psychosis

- You toyed with my heart, like a toy heart...

- Mr. Monk, Its a million dollars! You wont have to worry for the rest of your life!
*Monk stares*
Ok, ofcourse, You will worry, but not about money!

- Yea, I trusted you.
You always trust me. Big mistake.

---

Its funny.. (atleast i tot it was), how light can really change your perspective..
(ok.. maybe not perpective per se...)
unfortunately, each has its own consequence.

darn light made me turn on tv.
darn light made me eat.
both of which can be therapeutic ofcourse. (or something like tat. having trouble speaking properly. hah)
so now! its time for House. n i cant call someone anymore.
bah.

(OO! Its the Sex one that i Missed! No wait its not! The guys turning down sex!)
if u watched it,
the girl was on top of the guy. (arent they always?)
n was persuading him to 'do it'.
oddly, (yea dont you think? guy turning down sex.. pffft.) he was reluctant.
finally! she convinces him! (with more seduction obviously. men.)
But wait! turns out.. she was convincing him to let her drive the Porche.
bah.
the turning down sex thing should have given you a clue. no?

odd.. i never realised i missed so many episodes of House the first time around.. doesnt make sense..
N i know the later parts, Chase is the one thats a jerk tho now its Foreman, while Chase is pretty much always on his side. heh.
guess tats why they dont kick Chase out.

n y'noe wat.
its getting Fcking annoying how Cameron 'cares' about House.
Fcking. annoying.

I was just saying how House deals with aLot of stuff we study. n sometimes, coincides with em too.
This time its SLE. (So Cool!) Unfortunately, we did it ages ago. Wish it was shown on House den.

Today, Wilson said something about how the brain having a gating pain mechanism, it focuses on one pain n blocks out the others.
House smashed his hand to take his mind off the pain in his leg.
heh.
now aint that interesting. explains alot.

- They let me do my job. They take away my pain!

it wasnt just his leg he was talking about.


He asked me before (no not House.), well, sort of asked.. why was i this certain way when all the time hes known me, i have always been the opposite.
N inside i thought, its because i dont show you what 'way' i really am.
or if its not the 'real' one,
its because, i dont show him, or most people for that matter, that me.
n because, when i do, you dont handle it very well. hmph.
(now my mood has change n i cant talk to you anymore. N, ure not picking up. grr.)

there seems to be an association between exam times n the lack of mood to study. (not that there is studying without exam times.... hmmm....)
shit.

n what is it with the bloody american kids n hickeys.
i mean. why is it such a big deal?
why is it always so obvious?
n why!? do they find it neccessary to give em to each other anyways?
it doesnt Have to be so big n red y'noe...
pfffft.
im pissed now.

oh another thing.
Im addicted to cleaning my ears.
i know tis not good but dammit i cant stop! (like something else i know. bah.)

n, bah, i'm hot right now.
shuddup dammit. i am.


stay away stay away stay away! arghhhhhhhh!

n yes. i'm still having them fcking bad dreams.

can you see it?

nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag go away nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag

when

Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

five senses

i am free today.

kinda wish i wasn't...

or to be free alot.

its tough getting stuck in the middle.

or people (ie. me) jus complain no matter wat.


why is it always so much trouble, going out.
bah.
things always dont work out exactly right hrmm.
not my free day. purghh.

sigh

ok lets see.
slept at 4am (yest), had to wake up by 5?
couldn't sleep well by the time the alarm started ringing.
(i put it on snooze. repeatedly. or i wont wake)
5 minutes n 5 minutes of falling asleep n dreaming lightly, half wondering when its time to wake, when the alarm will ring....
been having alot of those half-asleep half-awake times recently..
where you're sleeping.. dreaming even..
but ur dreams are not so much dreams, but.. fantasies? like.. what you ask your mind to think about..
but den again they might slip into dreams.. coz u cant control ur mind so much at that sleepy stage..
but u still know that what ure seeing are dreams..
n ure aware of your surroundings..
it can get freaky n night-marish at times..

been having bad dreams i guess.

---

10th May. Wednesday.

breathed in someone by accident. and then, delibrate.
because it was.... so comforting (yes, i shall use that instead of the words i want to say)
and it was just like what Oliver was. only in a different sense. literally.
Oliver.
with his dark hair.. all soft and falling on his head. soft, like fresh out of a shower, dried because you dont retain that much water.. but moist n soft.
unstyled n natural. all that sweeter..
giving you that totally cute n adorable look on your face. clean young sweet fresh.
n his face. already being that. before you put up those mischevious grins.
n hes shirt. it was grey. long sleeve, round neck.
like those that some only wear at home, but not neccessarily.
it was long, big, comfy. giving the slight impression of drowning in it.
enhancing his sleepy-sweet look.
how do i put it in words?


where are you?
n where am i?

where'd you go

lets see..

its 2.11am..
have to be up in 3 hrs..
but dont exactly feel like sleeping.. jus got up 3 hrs ago?..
arrfffff...

another day of walking around n doing nothing tomorrow..

spent an hour an a half watching this show
Carandiru
in a language i dont understand.
not too bad actually.. if u watch it.
but the conditions.. (its a jail) do seem slightly similar to the hospital i was in today.

quite sad.
sigh.

thing is.
when some other people express their concern from the people and the place.
they mean it. alot more than i possibly could.

damn.

okay.. missed the best part of the show while blogging..
no wait. went back to it n it wasnt the best part.
the worse.
the show was actually good until they started killing people for no reason.
bastards.
bastard riot police. they were looking for a prison riot so they could go around killing everyone.
pffft.

will seem to be slightly free-er this week.
good finally. finally a lil break.
but. gotta start studying soon.
bloody exams.
all this studying can get reeeaaally annoying.
lousy parasites.

i know some people study better than others

bad days bad days.

sleep.
2.42am.
i hope i'll learn enough stuff today to write the darn report.

yes. this has been a useless blog.
i apologise.
but i needed to talk.
...

---

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

3.01am.
nite.

oh rusty dagger

Tetanus
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Tetanus is a serious and often fatal disease caused by the neurotoxin tetanospasmin which is produced by the Gram-positive, obligate anaerobic bacterium Clostridium tetani. Infection usually originates from a contaminated wound, often a cut or deep puncture wound. Common symptoms are muscle spasms in the jaw (hence the common name lockjaw), followed by difficulty swallowing and general muscle stiffness in other parts of the body. Infection can be prevented by proper immunization, as well as by post-exposure prophylaxis.

"Tetanus" can also refer to a state of muscle tension.

Bacilli of C. tetani can be found in soil (especially agricultural soil), and the intestines and feces of horses, sheep, cattle, rats, dogs, cats, guinea pigs, and chickens. Spores are found in manure-treated soil, skin surfaces (of both animals and humans), under nail-beds, and in contaminated heroin.

There are four different clinical forms of tetanus: local (uncommon), cephalic (rare), generalized (most common), and neonatal (a common cause of infant mortality in underdeveloped countries). Generalized tetanus accounts for 80% of tetanus cases.

Symptoms

The incubation period for tetanus is 3 days to as long as 15 weeks (with the average being about 8 days). For neonates, the incubation period is 4 to 14 days, with 7 days being the average. Most of the time, the further the wound is from the central nervous system, the longer the incubation period. Incubation period length and likelihood of death are inversely proportional; a deep, contaminated wound that allows the bacteria to flourish and causes a quick, aggressive infection is much more life-threatening than a shallower, less-contaminated wound that causes milder symptoms to appear days or weeks later.

The first sign of tetanus is a mild jaw muscle spasm called lockjaw (trismus), followed by stiffness of the neck and back, risus sardonicus, difficulty swallowing, and muscle rigidity in the abdomen. The stiffness and spasming of muscles expands throughout the body inferiorly, and can be so powerful that they cause muscle tears and even fractures[2]. These muscle contractions are due to tetanospasmin—a chemical released by C. tetani—which inhibits the release of both GABA and glycine, the neurotransmitters that serve to inhibit muscle contraction.

Typical signs of tetanus include an increase in body temperature by 2 to 4°C, diaphoresis (excessive sweating), an elevated blood pressure, and an episodic rapid heart rate. Spasms and muscle contraction last for 3 to 4 weeks, and complete recovery may take months. About 30% of tetanus victims die, most of whom are elderly patients. In developing countries, the mortality rate may be as high as 60%.

Complications of the disease include spasms of the larynx (vocal cords), accessory muscles (chest muscles used to aid in breathing), and the diaphragm (the primary breathing muscle); fractures of long bones secondary to violent muscle spasms; and hyperactivity of the autonomic nervous system.

Prevention

Tetanus can be prevented by vaccination. A booster vaccine is recommended every ten years, and standard care in many places is to give the booster to any patient with a puncture wound who is uncertain of when he or she was last vaccinated. One Tetanus booster used presently is called TDap or DTaP (a protection from Diphtheria and Pertussis as well). The risk from Tetanus, Diphtheria and Pertussis (whooping cough) is higher than the risk of vaccine side-affects. There was a shortage of tetanus vaccine in the United States in 2001 and 2002, but this supply issue was corrected in 2003.Worldwide, there are approximately one million cases of tetanus each year. (There are about 100 cases and approximately five deaths each year in the .)

Association with rust

Tetanus is often associated with rust, especially rusty nails, but this is somewhat misleading. Rust itself does not cause tetanus or contain more C. tetani bacteria. Objects that accumulate rust are often found in the outdoors or places that generally contain more bacteria. Since C. tetani is an anaerobic bacterium, it will thrive in an environment that lacks oxygen. Therefore, stepping on an old forgotten nail in a stable could easily result in tetanus, partly because C. tetani is found in animal feces (which is rather abundant in a stable) and the puncture wound would effectively create an ideal breeding ground for the bacteria (because of the lack of oxygen). Such an old nail would likely be rusty, but a lack of rust would provide no protection. On the other hand, someone scratching themselves against a rusty fire escape ladder in an urban setting would have a much lesser chance of getting tetanus since fire escape ladders do not often come into intimate contact with soil, dirt or organic waste and the wound itself (a scratch) does not create an oxygen-poor environment.

whats left of me

Studying be going very very very badly.

am honestly absolutely screwed.

feelings of giving up been present for quite a bit but have to slog on.

except, not much slogging has been done.


i guess, not that i care all that much,
but some people are gonna be rather disappointed (not to mention certain others would insult) when i fail.
note nomenclature. when not if.

:(

probably get into some trouble too but
aihhhhhhh
i did try.
a lil.

not that im tired
or overstressed from over studying..
just..
cant do much.
stuff on mind.

need company..

sigh..
but no ones providing company so..
just about to give up..

[edit: just discovered that i'm missing half my physics notes. oh yay. less to study. -_-"]

chrissy bear

My Babys going home tonight....

waaaaaaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccckk!!!!

Curse you!
Curse every single one of you who didn't vote for my baby!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! :'(


i think they knew though..
if u watched how Simon answered Randys question..
but we all knew too..
around this time of the competition..
even the great ones have to go home..
*sniff sniff*
n even when someone sucks more than u (ie. Katharine. no offence. but Chris be my baby. wat'd u expect right. :p)
sometimes.. u still havta go home.

*^$@&^(*@()*$()&*^@(*@&#)(*@)_#*@#*(& bloody americans @*&^&@^*&^#(*!&(*^@&*%$(*^

the judges forget sometimes i guess
but what they say matters.
really reeeeeeeeeeeeaaally matters.
if hes Good. u reeaaally gotta make it clear man!
that AND the bloody american voters!!!
BAH!

(ok.. this post is getting a little rude... =p)

funny.
bcoz i dont exactly catch american idol, i gotta see Chris's first performance. n his last.
=PpppPppp
ok not exactly.
I saw Haemorrhage first n just that one song did it for me.
(coz i love the song n all. n Chris rocks. n is so hot. =P)
and all thruout the season, i practically didnt watch it at all, but i Knew i loved Chrissy n no one else! *dramatic sniff sniff sob sob*
(yea, i Think! i jus saw somewhere, there was one song before Haemorrhage.)
i Did getta catch the Queen night,
where admittedly, Simon was right, he Wud have been Amazing had he picked a hit.
n den yesterday, i happened to turn on Idol, n ofcourse i wanted to catch my baby!
but it wasn't him.
Taylor (who rocked, yes) sang, n was getting his feedback i think..
so i changed the channel, intent on changing back at the appropriate time.
Juust to see if i cud catch Chris!
(coz all thruout the season, the rare times i turned on AI, i always missed Chris)
n den i sorta forgot! sniff! coz, used to missing him n all!
n i turned back Just a Lil too late!!!
Just as he was getting his feedback!
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I Missed my Chrissy sing!!!
(tho i caught the review at an earlier time n Man was he Rockin! n Hot! Ofcourse!) =P

n now he be gooooooooooooooooooooooooone!!!!
NooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOooooooooooooooooo!!!
Baby Come Baaaaaaccckkkk!!!

rocker dude.

Man! I've gotta catch the season repeat.
(but im not interested in anyone else laaaa)
he sang a bunch of songs that i love!
Had i not loved him, 'What a Wonderful World' wud have had me screaming n kissing his feet! (for personal reasons.) :p
[edit: opps, wrong song. its the Other 'what a wonderful world'. darn.]

ok ok.. too chocolatey sweeeet.

me trying to find him in his white shirt from yesterday. that was super hot+handsome+cute+blablabla n therefore a must-have...

oh yay. obviously i found it. :)

p.s. FUEL offered him to be their LEAD SINGER after they heard him sing Haemorrhage!!! WTF!!!!! THats SO AWESOME!!! THat was only like his SEcond Song! WTFFF!!!! (admittedly, i wasnt extremely impressed with his version.. i liked the original better. i loved him for the song. n i had the feeling he'd make it. :p n everyone else loved him too.. including Fuel. Now Tats..... something....)

oh look! a nipple! *laughs hysterically*

p.p.s. Chrissy, i like your baldy head. =PPPPP

it would have been purple

Buy Me A Rose - Kenny Rogers

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
A three-car garage; her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss goodnight
If he could only read her mind, she'd say . . .

Buy me a rose
Call me from work
Open a door for me
What would it hurt?
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life.

Now the days have grown to years of feeling all alone
And she can't help but wonder what she's doing wrong
Lately she'd try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she'd said . . .

Buy me a rose
Call me from work
Open a door for me
What would it hurt?
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life.

And the more that he lives, the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives, the more that he sees
This is the story of you and me.

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
'Cause I'm gonna make things right for the rest of your life.

And I'm gonna hold you tonight . . .
Do all those little things for the rest of your life.

See... I would have sent you a rose..

but the guy was gonna charge me 5000 bucks for it..
but the coins kept pointing to no. not that that stopped me.
but the girl said she didnt do it no more..
but the other girl had no idea what i was talking about.
but the number was an old one that was no longer working.
but they wouldn't open in time, for me.
but i didnt have a credit card to pay for it.
but they all didnt have that one rose...

but you wouldn't have known anyways...

so you see...
are they all right? or am i wrong?

it would have been purple.

i believe in gurdian angels. for you.

arms wide open

My Reply - The Ataris

I got your letter
and the poetry you sent me
postmarked in december of last year
i really hope you're doing better
all your friends close by your side
one step closer to recovering.

I wish there was something i could say
to erase each and every page
you've been through
even though its not my place to save you

I appreciate but cant accept
this thank you note thats sealed with your last breath
and i wont stand aside and listen to you give up

If you'll just hold on for one more second
just hold on to what you have
if you'll just hold on. just hold on.

if you'll just hold on for one more second
just hold on to what you have
if you'll just hold on. just hold on.

These arms remain stretched out to you
maybe someday you'll accept them
or maybe its too late to save
a young girls heart thats long stopped beating

Wake up wake up you gotta believe
wake up wake up you cant give up
time keeps going on without us
long after we're dead and gone

I wish there was something i could say
to erase each and every page
you've been through
even though its not my place to save you

I appreciate but cant accept
this thank you note thats sealed with your last breath
and i wont stand aside and listen to you give up

If you'll just hold on for one more second
just hold on to what you have
if you'll just hold on. just hold on.

If you'll just hold on for one more second
just hold on to what you have
if you'll just hold on. just hold on.

you will wake up tomorrow

---

for some reason..

since.. always,

i keep singing it as one last second.

not kidding.

sounds kinda cool anyways.

you will wake up tomorrow

i wud think that that wud be the problem.

---

Yesterday, someone caught me lying.

i have a problem with lying.
as in, ive never been all too good at it.

so, i think it was pretty obvious that i was lying through my teeth.
n she made it clear that she didnt buy it.

but, who cares.
what can they do right?

besides.
you know how, the best way to lie, is to tell the truth?
because the truth is so.. obvious. that no one will believe it.
that wud have been a way out. but again who cares how well i lie.
the truth, that wud have crossed her mind..
wud be perceived as too absurd to be believable.
so. safe for now.

now. have to make sure to keep it from family...

---

you tell me to let you know if i need you,
but i do. i do let you know but you just dont see it.
i do let you know. but u push me away.
i do. but it is when i do, that you hurt me the most.

tell me, how do i go on letting you know?

facing the land of the living

It's Monday.

only monday n im having the worse week of my life.

The bad news is, im not exaggerating.

Thinking thoughts i've never thought before.
Feeling things i've never felt before.
..
Doing things i've never done before.. (severity-wise i guess)
well.. that was yesterday n the day before. but all the same...

breaking down.
n all i wish to do when i break down is to
1) die.
2) curl up, burry my face n cry.
3) die.

whats worse.
time doesnt stop n wait for you
n neither do your responsibilities.
having my world turn dark n end doesnt excuse me from the exam at the end of the week.
the exam i cudnt study for in the first place.
the exam i cant do anything about now.

whens it gonna end?

my escape routes block now..
where will the healing be?
pushing it.
its all my fault

exacerbated
only because i was concern...?

time n place.

My prayer,
-God, are You even there?
-a gurdian angel
-save me
-a messenger........

i cant explain..
i dont know..
my belief that i dont know means much more than just that..

facing the land of the living..


[edit: you don't believe me do you]

nothing left to give

There are many ways that people measure their self-worth.

Being a filial son/daughter to your parents.
Through the eyes of the one you love.
As the protector for your children.
A friend who puts a smile on peoples faces, and helps heal broken hearts.
As a teacher maybe, where you mold the future.
A spiritual leader, helping others find peace, find solace, find God.
or even as the provider for ur dog tats all tat dependent on you.

I think ive just found the thread with which I measured mine.
In the past months, I'd tot that i pretty much didnt have all that much left in me,
but den i lost it.
I lost it and thats when i realised what it was.

n now its gone.
n im emptier than i have ever been..
i thought i was all spent, but u never know, u might surprise yourself.
so maybe in the future i'll have less than nothing, god knows.
but this is what it is now.

now,
even to me,
i know that i am nothing.

goliath

Over My Head - the Fray

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears and

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
You find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between and

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind

Everone knows I'm in
Over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm over my

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind




Its not too bad a song. Rather nice.
Funny. how some things fit more than you thought huh.. when it comes down to it
buuuut, it doesnt really matter. not right now.
'everyone's assuming wrong i think.

---

if you throw yourself into the lions den
u cant exactly blame the lion can you huh

but anyways
the lion's smart, see,
he knows if he's the one that grabs you n pulls you in
den its his fault
n he'll get shot or something

but he's still a lion.
he wants you in.
food.
so he lures you

prances
poses

he meows.
he slowly swipes out a gentle paw
playful he tells you
he offers cuddles against his big warm body, his soft fur
his eyes bore into you
n you see,
because he shows you,
the lil cub he once was
you see him telling you
tat he appreciates you coming over to see him
n, the last one,
wont you please step in for a bit?
for him?

n ofcourse you step in.
who'd resist that baby cub you learned to love?
n we all know what happens next.

oh yes.
i've been bitten way too many times
way too many times not to recognise the tell-tale signs
not to be able to tell when hes seducing you in
it comes easily now
bit by bit

but its not all his fault is it?
course not.
you did throw yourself in dear
n you still will huh

tat's ok.
you learn.
somethings dont change.
but somethings do.

you'll deal.


(ok, maaaybe, i overdid the luring bit)

---

Mood : indifference, actually.

tequila mockingbird

sometimes,

i want bad things to happen to people

so that i dont have to be the only one suffering.



come to think of it,

'sometimes'

is when i admit it.