sinner

n now another one because

goddammit im so stupid.


but in the split seconds
ive passed the shouting stage

coz now im at the .................................

yea.

wateverthefook.

not like i didnt know what i was doing.

you know that its all lies right?
lies?
all of them.
especially KNOWING what you ALREADY know.
(see, atleast you know. i didnt)
yea.
n still you choose to believe them.
or say them.

hah.

oh well.
theyre all the same.

sigh.

im in trouble.

self torture is dam good for you man.
puts things way waaaay into perspective.
so much easier for me not to lie.

doesnt fix my life.
or help.
(we all know what does. (or i do atleast))
but atleast some things get much easier.

n who cares about what i need.
i know what i need.
but its not like you're gonna fix it.
so why bother lying.
or are words, lying words, just the norm for you.
(oh yea, they are. i forget.)

right.
my soul is black now.
n im ****ed.

maybe im being punished for sinning.

yea.
thats it.

P.S.
so now you get to beat me.
because all you ever want is an end.
n now that theres one.
it isnt that hard to hold on.

i know im stupid.

p.p.s.
n who will ever know what i really really want.
because its got nothing to do with what i do or say.

you pour out all the oil floating on top
so that you can enjoy the curry.