He tests his worth..

They say:
No guy is worth your tears.
The one that is will never make you cry.

I never did believe in that.
I've always believed that its okay to cry for the one you love.

Not to say that i think he should. make u cry that is.
But its okay.
And he probably will anyways.

{is he worth the tears?}

besides, it might not be bcoz he caused pain per se..
if shes crying because of you, for you, that might be a good thing..

{yes.}

might

(Heard that Fribit?! Besides, it was only because she didnt wanna Lose u!)

he tests his worth..

I Say:
he shouldn't hurt you

love bites

F*ckd up the math paper.
ha.

---

I love the Moffatts.
Say what u might..
but they never fail to make me smile. (actually tats a line tat sounds nice.. =P)

Id upload Misery here..
if i only knew how.. =P

(Actually i mean it.. wen i get stressed out.. their music helps.. helps me feel better.)

---

Music.

Music helps me study.
im sure lots of u agree. (if ure not ancient like a certain math teacher i know that is..)
It blocks out all the other excess noise..
somehow i can concentrate wit in blasting in my brain.

it blocks out my thoughts..

Tats why when i get pissed off, i blast it..
Really really loud..
really really Really loud...

...like right now...

When im under stress n all..

The other thing i do
wud be to bite myself..
So if u see hickeys on me..
dun worry..its not due to pda.

---

Oh so Todays the 31st..

I remembered..a couple hours late maybe, but t'least i did..
(den again, duh..)

Thing is, i waited until this morning before i realised Yesterday was the 30th..
Dam..
Missed Scotts birthday..
(Hahahhaaa... so im obsessed. =P)

Oh but my obsession has lessen..
hah!
(actually id like to think of it as Matured.. ;) =P)
See, besides the birthday missing..
jus a couple hours ago I Miss U Like Crazy was playing on MTV.
Didnt really stay to watch.
ha. =P
(like u care...)

---

Somebody gives me bad dreams..

N tat somebody is not It the clown.

Oh so apparently ders tis new show out called It n the Children or something like tat..

Hmmmmm...

Oh n i wanna watch Sepet. ;) ;) ;)

---

...

I should be studying..

really..

Tats not gonna work out though..

---

Im sleepy.

Im bored.

Bye.

---

---

Fabes will be proud to know..

Im listening to:
The Blowers Daughter - Damien Rice n
Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley

...
suitable..
...

---

jus realised
the title
works both ways..

Go figure.

Waiting for my pilot to come

"That's definitely so." Grinning, he finally met her stare and took in a sudden breath. There was something so geniune and good within her eyes, that he felt himself almost needing her. It was like he was slowly drinking from her gaze, gathering some sort of strength from her but at the same time wondering what the hell he would ever do without her again. How was it possible to feel so dependent upon her within such a short period of time?

---

GOD! I CANT ReSIst! =P

hahaa...

Emm.. as a special dedication to an old friend whos been reading this blog, i'll quote another story..
(You'll have to forgive me if i dont have the exact words tho.. :) )

-So, What time are u going off to bed?
~*smiles* i dont sleep much..
-Why not?
~*grins* No cute chick to come to bed with me.
-Well.. If u still think im cute n all.. Lets go to bed together. ;)
-U'll go to your bed, I'll go to My bed.. We'll go to bed together! ;)

:)
and..

-U were great in bed last nite! ;)

=)

---

Back to the other story!

Her pleading stare broke him down a little, and somewhere inside he just knew that she felt the same way about him. Despite all of his insecurities, and all of the doubts he felt about himself, this was something he was suddenly completely sure of. With that in mind, he slowly opened his mouth and murmured, "I need you. . ." softly, his eyes turning glossy as they threatened to hold back his tears.

Cameron's eyes filled up, but she rapidly blinked to keep from losing composure. She whispered his name, sounding a bit awed by his words as she reached up and gently placed a hand on his cheek. That mere touch was something he'd been longing for for such a long time now, that his eyes automatically closed and he leaned his face closer to her hand, relishing in any closeness with her. Somewhere up above he could see colors and hear explosions ringing in his ears, but he wasn't sure whether they were real fireworks, or just the ones in his head. In any case, he placed both hands on the sides of her face and leaned in, the bill of his hat gently bumping her forehead, and they both laughed softly. Tilting his head a bit more, he leaned in once more, his lips coming in contact with hers, and a strange sweetness filling him up. The gentleness of her mouth made his heart flutter slightly, and he pressed his own lips firmly against hers, almost addicted to the way he needed this, the way he needed her. . . The more he kissed her, the more he began falling downward in the back of his mind, all sense of comprehension vacating him, allowing his heart to completely take over his body.

He snaked an arm around her waist to pull her closer to him and she timidly placed a hand on his chest, running it slowly up to his neck and finally resting under his chin. Letting out a contented, muffled sigh, he merely allowed himself to fall deeper and deeper under her spell, not even sure he ever wanted to come out of this. . . whatever it was. He never knew it was possible to feel so wanted before, to feel as if he actually belonged somewhere. The way she was sliding her fingers gently along his jawbone was driving him crazy, and his eyelids fluttered helplessly.

Ok.. This is REALLY bad of me..
I shudnt be stealing whole pieces n all..
=P
But I REALLY REALLY REALLY Cant Resist! =P
hahaa..

also because these extracts might mean something to a friend.. (Haha!)
like this next one..

"I don't understand why I matter."

"Why should it make any difference why you do? You just. . . do. . ."

"How can you possibly always feel so alone, when you've got people there all the time. . . I don't understand it. And I don't know how anyone could let you come to feel the way you do about yourself, when it's so easy to fall for you. . . Especially when you're staring at them with those puppy dog eyes and that goofy smile. Like the one on your face right now." She slowly smiled, matching the one that kept growing on his face, and she tilted her head to study him. "You just need to learn how to open up your heart more to people, instead of being afraid that you're going to get hurt."

My apologies to the original writer!

Oh Fabes, Dont steal my lines! ;)

Boys of Summer (stolen)

"There was something strangely enchanting about the world after a storm passed through. A particular scent hung in the air, but it wasn't a smell anyone could ever possibly put into words. It was just that scent that came with the moisture, and the leftover rain that was slowly slipping off of random leaves as a slight breeze would roam through the air. And the way the streetlights were playing off of the wet cement was somehow spellbounding."

---

I saw Jien today! ;)

Jus tot id let u guys noe..

Cute-ness.. ;)

Anyways.. Tats all i wanted to blog about.
hahahaaaa...
Nah..didnt think it be Tat interesting for u guys to hear my tale of how i spotted Jien.
Total groupie-ness.. haha.
Watever.

Had a couple other things to blog about.. but as usual, i forgot wat they were.. =P

So, ok, im kinda reading this story online right now.. (OoOoo pOrn~! haha..)
Its a bloody cool love story..
But it was written over a span of 2 years..
I guess in the beginning, the writer was still kinda new..
it was like ur usual fanfic..
not tat great or anything..
But i guess she sorta grew over time, n the story matured as well..
After, like the first 10chapters, the love story sorta begins, n things get kinda interesting..
But i think the story is still half here n half there at this point..
sometimes grabbing u but somethings kinda boring..
Anyways.. if i remember correctly (read before) once the love story really starts, it gets totally superb..

Err..watever..
=P
Haha..
Jus wanted to add a quote from the story at the end of every blog..
Thing is.. i dun blog Tat often.
heh..
oh well, anyways,

---

"He felt a raindrop fall from the rustling leaves, landing directly on the top of his baseball cap, but he paid no mind to it for he had other things on his mind, one of whom was standing by the fence of the baseball diamond, staring off into space toward the empty field. For a moment he just stood there and watched her, tilting his head and slowly blinking, completely enraptured by the way she looked so completely tranfixed with the open space before her. He never realized just watching someone could fill him up inside, but he knew now that if he could just stare at her for the rest of his life, he would die a perfectly happy man. . ."

[Quotes taken from Boys of Summer without permission.. Hope the writer wont mind..]

---

Oh so by the way..
I dont write..
Stories i mean..
I figure i suck..
..sigh..
..it hurts..
hahaa..
forget it.. u wont know wat im talking about..

pondering

Quick question.

Is it ok that he is not the one that makes u feel better?

T'least not all the time..
What if u were hoping that he would.. but he didnt.. n then u achieved it by other means..
Is tat ok?
what does tat mean?

It should be ok..
But if u have to turn to others to make u better.. instead of him..
what does that mean?

Myogenic

I Had always wondered whether it was actually possible to Feel pain...heartache, when one is emotionally scarred...
Whether emotinal pain could be transfered and expressed in physical pain...
Never having felt it before, i used to wonder..
Or t'least, wonder wat it would feel like..

I remember...the first time ever, i think... tat i noticed this... or atleast, thought of it, n associated it with heartache..
When i broke up with... one of my exes...
There was one stab..
jus a little ache.. around the chest..
I did think of 'heartache'.. but i also accepted the possibility (n think that it most probably was..) that it was jus a coincidence.. or jus some physical pain.. unrelated to anything..
or jus something psychological..
"U break up with boyfriend. U must feel pain now."
hmm..cant remember what it felt like..
But i do remember that it was jus one single stab.. n tat was it.. hehe =P
*Naaaaaahh.. wasnt too hurt bout the break up... wasnt in love or anything..*

Second time i remember...
once last year when something saddening happened..
wen i lost somebody..(in some sense..)
and i was crying..
it seemed like my heart was being squeezed...with every sob...
THat felt more like heartache..
heh..
n i wanted it to be too..
a sign that i was indeed hurt...
that it meant something to me...

oh well...

Now i can conclude that it does happen..
That your heart can break.. or ache..
N somehow, for some reason.. u can feel physical pain..
A deep, hollow feeling inside...
Like your heart is being squeezed..n squashed..
stamped on..
extreme pain sometimes..

I dont understand it..
N i dont think any science exists to explain it right?
Why should your heart ache?
How does your body translate emotional pain into physical pain?
And why is it the heart that is affected?!

Because, eventhough we relate all matters of the heart, to, well, the heart..
technically, we dont exactly understand WHY we call them matters of the heart, do we? (or is it just me?)
Why is the heart, that particular organ, that we, humans, chose to relate to our emotions?
(And why is it that in malay we call it hati (translated: liver) when technically, we mean the heart, as well?)

I still wonder...
How is it that when one feels emotional pain.. that it can be translated by the brain to cause a physical pain.. a pain that one can actually feel, and identify...
why is it that the heart aches...

Or is it all psychological?
Where we all feel the pain..
Where we associate emotions with the heart, and therefore 'feel' pain there..
Where the brain instructs the body...or rather, itself, to 'feel' an ache at the heart..
to register so called 'pain'...

Oh well...
All i know is,
I AM Really REAlly interested in the human heart.
N i wanna cut people up and poke at their hearts.. (=P i mean check out their hearts n generally work with that la, of course. =P)
Hmm..
Yea..

Good nite.