what is it to you?

Contrary to prior notions

its not OC thats dangerous,
or even Greys..

Its Tree Hill. maybe.

not that it makes me sad or anything.
just.. gives rise to indulging in unhealthy thoughts.

i have way too much time on my hands.


what i need to remember
is

no matter how many times u try.

when, how, if.

no matter how many times u try

it doesnt really change anything..

N i shudnt care or bother asking

coz ur answer isnt gonna be illuminating, or provide relief, or anything of anything at all.

dont you get it?
nothings gonna change..
u cant change the past. u cant change the whys n hows n whats.
u cant change the truth.

its the one thing u cant change no matter how many times u lie.

But i've always given in to u, to ur wishes.
because i have always been weak.
because you are my guilty pleasure n i crave to indulge.

...
its likely im gonna be weak again tonight..

Bear with me.

Do ur prayers work?..

repressed accusations

Oh n i forgot to tell you guys!

I was in serious pain last night! N today in fact!

it hurts just to Move!

all this from badminton yesterday morning! Ha ha!

thats wat i get for not moving my ass for 10years!

(wat i Also get, is laughed at by idiot friends for not being able to even hit the shuttlecock! ugh.. how lame of me. *sigh*) =P


AND something else, when we got to the courts, National players Hafiz n Chong Wei were there!

How cool is tat?!?

ofcoz there were oso a few others.. but i cant say i recognised them... =/

But Better yet was, WE Had to Chase them out coz they were using our booked courts!!
Wahahahahhahahahahhaaaaa!

We Sat there for 20mins when we first got there bcoz all of us were too chicken to chase them off! Hahaa..
N also bcoz none of us were 'biao ba' enough to wanna Embarass ourselves in front of them.. hahaaa..
think about it man.... serious pressure wei, with National players staring at you!

hahaaa...

Anyways... long n actually very funny n interesting story but.... =/
rushing thru this post as im not really in the mood to write stories... sorry.
its kinda crap anyways. :)

Anyways, the gist of it is, we had to Get up der n tell them to get off please vacate our courts as we had booked them..
n den, screw up our courage n hide our embarassment n get up there RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM n make a fool of ourselves.
n hope we were too insignicant for them to care to watch. (which is true ofcourse.) hahaa..


After alot of embarassing attempts to hit the shuttlecock
sweating alot n enjoying myself thoroughly
even falling on my butt once..
=P

i had to leave a lil early for a meeting back at school..

on the way in the car i noticed my arms were itching... n red... n there were LIL RED BUMPS growing on em!
ARGH!!!
I WAS OBVIOUSLY having some sort of bloody allergic reaction!
Urgh!

As there was this blue powder/dust thingy coming off from the disintegrating rubber wrappings of the handle of the racquet that i had borrowed from my brother, staining my hands, i concluded that that must be what was causing the allergic reaction.

Or as a fren later suggested,
maybe it was the sudden exertion.
......
IM ALLERGIC TO PHYSICAL ACTIVITY!!!

HAHA! WAT A LAUGH!

(ok fine. its not funny when i put it like that but it Was when we were talking bout it! Grrrr...)


sigh. oh well.
was attempting to get a laugh off u guys.

not the best time for me to be bloggin tonight. =/ :)


N.B.: Whoever said that its been up to you?..

for the greater good

I had a great day today.

awesome.

N it was while sitting down. Sweaty body emanating heat. Muscles starting to feel the pain..
-in that moment- Surveying my friends n my surroundings..

that for the first time since a long long time
i felt like i'd found myself again..

It was a good day today.

So i thought i'd blog before i lose the feeling again. =)
as im sure its not gonna last too long.

but hey, every step right?

---

oh look.
heres me being sad again..

:)

but its ok..

this friends back..
been back for a couple months now..
n its a little sad that he didnt think to let me know..
jus let me know
cause, nevermind the milo ais he owes me that we never get around to getting anyways
nevermind the meeting ups we've said we shud do countless times but never actually do
i dont mind all that but
its always been nice jus hearing from you that ure back..

in the times u spoke n the twice that u met up..
did it not come up?

jus bcoz hes moved on, you have to move along with him too?

yea, busy's the word for him huh?
hahaa..

its times like this...
that somehow make me wanna know..
if you still care..

but i wont stay weak for long. (right?)

oh, darn, what a taint on my healthy, happy post.
:)

---

Since its past midnight, its my dads birthday today!

Happy birthday daddy!

hahaaa..


n my brothers flying off later this afternoon..

When he came back jus one month ago, i was thinking of blogging bout how sometimes i feel like i cant wait for the day when he goes back..
Not bcoz i hate my brother.
Not because of his sleeping on the floor in my room, tho it is a total pain n invasion of privacy, for an entire month!

but bcoz on the day he leaves
i get a hard-to-come-by, oni twice a year, hug from him.
(something that only started after he got himself a girlfren. haha)

which as a younger sister..
where u dun always get to bond when u want to..
n infact, hardly ever bond (n havin to shop for boxers for ur brother is not considered bonding. not if hes not there.)
is a pretty nice thing.


Anyways.
its time for bed now..
Spent the past few hours reading up on a couple strangers..

call me kepoh.

tho it was saddening stuff i was reading
took my mind off my sad stuff long enuff to allow me to get back to a healthier place.. =P

for now. :p

the motions

So

Set up this blog a few weeks ago

coz attempting to find a new host as blogcity is retracting their free blogs.

*insert compulsory swear words*


Anyways will be moving old posts here to get the feel of it... see wat it all looks like...
coz i have to say im not please with this...

Coz i dont like change ergo i dont like blogspot. *insert compulsory apologies?*
eSpecially as they Wont let me put up my Oh so cool Slogan! Urghh!

Still viewing my options i guess..

sigh.

moving house is such a pain in the @$$.

now lets see wat this post looks like.

sniff for snivelling snivelly

I didnt blog the week before last

because i had exams coming up.


I didnt blog the week after that

because I had exams over.

(makes such sense doesnt it. It does! Really! =P)


N i havnt blog, since the 21st

because i have the Potter book.


thats my excuse.


(tho admittedly i Have jus finished the book..
It jus sounds cool to say it!
Count this as a blog come late. Hah..)

take me away

i never knew you had one..
why does it hurt so much to find out u have one now.....

sigh...

because it makes you more like me?
(even the starting dates are the same..)

sigh..
dun wanna think about it..


didnt intend to blog but...
came across some crap as i was slacking n avoiding studying..

tho u have to admit..
half the time when we are faced with things we dont like..
its because we went searching for them in the first place..

or..
even if it was thrown at you..
there wud be points where u had the chance to say no n walk away
but u didnt..

but hey,
we all try our best eh..

stop blaming me for things!
cut me some slack.
i am doing my best.

im doing the only thing i can.


thruout the past couple weeks, whats come to mind every now n den is

i'll be ok, as long as you stay out of my face.

sounds harsh, yes..
but its only the truth.

why is it that when i've finally walked away, there come things that, walking away just isnt enough to get away from it all.

its just not fair.

maybe staying away from ppl isnt enough.
maybe i should stay away from things too.

yes.

but even that wont be enough.


i hate it!
i hate remembering all the times you lamented the lack of one..
how ive always known it was always a thought on your mind..
i hate remembering n reading about you talking about lacking it..
Always..
like its so important.
i hate knowing that i knew before you did.
n now tats over.
u get your wish..


i hate it!
i hate everything about it!
i hate how you can feel that you'll be ok for one moment...
n the next you're plagued by all these thoughts that you just cant get away from.

i hate not being able to study.
i hate knowing i havnt done enough n that i wont be able to do enough,
not being able to do more, or even just the same as the last try.
i hate knowing im gonna screw this n not even have a good reason why.
i hate it coz my chances are running out n i still havnt once achieve what i need to.

i hate that hating might show that im not as far away as i should be..
i hate that no matter how far along i think i might have come.. it just doesnt seem to be that way sometimes..
i hate having to pretend that its ok just bcoz its supposed to be.

i hate that theres nothing i can do that will be enough.

i hate that you're more than ok.

n i hate that ppl are going to read this.


sighh..

will i ever get those three words out of my head...


i just wanna get away from it all.

What Is this problem that you have with me??!

...
atleast amongst the pile of shitty work i have that i wont be able to finish...
i've found something today.

i've found that tho many things suck n hurt..

i dont miss you anymore.


N.B. Allyssa has been an angry prandy perd, and rant-ed, because ranting is good for the soul..
(like chicken soup)

now run along now theres nothing more to see.

xu yao ni pei ban..

ones never there

one just doesnt know how to be there

ones not even in my list anymore so we just wont bother talking bout tat 'one'

sigh...

bad times enough as it is..

why do i bother replying ur every msg...


oh great.

like i said.

things are Sucking enough as it is. I REally dont need u guys coming back n loading crap on me ok...
sigh..
i really need my privacy...

sucks not even having ur own room.


Watching the OC currently makes me more happy than sad so
i guess i'll be watching it.

big waste of the time that im already not using to study tho.

cant figure out why i cant study.

sigh..

bad nites...


Why'dja leave J? Needed some company..
you not gonna be one after all?...

---

On a happier note..
There was use of anagrams in the OC episode i was watching..

so on searching on it..
I found a no. of examples on wiki.
Awesome stuff! hahaa..

u guys so have to see it..

so i guess i'll rip it off n paste it here?

Original word or phrase (or subject)	Anagram
Doctor Who	Torchwood
Gregory House	Huge Ego, Sorry
Dormitory	Dirty Room
Evangelist	Evil's agent
Desperation	A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code	Here Come Dots
Slot Machines	Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity	Is No Amity
Mother-in-law	Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms	Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness	Genuine Class
Semolina	Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries	Large Picture Halls, I Bet
The Earthquakes	That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two	Twelve plus one
Contradiction	Accord not in it
Astronomer	Moon Starer
Princess Diana	End is a car spin
Year Two Thousand	A year to shut down
Presbyterian	Best in prayer
Presbyterians	Britney Spears
The eyes	They see
George Bush	He bugs Gore
Election results	Lies - let's recount
"To be or not to be: that is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."	"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten."
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." --Neil Armstrong	"A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!"
President Clinton of the USA	To copulate he finds interns
Linda Tripp and Monica Lewinsky	A C.I.A. mink and wild, sloppy intern
Mike Newell's Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire	Enthralling film, yet we prefer to read the books!
Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson	Cue fine new film drama starring Potter lad
The children's author JK Rowling	hint: her skill conjured Hogwart!
The germans soldiers	Hitler's men are dogs
I am that is	I Matthias
Clint Eastwood	Old West action
Astronomers	No more stars
Astronomers	Morons stare
Astronomers	A moron rests
Vala Mal Doran	Amoral Vandal

Would it suffice if i state that the source is wiki?

or will i get sued?

ahh.. screw it. I rip it off for my pbls (schl assignment) anyways..

Woops! maybe i shudnt have admited tat here!

The Hamlet ones awesome dontcha think?! And the Clinton ones hilarious! haha..
as are many others.. :p

{heres a link to check out the whole article.}


Listening to an awesome song.
Cant seem to find it to dl tho...
let me know if u can.

Listening : Anything for you - U-phonik.

to move along

I dont have a problem with u.

one of the rudest things ive ever had to hear..

about as rude as

will u be my pet sis?

dont get it?
sounds sweet to u does it?

i guess its all about context..

no wonder it was so easy to give up n go on.

---

in the past two days, ive discovered that two people have forgiven two other people...

i am impressed...

wasnt something that i had thought was likely..
or atleast.. didnt know it had been done already..

coz i remember when you weren't ready to..

coz it wasnt just forgive as in forget, dont care, go on..
forgive to the extent of being able to......
<link> <link>
the links are just for my reference.. doubt anyone will get it.. or 'tleast i almost hope not..

i guess thats the difference between normal ppl, and.. abnormal ones...

theres a 3rd person somewhere there too..
has she jumped into the gracious wagon?

i doubt it...

but thats only as far as i know.

---

i do think that it was just an excuse..
ur convenient excuse..
to shrug off responsibilities.

makes everything so much easier now dont it.