens issues. oh the dilemma.
Cud it be appendicitis?????
But no... its a generalised pain all over.. n not localised to the RIF (right iliac fossa, lower right quadrant of your abdomen, where your appendix is, n where pain would usually be localised at in the event of the inflammation of the appendix.)

So, when you're in pain n no where to go, what do you do?!
Next stop, Mummy!!!
Tho my mummy ofcoz cud not remove my pain, but mummies are who you turn to in times of such need.. n mummies are supposed to help make u feel better! (because mummies listen to all your dumb complaints!)
N for me, my mummy is who i depend on to suggest i go see the doc, because i dont do so myself. Hahahaa.

N so after all the whining, i neither refuse nor agree when my mummy suggests going to the doctor, which is my custom, n the way i communicate (i think) my own wish to do so. hahahaa..

So there we are on the way to the doc as i was saying earlier. (n for some reason my family always makes my trips to the doc an excursion for my nephew. haha.)

At the clinic, the doctor was a locum i think, young lady, but quite nice la.
She kept calling me sweetheart n stuff. haha. so i deduced that shes from KL. or Ipoh. hahaha..
First thing, i tell her im having stomachache. N i tot the first questions would be nausea or diarrhoea or that sorta thing. But instead, she asked me, when was my last menstrual period. -_-" (or maybe she asked me if i was pregnant first. can you say sweat? :p) so i gave her my dates, but she was still a lil skeptical.. haha.. n my mum didnt help either. hahahahahahaa..

Anyways, den she starts poking around to see where the pain is right.. n im like yes (pain), yes,
n den she pokes my RIF, n i pullback with a woohhhh noo..
haha.. n den you can see her eyes widen like us kids do when we stumble upon a textbook symptom to diagnose a case. haha.
but im like.. no its not painful, just ticklish.. hahaa.. (denial much? :p)

But she makes me lie down right.
n shes still askin me questions?
She : any nausea?
me : no.
She : hows your urine?
me : *lost* fine?
She : haha fine. Joker la you.
-_-" hahahahhaaa... right.. How am i supposed to know what she means right? ok fine.. i guess i Am kinda supposed to know she might mean colour, abnormality, pain n all that.. but at that point she didnt know that i might know. :p

n then she starts a proper exam.
*Palpate from the area furthers away from the pain (Man i love seeing this med stuff in action man!)
So she starts from, diagonally across, the Left Hypochondrium, and moves downwards, n then up the middle, n down the right to make an S.
*Palpate the area of greatest tenderness last.
Altho i was probably ow-ing for all the lower 6 quadrants. (there are 9)

n while shes palpating shes still asking me questions right..
n she starts asking me something about.. whether my lifestyle is overwhelming.
haha. in retrospect, i think she meant something along the lines of am i sexually active?!
hahahahahaa..

I already know she sorta suspects appendicitis right.
n for appendicitis, we have this special test. Rebound tenderness over McBurneys point (which is at the RIF).
A positive McBurneys is "deep palpation of McBurneys point, tenderness is illicited upon release of pressure."
So she presses down,
me : ow
Releases
me : oww
me : *realisation very quickly sets in* Oh shit. -_-"

She : Haa.. When I press down here, n release and its painful, do you know what that means?
me : *resigned* appendicitis. (actually what i said was probably appendix. but thats what i meant. haha)

She continues with the palpating i think but she starts talking to me bout stuff..
n she starts telling me bout how it cud also be PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) because i do have pain over the suprapubic quadrant n all over actually.
n im like "ohh shit."
at that point i forgot what id learn bout PID. except that it kinda really sucks. but when i eventually got home i finally looked up on it n remembered that its kinda related to STD's. See i told you she was still suspicious of my sexual history. haha..
because my mum was right there n she cudnt ask me straight out. or she cud, but shes obviously smart enough to know if i was id probably lie about it anyways. haha.
n im all like arghhh crap..
She : Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, do you know what that is?
me : *meekly* yea..
She : You read it somewhere?
me : yea.. kinda..
She : Where'd you read it from?
n thats where it comes out what im studying..
heh..

Anyways.. den shes back at her table n shes telling me how i might have Appendicitis, so she has to refer me to a HOSPITAL to get an ultrasound n blood test to see.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!

First stage : Denial!
me : *trying to dissuade her, because serious stuff never happens to me!* but doc, when you press down the pain is deep, but when you release, its on the surface!
She : *narrows eyes* Peritonitis is inflammation of the covering of what?
me : *very meekly* peritoneum.

hahahahahahahaaaa...

Hah. n so amidst other talk, my docs like hurry, go go quick quick quick!
n so out we go from the room to await the referral letter n stuff.
n den Still very much in denial, i start telling my mum, maybe its just gastric. :p n i say, but she didnt even ask me about diarrhoea n such stuff..
so my mum makes me go in again to tell her, eventho i also say that she'll still make me go hosp anyways coz McBurneys was positive.

so in i go again,
me : doc, my mum wants me to tell you that i had diarrhoea twice this morning.
doc : Are You Sexually Active?!
(ROFL...)
me : nooo...
doc : Are you Sure??
me : yes...
(hahaha..)
doc : hmm ok. no you still have to go to the hospital, because appendicitis presents that way sometimes right sweetheart.. go go quick quick go!

-_-"

-

broken dreams

I just realised that both the vids kinda look like porn. haha..

-
What i learned in the last 2 weeks,

You never really know what a terrible singer you are, until you play Singstar. =P

.
Was playing the Palm Centro Music challenge thingy.
where they play a snippet n uve to figure out what song or artist or whatever it is..

I am now officially a music junkie.
haha..

Quite fun.
haha.
n really dam addictive.

i kept playin n going to myself..
dammit can i stop!?
but i only kept going n going. hee..

-
n den i watched Crash.
which im sure i must have blogged about before.

its a pretty good movie.

in the begining scenes when the two black boys were complaining bout ppl being racist n den went ahead n proved the stereotype, that was pretty funny.

n the scene with the little girl..
eventho i already knew what was gonna happen.. when her father grabbed her n stuff..
i cried! (awww.. sniff sniff! haha..)

oh n den Over The Hedge was on.
i cant believe ive actually never seen it.

-
Oh well, so thats why ive been up till now.
which is 6.30 in the morning.

n its quite sad because ive got to work again tmr.
(after havin worked today. hrmph.)

Well, gd night!

-
P.S. As much as i like being up real late sometimes..
if it gets to 5-6am..
well.. something happens around that time..
n.. well. it tends to make me think.
n that makes me sad.

heh.


Oh yea.
ive just got this remix of Boulevard of Broken Dreams with Wonderwall.
haha that was pretty cool. :p

baby,

I love you baby..



Even if we put aside the video

I neeeeeeed you, i love you!
(aha!)

You're the one who makes me happy on any dark or gloomy day.
You make my heart light n give me goosebumps.
Anything n everything about you. (tho ofcourse thats just being romantic. im not a fan of the smoking n if i saw anything on drugs i wudnt like That. or whores. lets not forget the whores. :p)

I told you i'd always love you.

(I told you, baby.)

-

n on the side we have this,
just for kicks..



-

So 3 of my boys are (have been!) in Thailand (for so long)

Please, please please Pllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaase!!!

Dont sleep with the whores!!! (i mean the Actual ones... not name calling anybody! :p)

(oh n the 4ths gay so.. hes covered. (but atleast hes in Clean ol' Canada (well, Clean-ER!!)))

ahem.
no offense.

but no one wants you dying an early death. :p

you're too young n too.. educated (tho technically.... :))
to do anything stupid ok?
ok.

(btw that song with the Thai girl was freaky boys. (the only bright part was that beautiful line you did with no other sound...)

Muacks.

n back to the story,

I love you baby.

You make me happy.

12 days into April

12 days into April.

I should hate this day. (actually i cudve used the same line for the past 3 days.. but lets just keep that to ourselves.. more drama.. :p)

but im too busy being in a decent mood to care.

(Altho admittedly im not exactly IN a decent mood... not now anyways.)

Well there are somethings i can choose not to care about
or attempt to, some aspects of it anyways.... -_-"...

// Gah! Why do you frikin tempt me.
I am not pure anymore. *angry* //

I wanna say that im not gonna go n actively make myself miserable..
bcoz misery is doing a pretty good job by itself..

but i cant, bcoz i already semi failed myself.

hmm.

stupid..... shameless.........

........

oh who am i kidding?

I Hate this F****** day.
.


whatever way it may be.. it doesnt matter..
i have already failed.. long time ago..

rejoice all you want.

-

Friends dont judge their friends vices.
they help them through it.

i wish you were a little bit more understanding.

-

You expect too much of me.
without even considering how little you are willing to give.

is MIA no more

yes, that be true.
tho that is only a technicality. as always.

this be not the way i wanted to do this but oh ah well..

is most most tired now.
bcoz I has been up high n about since 10pm last night.
n it is now almost 6pm.
n i have not gotten to sleep..
cept maybe an hr or 2 of a snooze here or there.. :( (i is So poor thing no? :p)

but u must understand that that means that i have been up.. for Ages now..
becoz i is up since 10am yesterday?? (n again.. now is 6pm of the Nex day.. hee)

So den you will understand,
why i is so the piss n the mad jus now..
when after all the high n about was over n i tot i cud be the sleep a lil..
me dad is the say i must come to the work.

so now i is at the work.
(whilst obviously Not working.. as yous can see.. :p)

Buuut...
The Friends have the power to make one less angsty..
n one (ie. me) is much less angsty now..
(as you Must be able to tell.. :p)

So, Yay. =)

n Oh!
I is got the gooda news now!
i is the get to the go home! Now!
So that is even more yay..
n hopefully i is the get to the sleep.

tho what i really want is to go mv.
or yumcha.
or movie.
or anything.

but there is the no one who cares about me
sniff sniff snifffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
*blows nose*

so i is the go now den!

Ta! :p

i wonder..

Sometimes.. when you get to feel happy..
it gets to a point n den.. it can feel like nothing else matters..

only, before long you'll see that you're wrong.. n it does..

i wish that beauty could give you a happiness that could really last..




i hate happiness..
coz it only means that sucky things are gonna come up n bite me in the ass..

-

i dont understand how you can not miss me and not even drop me a line!
im here n i think of you.
every kookaburra n every gum tree..

-

its almost 4am.. i guess i really better go..
ppl are gonna be up in a few hours..
ive been staring at this screen for a couple hours i think..

also i have something that i think i have to do tonight.. but im not sure how im gonna..

-

i wonder how it is..

special / special-er

Warning, emo post ahead.

I hate my own thoughts..
i hate whats on my mind, what goes through my head!

-
Why bother.. when theres nothing there to find anyways.

-
I know exactly the kinda guys i tend to love / fall for..
not that ive Never told you guys (oh one too many times..)

those wounded ones.. the injured souls..
all misunderstood n hurting inside!
(haha! it is so hilarious(ly lame) sayin it..)

those complicated ones that just need that special someone.

but they All deserve someone special.
theres a particular type, which is a one for each of em.
so special that special isnt enough to describe them..
haha..

But thats whats so sad
because i know i could never be good enough for them.
those kinda guys that i love?
i could never be good enough for them.
not even if you're special or special-er.


now how can that not make you sad.

hmm.

-
maybe its just too boring n quiet in here.

.
im just so pissed n disappointed in them all...

whens it ever gonna stop?

i need you my Darcy.

P.S. now why does everyone like him anyways? i know why I do. (see above) but that Cant be why everyone else does. is it that whole secret knight doing wonderful things behind ones back thing? coz thats Certainly not why I like him. i find that reason much of a disgrace. :p pah to the perfect gentleman. come ol' imperfect complicated one. hahahaa..