without you

What i dont get is

How can there be people out there who are happy
who laugh n smile n play

when it hurts so badly in here..


I feel like im stuck in this unreal world
where i cant seem to wrap my head around reality..

Here i am taking big steps that i could only have done if i understood
n yet i cant seem to stop myself from expecting..


This here is the middle.
the path between two worlds..
n ive dragged myself up n chose where to walk

N yet i cant fathom
what life will be like

without you.

its me baby..

i have school tomorrow.
didnt quite realise that.

just read someones blog..
that was too beautiful..
unfortunately due to the site system.. i cant really comment..
needta register n all.. n when i tried my name was taken..
dont wanna put in too much thought for something i'll never use again.
but he did write beautifully..
Ezra.


not doing too well...
sigh...

my apology

I'm sorry...
please accept my apology..
i want things to be different... but i cant think... n i cant think how...
i wish you would talk to me but i was the one that asked you not to..
i guess you, like me, have nothing to say that would actually make a difference..
i guess you, like me, dont know what to do.

maybe the stars will jump in and fix things after a while.
maybe deep down in our hearts.. a small part of us will keep the promises we made to each other..
even if the rest of us cant.
sigh.. i'll never really leave you.. but i guess we cant talk of that right now..

i'm sorry.

in our lives

i hate relationships.

sex is my alcohol

boys will be boys.

sigh..

i think there's somebody i need to stay away from..
(someone i dont trust. sigh...)


so many words.. so many thoughts..
so many things happening, or on the brink of happening..
but i cant write about them right now.
or i dont want to..


Anyways, schools starting tomorrow.
end of the holidays.
bugger.

So i've been a good lil girl the past few days. stayed at home n didnt go out.
bah..
but its the end of my hols. last chance to go out.
so i did. today.
AND, my parents arent around (big brother is tho), so its the perfect time to stay out late n stuff.
I seriously considered sneaking out of the house last night.
jus because i can.
n there wont be a better chance than this anymore.
too bad i didnt tho.

I dont know why
but ive been considering doing alot of things i shouldnt do.
alot.
well, i guess i do know why.
but at the same time.. why? why suddenly?

maybe it isn't tat suddenly...
or maybe its because the oppurtunities have been presenting themselves..

yes, there's somebody i need to stay away from.. sigh..


but instead of doing anything bad
im sitting here listening to a song.
a song thats a mockery of me actually.
but here i am,
listening.

laugh at me.
coz i sure am laughing at myself.

dreams are where i wanna walk

Lips of an Angel - Hinder

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late

where heaven is

Woke up from a bad dream this morning..
scares me..
coz it played out my fears..

Its freaky, knowing this.
Knowing what im afraid of.
knowing that it appears in my dreams..
it makes it.. omnipresent.. so that i cant even escape from my fears..
knowing that.. i probably have to face this fear..
or live it, soon.


Went out today with a bunch of old friends (ok, not tat old.) and watched Click.
That was one good movie too.
now This one made me cry. :(
sniff sniff
N amidst all the comedy..
theres actual meaning to the movie.. (that, if u pay attention, u can catch before they lay it in front of you.)
didnt seem to be a movie that would amount to all that much, except laughs..
but clearly, that wasnt true.
Beat the Break-up by miles. tho admittedly, That show sucked.

Havnt made plans for tmr and so on.
Not looking forward to being stuck at home all day.
With nothing to do, and with people i dont fancy.
Honestly, theres NOTHING to do. (cept study ofcourse, but that doesnt count.)
I have finished re-reading my book, n the books i havnt finish, arent tempting me.
Theres nothing on tv in the morning, or most of the time anyways.
Theres nothing to do on the comp anymore. Nothing online.. not tat into games at the mo..
So once again, we're left with studying.
Pfffffffffft. right.

But its not just about going out n leaving the house.
I cud have plans if i wanted to..
but it has alot to do with the people im out with.
theres only a small number of people i can be with right now..
oh well, lets not get into that now.

Whats left to say?
Schools gonna start soon.. n with that comes alot of woes..
aLot..
sigh.

Id better go charge my iPod. Gonna be needing my music tonight.


Will you hear my plea... tonight?..

Bad day again

Today, I watched Dragon Tiger Gate. Again.
Hah.
But atleast it was 6 bucks.
N it really wasnt bad watching it 2nd time around.
Damn good show that one.

But, as i forgot to mention the last time, Both chicks in the show do the sacrificing thingy for the guys.
Bah.
It was a good show. with great fighting yes.
But also touching stuff.
Sniff.
n Music.

I hate chinese shows.

Today I was out with a friend.
:)

Today I went guy-shirt shopping!
Weeeeeeeeeee..
which i actually did the past two days as well but toDay was more fun. :p
I need to find a compliant subject to drag around. Wahahahahahaa
I Think i know which friend wud subject himself to being my model.. hehee.. but unfortunately i dont think i'll be seeing him again soon. :p


Today, I came back, n had a bad day.
like i knew i wud..
today, i cudnt get through the night.
only with the help of a friends company, n some music..
but with every passing minute the dread in me escalates.

Do you believe in signs?
I dont know if i do, but i see them.
But theres nothing that they can possibly mean.


Listening : Bad Day - Fuel

dare you, dare me.

i dont want to be happy

Explain that one to me.

If i cant make you love me..
..atleast i can make you hate me.

crashed n burned

Sunburned!

In pain.

my face is all red. n it makes an odd marking on my back. hehe.

my shoulders are in pain!
It hurts with my clothes on!
It hurts when i move my shoulders!
N when i touch the sore areas i Wince!
Which hurts because my foreheads all sore too.

Bah.


I watched Dragon Tiger Gate today. Which was kinda really good!
surprisingly Nicholas Tse looked like a lil kid.. hmmm.. But cute all the same. :p

Through Most of the movie, the main character Was rather Hot.
But at the end of it, i decided that it was only so, because his HAir was covering Half his face Most of the Time!
Hehehee.
All three characters had their hair covering the ride side of their face. quite sad la.. i mean, Cudnt they come up with Some other hairstyle?! :p


ok. i have become sad now. so im gonna go.

Have been out for 2 days straight.
Will be out tomorrow.
Will (probably) be out the day after.
Thats 4 days. Perfect.
Cant stay in the house right now.
If only i cud make plans for Thursday n friday too eh?
cept for the fact that i'll have seen all the good movies by tmr. great. pfft.

anyways, watever.

marriages are stupid.
love is stupid.
promises are stupid.

whos gonna disagree?

Baby just say goodnight

Just watched Lemony Snicket : A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Was oddly stupid.

But actually quite a nice show.


Would have been a great show to watch at the cinema i think.

Darky yet pleasant i guess.

Still stupid though.
Hmmm.


I know i havnt blogged in a while.
quite a while.

Sometimes songs say it all
but most of the time its all kinda pointless.

Cant say ive been having fun.
but there have been a couple days where i rather enjoyed myself.
unfortunately, for Particular reasons that im afraid wont be repeating themselves.
(darn)

planning a couple more 'better days' anyways.
tho they hardly last long enough.

If i can upload some pics den maybe i'll update.
easier to blog with pics.
take up more space, need less words, see.


Well anyways, the hols are upon us, that is to say, me.
but before we can say much about em,
them hols will be leaving us soon.
in about a week.

back to boring old school den.
with lots of non existent studying.