the blood in your veins

I cant find the words to express how i am feeling right now..

about the many things going on..

this is not an emo post like normal,
this is past the common kind of emo..

not the little matters of the broken heart..
(that might seem trivial to this)

but the heart that bleeds for the lack of what was supposed to be unconditional love..

eventho i fixed it by finding a way to force you into a situation where you cant carry on with your petty games..
still..
the fact that you did it..
that you will continue to do it always..

the harsh tones of your voice..
the look i can imagine on your face

avoiding me..

and only last night you were talking to someone else about petty people n jealousy..

why then cant you be a lil more mature in our lives..

n you, the one who is supposed to be the adult here.

all these things just tell me that you cant love me very much
for i could never hold out on it, on people that i love..

try me, talk to me and i give you what you want.

i hate growing up n finding out this is how you feel about me.
i hate growing up n knowing that you shouldnt be this way.
i hate growing up n realising that im the only one you cud do this to.

i hate growing up n understanding that i could never think the best of you..
but i have to love you anyways.
n i do.
but do you?

you make me feel like theres nothing for me to live for

when i cant even count on your love.

you have broken, the last bit of my broken heart, that was supposed to be held whole by your love.
this is the depression that you have left me to swim through these last few days..
eventho i am sure it must have been merely a game to you..
but this is what it means to me, when you play it so lightly..

that i can never love you wholely
that i can never count on you, turn to you, run back to you.
that i shall never love you like i am ready to love another
n you have never known me, nor shall you ever know me, like some have, or will..
tho that right was yours to begin with..
n i shall never know you, or love you,
as i can another.

this is why, i run away, to find love in somebody else.