time passes by

So, ive been staring at this draft for.. 3 days now..
(eventho it says Sunday 29 June, it is actually right now, Tuesday, 1st of July) its been kinda hard to complete la bcoz well, i started it a few hours after my last post right.. n at first it was angry.. hence,


HAH!

HAR HAR HAR!!!

HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Well.

That shows me doesnt it.

Can i go back to being mean again?

:p

N den, two minutes in,
i realised i wasnt really Angry anymore but well..
you'll see.

aiyah

i knew this wud happen la.

i knew that i cant be nice bcoz everytime i am, something will happen n i'll regret it.

But this was much faster,

n with a much bigger reason than i thought la.

hah.

oh well.

im not sure i really care la.

(fine, i probably do.)

but really.

im not even angry/upset d la.

i am just sienness n pisted.

not pissed.

pisted.

i dunno what it means but it sounds fun.

yay.

la-di-da.

(do you understand what four minds means now?)

heh.

ANEWeeees.

N at this point i stopped, went back home (i was out)
n had alot of things to say..

well, back to my flirting then.
Mr. Offline, n Mr. wants-to-get-in-my-pants are waiting.

so what if he only wants to get in my pants?

Am i glad ive got my own room
n haha
my new baby, whos been with me.. what.. 3 weeks now..?
n is the biggest reason why im even Sane right now! n why the days are bearable man. bcoz my baby allows me to BE in my room! Muahahahhaaa..
i Was supposed to post up pics but ofcoz, me being me.. tsk tsk.. they're all in the camera, waiting for me to do something bout it.
haha.

n see how crazy i am (more than usual la) when i get to dictate my own life!?
I didnt even sleep last night. (or anytime in the morning la, which is my night. :p)
Went to sleep at 11am. Woken up at 11.30 to go off n work. Pfft!
So its 4.20pm now n i ought to slp huh.
oh well.

N this is where i promptly fell asleep. :p

n this is what i'll say today.
--->

im not completely satisfied with what i have up there. but i'll leave it..

N because this is what they say about me (among many other things :p)
"Indecisiveness is your biggest drawback. It is a trait that often leads to delays; you spend an inordinate amount of time weighing up the pros and cons. You are most apt to postpone difficult decisions for as long as possible than face unsavoury situations."

they are quite correct ofcourse.
for the past few days, while i have seriously had this page open in one of my tabs,
mostly bcoz i cant decide what to say, or whether to blog or to watch my most excellent show, i end up hitting 'play again' over n over, on this really lame yahoo game i have been playing (which, tho lame, incidentally says 'Excellent' everytime i score well, so it is a most fitting game for me indeed!). :p
the diplomatic choice ofcourse.
the one that is neither of the two you are considering. =P
Just to simplify matters.

haha.

and this is not the first nor only time i have made choices like this in my life either. :p

i am telling you la, (not that it is related), but if ever i were faced with two guys that i had to pick between, i'll probably end up choosing a life of celibacy.
ahem.
haha.. ok no, wait.. thats not true..
s'happened twice before n thats not what i did..
haha..

but it is highly possible. :p


Anyways.
i digressed.

back to the matter at hand.

whatever man.
i am glad la.
bcoz ive realised that
i am pretty happy here la. :)

n atleast it has brought me back to some sorta, what has been referred to as Simon-mode.
(hahahaha.. :p)
but actually it is not really Simon-mode for me,
just me getting along pretty fine now.
:)

i dunno,
its like i dont even know you anymore.
n i dunno why im saying that bcoz i can understand everything that is going on.
but, its like i dont know who you are anymore.

hah.

[P.S. it is actually now, Wednesday, 2nd July, not because i delayed further but bcoz after i was done with everything above, blogger went n konked on my n i cudnt post! N i cudnt log into or open Any blogger site the whole day after that! Pfffft! But everything else is accurate. :p]

heres looking at you kid

知道我今天看着你多久吗？

哈。。

啊，是。。我承认，还爱着你。。该说声对不起吧。

可是，难道我爱你，有错吗？

不是我的错。。可是，同时，你不爱我，也不是你的错。。

不是我不知道。 感情的事嘛。。咳，控制不了的，不是吗。。

想着你。想知道你还好吗。。
你以为我会不想你吗？。。哈哈。。
你，心里，应该知道是不可能的吧。
不是我炫耀。。
你，应该知道吧，爱你，想你，一定会是我对你比你对我多的。。

对不起。
不想要你。。不舒服。

为什么我们不能正常地，象以前一样。。。
可是老实说。。。我们。。应该没有正常过吧。。咳。。。

算了吧。
心情好了。。

想你。。
想要你好。。。
对不起。
请保重。。好吗？。。

请你明白。。不是我不要放下。。
真的不是。。
是我还放不下。。请你原谅。。
你不是没体会过的。。

wish that you could 'care' about me.. the way you should..

咳，我也不知道我们会怎么样，能怎么样。。
亲爱的。。
真心祝福你。。
（对不起，请你不要因我说的话，我的心情，而不高兴。。）
我心里的话。。。
不说你也应该明白吧。。

*hugs...*

(dont come..)


>> i dont want to be the one to admit that..., i hate saying this..., that, even from the pictures.. we were never meant to be...

youre a lonely soul

Say (All I Need) - One Republic

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it


---

its playing on the sidebar.

P.S. shit Bloody hell i just got a called from somebodys mum. wtF that was awkward dammitdammitdammittttttttttttttttttt haha shit arghhhhh. fffft.

love affair with your dust

Hi.

Its 9.18am n i havent slept yet.
(so obviously i wont be going out with u la Pah =/)

I think when i stay up for long hours till morning (like really really morning, 7-9am morning, 4am is not counted, thats normal. :p), many times its bcoz theres something i wanna blog about, but i cant really find the words.

Like this night.

theres some stuff that i would like to make a record of,
but i cant find the right words..
cant find the right way to put it,
it just sounds very blah now in my head..

But oh well.
S'not like i can stay up much long.
(dam, im already starting to get hungry. bah. n ppl are up downstairs so i cant go steal food. bah.)
so yea, obviously i wont be doing that (blogging).
but, we'll see.

-

wow..
i never knew..

those words that you have up there..
hah! i never knew they were about mine..
hilarious.. bcoz.. dyu know..
everytime i head over there n see those things..
i get so upset and jealous! jealous!
bcoz your words would always remind me of, what i gave you, but i thought that it wasnt mine, n so i was jealous.
(jealous that you pick something that was so like mine, but not mine, to be up there..)
n upset. to the point that i even dislike heading to a certain strangers blog, bcoz of similar things that are there. (no offense meant to the blogger or blog, which i actually like, theres just something im personally sensitive about.)

dyu know that i actually hated your words...
haha..

so today, when i finally found mine again, n then it suddenly hit me.
the words, your words..
it was mine.

haha. yes i could laugh.

how silly..

sigh..

i love you too...

sigh
so that was one good thing
..
and another wud be being appreciated by some people..
n the conversations you can have..

do you see me like he does..
did you / will you ..?
like he thinks he does.. he doesnt really though..
sigh..

why cant we be normal?

n reading blogs (in chinese) that make me feel..

＂乖啦，别哭。。＂

我好想你。。咳。。


n bad things would be reading bout the juniors ta pau-ing the exams, tho they dont know it yet..
n getting all pissed off,
bcoz i feel so incompetent, n stupid, n useless. ARGH.
sigh. n you've moved on from it bcoz you can..
but i cant yet.
n if i continue to be useless, then i wont ever be able to.

bah.

*thinks choc cake*

oh n.. i just realised today..
Man.. i forgot my blogs birthday!
9 days ago, 4 year anniversary!
Wow..
its been long..

so the cake i posted yest shall be for you ok baby? :p

n when i go have it (which shall be SOON bcoz PAH has ordered it to be so! :p)
it shall be in your honour ok?

hahahaa..

have to bed now before i die.

...
nites.

I need you now~~~

Faaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!

ARGH! OMG i Cant stand it!!!

oh i have found my soulmate.. my love...

Baby! I need to have you now!!!
I Must have you nowwww!!!
there is nothing else left for me in this world...

Baby, if i cant have you..
oh the pain that feels me up inside.. (think stomach yearning :p)
I shall die!!!
but a quick n lonely.. n sad sad sad death..
without you~~~

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Do not elude me my love!
My heart (or stomach) cries out for you~~!
No! I swear! I shall not be able to stand it!

Come to me~
oh, Wait for me...
One day.. one day soon (PAH WE ARE GOING TO 1U TO HAVE THAT CAKE GAHHH!!!)
we shall be together....

n den my life will be complete...
(you, on the other hand, will be dead n swimming in my stomach, but that is not important now.)


P.S. n If it disappoints.. as it very well might bcoz it is a pretty picture but they dont always end well.. these love stories.. sniff.. :p But If that happens, there is always still the Moist choc cake at Alexis at the Gardens!! Which i (also) Love n Ache for n if ever i am disappointed by any of its kind (other, lesser, chocolates :p:p) It shall be the one to redeem the dignity n integrity of its fellow brothers... Ahhhhhhhh~~~

P.P.S. the pic links to the blog that reviewed it!

whos a dumbbell

Today was the day for the dumbbell idea...

n very possibly that it happened around midnight too..
which is most interesting / ironic / funny hor..
something lidat la.. :p

hehheh.

oh well.
not a good one to remember but
oh well what can we do.

This ones too early but we'll see anyways. Who knows whats gonna happen.
wait let me count...

oh holy shit!
Do my ideas all happen around the same time?!?!
What the...
Why oh Why!?

hah!
u can look back..
apparently this year chrismas came 2 days earlier.. :p
(altho, arguably, it might not have been the exact date)

ladida.

we'll see.

might be a dumbell idea afterall.

sigh.

never went away

I was away longer than i expected.

but i am back n it hasnt been forever.


There isnt just, not even just two sides in my head.

there are, i dunno, four parties arguing.


Can you believe it?

that i remember your dates, but i didnt remember mine.

When was mine? There was one last Sunday. I didnt realise it.
there was one, the past Wednesday. but i didnt think about it.
There'll probably be one.. sometime maybe next Tuesday or Wednesday? would you like me to check?
but that doesnt come before yours does it. No.

So can you believe it?

It wasnt even something i carved into my mind.
But i realised ive always known it.
Ive had it, all the time, floating around my head, for the past year.
Ive always had it.

Long enough dyu think?
Since our day is over.

Isit over though?

So, of the many sides that could be said.
maybe one of them would be that, maybe my last round was.. too much in a way.
in a way.
but it was a weak moment,
n i meant it.
n whatever it was
atleast it set me free.
for this cycle.

once i drop the ball. n left it for you.
i was set free.
even if it were just for this months cycle.
even if im about due for a down cycle.
atleast i have been doing good.

coz there we have you failing again.

thats what i say.


i know what you want. you want what we have.

Well, what happened there 'Best friend'?

what happened indeed.

today is another day she says she loves you.

maybe im glad i spent the week away.


what if?

but yours went away didnt it.

lost behind
words you could never find.

i have mine right with me.


today is another day she loves you.

baby.

of busted balls

i cried.

someone died. (in a show)

someone was mad at God.

someone put out a cigarette in church.

someone got slapped by their father.

he was a beautiful boy.

he was a beautiful boy.

-

i have always thought..

i cant pin point where i know these things but

from my knowledge of these things..
from the conversations ive had with friends (guys) about this..
from maybe, the pictures of anatomy we have in classes, i dunno.

from a certain friend hanging certain dices (is tat a double plural) in his car, the left one lower than the right... :p

that the left testicle (for men obviously, bcoz women dont have testicles) is always lower than the right.


so i was quite surprised today
when i get this from Oprah ok..

there was this Mens section with a doc this afternoon.
n he asks the audience (men), who has their penises (which is the correct plural for penis, as opposed to penii) bend to the left, and who has them bend to the right.
his explanation being that the guys penis would bend to the direction, where the corresponding testicle was hanging lower than the other. because it would give it room to go to or something.

anyways.

that meant, n since there were also raised hands for both sides, that the left testicle is not always lower than the right. n that some men have their right testicle lower than the left instead.

ahem.


well yes.
quite surprised.

see, how could my assumption have been wrong all this while.
why would i have had such an assumption so surely in my head if it were not true?
n after conversations with guys themselves who did assure me that they had the same idea.
hmmm.

Well off to wiki it is then, for where else can you get accurate information. haha. (incidentally at the time that i was at wiki, the article for 'erection' had been vandalised and then said 'i eat d*** in your *insert relationship*'s *insert female reproductive organ*. ahem indeed.)

anyways.
on wiki, i finally found my answer.
ahh how wise wiki is indeed.
apparently it is something like 85% of men, that have their left testicle hanging lower than their right.
which explains both that, no indeed, not all men have a lower left testicle, but also that the reason why we thought it was that was because Most men have lower left testicles but it is not abnormal to have a lower right testicle.

aha.
enlightened i am indeed.

me : well, you learn something new everyday huh.
him : yes, n today it was testicles.

haha.
yes, n i also learned that some men dont know which of their testicles hang lower. or that one hangs lower than the other. or that there were men/guys who would find it odd or even gay that they examine their testicles in the shower. -_-" which is, by the way, what boys/men from 15yrs onwards are adviced to do, just like women are adviced to perform breast self examinations. (but no thats not odd because, n this is according to this guy, "breast are right there on your chests! my testicles are hidden between my legs n it take effort to examine them Eww!" Hahahahaa.. what interesting information indeed.

what an informative day it was indeed.

whatever will i learn tomorrow.

down the line

Nothing tastes as good without rice.

even my favourite stew (or was it soup.. hmm too soupy for stew, too stewy for soup. --> soupy stew (or stewy soup :p) ) was disappointingly un-great until i realised i had to add rice!
Den voila! Yummy~ :p

Midnight snack. (which means something i ate at 5am instead of at 12. :p)

I love sandwiches too! :p


(what the hell do you think you're gonna accomplish by ignoring me.)


I have been pretty much living in my room for the past couple weeks or so.
bcoz i have everything i need in here. ahh..

except food ofcourse.

(n den locked in my room for the past week.
bcoz there is nothing outside for me.)

So it is Most great when i can have my food on my bed!
Like room service! (except i did the servicing myself ofcourse, n no one gets paid. :p)

happiness.

(did u know that bones left out in the cold, dry n shrivel up... hmmm.. :p)

Traveling again nex few days. :)
this is goodbye note. :p

Thankfully i'll have comp, shows, book, games, almost everything i need, to occupy me.


So all yous take cares n tas!


(P.S. oh... i didnt realise it meant you too.. =/ )

i hate you.

you shouldnt get to do that to me.

wield your power like i have to cower in front of you.

i hate you.

this is not a dictatorship.

i deserve better.

i deserve better than your damn pride.


dammit
you pick on the wrong goddamn things.

you pick the right fights n i have nothing to say.
i admit them, if only in my head.

but you dont.

you pick on the stupidest goddamn things like you're a little kid.
thats how you act.

like a damn kid.

i wish i didnt have to tell you to grow up.

i wish you didnt hurt me.

torn apart

You make me miserable.

god i hate you.

enough of this nonsense, im 22!
i shouldnt be feeling like a stupid 16 yr old who wants to run away.

goddamn it..

forget the being happy now
ure just gonna screw up my damn week now oh i know.

well thank god i have my room n my entertainment
so i guess ill just havta stay inside n rot.

there're doors, there're windows, thankfully theres no way to hurt myself in here.

n Now im freaking hungry but now we know i'll havta screw that n starve.

i hope you get your freaking kick out of it this week.

coz, got knows it has already broken me.

-
n if i told you, what would you say?

somehow i think, you'd have nothing.

i had you on a pedestal.

what would you know about saving me.

(n yet its still you i dream of.)

intermission

I havent been writing alot.

i mean, I havent been writing here, n
i havent been writing to people im supposed to write to. (which is quite a few actually..)

(eventho actually, a couple nights ago i Did write something here, only, half way thru i kinda fell asleep. like, really.)

N its abit odd bcoz id say i havent written here bcoz ive been happy,
n yet i havent written to people bcoz im moody.

so.
complicated.

But anyways, i am not writing. (just like i said)

I am gonna go to sleep now, until somebody wakes me up.
(which unfortunately for me will not be many hours from now.)

ah dang..

Gd nights tho.

n i'll leave you with this.
It is a song called Wood, by Second Person.
bcoz i think someone might like it.

secret

is back. clearly.

is lazy. clearly.

is hungry.

but is scared to go downstairs for food where there are people.

is remembered the nice chocos she has in fridge, downstair,
and is also suddenly overcome with craving for said chocos.. sniff..

is sleepy.

is been feeling like a rotting vegetable. hmm.

is finding that there are very few things to do online.

is falling asleep now. hmmmm..

ta!

P.S. ppl downstairs are gone now so is able to go downstairs for chocs! but on second thought.. maybe having chocs jus before bed is not the bestest idea for the teeth huh..