bcoz elly said so

Aha! i blog!

n yet i blog to says i be the gone now... hmmm.. :p

Me hasnt blog for a while bcoz me had big story to blog n hence has put off all little stories so no blog. =/
Also me has been too lazy to blog big story.
Bad me, Bad. :p

Me has only been thinking aBout bloggin big stories lots n lots
n end up staring at blogging page lots n lots
or run to room to think of me love.. (haha..)
n promptly end up sleeping.
hmmm..

ANYWAYS
me is the blog now bcoz me is the going to the land of no cyberspace for a while n therefore has valid excuse to not blog. =P
(n so must tell everyone)
n also bcoz elly said so. :p

hokay.
Me has to the go now hokay?
hokay.

Take care muax muax! :p

its in your hands..

so i know im supposed to write the rest of the story..

but i guess i just haven't been able to..

at that point when i was stuck in the hospital n computer deprived, oh i had so much to say..
but not for the last few days..
when my high was finally messed up a lil n brought down..
n i cudnt really get it back up.. not all the way..

because the very reason that made me so high..
i know im gonna lose in less than a week..
n thats whats been on my mind the last few days..
once the euphoria began to wear off..
it was the thought of losing it that has made me moody n lost..

...
i dont know how to continue anymore..
which has been my problem i guess..

how do i tell you i love someone that i dont really 'love'..

-
i dont think you could make me happy anymore..
i dont think you could really understand..
it'll just be one of the million things u listen to.. because it is told to you..
i dont think you could hold me n fix things..
how do i tell you.....?

-
there is someone i 'love'.. only i dont..
there is someone im infatuated with..
there is someone that makes me so happy but not because he makes me happy..
hah..
there is someone who makes me so crazy.. so crazy over him n his..
that this is so so crazy.. (oh man.. hahahahhahaaaaa...)

this is weird..

(of all the crazy infatuations.....)

n i'll never see you again..

-
my parents are fighting again.
i hate hate hate that they do.

-
the song i added on my sidebar?
amp it up n its the most amazing thing...

i wish i knew how to hold on to you

Remember all that bragging about hardly ever falling sick or needing to see a doc?

Well all that 'pride' led me to my 'downfall' this Wednesday when i found myself at the Emergency Department (ahem :p) of the friendly neighbourhood hospital, about to be admitted.

Ahem.

Wellll.. The drama started, well somewhere in the middle atleast.. with me heading to the doc for the Third time this year! And its only April! (ok ok.. third probably if you count that time at the end of Dec when i did all my bragging n complaining bcoz it was a Day b4 my Finals!) (n also not count the time i went for my immunisation jabs. which im again due for. dammit.)

But like i said (altho i might wanna stop all the bragging now.. hmm.. haha) i tend not to go for the colds, n the flus maybe if i can handle them. Mostly i only seek treatment for Stomachache n diarrhoea n upchucking n such, that dont stop on their own.

Well so it was again this time. Tho without diarrhoea or vomiting, i suddenly found myself a sufferer of a most mysterious stomachache. This, if i remember correctly, was just after id used the bathroom, so considering my bowels were n felt pretty much empty, i didnt think that it cud be that. So, next guess being hunger, i tried taking a banana. But to no avail. The intensity of the ache increasing, i decided maybe its like gastric or something (because the last 2 times i hand some mysterious stomachache that i cudnt figure out the cause to.. coz they didnt seem like hunger! haha.. it turned out to be gastric.) n tot id have some rice. But the food didnt help either. So it was settled that i probably have to abandon That idea.

In the mean time, i was talking to my dear dear friend (ahem) n told her of how i cudnt Figure out the cause of all my suffering! N being the oh so nice friend that she is.. my dear Elly then proceeded to curse me with a "Maybe its gastroenteritis!!" Oh God Knows who put that in Her head! (The evils of pbl apparently... :p) n so.. whiles putting up the front of the affronted friend, I secretly when in search of this 'gastroenteritis' on reliable ol' Wiki.. (because we All know how wise this woman actually is. ahem.. :p) n Heres what i Found!

"Worldwide, inadequate treatment of gastroenteritis kills 5 to 8 million people per year,"

My oh my what great friends i have... sniff... (haha)
N because our friendship is one of complete honesty (bwahahahhahahahahhahaaaa) i immediately confronted my dear friend (see how many times im inserting endearments here elly? hahaa..) only to have her adamantly reply "Aiyah you! Its not like you live in south africa or something!"

hahahaaaa.. :p

Back to my attempt to diagnose my condition and alleviate my pain, i decided to return to the only other alternative for stomach pain left available (if you rmmbr that i myself wud know if it was gender related.. n it wasnt.. :p hence eliminating That option.) eventho i didnt feel as if there was anything left to evacuate, i still headed upstairs to Attempt to empty my bowels because, hey, what choice did i have left?
N nope, zip, nada, didnt work.
Pfft.

So there i was lying in bed, rolling around in pain, ahem, TRYING for a bright idea to End all the crap.
What oh what cud it be??? A pain that neither food nor toilet helped, nor cud be explained by womens issues. oh the dilemma.
Cud it be appendicitis?????
But no... its a generalised pain all over.. n not localised to the RIF (right iliac fossa, lower right quadrant of your abdomen, where your appendix is, n where pain would usually be localised at in the event of the inflammation of the appendix.)

So, when you're in pain n no where to go, what do you do?!
Next stop, Mummy!!!
Tho my mummy ofcoz cud not remove my pain, but mummies are who you turn to in times of such need.. n mummies are supposed to help make u feel better! (because mummies listen to all your dumb complaints!)
N for me, my mummy is who i depend on to suggest i go see the doc, because i dont do so myself. Hahahaa.

N so after all the whining, i neither refuse nor agree when my mummy suggests going to the doctor, which is my custom, n the way i communicate (i think) my own wish to do so. hahahaa..

So there we are on the way to the doc as i was saying earlier. (n for some reason my family always makes my trips to the doc an excursion for my nephew. haha.)

At the clinic, the doctor was a locum i think, young lady, but quite nice la.
She kept calling me sweetheart n stuff. haha. so i deduced that shes from KL. or Ipoh. hahaha..
First thing, i tell her im having stomachache. N i tot the first questions would be nausea or diarrhoea or that sorta thing. But instead, she asked me, when was my last menstrual period. -_-" (or maybe she asked me if i was pregnant first. can you say sweat? :p) so i gave her my dates, but she was still a lil skeptical.. haha.. n my mum didnt help either. hahahahahahaa..

Anyways, den she starts poking around to see where the pain is right.. n im like yes (pain), yes,
n den she pokes my RIF, n i pullback with a woohhhh noo..
haha.. n den you can see her eyes widen like us kids do when we stumble upon a textbook symptom to diagnose a case. haha.
but im like.. no its not painful, just ticklish.. hahaa.. (denial much? :p)

But she makes me lie down right.
n shes still askin me questions?
She : any nausea?
me : no.
She : hows your urine?
me : *lost* fine?
She : haha fine. Joker la you.
-_-" hahahahhaaa... right.. How am i supposed to know what she means right? ok fine.. i guess i Am kinda supposed to know she might mean colour, abnormality, pain n all that.. but at that point she didnt know that i might know. :p

n then she starts a proper exam.
*Palpate from the area furthers away from the pain (Man i love seeing this med stuff in action man!)
So she starts from, diagonally across, the Left Hypochondrium, and moves downwards, n then up the middle, n down the right to make an S.
*Palpate the area of greatest tenderness last.
Altho i was probably ow-ing for all the lower 6 quadrants. (there are 9)

n while shes palpating shes still asking me questions right..
n she starts asking me something about.. whether my lifestyle is overwhelming.
haha. in retrospect, i think she meant something along the lines of am i sexually active?!
hahahahahaa..

I already know she sorta suspects appendicitis right.
n for appendicitis, we have this special test. Rebound tenderness over McBurneys point (which is at the RIF).
A positive McBurneys is "deep palpation of McBurneys point, tenderness is illicited upon release of pressure."
So she presses down,
me : ow
Releases
me : oww
me : *realisation very quickly sets in* Oh shit. -_-"

She : Haa.. When I press down here, n release and its painful, do you know what that means?
me : *resigned* appendicitis. (actually what i said was probably appendix. but thats what i meant. haha)

She continues with the palpating i think but she starts talking to me bout stuff..
n she starts telling me bout how it cud also be PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) because i do have pain over the suprapubic quadrant n all over actually.
n im like "ohh shit."
at that point i forgot what id learn bout PID. except that it kinda really sucks. but when i eventually got home i finally looked up on it n remembered that its kinda related to STD's. See i told you she was still suspicious of my sexual history. haha..
because my mum was right there n she cudnt ask me straight out. or she cud, but shes obviously smart enough to know if i was id probably lie about it anyways. haha.
n im all like arghhh crap..
She : Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, do you know what that is?
me : *meekly* yea..
She : You read it somewhere?
me : yea.. kinda..
She : Where'd you read it from?
n thats where it comes out what im studying..
heh..

Anyways.. den shes back at her table n shes telling me how i might have Appendicitis, so she has to refer me to a HOSPITAL to get an ultrasound n blood test to see.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!

First stage : Denial!
me : *trying to dissuade her, because serious stuff never happens to me!* but doc, when you press down the pain is deep, but when you release, its on the surface!
She : *narrows eyes* Peritonitis is inflammation of the covering of what?
me : *very meekly* peritoneum.

hahahahahahahaaaa...

Hah. n so amidst other talk, my docs like hurry, go go quick quick quick!
n so out we go from the room to await the referral letter n stuff.
n den Still very much in denial, i start telling my mum, maybe its just gastric. :p n i say, but she didnt even ask me about diarrhoea n such stuff..
so my mum makes me go in again to tell her, eventho i also say that she'll still make me go hosp anyways coz McBurneys was positive.

so in i go again,
me : doc, my mum wants me to tell you that i had diarrhoea twice this morning.
doc : Are You Sexually Active?!
(ROFL...)
me : nooo...
doc : Are you Sure??
me : yes...
(hahaha..)
doc : hmm ok. no you still have to go to the hospital, because appendicitis presents that way sometimes right sweetheart.. go go quick quick go!

-_-"

-

broken dreams

I just realised that both the vids kinda look like porn. haha..

-
What i learned in the last 2 weeks,

You never really know what a terrible singer you are, until you play Singstar. =P

.
Was playing the Palm Centro Music challenge thingy.
where they play a snippet n uve to figure out what song or artist or whatever it is..

I am now officially a music junkie.
haha..

Quite fun.
haha.
n really dam addictive.

i kept playin n going to myself..
dammit can i stop!?
but i only kept going n going. hee..

-
n den i watched Crash.
which im sure i must have blogged about before.

its a pretty good movie.

in the begining scenes when the two black boys were complaining bout ppl being racist n den went ahead n proved the stereotype, that was pretty funny.

n the scene with the little girl..
eventho i already knew what was gonna happen.. when her father grabbed her n stuff..
i cried! (awww.. sniff sniff! haha..)

oh n den Over The Hedge was on.
i cant believe ive actually never seen it.

-
Oh well, so thats why ive been up till now.
which is 6.30 in the morning.

n its quite sad because ive got to work again tmr.
(after havin worked today. hrmph.)

Well, gd night!

-
P.S. As much as i like being up real late sometimes..
if it gets to 5-6am..
well.. something happens around that time..
n.. well. it tends to make me think.
n that makes me sad.

heh.


Oh yea.
ive just got this remix of Boulevard of Broken Dreams with Wonderwall.
haha that was pretty cool. :p

baby,

I love you baby..



Even if we put aside the video

I neeeeeeed you, i love you!
(aha!)

You're the one who makes me happy on any dark or gloomy day.
You make my heart light n give me goosebumps.
Anything n everything about you. (tho ofcourse thats just being romantic. im not a fan of the smoking n if i saw anything on drugs i wudnt like That. or whores. lets not forget the whores. :p)

I told you i'd always love you.

(I told you, baby.)

-

n on the side we have this,
just for kicks..



-

So 3 of my boys are (have been!) in Thailand (for so long)

Please, please please Pllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaase!!!

Dont sleep with the whores!!! (i mean the Actual ones... not name calling anybody! :p)

(oh n the 4ths gay so.. hes covered. (but atleast hes in Clean ol' Canada (well, Clean-ER!!)))

ahem.
no offense.

but no one wants you dying an early death. :p

you're too young n too.. educated (tho technically.... :))
to do anything stupid ok?
ok.

(btw that song with the Thai girl was freaky boys. (the only bright part was that beautiful line you did with no other sound...)

Muacks.

n back to the story,

I love you baby.

You make me happy.

12 days into April

12 days into April.

I should hate this day. (actually i cudve used the same line for the past 3 days.. but lets just keep that to ourselves.. more drama.. :p)

but im too busy being in a decent mood to care.

(Altho admittedly im not exactly IN a decent mood... not now anyways.)

Well there are somethings i can choose not to care about
or attempt to, some aspects of it anyways.... -_-"...

// Gah! Why do you frikin tempt me.
I am not pure anymore. *angry* //

I wanna say that im not gonna go n actively make myself miserable..
bcoz misery is doing a pretty good job by itself..

but i cant, bcoz i already semi failed myself.

hmm.

stupid..... shameless.........

........

oh who am i kidding?

I Hate this F****** day.
.


whatever way it may be.. it doesnt matter..
i have already failed.. long time ago..

rejoice all you want.

-

Friends dont judge their friends vices.
they help them through it.

i wish you were a little bit more understanding.

-

You expect too much of me.
without even considering how little you are willing to give.

is MIA no more

yes, that be true.
tho that is only a technicality. as always.

this be not the way i wanted to do this but oh ah well..

is most most tired now.
bcoz I has been up high n about since 10pm last night.
n it is now almost 6pm.
n i have not gotten to sleep..
cept maybe an hr or 2 of a snooze here or there.. :( (i is So poor thing no? :p)

but u must understand that that means that i have been up.. for Ages now..
becoz i is up since 10am yesterday?? (n again.. now is 6pm of the Nex day.. hee)

So den you will understand,
why i is so the piss n the mad jus now..
when after all the high n about was over n i tot i cud be the sleep a lil..
me dad is the say i must come to the work.

so now i is at the work.
(whilst obviously Not working.. as yous can see.. :p)

Buuut...
The Friends have the power to make one less angsty..
n one (ie. me) is much less angsty now..
(as you Must be able to tell.. :p)

So, Yay. =)

n Oh!
I is got the gooda news now!
i is the get to the go home! Now!
So that is even more yay..
n hopefully i is the get to the sleep.

tho what i really want is to go mv.
or yumcha.
or movie.
or anything.

but there is the no one who cares about me
sniff sniff snifffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
*blows nose*

so i is the go now den!

Ta! :p

i wonder..

Sometimes.. when you get to feel happy..
it gets to a point n den.. it can feel like nothing else matters..

only, before long you'll see that you're wrong.. n it does..

i wish that beauty could give you a happiness that could really last..




i hate happiness..
coz it only means that sucky things are gonna come up n bite me in the ass..

-

i dont understand how you can not miss me and not even drop me a line!
im here n i think of you.
every kookaburra n every gum tree..

-

its almost 4am.. i guess i really better go..
ppl are gonna be up in a few hours..
ive been staring at this screen for a couple hours i think..

also i have something that i think i have to do tonight.. but im not sure how im gonna..

-

i wonder how it is..

special / special-er

Warning, emo post ahead.

I hate my own thoughts..
i hate whats on my mind, what goes through my head!

-
Why bother.. when theres nothing there to find anyways.

-
I know exactly the kinda guys i tend to love / fall for..
not that ive Never told you guys (oh one too many times..)

those wounded ones.. the injured souls..
all misunderstood n hurting inside!
(haha! it is so hilarious(ly lame) sayin it..)

those complicated ones that just need that special someone.

but they All deserve someone special.
theres a particular type, which is a one for each of em.
so special that special isnt enough to describe them..
haha..

But thats whats so sad
because i know i could never be good enough for them.
those kinda guys that i love?
i could never be good enough for them.
not even if you're special or special-er.


now how can that not make you sad.

hmm.

-
maybe its just too boring n quiet in here.

.
im just so pissed n disappointed in them all...

whens it ever gonna stop?

i need you my Darcy.

P.S. now why does everyone like him anyways? i know why I do. (see above) but that Cant be why everyone else does. is it that whole secret knight doing wonderful things behind ones back thing? coz thats Certainly not why I like him. i find that reason much of a disgrace. :p pah to the perfect gentleman. come ol' imperfect complicated one. hahahaa..