the suffering

comp had been screwing me lately..
everything not working..
worse of all, the keyboard..
am currently typing with mouse..
sighh..

the exasperation..
its like a mirror to my soul..
my life..
teasing me.. taunting me...
sigh..

i love my dad..
hes such a joker
heh.

this world..
its so.. far.. from the right path..
if u remember..
a couple fools entered..
unjustly..
n left..
soundly..
their time will come i guess..

theres a reason..
y no one..
none but one
saw how i really felt...

n maybe no one knows
how ive been feeling since..

now
it was still fine wen it was jus me u messed up...
but now..
uve touched my family..
the rage...
u shall pay...

n yet.. wat can i do, right?

hahaa oh wat am i saying..

n the bitch is gloating
Saintly gloating...
heh.
bitch..

Read some stuff..
Was too sweet for my own good.
haha
really?
watever tat meant..

never pictured myself
so alone..
so soon i guess..

missing a scrunchie..

leaving here for a while..
too short i say..

---

A Blast: "dots. (yes i am hoping tat fate will allow my dog to be named dots. coz tat wud mean something else too... =p)"

Wishlist

So since my birthday is over and all
Id like to post my wishlist
So you guys cant get me the stuff.
haha

My mum was telling me she was considering getting me this really cute mp3 player she saw, apparently..
Which wud have been a really cool gift i guess..
Cept i have an ipod tat i didnt really use till before now..
n since i have tat itd be a waste..
Den she told me it had yellow design..
...
Damn did tat break my heart.

1. A bag. (but i kinda edi have an ok new one...hmmm...)

2. Drumming.

3. Friends. (lazy to elaborate)

4. Accesories! (except i dunno how to wear them... :( )

5. a ring... (sigh..)

6. a necklace

7. A mini diary. (procrastination. but for jotting down short lines tat keep running through my head. easier to handle den a full-fledge one, tat i already have, coz that im too lazy to touch..)

8. Chocolates goddammit!!! =P

9. pencil case

10. A car. (wow.. i jus tot of tat... was being a weeeee bit too practical. =P)

11. Soft toy. (for reasons. but u'll never understand all the conditions set into it.. wont explain it either)

12. Alcohol.

Dam ive forgotten all the stuff i wanted.. Heh..

13. A good book. (Supersticiously picked this spot.)

14. Cake!

15. A wish come true wud be nice..

16. shoes.

17. Chances.

18. An unbroken heart (not sure of this one actually.. actually has conditions.. haha..)

19. A hug..

20. To watch over you.. always...

heartbreaker - glad being the goat

In Ed today..

Warren the 15yr old virgin (atleast im guessing he's 15 coz it sounds nice)
while trying to sneak into college parties as a college dude
shockingly, is invited in by Hot Carrie, college babe.

(where do they keep getting all these colleges anyways?! Are they jus laying around all over town?!)

they get in
she pulls him into a private room
u know somethings up
(n no i dont mean anatomically)
they make out
he strips

n den she cant do it.
cant carry out with the game apparently
where she gets a 1000 points for sleeping with a virgin.
so cliche eh?

n yet after finding out tat he was being played
he was still actually trying to convince Carrie to win that 1000 points..

are guys really all that lame?
willing to be played
to be made a joke of
jus to get sex?

will they do Anything for sex?

How exactly is it that u make out with someone you dont love?

Anyways.. if u watched.. u'd see wat i mean.. He was so lame la...
But.. guys right.. Heh..

Forgivable for all their sins..
Jus bcoz of their sex..
Totally understandable it seems...

And then, thruout the whole episode today actually
Warrens friend was trying to convince him that he shud look right in front of him for love..
Their friend Diane/Daphne.. who knows..
Diane or Daphne, watever, was always helping Warren out..
Helping him try to get 'the girl'..
And.. predictably.. at the end of the episode..
he starts to see that, maybe she wasn't tat bad after all....

But if u ask me..

Shes way too good for him..

Why is it that ppl think its ok..
To show a girl standing by the guy..
Loving him from the start..
Helping him to 'achieve his dreams'..
And when in the end he falls for her..
Its a sweet romantic love story.. ?!

I think the guys a jerk for not knowing what he had in the first place..
Why should the girl only get the guy after he's done trying to get other 'better' girls..
After he's rejected by them or something..
Why only after the guy realises that shes the one for him..
Why should the girl only get the garbage?
How is it fair that he can go out n have all the fun..
Make mistakes n not appreciate the girl who loves him..
N when he finally decides he wants her after all..
Shes all set n ready for him...

And all the while she was there for him..
Loving him..
In pain while he was off getting other girls..
Watchin him watch others..
Helping him get them in fact..
In pain when he was in pain
In pain when he wasnt....

Im sure she sees it as a good thing..
Atleast she gets the guy..
n tats all that matters...

True..
Everyones happy den..

Its jus..

unfair...

And about the game the college kids were having..
U cant really say if a guy or a girl would have the upper hand at the game..
Girls wud have willing victims.. But they might be too soft n pull out of it..
Guys wud be kejam enough to carry it out... But they'd have to spend a lil more time charming the girls..
Den again... Dont girls always fall for their charms anyways...


Notice how all these tv ppl
which technically portrays life over der
have ppl figuring out that maybe they do love that person they are with
only after getting together
after even sex maybe..

So they get together..
date, hang out, make out.. enjoy each others company...
Then only figure out they're in love?
Wats that about..
(Nathan n Hailey are Hot together... Lucas is hot too.. =P)

N den there are people who wait..
who know tat they are in love..

But it doesnt always help does it?

And so again..
How do you kiss someone you don't love?
Pressing your lips against theirs.. Telling them you love them..
When u actually dont..
How do you share an intimate act..
Something you use to let someone know how much u care for them..
with someone you dont care about..
not enough anyways..

..I think i know how...

Make me a wish

I am upset about my brithday.

Gave up on a perfectly good, once a year chance to make a valid wish.

No cake. No wish.

No birthday. No celebration.


Normally, i wudnt care much for my birthday.
This year was different.
N yet, this year was the worse nothing-est. (Tnx for going out wit me tat day guys.. Jus let me rant without bein insulted?)
I know its probably just me.
Probably coz i made it tat way.
It was only nothing bcoz i cared for it to be something..

maybe..

My birthdays are nothing all the time anyways.


No license. No car.
No town. No friends.
No cake.
No alcohol.
(i never even used to care for cake. not to mention alcohol. heh.)

Maybe worse of all..
No wish.

When i need one.
dun we all...

(sigh... no wait.. tats not the worse of all....)


When im allowed to drive alone...
be it months from my birthday...
be it tat my life'd be over anyways...

i shall drive out alone
preferably in the middle of the night
get myself a lil cake
n a candle
n make myself a wish
under the stars

a wish tat wud be too late to make maybe

but somethings are never too late

i cud still drop dead the next day
(heh. bet u didnt get tat.)

hey maybe i'll get myself a tattoo
whos to say no now anyways

yes i know its me
even for reasons different than that stated above
its always me

learning - a lifelong process

Today,

I learned,


that if you have big balls


it is because of filariasis


a tropical parasitic disease..



I therefore diagnose Kenny, famous for his coconut sized balls, with this disease,
and advice that he seek medical treatment as soon as possible...



~ Aint med school great?! =D

vs. The Perishers

Trouble sleeping

I’m having trouble sleeping
You’re jumping in my bed
Twisting in my head
Leave me

I’m having trouble breathing
You’re sitting on my chest
I sure could use the rest
Leave me

It’s you
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never dared to let
my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never cared
too much about honesty

I’m having trouble sleeping
I’m thinking of what you said
About the tears been shed
Leave me

It’s you
Now and always you
but never me
I’ve never dared to
let my feelings free
Why’s it always you
and never me?
I’ve never cared
too much about honesty

---

Guess who?

Its not rocket science.
heh.
always tot tat line was lame :p

3 doors down vs.

Here by me

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever know gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I had in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.