a-seeking redemption

Today was a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad day.

bad day like baaaaaaaaaaaaa (the sheeps baa) with a d at the back!


I Was Rude to somebody!!! *sniff sniff*

like..

I had planned to avoid something!
N she came along n changed my plans!
n den i got confused n didnt know wat to do!
so i was suckered into following her plans! (coz im Tat dam weak!)
n i Said something!
But i didnt mean it!
it was a joke!
but it wasnt very niiiiice! :'(
*snifff*
Dieeee.
n like.. it wasnt exactly convenient to make it clear it was just a joke n stuff..
*sniff sniff* aih die.

so i went up to my drums (Back at muh drumz baybeh!)
wailing n my head.
die.
sniff..

AND DEN!!!
there was this lil kid.
he came in while i was drumming
n i got to talking to him..
he's only been to one lesson
so while i was practising he was watching me!
n like.. i started showing off n stuff!!
omg.
den i felt like Such a Horrible person!
Waaaaaaaaaaaah! I was Showing Off to a Lil Kid!!!
N I'm not even Good at my drums!
Jus so happens the kids only just started!
Crap. Im such an idiot!

God forgive me.

so.. apparently the kids learning guitar n drums..
so i told him tat wen he grows up he'll have alot of girls after him..
n he went 'buekk'
HaHa!
10yrs old.
cute kid.

den wen i was done i tot id go down n erm.. smile n talk politely to the girl i was sorta rude to..
apology y'noe..
n like.. follow her plans to erm make up n stuff. *aihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
but like..
she wasnt der.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

guilt.

you know.
the music place is Full of little kids!
Argh.
Like so far.. Most of the kids ive seen that are learning drums too
are teeny tiny lil things!
have u every realised once you pass a certain age..
all kids like teeny tiny n its hard to tell how old they are
coz theyre all so Small!
dam darn kids
learning drums so early in life.
make me feel so stupid n inadequate.

Garh.

weird day.
driving alone alot.
kept yelling to myself in the car.
screaming songs n stuff.
hah.

=/

oh.
guess wat?!
i sent my darling doggie for a bath like a week ago n stuff..
N i Got him back today!
Yay!
so HaPPY!
Hes SO CUTE!
My Babys So adorable wrapped up in the dumb lil plastic!
His Cute lil face staring back at me!
Ahhhh!
n i took him out of his wraps..
muackkkss
n smelt him
n lo n behold.
he smells like my lil baby niece.
=/ Meh.

Oooo.
so.
Elly the great n kind past me prezzies today!
Yay!
she got me a bunch of candy from Hong Kong.
and a pair of Yellow socks!!
(that cost HK$ 20.00! the prize tags still on dear! hahaa)
Elly the socks are Yellow! They make me happy!
=)

Haha oh n surprise surprise..
my bro was just asking me if he were to name his son Lim Sun Way (as in the place Sunway. where we stay *HahhHAHHAHhHAHhAhahahhaA*)
wat wud it mean?!
abundance of kindness n greatness (exactly wat i just called elly.. teeheehee)

poor kid.

I love my Dopey!
n I love my baby niece so much!
so sayang!
i wanna shower her with prezzies n stuff n take her out n buy her stuff!
gonna have to wait a while for that tho..
well maybe wen im just out working..
she'd be like 5..
Just nice!
yay!
n i'll have a lil nephew (probably more by den) too!
=)

---

check this out if you can read chinese

http://sq.666ccc.com/meigui/

aww fck. thats the devils number wei!

anyways. the fella who passed me the link.. quite smart eh..
i once wanted to tell a friend
that advice only works if the hearts at the same place..
heh..
cant say this changed anything..
meh
t'was smart tho.

you're lucky

---

this blog is incomplete.
it feels incomplete.
but i doubt i'll be able to complete it.

gd nite.

wheatgrass juice

i haven't been drumming for a while..

but this

ahem. i say it makes me wanna perfect my drummin skills!

but unlike this

the first ones Not a drumming video.. =P

its a guitar solo. n i wanna marry that guy. n alot of girls probably want that too!
so ive to hone my drummin skills n go drum for him!


haha. i cant believe i said all that crap. =P

anyways. u guys shud check it out. s'really cool. :)

---

oh ya. remembered wat i wanted to blog about..

i just realised today..

i cud, instead of taking up medicine..

jus take up nursing / mid-wifery..
i'd probably be able to go to some nice place since it'd be more affordable n stuff.. heh.

i watched this show where there was this male nurse / mid-wife / somethingsomething.
i think male nurses are Hot!
hahahaaaa..

n it kinda hit me today..

i dont want to be a nurse. never did.
but if its just the mid-wife part. where u take care of deliveries, take care of the mother n baby n stuff like that.. thats pretty ok..
before i wanted to be a heart surgeon, id wanted to take up gynaecology.
birth n pregnancy had always been somewhat of a fascination of mine..
but it wasnt the check ups n scans n female problems n stuff that i was interested in..
just the births..
so theres where being a mid-wife / nurse wud apply more den being a gynae.
heh.

but i also knew that theres pretty much no way i'd give up studying medicine for that..
i do want to be a doctor.
n i do want to take up the challenge that is this course.
switching to nursing (n i dont want to be a nurse.) wud be seen by me myself, as settling for something less.. changing my goals coz i was afraid i wont make it..

no.
i do want to study medicine.
i wont be the best.
i wont be outstanding.
but i can do it. (i think)
I am capable of taking up.. n hopefully..
completing this course.

but dammit i dont want to be a doctor.

haha.

(p.s. dont worry. im not one of those ppl who takes up medicine coz of the glamour or money or wat not. (as my dad has been trying to hint) theres no glamour. theres no money. theres too much working hours. i do want to be a doctor (surgeon hopefully). i just dont enjoy the 'being a grown up' part thats attached to it.)
also. i worry sometimes that im not cut out for the job..
there are alot of aspects to cover.
sigh..

baby calleigh

Today! Me went down Malacca to see my

lil baby niece Calleigh!!!

born on the 18th of March. 11.45pm or something like tat.. =)
too bad shes a pisces not a aries.
I love aries. (but they are pretty hot headed n stuborn n annoying n stuff.. hmm. =p)

FiNally! I'm an Aunt!!!

(dammit! shudve taken a picture of her! nvm i'll take one nex week..)

SHes SO CUTE!!!!!

Muuaaaaaakkks!!!

=)

I jus wanna Bite her or something! (hahaa.. i never knew why people liked to say that.. n ive no idea why i did too.. =P)

*sniff..* den i had to leave n go home n all!
*sniff sniff..* i wanna kidnap her!

(but oni because she was so cute the whole time i was der. no screaming yet. =P)

omg shes so adorable!
*snifffffffffffffff..*

n i gotta hold her! Ahhhhhhh!
i wanna eat her up! hahaaaa...

so quiet just lying der..
so cute opening her eyes or making weird noises n stuff!
n den she puked.
she puked alot too. =P
poor kid..

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Im gonna see her again next week!
Yay!
(unfortunately they get pretty boring after a while in the first few months coz they cant do anything yet!)

Happy Birthday baby Calleigh!
I Love you!

:)

haunted

send me a gift

oh wont you help me?

would you believe me if i said i'm tired of this

they're all against me

oh who's on my side now?


do you know i'm scared?

do you know what i'm scared of?

do you know that i know that what i'm scared of is the inevitable..

and that it won't be that far off now..

wont you send me a gift?


don't leave me here..

don't leave me here all alone...


don't you see what you're doing?

so when will this end it goes on and on

over and over and over again

but i have to say it's ok.. because it is..

because it's supposed to be..


and i can't see what i'm doing

can you see that too?

you'd better believe that i have tried to beat this

coz i have.

keeps spinning around i know that it wont stop

till i step down from this for good

have you?

ten things i hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive my car
I hate the way you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind

I hate you so much it makes me sick
it even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right
I hate the way you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh
and even more when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around
and the fact that you didn't call

But mostly I hate it that I don't hate you
not even close,
not a little bit,
not even at all.

Kat's poem - ten things i hate about you

---

I've read this around before
n thought of posting it..
but it did lack a slight meaning to me back then..
when i was just reading it online..

But when i watched the show..
i dunno why..
but as she read it i just had to cry!
*sniff sniff* so sad..

I DUNNO WHY I CRIED BUT IT WAS SO SAD I JUST HAD TO CRY!
I DONT KNOW WHYYYYYY! *SNIFF* *BLOW NOSE*

gonna watch it again tomorrow. (if i wake up.)

---

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me

hmm.. cant get the effect i want.. hmmm..

living

nu ren bi jing shi nu ren, hen xiao qi de..

Classes are gonna start..
dam..

not looking forward to that.

schools like hell

i can just imagine

nan ren bi jing shi nan ren, shen me dou bu dong de..

n its not just one thing..

nan ren bi jing shi nan ren

two steps forward one step back
but with every backward step it gets harder to move forward.

but you wont understand

Sick Cycle Carousel - Lifehouse

if shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
if it had a home would it be my eyes
would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
well here we go now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good

well I never thought I'd end up here never
thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this
sick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah
sick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel

---

Somehow memory serves differently...

Sorry Elly,

they just like me alot.

---

bet you're tired of me
waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
cause I just want to be here now

dammit. just sounds so nice eh.

go away. its not my problem.

sick cycle carousel

tired.

exhausted.

(i have a double there)

long day.

stressful too. heh.

my limbs are protesting, all lying on something, refusing to lift themselves up

(guess who you sound like heh. the bitch eh.)

body's aching

eyes craving rest

but if i leave n go to bed now

i wont be able to rest yet.

n yet if i left later

i think i still wont be able to get much rest.

i was reminded
reminded why..

there n back again my love

---

ahhh fuck i give up!

forget it.
im not telling anymore.

---

i know its evil.

but i wish someone

wud go away

to Australia or something

(its not like u'd be all alone der.)

leave.

leave n leave me alone.

tired.

tired of all the things to come..

---

sick cycle carousel..

it wont settle..

i've thought about it

but it just wont give..

sick cycle carousel.

n all these words

Do you think that's why he's running away? Because he's afraid to face something?
No.. I think he's running towards something..

It's not the letting go that hurts..
its the holding on..

---

Blue Lights - Bloc Party

You'll find it hiding in shadows
You'll find it hiding in cupboards
It will walk you home safe every night
It will help you remember

If that's the way it is
Then that's the way it is

I still feel you and the taste of cigarettes
What could I ever run to
Just tell me it's tearing you apart
Just tell me you cannot sleep

If that's the way it is
Then that's the way it is

And you didn't even notice
When the sky turned blue
And you couldn't tell the difference
Between me and you
And I nearly didn't notice
The gentlest feeling

You are the bluest light
You are the bluest light


Hey.. you're not alone this time..
i know.. i know...

ofcourse you are

Do any of you think really stupid things in your head..
i mean.. ofcourse u do..
but like.. Bad things..
not just death.. coz everyone thinks of death..
other than that...

bad things..
happening to you..
to others..

why?!..

imaginations been on overdrive for a while now..

---

Almost - Bowling for Soup

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished u would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we had our problems I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
And I almost had you [x3]

I almost wish you would've loved me too


i guess u cud see it in more than one way..

---

feeling.. incompetent?
slacking for over a month.. n soon two months..
think next couple weeks gonna fly by now..
theres stuff that i should do yes..

not good..

n thou travellest forth

open.

stab.

stab. stab. stab. stab. stab.


stab.

---

i need food.
i really reeaally need good food.

but whos gonna care.

---

if they can feel that way..
what makes you think i wont?