Odd Filterings. Of chocolate flowers n yellow roses.

Falling back into bad habits..
Heart breaking..
But if reasons ensue that those habits be broken out of
again...
Id be even more broken..



She looked into the stream..
n saw.. again.. wat she feared she would see..
feared.. yet always knew..
n still she'd feel that familiar pang..
everytime..
It was always the same..
she had always shruged it off..
n yet.. some part of her
died
everytime..
Will she someday, finally find wats shes looking for?
no..
cause she cant see no more..
She will never again wish for someone who can see what she cant
i think its called 'misleading' in court..



Hes never touched soft skin
Never seen sweet face
Never heard soothing sound
Never felt little hands
Never known.. love...



I cant do it..
cant..
N i know i Never did...



If you throw a hungry dog a stalk of kailan
its not his fault if he cant eat it..



I think its funny that im taking wat u used to say..
but i think its funnier still..
that it wasnt for me anyways...

Xmass

Merry Christmas everyone..

my apologies..
dun feel like bloggin..

But Have a merry Christmas..
N a great New year..

Hope you all got great presents..
n hope all the presents that weren't great, can be returned for better ones..

Yay..

Good night.

sleepy eyed

Bored out of my mind OVER studying..

decided to do this...

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Which i Have to say is total BuLL!
Wat laa...
The logical stuff i got correct ok?! *sniff* sighh..

And I Tikam the Verbal stuff for Goodness sake!! I DidnT know Wat those Words Meant!!! =P

*grins* glad to know me genius at math..(onlyyy bcoz i actually spent time counting!) dah lama give up on math d..

HahA! General Knowledge Exceptional! Isnt tat new.. :p
Now to figure out.. which ones better.. Genius? or Exceptional?.. =Ppp

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Bah.. Hmmm..

Your Kissing Purity Score: 77% Pure

You've hardly ever been kissed But the kisses you've given are very missed

Kissing Purity Test

WahHahAHhAhhaaaa!
I Have to say...
ONLY because i Didnt get a chance to do half the stuff they had there..
Not tat i didnt Want to.. :p
Give me some time.. ;)
heheee..

Hardly? hmmm Dont think so.. But missed?! Oh yea! =D

Heh.. Bored-ness eh...
NEED STUDY
sighh..

Conclusion, no matter how you try to justify the shortness of Dr. Nilesh's notes.. It takes you Damn bloody long to get through them.

Argh.

why gays make the best boyfriends

Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

---

Admiring the duality of this...

Interesting isn't it..
This is after all sung by Lifehouse..

no idea wat im talking about? haha..

Oh.. if u listen to another one of their songs, Somewhere in Between, theres actually a similar line between the two..
I know coz it was the line that grabbed my attention here.. N when i listen to Somewhere in Between, hey, there it was again..

:/

sighh...

confused now..

had a bright, beautiful path somewhere ahead of me..
its way lighted.. its beauty enticing..
unattainable, unreachable..
but there to be longed for..

now..
its surprising how imperfect one can be..
humbug
disappointing to learn ones own.. demerits..
fickle
the lights gone out..

weird..

wat am i thinking...

sighh.. need some time to think..
need help...

fishsticks

When you love someone..
You want, only the best for them..
tho technically to a certain selfish extent..
tats ok..
(coz most people believe they arent whats best for the ones they love anyways)

You want them to be happy..
you want them to be ok..

until..

Until you yourself get hurt..
a bit more here.. a bit more there..
n you lash back..

perhaps unintentionally..
perhaps subconsciously..
perhaps without admitting to even yourself, that you want to hurt them..

because you dont want to..
but you want to..

Hard to understand isn't it..

but somewhere inside you know..
that if you truly loved someone..
you'd never want to hurt them...

n from that..
you know why...

den again.. even true love is so subjective..

n when they get hurt..
perhaps you'll enjoy it for the teensiest of seconds...
perhaps..
but more likely den not..
before you know it..
you get hurt too..
n you wish they were never hurt..
wish you never hurt them..

until it happens again..

bloody vicious cycle i say..


no idea where this came from
take it any friggin way you want to
too tired
tired of blogging
tired of waiting
jus.. tired...

Take heed in what you believe in..

bye bye fishie

Once upon a time..

I have a Fishie!

fishie nice..
fishie pretty..

Fishie very loved by all those around him.. her.. it.. watever..



I love fishie very much..

:)

but now..

:(

Fishie die...




*sob*

Noooooooo!!!

bye bye dear fishie..
fishie very much missed...

:'(

a life, alive

I've known for a long time now...
weekends n muar..
give me bad karma..
very very bad karma...

sighhh...

---

Today,
I went for my first ever
Drumming lesson!

Yay!!!

(Dreamt of it last night... But for some reason... there was a guy lying on a bed.. in my drum class... Hmmmmmmm...)

N Better yet!
I got to Drive there!
N Back!!
ALONE!!!
FIRST time Every Driving ALL ALONE!
IT WAS SO COOL!!!
(Ahhhhh... the smell of Freedom is in the air!)

It was only a half hour lesson..
n i think the teacher didnt even know i was coming..
weird stuff.. haha..
But anyways.. Now i know WHY its only Half an hour!
My hand arm n leg were aching by the end of the half hour!

But it was Sooo Coooool!
*Ahhhh... the sound of two drumsticks, hitting against each other.. liberating.. =P*
I, Allyssa, Can Now Play the DRUMS!!!!
I Am OFFICIALLY KuuuuulllLLL!!!
Come on.. say it.. U know u want to..

I AM KuuuUUuuullllLLLLL!!!


And so.. I walk out a half hour later..
New pair of Drumsticks in hand..
Head held high..
walking tall and proud..

because i walk now with the knowledge that

if u PISS me OFF

I Can STICK MY DRUMSTICKS UP YOUR SORRY ASS!!!!


n den i fell down the stairs.. :/


I'm waiting for Allyssa, pure lust! Teeheeheeeeee...

tentative. mystery. memory.

Found out about this from someones blog..

postsecret.blogspot.com

where people sent in their secrets on postcards


reminds me of something

I lost my messages that day..

When you love someone - you'll do anything
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

For months now i've been keeping my phones inbox practically full..
with usually about a couple spaces free to receive new messages..
n constantly deleting the new ones
Or digging out an old one to delete when there was a new one i wanted to keep

you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone

But last week..
had my phone in the pocket of a particularly tight pair of shorts..
probably pressed on the buttons while it was squirming around in my pants..

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie
there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly

when i got home, my phones screen was at Delete All Messages..
I cancelled it, thinking for a sec that i had come close to losing all my precious messages..

but your lonely nights - have just begun
when you love someone

Only to check, n realise, that it was already too late..



Not such a big deal you might think..

But i lost a whole inbox full of messages
that i kept, obviously for a reason

when you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
and nothin else can ever change your mind

that were practically a last, scarce record.. of.. a memory

when you want someone

that i'll never get back..

when you need someone

hmmmm..

when you love someone...


no, i never lock my phone...



this one also reminds me of the same something

I realised today..

that i dont have very many.. important mail in my email account.
n that theres some mail that i wouldnt delete..

when you love someone - you'll sacrifice
give it everything you've got and you won't think twice

even if it might not have carried much meaning..
though not everyone thinks this way..

you'd risk it all - no matter what may come

in a way.. it does..

when you love someone


Been reading alot of stuff recently..
Sometimes,
u just have to wonder
about that thin line between unconditional love
n naivety


sidenote: finally figured out how to post pics


why am i .. .. .... .... ... , still...


By the way, the song on this post is by Bryan Adams.
(think the title is pretty much obvious)
i Tot i posted it before..
Admittedly, it wasnt entirely appropriate..
not that the words came out in my head exactly where i placed em..
but oh well..
Tot of posting another song up too..
overkill tho..
anyone interested can refer to She is Gone by Hidell on my lyrics section

Mehh..

opportunist

Get to know yourself better


Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


Tuh!
*rolls eyes*

...

TUHH!!!

to sell your soul

Wizard
You are a calm, shy person with an introspective
view on life. You may be skilled in some
artistic endevor. You can grow deeply attachted
to people who you are close to. You fear change
and may heap undue guilt upon yourself. You are
also a worrier.

What type of soul do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla


From where i found it.. I tot it wud be somewhat accurate..
I guess it aint tat bad..
Altho most of the questions, there wasnt an answer that i wud hav wanted to pick.. Had to settle for something.. Tat sometimes hardly fitted wat i wanted..

It now says that the quiz has been taken 50 times..
But i think the last 3 times were me. =P

(Dam.. I tot it came with a cool pic.. Aihh..)
(Dammit! I refreshed n now its 52! Last 5 times being me.. Arghh..)

it's never gonna set in

at some point you'll admit

that some things do exist..

but only an underlying layer

its not gonna be there to pick you up when you're down

---

gonna have to step up

to smarten up

to stop
look

realise.

---

the dark
the night..

its too bright.

doesnt carry the comfort it used to..

---

i know no ones gonna understand the stuff ive written.

i apologise.
tats the best i can do..

:)

sorreee.. :/

oh no

Oh, what have i done


nothing, probably

---

There are some things in existence

that you just.. know..


doesnt really help much
especially since youre usually too stubborn
to do much about it

hiding behind that veil


hope

an oddly delusional fellow

---

life

is full of little misunderstandings

alot of which
never gets cleared up

maybe because u never tried hard enough
maybe because u were too scared to
maybe because you knew better

but sometimes

its just

life

---

most things that you do in life

you cant change.

once its done

its over.

u can try to fix it
to wipe it away

but it can never disappear
not really

the mark it left

forever etched along the path of ur life


the sketch of your future
probably.

regrets.
are plentiful.

maybe's, might-be's

only god will ever ever know.

---

n den there will come that point in time

where u'll change

a lil here.. a lil der..

move down that path a lil..

backtrack

den head back down again..

changes

unfortunately. not all of em last.

---

sometimes

the nights are easier to get through.

truth hurts

Sephia - Sheila on 7

Hey,Sephia
Malam ini ku takkan datang
Ku coba 'tuk berpaling sayang
Dari cintamu
Hey,Sephia
Malam ini ku takkan pulang
Tak usah kau mencari aku,demi cintamu

Hadapilah ini
Kisah kita takkan abadi

Korus:

S'lamat tidur kekasih gelap ku
S'moga cepat kau lupakan aku
Kekasih sejatimu takkan pernah sanggup untuk melupakanmu

S'lamat tinggal kasih tak terungkap
S'moga kau lupakan aku cepat
Kekasih sejatimu takkan pernah sanggup untuk meninggalkanmu

Hey,Sephia
Jangan pernah panggil namaku
Bila kita bertemu lagi
Dilain hari

Hadapilah ini
Kisah kita takkan abadi

S'lamat tidur kekasih gelap ku [ooo.....Sephia]
S'moga cepat kau lupakan aku
Kekasih sejatimu takkan pernah sanggup untuk melupakanmu

S'lamat tinggal kasih tak terungkap [ooo.....Sephia]
S'moga kau lupakan aku cepat
Kekasih sejatimu takkan pernah sanggup untuk meninggalkanmu

---

This song is like Heaven.
n Hell..
in one..

Garhh!

Its so Nice.. n yet so goddam heartbreakingly Annoying!

hahaa..

Honestly..
cant really explain it..

but the tune..

its so nice.. that u jus wanna play it over n over..
but at the same time.. its too nice.. u cant stand hearing it again. :p
haha..
dont believe me?

Everytime the song reaches the Better part.. i find my self cursing..
haha..
Dont ask me why! :p

Not to mention the words...

I tot it was so cool the way he twisted the second line of the verses of the chorus.

The writers a lousy *toottoottoot*-ing bastard!
GAaaaRhH!
SO heartbreaking.
Seriously.
sighh..

Bastard.

i wanna punch him for saying such things..

SIGH!

Amazing, no?
To be able to write..
not only words that make ppl wanna kill u...
but at the same time, a tune that makes ppl wanna kill themselves..

Hmmm..

N den theres another song. Berhenti Berharap.
the music is SO totally heart wrenching!
seriously.

its like snatching out your heart.
n stamping on it.
over n over.

*poom*poom*poom*bEESSHhh*splat*

ish..

pepperspray

Far away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

because of you

You know those rubber dividers on the roads?!
The red stick thingies with reflectors?!
You know how u find em bent n squashed n stuff?
N u wonder Who the Hell does Tat?!~

=P

Well..

My dad does..

Hahah!

(So much cooler if i cud have said i did..)

---

Theres so much more around

So many things ud never know


Yes, i have loads to blog about..

Dont think i will tho..

---

And i pick him up n ask him..

..Who is it Dopey?

...

well.. i love you den..

And i squeeze him tight..

the things i do for u eh?
send u for a bath too..

and the tears fall again tonight..

Se7en

N i didnt even know what being tagged was...

Seven things that I plan to do:

1. Start drumming lessons
2. Study
3. Drive without supervision
4. Get a tatoo. (temporary ones.. :p)
5. Do something worthwhile.. hopefully plural.. (too.. superficial.. lazy..)
6. Make amends..
7. Be better.. Much much better...

Seven things I can do:

1. Cry
2. Hurt (goes both ways i guess)
3. Hope
4. Care
5. Hide my feelings, sometimes
6. Hug
7. Love

Seven things I can't do:

1. Lie, most of the time
2. Act. same reasons
3. Stop caring
4. Be a better person
5. Be hardworking
6. Learn to save myself.. to stop hurting..
7. Make a difference

Seven things I say most often:

1. Bloody Hell.
2. What the Helll.
3. idiot.
4. Fine laaaa.
5. F***.
6. sigh..
7. ...

Seven people I want to tag:

1. Fabian. but hes a bloody lazy ass nowadays
2. unfortunately its gotta stop der...
3.
4.
5. i said!
6.
7. bye..

They were right... Wasnt looking forward to doing this.. But ended spending Alot of time on it... Dont really regret it... Gonna stop thinking now tho...

thumper

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

That is SO not true! =P

it never ends

U gave me peace, in a time of war..
-Archilles

There have always been
lists floating around
of what kind of man
every woman should wait for..

I think every man
should look for a woman
who gives him peace
in a time of war

who makes him smile
when hes sad
who brings him up
when hes down

whose mere presence
brings him comfort
who knows how to be there
even if its just quietly
who, just by being there
helps
instead of making things worse

I think every man
should know
tats wat he's looking for..

I think every man
should know
what hes looking for
is the woman
who can save him

 I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall

saves everyone alot of trouble

something to know

Learning to Breathe - Switchfoot

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way, This is the way that

I'm Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way that

I'm Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

unplayed piano

If you wanna know how i feel right now..
Go download the song..
The tune seems to mirror my current feelings exactly...

Even if you dont care bout how im feeling..
which is highly likely..
Download it anyways..
Nice song..

---

Unplayed Piano - Damien Rice & Lisa Hannigan

Come and see me
Sing me to sleep
Come and free me
Hold me if i need to weep
Maybe it's not the season
Maybe it's not the year
Maybe there's no good reason
Why i'm locked up inside
Just cause they wanna hide me
The moon goes bright
The darker they make my night

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed piano
Still holds a tune
Lock on the lid
In a stale, stale room
Maybe it's not that easy
Or maybe it's not that hard
Maybe they could release me
Let the people decide
I've got nothing to hide
I've done nothing wrong
So why have i been here so long?

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed pianos
Are often by a window
In a room where nobody loved goes
She sits alone with her silent song
Somebody bring her home

Unplayed piano
Still holds a tune
Years pass by
In the changing of the moon

---

Human beings were created to do many things. Loneliness is not one of them.
-desperate housewifes

watcha lookin for

Yesterday morning, I woke up really pissed n upset..

Im not Extremely sure what it was about..
But i have an idea..
Or atleast what i believed..
keeping in mind that i was rather groggy..

Didnt exactly go to bed the happiest of people..
But wat my mind believed was tat..
Was pissed because i had to wake up..
which meant waking up from a dream..
N waking up from This partIcular dream
wud make ANYONE Mad!

Guess what i was dreaming about

..
..
..

Brad Pitt.

(ok, admittedly.. i Do know Some people who Wudn't be Too mad about waking up from this but.. leeets jus gloss over that now shall we.. :p )

I mean.. COMe On!

Its Brad!
BraD PiTT!
WHY wudnt i Want to me Locked in a dream with him Eh?!
(Aside from the fact that he cheated on his wife n went off with someone else...)

=Ppp

From what i remember..
There was Brad sitting down somewhere..
N i was walking pass..
Something was going on in the background but i cant really remember wat..
(I mean, UnderStandbly! All i care about was Me n Brad ok???.. :p)
N he pulled me
to sit on his lap
(HahA! Yes i Know! Shudup!)
N i distinctly remember reaching over to play with his den short spiky hair.. before being woken up by my alarm.. (or AtLeast thats all im SayiN! :P)
HAHA!

Ok ShuduP n Listen!
Its not my fault OK!
It was a Dream! :p
N it Was only the First time i've dreamt of Brad.. :P

BESIDES!
it wasn't Purely Brad Pitt i think..
Thats just what my mind told me..
He didnt eXactly look like him..
20-ish.. young.. handsome ofcourse..
slim instead of built like Brad is..
nah.. the only reason why it was Bras was because tat was wat i was told.. :p

I Think..
there was an element of someone else in him...

There were also a couple aspects of different dreams i think.. that had some significance...
But i cant remember...

So Anyways!
As i set my alarm to snooze continuously for about half an hour every morning..
Basically i was upset yet amused yesterday morning..
Waking up n snoozing the alarm..
Cursing away about havin Brad taken from me..
N drowsily falling half asleep, still cursing away..
n waking up again every 5 minutes..

=P

Same thing happened this morning too tho..
Woke up upset n pissed..
But! No dreams about Brad...

=P


I DO remember being allowed to play with his hair tho.. =P

like waves

tripe

lies

change

a turn

another

impossibility

stupidity

fair

deceive

obvious

consideration

pain

game

unbelievable

sensitive

speed

men

think

fantasy

dry now

never


Dont think.
Dont know.

Say such things.
Think such things.
Do such things.

...

Time

Tell


Over.

Stranger than your sympathy

No one ever gets it eh..

---

Sympathy - Goo Goo Dolls

Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
All my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself form the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me

Yeah stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy

again

I know u guys dont read lyrics if i post them..
No music n all.. kinda pointless to read i guess..
But since practically no one reads my blog anyways might as well right.
Too bad im not premium.. cant play music tho i'd love too.. heh.

---

To Make You Feel My Love - Josh Kelley

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make u feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And theres no one there to dry your tears
I could hold u for a million years
To make you feel my love

Ooh i know u havent made your mind up yet
But i will never do u wrong
I knew it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind we'd belong

Id go hungry, id go black and blue
Id go crawling down the avenue
No theres nothing that i wudnt do
To make u feel my love

hmmm.....

Oh the storms raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy make your dreams come true
No, theres nothing that i wouldnt do
I'll go to the ends of the earth for you

To make you feel my love (4)

May Angels lead you in

I like this song..
Think it shud be played at my funeral..
Tho knowing im not that lucky..
I'll probably last a few more years. heh. :p
Prob come up with another song by then hmm?

Id also like to play this for ppls funeral...
(Not that id get a say in it..)
But id much rather you guys take care of urself..
so i wudnt ever have to..

heh..

Sounds so good..
If only i cud play it for u.. (HERE i mean!)

---

Hear You Me (May angels lead you in) - Jimmy Eat World

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
God wouldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

---

May angels lead you in..
Watch over you when no one can..
Drive away your sorrows..
Lighten your heart..
So you can smile again.

exasperation

Malaysian censorship board at its all time high.

Yesterday, i was watching the nanny on Hallmark. (There was NOTHING better to do. Yes i was TAT sad.. or am.. watever...) (Jus the last Part of it! :( )
Anyways, I swear..
I SWear they censored the word stupid!
TWICE!!!

---

Earlier last week or something.
Was watching Married to the Kellys.

Basically, Tom breaks a promise to his wife, Susan, that he wud join up with her n her family once he was done with work. Instead he went to a bar to catch a game with the plumber.
He figured, 'shes with her family, she'll be alright.'
Surprisingly, they both end up at the same bar/restaurant. (surprisingly because, i tot he wud have known where she was going.. useless..)
N Duh, shes mad at him.
He apologises for dumping her n embarassing her in front of her family but she claims tat he doesnt get it.
He tries All kinds of ways to show her hes sorry. N i mean, All Kinds.
Making her breakfast in bed. Sending her flowers. A huge ass teddy bear. He EVEN Asked her sister what was it tat he didnt get. (N God tats a good one. Usually, if a guy does something wrong, its HIGHLY advisable to put in the effort to find out wats wrong.)
But she Still remains that he doesnt get it. Surprising. Coz after all the things he did.. she jus went on saying that he doesnt get it. I mean, I get tat he doesnt get it. But pity the poor guy n show some appreciation la. Poor fella. haha..

In the end, he figures it out after watching a scene between her parents.
She was upset because, Its not tat she wud have been alright with her family, she only wanted to be with him. She wud have given up going out with her family just to stay at home with him. Coz it was all about being together.

I didnt figure it out before he did. But id like to think it was because i wasnt paying attention to one part of it. Coz i totally get it.. Haha..

---

Harry Potter.
Dammit i SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wanna watch Harry Potter!
:'(
so upset.
sigh..

the trailer..
went n said something bout blablabla all these danger.. will Harry Potter survive it n stuff..
But i mean, DUH!!!!
Besides the fact that hes ONLY (this is SO bimbo. Harha!) the Main character in the show.
Books 5 AND 6, HARRY POTTER n the Order of the Phoenix, n HARRY POTTER n the Half Blood Prince have Already been Printed!
How the hell do u have books titled Tat without a Harry Potter in it?!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmph

I SO wanna watch it...
dunno why...
the darkness in it all is so appealing..
aihh...

---

Wat are you guys all doing tonight?
Coz im so god damned bored.

want peanut butter.

barely breathing

Aha

Apparently

I can excercise control!

They think i cant

but i can!

;)

Yes i can

(some measure of it atleast.. sigh..)

..

---

If something is prominent n apparent

is everybody going crazy

in several aspects of your life

is anybody gonna save me

..

you know you're doomed..

is there a right way?

i never learn..

---

Respect.

its not actually as easy as it sounds.

sometimes..

can anybody tell me whats going on

sometimes knowing

tell me whats going on

doesnt help.

---

Being a libran

its only right

if both scales match

but they tilt

or worse

when they think they tilt

fluctuations?

all tilting with a price

death of a libran

but she doesnt know how..

---

bitching is therapeutic.

unfortunately i am denied that pleasure.

therefore, a movie would be great right about now.

no movies for ms. flurry

also

i need Potter

the potty bastard.

Gah!

guess i'll grab a lil potty time too..

---

I tried to save myself.

but it didnt work.

it wont work.

Somebody saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave me!

I tried.

i never learn.

no i never learn.

but how can i, if u wont teach me?

the monster

The night is black tonight..

Darker than the already dark night.
Darker than normalcy would permit..
Darker than normality allows it to be..

For me.

Darker than the darker nights actually

Not just one side of it.

North. South. East. West.

Four of them around me..
The four I know in my life..
And more.
yes theres more...

I'd like to turn the lights off tonight

And I know..
I know it wont go bright tomorrow..

Try or not.. it doesnt know how..

Some say you have to take it..
Face the darkness n the world will be brighter in its time..
Brighter den the bright you knew..

Dont i?
Dont i already..
yes.. i do..
whine n rant.. true..
but melted n docile..

Already it proves that it cant.. wont.. doesnt know how..

The wrong way they say..
But i cant..
I too dont know how..

Tonight..
Tonight I go to sleep..
in the dark...

N tomorrow?..
Tomorrow i live again..

Just like i have been

relations

Watched One Tree Hill season one finale.
Dam good lo..
I love the show.
no matter wat fabian says. heh. (OC sucks!)
always do get sad watching it. hah..

It was a weird.. compiled episode..
stuff to note.
Dan saying 'U better hope i die' wen Deb catches him having a heart attack was a classic. haha.. Tat was so unbelievably stupif n fake lo..
N to think she came over to his place just seconds after messaging him a 'call me'..
Jus shows that shows need their 'bad guy' to survive to further terrorise the good guys..
wu liao

It was kinda odd n complicated wen they portrayed him as the bad guy.. But den showed him saying he loves Karen n Deb n Nathan n how he wanted to be a part of Lucas's life.
haha..
Guess he had 'good intentions' but didnt know wat to do about them. Being a natural ass n all..
Guess he wanted to do good.. but still ended up doing bad.. which still makes it his fault anyways.
But seriously.. Dam kesian for him last episode..
What with Nathan standing up to him n striping his name from the jersey. (Ouch! That so totally hurt! heh.) He love Nathan, that we all know.. But that was kinda stupid anywas.. He is still gonna be a Scott so whatfor.. hah.. show off oni..
Pissed.. but a lil bit padan muka (only say this cause hes a bad guy.) when he cudnt say what he wanted to say to Keith.
Den hes all dejected n all n he goes over to Debs place.. n finds her naked with Keith. Wohohoo! That Totally must have stung like nobodies business. ouchies!
(Anybody wonder how Deb n Keith got a blanket to cover dem n a mat under dem.. im sure it was totally spontaneous.. =P)

N eventho i knew that Nathan n Hailey were gonna get married..
When she told Lucas about it, i Still had to go
wadaheell

so weird.

Lucas has a cry-ey face =P
He likes to show his im-so-sad-n-hurt-but-i-have-to-do-this-u-must-feel-sympathetic-for-me-cry-now face.
i think its the only face he has.
Hot tho.

Nathan n Hailey. Still weird man.
But hot too.

GOD! was this pointless again. =P

Oh n at the end of it.. They played Run. One of my favourite songs.
SO COOL! Yay!

---

Keith: We fell in love.. And at some point.. The people we loved forgot to love us back...

smelly feet

When i turn on my speaker n put on my earphones,
I hear quiet buzzing.

Its like a subliminal message..
playing..
into my brain..
telling me to..
I dunno..
Kill someone?

Hasn't work so far tho.. Hmmmmmm...

I think i've noticed it playing..
in the background of certain songs..
whispering sweet nothings.. evil instructions..
into my innocent mind..

(OH GOD THE MESSAGE IS STILL PLAYING IN BETWEEN SONGS!!! NOOOOOOOO)

Alcoholic
Its mood n tune
seems to enhance the subliminal-ness of the subliminal message buzzing..
no wait
haha
i mean the mood it sets
seems to enhance the
erm
subliminal-ness of the sublim..
ah hell i jus like tat word.

Its a good tune anyways..

(THE BUZZING IS STILL GOING ON!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!)

maybe
maybe i was wrong
maybe
maybe it isnt telling me to kill someone

(IT WONT GO AWAY!! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)

maybe its just der to drive me insane.
(which might lead me to kill myself. den i Wont be wrong! Heh!)

BOY was this a pointless blog. heh.

---

I like black. obviously.

---

I actually FOUND the IT dvd!
The Scary clown show from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back that somehow everyone agrees is the Scariest show alive!
(the shows alive?)

There was this odd coincidence involved where i got it/It (works both ways) for someone.. who got it from someone else the day i got it for him.
Dam..

Anywho
I Watched it/It (Haha!)
Halfway atleast..
Wasnt all too bad/scary actually..
Im guessing it was because we were Reeaaally insy bitsy tiny teeny back den when we first watched it..
or maybe it was the company...?
Hmmmm..
Altho i have to admit.. the Clown on the cover? is steeeel creepy...

Gotta watch Emily Rose.
That outta scare me.

the suffering

comp had been screwing me lately..
everything not working..
worse of all, the keyboard..
am currently typing with mouse..
sighh..

the exasperation..
its like a mirror to my soul..
my life..
teasing me.. taunting me...
sigh..

i love my dad..
hes such a joker
heh.

this world..
its so.. far.. from the right path..
if u remember..
a couple fools entered..
unjustly..
n left..
soundly..
their time will come i guess..

theres a reason..
y no one..
none but one
saw how i really felt...

n maybe no one knows
how ive been feeling since..

now
it was still fine wen it was jus me u messed up...
but now..
uve touched my family..
the rage...
u shall pay...

n yet.. wat can i do, right?

hahaa oh wat am i saying..

n the bitch is gloating
Saintly gloating...
heh.
bitch..

Read some stuff..
Was too sweet for my own good.
haha
really?
watever tat meant..

never pictured myself
so alone..
so soon i guess..

missing a scrunchie..

leaving here for a while..
too short i say..

---

A Blast: "dots. (yes i am hoping tat fate will allow my dog to be named dots. coz tat wud mean something else too... =p)"

Wishlist

So since my birthday is over and all
Id like to post my wishlist
So you guys cant get me the stuff.
haha

My mum was telling me she was considering getting me this really cute mp3 player she saw, apparently..
Which wud have been a really cool gift i guess..
Cept i have an ipod tat i didnt really use till before now..
n since i have tat itd be a waste..
Den she told me it had yellow design..
...
Damn did tat break my heart.

1. A bag. (but i kinda edi have an ok new one...hmmm...)

2. Drumming.

3. Friends. (lazy to elaborate)

4. Accesories! (except i dunno how to wear them... :( )

5. a ring... (sigh..)

6. a necklace

7. A mini diary. (procrastination. but for jotting down short lines tat keep running through my head. easier to handle den a full-fledge one, tat i already have, coz that im too lazy to touch..)

8. Chocolates goddammit!!! =P

9. pencil case

10. A car. (wow.. i jus tot of tat... was being a weeeee bit too practical. =P)

11. Soft toy. (for reasons. but u'll never understand all the conditions set into it.. wont explain it either)

12. Alcohol.

Dam ive forgotten all the stuff i wanted.. Heh..

13. A good book. (Supersticiously picked this spot.)

14. Cake!

15. A wish come true wud be nice..

16. shoes.

17. Chances.

18. An unbroken heart (not sure of this one actually.. actually has conditions.. haha..)

19. A hug..

20. To watch over you.. always...

heartbreaker - glad being the goat

In Ed today..

Warren the 15yr old virgin (atleast im guessing he's 15 coz it sounds nice)
while trying to sneak into college parties as a college dude
shockingly, is invited in by Hot Carrie, college babe.

(where do they keep getting all these colleges anyways?! Are they jus laying around all over town?!)

they get in
she pulls him into a private room
u know somethings up
(n no i dont mean anatomically)
they make out
he strips

n den she cant do it.
cant carry out with the game apparently
where she gets a 1000 points for sleeping with a virgin.
so cliche eh?

n yet after finding out tat he was being played
he was still actually trying to convince Carrie to win that 1000 points..

are guys really all that lame?
willing to be played
to be made a joke of
jus to get sex?

will they do Anything for sex?

How exactly is it that u make out with someone you dont love?

Anyways.. if u watched.. u'd see wat i mean.. He was so lame la...
But.. guys right.. Heh..

Forgivable for all their sins..
Jus bcoz of their sex..
Totally understandable it seems...

And then, thruout the whole episode today actually
Warrens friend was trying to convince him that he shud look right in front of him for love..
Their friend Diane/Daphne.. who knows..
Diane or Daphne, watever, was always helping Warren out..
Helping him try to get 'the girl'..
And.. predictably.. at the end of the episode..
he starts to see that, maybe she wasn't tat bad after all....

But if u ask me..

Shes way too good for him..

Why is it that ppl think its ok..
To show a girl standing by the guy..
Loving him from the start..
Helping him to 'achieve his dreams'..
And when in the end he falls for her..
Its a sweet romantic love story.. ?!

I think the guys a jerk for not knowing what he had in the first place..
Why should the girl only get the guy after he's done trying to get other 'better' girls..
After he's rejected by them or something..
Why only after the guy realises that shes the one for him..
Why should the girl only get the garbage?
How is it fair that he can go out n have all the fun..
Make mistakes n not appreciate the girl who loves him..
N when he finally decides he wants her after all..
Shes all set n ready for him...

And all the while she was there for him..
Loving him..
In pain while he was off getting other girls..
Watchin him watch others..
Helping him get them in fact..
In pain when he was in pain
In pain when he wasnt....

Im sure she sees it as a good thing..
Atleast she gets the guy..
n tats all that matters...

True..
Everyones happy den..

Its jus..

unfair...

And about the game the college kids were having..
U cant really say if a guy or a girl would have the upper hand at the game..
Girls wud have willing victims.. But they might be too soft n pull out of it..
Guys wud be kejam enough to carry it out... But they'd have to spend a lil more time charming the girls..
Den again... Dont girls always fall for their charms anyways...


Notice how all these tv ppl
which technically portrays life over der
have ppl figuring out that maybe they do love that person they are with
only after getting together
after even sex maybe..

So they get together..
date, hang out, make out.. enjoy each others company...
Then only figure out they're in love?
Wats that about..
(Nathan n Hailey are Hot together... Lucas is hot too.. =P)

N den there are people who wait..
who know tat they are in love..

But it doesnt always help does it?

And so again..
How do you kiss someone you don't love?
Pressing your lips against theirs.. Telling them you love them..
When u actually dont..
How do you share an intimate act..
Something you use to let someone know how much u care for them..
with someone you dont care about..
not enough anyways..

..I think i know how...

Make me a wish

I am upset about my brithday.

Gave up on a perfectly good, once a year chance to make a valid wish.

No cake. No wish.

No birthday. No celebration.


Normally, i wudnt care much for my birthday.
This year was different.
N yet, this year was the worse nothing-est. (Tnx for going out wit me tat day guys.. Jus let me rant without bein insulted?)
I know its probably just me.
Probably coz i made it tat way.
It was only nothing bcoz i cared for it to be something..

maybe..

My birthdays are nothing all the time anyways.


No license. No car.
No town. No friends.
No cake.
No alcohol.
(i never even used to care for cake. not to mention alcohol. heh.)

Maybe worse of all..
No wish.

When i need one.
dun we all...

(sigh... no wait.. tats not the worse of all....)


When im allowed to drive alone...
be it months from my birthday...
be it tat my life'd be over anyways...

i shall drive out alone
preferably in the middle of the night
get myself a lil cake
n a candle
n make myself a wish
under the stars

a wish tat wud be too late to make maybe

but somethings are never too late

i cud still drop dead the next day
(heh. bet u didnt get tat.)

hey maybe i'll get myself a tattoo
whos to say no now anyways

yes i know its me
even for reasons different than that stated above
its always me

learning - a lifelong process

Today,

I learned,


that if you have big balls


it is because of filariasis


a tropical parasitic disease..



I therefore diagnose Kenny, famous for his coconut sized balls, with this disease,
and advice that he seek medical treatment as soon as possible...



~ Aint med school great?! =D

vs. The Perishers

Trouble sleeping

I’m having trouble sleeping
You’re jumping in my bed
Twisting in my head
Leave me

I’m having trouble breathing
You’re sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest
Leave me

It’s you
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never dared to let
my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never cared
too much about honesty

I’m having trouble sleeping
I’m thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me

It’s you
Now and always you
but never me
I’ve never dared to
let my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never cared
too much about honesty

---

Guess who?

Its not rocket science.
heh.
always tot tat line was lame :p

3 doors down vs.

Here by me

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever know gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

no reason

Its 4am..
For some reason.. I jus woke up..
Considering i slept at 4pm.....
heh...

Been having a totally screwed up routine this week..
dunno why..
sleeping in the afternoon, after school.. tats normal for me..
but for some reason... havnt been waking up..
or atleast.. havnt been getting out of bed..
heck i wake up countless times..
jus been too lazy to get up n go out.. to see 'their' faces..
so i fall back asleep..
n wake at 4am to have dinner. heh

was gonna head back to bed after eating..
but 4 is a good time to blog..

so here i am.

shud prob go back to bed..
not like i'll actually study...

y am i so tired anyways?
i mean... wen u get enough sleep.. u jus cant sleep anymore.. den u have to get ur ass out of bed right?
wats up with this?

the other good thing about this weird sleeping habit
is the dreams..
for some reason..
been having ALOT of dreams during these hours...
n all of em kinda weird n cool..
hahaa..
hardly remember them..
but they were kinda interesting...

the last one i had..
incorporated a music school i recently called up...
disliking someone i dislike.. (elly, guess who?! ;) :p)
b*tchy ppl ive met recently..
my friends being there with me...
n someone.. defending my honour..
hah...
real cool..

oh well..
guess i'll be going to bed now..

thank god its friday tomorrow..

nite.

---

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

-You're Beautiful by James Blunt

no

lets take it back to the start

Watched wicker park earlier..
Last half of it actually..
But i've seen the show before..

I remembered tat it was.. really cool.. n amazing..
For a long while.. You wudnt get wat the movie was about.. N wat it was trying to say!
But as it moved along.. You'd begin to get it..
Begin to understand.. Begin to see..
You get sucked into the movie..
The ending, i remembered, was the best..
It got more and more intense.. Totally taking over you (exagerating? hahaa..)
You cudnt wait for the two leads to See each other.. N get it over with..
but they'd take ever so long..
I remember, in the theatre, we were all so absorbed in the show, when the guys fiancee pops up n prevents him from reaching the girl.. Someone actually shouted out, 'bitch'!
Haha.. tat was so cool..
When he kneeled behind her.. Jus staring at her.. Not even telling her tat he was der (haha thinking bout it.. t'was so lame.. haha)
You jus wanted to hit him over the head n tell him to stop being such a drama king.. Jus hold her n get it over with.. Heh..

The whole idea of the story?
that'd be another really long post...
which i wont be doing.. =P
too much love at first sight n coincidences to happen in real life..
but it was really good...
...scary love story...

Anyways.. sigh.. ..gotta see it again sometime.....

And the song at the end of the show...
Im jus so in love with it right now..
sad song.. touching me...

Had to go download it.. But didnt know wat it was called.. eventho i waited for the music credits. hehe..
Finally after some extensive searching online (I ToT i was coldplay! But the stupid site put some other fellas name der.. Dumbass...)
Got the song title.. N now its playing on my playlist...

....found it by the lyrics by the way....
so ofcourse, now, im singing the song while reading the words...

...

---

The Scientist - Coldplay

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads are a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and hold me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

owwwwwwww
awwwwwww...
owwwwww.....
owwwwwwww...

Twisted anniversary

Know wat day it is?
Heh
...
A month passes by rather quickly.. I think..

twisted

Shleepy..

---

-I’ve given up on giving up slowly

-because I know to live you must give your life away

-And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity

-I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key

-And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

-And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

-I gotta get outta here

-And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape

-I’m giving up on doing this alone now

-Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how

-But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

-Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake (watever tat means.. =P Ooo I found out wat it means! heHE!)

-And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape

-I am a hostage to my own humanity

-Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made

-And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me

-But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

-And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape

-Oh how we regret those things we do

---

Dun think anyone will get the rest of this post.. Or this whole post actually =P

Heh..
Have fun figuring this one out. =P



[ Hehe.. Fabes got the part about life being unfair! Yay!.. Think it might have been an accident tho.. Hmmm.. haha..

BuNniEs shall HOP over all the Fat Lousy Stupid Panda's Who Cant even COpULaTe, n Kill their Own babies! MWAhaHAhAH!

*Hop hop* ]

HmmMMmmm... Darn... I didnt realise...
I think ppl misunderstand the post...
Those are Lyrics la! From a Song la!
Hmmmm... aih watever la...

---

Humans will die..
Pandas will rule the world...
But Bunnies will HOP over all the Panda's..
OverPopulate
N Take Over the Universe!

*evil laugh*

I Squish that Fat lousy panda! I Do I Do I DO!

oh won't u be proud

Ive been gettin quite a few forwards in my mail recently..

Got one with a whole bunch of 'I've learned...'

Among those lines was this,
"I've learned...That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them."

Someone i know once told me that...

:)

Was nice to know he didnt come up with that, =P hehehee.. ;)

I didnt agree with him then.. N i dun really agree now..
Wat i said was.. Nobody's perfect.. But when someone loves you, he loves you For, not despite, your imperfections..
(Note: wat i said.. have yet to re-evaluate my views on this.. hehe)

Which is actually.. pretty much the same thing.. =P
Hahahaaa..

You know..... honestly.... i dun think i've thought about this till now...
Never really applied that view of mine on myself...
But i think... I might have been right..
haha..
Loving someone For his imperfections... Watever that means...
hahaaa...
probably jus like to sound philosophical..

Hahaa... too much to think about..

Oh well...

Nobody's perfect.. But you love them anyways..

=P

---

Quote: I've learned. That love, not time, heals all wounds.

Ah ahh

I'm begging you

I'm BegGing you

I'm begGing you to be my escape

untitled

8th Sept.. Nice date....
Hey guys...

Jus dropping by to say... Wont be bloggin for a while...
Which u guys wud probably already know by now considering how i Havnt blogged in a while.. =P

heh..

jus... lost the whole bloggin thing already...
n stuff...

uni n all.. (Im in MedSchool Baby! hehhehee...) (not such a big deal actually)

isnt really a valid reason im guessin..

but basically.. besides losing the whole need to blog n all...
Basically (Hey! My new word!?! =P) havnt liked bein at home.. bein around ppl.. coming online n all.. rather hide in my room... (BIG mistake.. CANT study wit a BED! =P)
N yet wen i start rambling.. i jus go on n on eh..
oh well.. always had a big mouth...

Miss something... dark nights... late nights... free time... freedom.. tat feeling... music... empty house... will to blog...
Heh..
Miss collide..

Its odd, amusing, weird, intriguing n so much more.. how life works out...

Better go... Not studyin well... Cant muse pleasantly with ppl around me..
I guess the way to get me bloggin wud be to open tis page n jus type random stuff.. Crap jus drops out sooner or later.. Den i can post it for ur reading pleasure heh..
No one reads this anyways. (Yes darlings... I've jus demoted all u guys to 'no one's'.. =P)

Anyways last note..
its nice having ur friends in the same uni as u...
same clique i hung around at coll is still with me at uni..
annoying.. but nice.. ;)
has its ups n downs i guess..
but its comforting.. wen need be..
makes it feel like home..? =P

Really better go..

adios

p.s. i love you..

[re-read some of my posts.. the latest ones.. (which were quite a while ago too actually..) pain.. memories.. memories are quite cool.. its nice having a diary thingy... miss alot of stuff... really... Alot of them had me saying... stuff.. stuff tat applies.. tat i still mean.. Collides playing btw...]
like this one..

Broken

Hard To Say I'm Sorry
Chicago

"Everybody needs a little time away,"
I heard her say,
"from each other."
"Even lover's need a holiday
far away from each other."

Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to stay.

After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

Couldn't stand to be kept away
just for the day
from your body.
Wouldn't wanna be swept away,
far away from the one that I love.

Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to know.

Hold me now.
I really want to tell you I'm sorry.
I could never let you go.

After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you. I promise to.

You're gonna be the lucky one.

lost

terribly hungry..
havnt eaten..
wud provide more gross personal details but not really in the mood..

so i was thinking..
tat id wanna (wanted to actually) do this..
snail mail this i mean..
to someone

Dear XXXX,

Hi. Guess who?

SigningOff.

P.S. No attempting to figure out my identity through phone, or msn, or any means other than snail mail.
P.P.S. That means you have to figure out who I am, and obtain my address, and then send your reply.. Trial n error dude.
P.P.P.S. Oh and you have a deadline. Two weeks. To reach me that is. That means one week to figure it out and send it.
P.P.P.P.S. I really talk too much dont I?

...........

you know what?
forget it.
im sorry im lame.
really dun feel like going on..
nobody cares anyways..
dumb letter..
dumb me...

anyways. I scratched the idea in a sec. (So it WAsnT a Sec!! Big Bloody Deal!!! Get Off my Back!!!)
for obvious (oBious) reasons.
its L A M E !
who wud even bother...
who wud...

den i decided to put it up here..
because i have nothing better to do..
wow.
how i hate myself.
hmm..

starving..

i give up..

me

i am a duty.
an obligation.

---

i know i havnt blogged in ages..
sometimes it jus happens..
nothing to blog about..
nothing to say..
or sometimes some little thing that can be said pops up..
but the limbs do not get to work..
the brain creates excueses..
clouds the mind..

i have nothing to say..

or maybe..

i just dont want to say it..

down

overwhelmed.

disappointed.

tired.

too tired to feel pissed.

tired.

upset.

give up.


empty.

quiet.

dance with me

...

collide is playing..


i havent listened to my playlist in ages..
coz ive stopped liking most of the songs on it..
cept for the newest ones, or certain really good ones..
heard too many times i guess..
I jus wanna go straight in to the songs i like, instead of going thru the entire list..
so i end up playing em one by one..
or mostly just repeating one song over n over..

no, dun ask me to edit my playlist...

anyways..
collide was jus on..
which was wat made me start this entry..
i mean i wanted to blog bout something..
but didnt put pen to paper.. or fingers to keyboard, watever..
till collide came on..

...
i turned it on again..

after so long..
8 months (more than tat actually.. if ure counting from collide..)
246 days
countless other songs..
n even one other special one..
...
it still grabs my heart..
tugs at my heartstrings..
brings my back..
fills me up..

...
even after amazed..
this is still our song..
eventho he doesnt know it. hahaaa..
dumbass..

haha
he just put down my call..
my bunny put down my call.. =P

ok tats it..
signal for bed den..
even my bunny doesnt want me..

(time to retreat to my room. where i can be alone. curl up with a good book. (ok i dun curl..) read.. haven't been alone alone for a while...)

hmmm..

u noe wat..

nobody cares..

(the writer apologises for this pointless entry.)

Lifes tough..
its annoying me...

Lifes a bitch. But the puppies are cute.

(P.S. So are the bunnies.. =PppPPppp )

of sweetness and pies

I guess,
He does love me so very much..
So much that its probably..
Much more than I deserve..

I guess,
I Need to remember that more often..
Jus as I ask him to remember certain stuff.. :)

Happy Anniversary darling.

u Better appreciate this as much as you should!
Coz tis real Sappy love post is a Huge sacrifice that im making for you.
bcoz I love you. (Oh GOd! The Sappiness!!! ArC!)

Oh ya, and,
My boyfriend's adorable, charming, and funny.. (in that order, darling?)
Oh Shafie, Im So lucky to Have you!
[-this, i can (try n) save my sorry self, coz just so you know, he Made me put this there! He Did!]

Ugh..
Too much..
=P

(I do love you bun.. This isn't just cause.. This is because i realise that i dont realise often enough how much you love me.. Happy Anniversary..)
(you do know im going right back to complaining that you dont love me tmr dont u. =P)

-god im still so scared..

Samara

You know you are in need of a haircut, badly, if,
you scare your own self.

When
-You look in the mirror, n the long black locks falling down the side of ur face reminds you very much, of certain women in white..with long black hair.. in certain movies.. Or physically similar women that appear in the middle of roads at night. (Oh my Fckin GOD Im Bloody Scared while writing this at 5.45am, all alone downstairs in my living room, at night! FCK!)

- You catch a look of you hair spreading out while u lie on your bed, n it scared you so badly that images start popping thru ur brain n you need a call from your oh so brave n loving (note the coughs n exagerations here..) boyfriend to stop you from, screaming your head off n actually explaining to other people the embarassing details of what scared you.

ok yes im fckin scared right now..
I guess the reason why i havnt been bloggin lately..
other than the fact tat ive been jus a teensy bit too lazy to..
Would be, coz, my sweet ass boyfriend, whose ass isnt actually all that sweet, has been occupying all my late night hours tremendously well n tremendously much (n i hav i feeling im spelling tis wrongly..), at this time wen conditions are most suited for me to do my best blogging.. (Or, apparently, Any blogging for that matter..)
The wildest things that you could think that we've been doing, would probably please him very much, so i shall refrain from making any explanations.
Juuuust to please his huge ego..

Muah.

(Fck you Fabian! Typing the bloody title oso gives me the bloody creeps! Im So Dam Scared! ARGH!)

i will

ive forgotten how long its been
that i last heard you
telling me
your favourite story

i thought for a long while
and then started to panic
was it that i did something wrong

you cried, telling me
that fairy tales lie
it cannot be
that i am your prince

maybe you could not have known
tat ever since u told me you love me
even the stars in my sky
lighted up

i wish to be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

you cried, telling me
that fairy tales lie
it cannot be
that i am your prince

maybe you could not have known
tat ever since u told me you love me
even the stars in my sky
lighted up

i wish to be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

i want to be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

i will be the angel in the stories you love
open my arms to become wings and protect you
you must believe
believe tat we will be like the tales
where bliss and happiness is the ending

together, we will write our ending

shooting stars

i am extremely nostalgic right now...

thinking of a million things in my past..

different things that arent even connected..

its so weird.. i wonder why..

different bits of my past..

anyways,

sometimes wen u get emotional n nostalgic.. u start thinking back..
but the thing with memories is.. u actually tend to focus on the good bits.. (ok.. tis isnt exactly true.. dunno how to explain properly..)
its like.. if u had someone who.. betrayed u.. or.. cheated on u.. or something..
u start thinking of the fun times u guys had..
n wen it comes to the bad.. u suddenly cant remmember wat was tat terrible anymore..
n suddenly u think, Hey! Let me drop him/her a line.. Say hi.. Chat a little.. maybe try to get back to how things were.. We had such fun back den...........

big mistake

sigh..
actually.. tis cant be categorised n stuff..
sometimes it works out well n sometimes it doesnt..

but now, im talkin bout wen it doesnt..

sometimes.. once certain things have past.. u cant go back anymore..
to steal a line from a fren of mine, uve burned bridges.. ders no turning back..

sigh...

so.. here i am..
listening to songs..
getting all weepy n wat not. (no, not true..)
msging a fren..
fortunately.. tis is a good fren of mine.. no problems der..
a fren i miss quite alot.. coz we dun see each other.. or talk much..
n yet we stay quite cool..
but sadly.. ders a warped reason behind tat..
its bcoz.. the closeness isnt Totally der..
its like.. we're close.. but not as close as two ppl can get..
its wen strong emotions get involve.. n u care more.. tat u get hurt more..

ok.. part of tat is true..
lifes jus too complicated to totally explain it..
sigh..

songs so annoying.. it just keeps gettin to me..
sigh..

so anyways..
a tot crossed my mind..
about msgin another fren..
jus for fun.. say hi.. chat a little..
but no.. i decided against it..
coz tis one.. i pretty much noe how it will go..
tis is one where ive burned the bridges.. n i jus cant go back..
no matter how good it was.. no matter wat a waste it is to lose..
i just.. cant anymore..
so wats the point..?

the minds a complicated thing..
tots are jus running thru now..

n den ders this other friendship.. where i figure.. my friend has done the burning of bridges..
infact, it was his line. ha..
i miss his grandmother stories.. :p
its not like we dun talk now..
we write.. a little..
we're on ok terms.. we can still talk.. sure.
but.. i dunno.. guess he doesnt feel the need to share stories with me..
in depth at least..
which.. fortunately or unfortunately, i can totally understand..
n worse.. relate to..
sometimes wen u cant.. u jus.. cant.

it is a loss.. yes..
but wat can we do..

its in Gods hands.

wow.. tis turned out long..
weird..

minds not clear tho.. but i doubt i can clear it. :)

i like the night sky.
i like stars.
i want to lie on my back, out in the open, staring at the nightsky..

sigh...

oh, n..
i know i might change some tots on tis..
n if something bad were to happen i probably wont hold true to tis..
but..
i believe.. pretty much.. tat everything happens for a reason..
somehow..
n tat.. everything will work out fine in the end..
tat u dun always get wat u want..
bcoz u dont know wat isit tat u really.. need..
wen u lose something.. it just leads u to something else..
something.. better..
(sigh..)
i noe.. tat if ure facing tis.. u Dont want tat something 'better'.. u want wat u want..
ive been der..
most of us have..
sigh..
oh well..
everything works out right in the end..
coz lifes a cycle..
in Gods hands..
fate
the universe

ders a reason for everything..
a reason tat u dont know..

infact.. theres an example tat i was fortunate enough to be able to witness..
where something was lost.. long months of pain were involve..
but it worked out.. in the sense tat.. if it had not occured tat way..
something better wud not have been reached..
..atleast i hope its something better.. n i hope it will be the last..

..
u noe wat?
ure right..
i dont want anything 'better'..
i have wat i need..

...

lifes a bitch..
good luck everyone.

the new stupidity

wat m i doin here

bloggin

surfin

readin

i.e. NOT studyin


fuck

...
no wait. i didnt mean tat.

fuck off

yes. tats it.

dont leave..

I Could Not Ask For More Lyrics

by Edwin McCain

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

[Chorus]
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

[Chorus]

I could not ask for more than the love you give me
'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more

---

seems to tap into my past, somewhere..
no idea..

heard this song from long ago..

means something doesnt it..

the words are..nice.. ideal..

u know? songs are cheats..
its not fair..
u can put everything nice and perfect in them..
but things tat dont neccessarily exist..

just like how books have the upper hand of controlling the outcome..
n movies where the cops always only turn up after everythings done.. (actually this i dunno why i added here.. hehee...)
n fairy tales tat end at marriage.. =P

hate them all.. =P