coz im leaving, on a jet plane

Missing everyone....

n i mean.. everyone.. hmmm..

(oh boy, you break my heart when you pretend to care..)

You know.. no matter how n in however many different ways i have said / told myself that ive to live for myself n no one else.. i still do alot of things in my life with other ppl in mind.
Even if i dont do things for them.. i work my life in certain ways because of them.. (even if it is actually For me, n that i make myself do all these silly things)

I wouldnt blog if i was living for me, for them

but i need to stop living my life, planning it around ppl.
(eventho i know i will continue to do so...)

sigh. so i blog. n u get to hear from me today.

but just a hi.

I wish i knew how to quit you..

.
N do you know her?
n does she know you?
n do you speak to her, like you used to speak to me..
thats what you do isnt it..?

why you had to change when he did, i dont know..

-

n in my dream
i saw her,
n i saw him,
n i saw the children,
n i saw the parents..

n it was scary..

n i also saw my babys..
but that was scary too. hmm..

Happy Birthday darling..

what it takes i dont care

Big yellow taxi - Counting crows

They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

They took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
No, no, no, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parkin' lot

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees - please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they've paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

Listen, late last night, I heard the screen door swing,
And a big yellow taxi took my girl away
Now don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now now, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not, they paved paradise
They put up a parking lot
Hey hey hey, paved paradise and put up a parking lot

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna givin it all away
Hey, hey, hey
Now you wanna give it
I should wanna give it
Cuz you're givin it all away, no no

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna givin it all away
Cuz you're givin it all givin it all away yeah yeah
Cuz You're givin it all away hey, hey, hey

Hey, paved paradise, to put up a parking lot
la,la, la, la, la, la, la ,la ,la ,la ,la
Paved paradise, and put up a parking lot

---

In case you didnt know, i shall be disappearing from the face of the earth for the next.. sometime..
Well, This part anyways. (I shall appear closer to certain other important ppl. ahem.) =)

Will be MIA. tho it is possible that i still might pop in at some point or the other.
possible. =p

(So you can tell me if you miss me!!!)

Today is the last day of this phase.

but i shall hold off the sad for a later day. (if i can.)

:)

Well wishes to all the people i care about!

May life, the world, weather, the lecturers.. n certain annoying ppl, treat you well! (n in the latters case tat means stay away from you! =P) (see i so nice! haha..) (n this also applies to every case! hahaa..)

TC! enjoy your days n.. Visit soon!

ahem. :p

(sighh..)

*We will all keep in touch ya!

-

So anyways,

it is (once again!) 5am! n i need to be up by 6!
omfg!

also.. i am not sure if i am all ready n prepared to disappear yet..
haha..

oh well.

I'll see you all soon! i hope..

teenage rebellion

Ha, I figured out the reason behind it.

No wonder it was so easy n simple.
heh.

Well you should have taken the trouble.
you should have.

but hah.

-

Min : 15, Max : 30.

What is this man!

Ppl whose weather can be as hot / hotter than ours, have no business callin it anything that is not summer. Pffft.
Sooome ppl dont know the meaning of the real summer. heh. :p

Things to do : (by tmr!!!)

- buy adaptor (bought.)
- wash dress
- collect dobi (or remind parents to!)
- wash shoes (pffft)
- buy jumper sweater! Sniff!
- Remind parents to change cash. (important if i am to have some. hehee..) (but i doubt it. pah.)
- top up credit! (Gah! I had a master scheme for this but i miscalculated n screwed up my plan.. pffft...)
- Print out contact info!
- Buy conditioner!
- think of other necessities to get!

- Remember camera!
- Call agent b4 its too late!
- Figure out n plan tmrs plans!!!
- Buy certain something! (dammit! Must not forget! haihh..)
- Oh ya borrow camera for tmr as well. crap im gonna forget this..

Lalala.. SO many things to do all to be squeezed in the time in btwn
lunch date, work, dinner date.

(which pretty much means there is No time bcoz im going out straight after waking (as i anticipate that i will definitely not wake early enough. :p) go straight from one thing to the other, n the other. n come back late if i can help it (dammit ppl ffk spoil plans. sniff =/)
Hah..

-

They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

Sad.

but trying not to show it too much,
not to admit it (hey, i said trying!)
not to think so i dont have to deal.

hmm.

Took away my midnight watch.

*if theres one thing you cant defy, its time.

who needs sleep

Hello!

Ive been gaming for the past... 11 hours or so!
omg! That is quite scary!

well.. when you have nothing to make u stop.. you sure will find it hard to.. :p

This is bad..
You know how i said, i havnt had completely enough sleep for a while.. n i was lookin forward to it?
Well.. wont get to sleep in these few days.. bcoz of work.
infact, since its almost 7am now, n i have to be up soon, in a couple hrs (hopefully more!)
i shall be quite dead!
same deal tmr, n the day after, im leaving.

so hmm.
have resigned myself to my fate. :p
Other than the work i cannot avoid,
i rather spend my time doing things that i wanna do /are fun, and also things that i wont get to do after these couple days so..
hah..

who needs sleep? =p

(altho i must say... 11 hours is freaky.. there Are better things to do out there! (infact I wanted to do better things! But i kena tipu (again!) n so was stuck at home. :p n gamed. :p))
but ah well.. it was only bcoz i was sacrificing my sleep time. :p


Oh crap. sleepy sleepy.
better sleep before i have to wake! =p

Resolutions!
Out out out!

sigh..

Making the most of the now.

-

Oh ya so.
2 days ago, super extreme emo. pfft.

yesterday, not too bad.

now, much better! :p for now..

Bunch of things to do before thurs! Dam!
*oh Crap! i forgot!*

Hee..

Uploading Barenaked Ladies - Who needs sleep, onto sidebar. =P

At 7am?!
I do! =P

Nites all!


P.S. someones all smiley.

boo

so cute...
how theyre recognising how many ppl actually use boo
(without necessarily knowin that others do as well.. :p)

i had to get it.

-
With You - Chris Brown

I need you boo, (oh)
I gotta see you boo (hey)
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight [x2]

[Verse 1]
Hey! Little mama,
Ooh, you're a stunner
Hot... little figure,
Yes, you're a winner
And I'm so glad to be yours,
You're a class all your own
And...
Oh, little cutie
When... you talk to me
I swear... the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart
And I'm so glad that you are mine
You are one of a kind and...

[Bridge]
You mean to me
What I mean to you and...
Together baby,
There is nothing we won't do
'cause if I got you,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.
And...

[Chorus:]
Oh!
I'm into you,
And girl,
No one else would do,
'cause with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I know I can't be the only one,
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel...
Wat I feel when I'm

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you
Girl...
With you
With you
With you
With you
With you

[Verse 2]
Oh girl!
I don't want nobody else,
Without you, there's no one left then,
You're like Jordans on Saturday,
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now,
Hey! Little shawty,
Say you care for me,
You know I care for you,
You know... that I'll be true,
You know that I won't lie,
You know that I would try,
To be your everything... yeah...

[Bridge]
'cause if I got you,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.
And...

[Chorus]
Oh!
I'm into you,
And girl,
No one else would do,
'cause with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I know I can't be the only one,
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel...
Wat I feel when I'm

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you
Oh...
With you
With you
With you
With you
With you
Yeah Heh...

[Bridge 2]
And I...
Will never try to deny,
That you're my whole life,
'cause if you ever let me go,
I would die...
So I won't front,
I don't need another woman,
I just need your all and nothing,
'cause if I got that,
Then I'll be straight
Baby, you're the best part of my day

I need you boo,
I gotta see you boo
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight [x2]
Woo Oh... Yeah
They need it boo,
They gotta see their boo,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight,
Hearts all over the world tonight [x2]

[Chorus]
Oh!
I'm into you,
And girl,
No one else would do,
'cause with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I know I can't be the only one,
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel...
Wat I feel when I'm

With you
With you
With you
With you
With you
Girl...
With you
With you
With you
With you
With you
Oh...

-

竟然你放得下。。那我又在这要求着什么呢。。

what else

Hmm.

I wrecked my own Just do it motto by sleeping in today.

bcoz ppl were emo-ing. so i was emo-ing.
hmm. :p

kinda regret missing out the mornings activities hmm.
which is precisely why there is a just do it motto!
but nvm. whats dones done.

Atleast,
Went to Summit, Parade, n Midvalley.
Hey! Thats 3 places in a day! Quite an achievement no? :p
n almost to 1u. almost. :p

See.
If you ppl are nice n teman me all day, i will be happy.
sniff. :p

-

Well, so, i was out in the morning (i mean afternoon) with a friend, and at night with another.
instead of everyone together!
bcoz they were havin a fight. ahem. (ok, not really. but hey! its more drama this way.. :p)

n yet!
they each turned to me durin their respective times and asked me
"Is he/she mad at me ah?"

Tuh!
Like lovers quarrel oni!

You see!
The two emo ppl im stucked in btwn!
pah..

Two emo ppl emo-ing for the past couple weeks or so..
n here i am.. ol' innocent me.. stuck in the midst of all the drama..
N they actually Also turn to me (at random times) and say, "Why he/she so emo ah?"

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...

Why am i made to deal with all this ah!

Tuh..
Hormones flying around..
Nvm my own emo-ness that ive to deal with (who Wont be emo! Stuck in btwn two emo ppl?! All those hormones spurting from their pores! Tuh!)
n here i have to put up with emo ppl who randomly emo n den ask me why other ppl emo...

hmmmmm....

ok. u get the picture. =P

oh well...
whatudo..
4 more days left..
no more chance to put up with ppl emoing even If i want to. :p
maybe i'll miss it when its gone.. :p

(n What wud they do without me i dont know. :p)

*cries*

sniff.. (see My emo! :p)

-

Ahh..
all i want to do now is to jump into My bed n have a good sleep!

Had to wake early on Thurs to head to other place. n didnt sleep early the night before as usual.
Had to wake early on Fri to get back from other place. n Obviously didnt sleep much the night before as well.
had a couple hrs slp aft i got back on fri, only to be woken to head to work.
n had another few hrs slp after work, but only to be woken for nothing. -_-"
Didnt wake Too early this morn but spent a few hrs wrestling with self n friends on whether or not i Was actually gonna get my butt outta bed. before i actually did. after several hrs of that. =p

so.
not too sleep deprived but as u can see, have not had Undisturbed sleep in a while!
(n that is sad..)

so all i want to do is Sleep for all i can.

But somebody wants to wake me up tmr. -_-"

Now tell me, What am i gonna get out of the deal? Of following u all over the place. =p

oh well..
i guess u'll tell me to appreciate these fast going extinct chances of being tortured by you ppl.. hmmm..

-

Aha!
Im onto you!
Im onto you that you're onto me!
Hah!
aha.. right watever..

Im gonna be happy!
t'least.. im gonna try again..

Its Sunday when i wake..
n sundays are good days! Hah! haha..

not too long to hold out for now.. b4 things are forced to be easier.. hmm..
gotta try for a clean record.

竟然你放得下，那我又怎么能再要什么了呢，不是吗。

-

aihh..

havnt exactly figured out how Im gonna feel huh..

just do it

Mood : Annoyed

bcoz kena con by my parents.
who woke me up, n i did thinking there would be something rewarding awaiting me!

but no.. all they wanted was for me to chauffeur them somewhere n den back. bah.

Mood : Miserable

for the things ive done..
n the things that are gonna be.

for the things i cannot change.
for the things that wont.

things that you need to remember to not be so miserable.
which are exactly the things that made u miserable in the first place.

sigh.

tis not easy.

Other than that, all is peachy. heh.

-

Indecision is most plaguing. (hah)

Just do it!
that shud be my new motto. for the remaining 5 days atleast.

(5 days!)

(-_-")

sigh...

question

Yesterday. (n ofcourse by that i mean Tuesday.)

we had dinner in Bangsar.

n bcoz i had 'accidentally' popped out the suggestion.. n it was hilarious to me.. bcoz a friend was Jus askin that we head there, for the same food! in the next few days.. n here i was suggesting it to my parents already.. hah..
so i was completely tickled by my own joke.. n laughing to myself all the way while driving..
that it was only when we reached that i remembered that i hate that place.

damm it.

it has always been.. since so many years ago.. a sign of what i will always look on, but can never have. just because its not in me. no matter how much i might think i want it.

But anyways,
i must say, it is quite amazing, how they have such an alive town, when block after block are double or triple stories of shops.. I mean instead of an actual Building! like normal ppl.. haha.. (not that they dont have that.. theres Bangsar Village right there.) Where else can you do shopping by walking up n down the streets. hah..

N we had excellent food. Excellent! The curry was fantastic! N there were crabs n prawns! (Not that i got them! My dad did! so you cant blame me! N How can you put them in front of me n expect me not to eat?! Huh?! U Cant!) n the rempah for the crab was amazing.. n the prawns were great as well.. wow.... haha.. (ahem.. the food stayed in my stomach the whole night till the next day!)

N this was late at night ok.. n me and my parents were at a happening place. Happening! (which, i shouldnt be so proud to admit coz that is really embarassing.. =p)
It is what one must call an upper-middle class mamak. haha..
N there were all the rich indian peeps about. (i cant say youngsters coz tho they are, they are the youngsters who are older than me.. hah..)
n all the many good looking guys. (probably due to all the indian dudes. haha)

Ah oh well.
n since a certain somebody wants to go to Bangsar to shop for stuff that is way too expensive this Saturday.
I have the pleasure of showing off my skills of knowing where Subway is! Hahaaa...
Another round of banana leaf and indian curry! Wheeeee!

-
Today. (that weds to you baby!)

i went to work without my phone.
bah.
n i starved the whole day without eating until 8pm! (Where i munch abit of junk to tide me over till dinner.) n i sure as hell got a darn lecture for that man! Gah!
Not like i dont Want to eat man! Infact.. i was dreaming of oh yummy KFC.. bcoz theres one right opposite from the carpark (from the spot i parked at today infact!) n the smell was jus wafting towards me when i got there today... sigh..

but the travel agent made a lil mess with my bookin! Bah! N tat gave me a headache for a few hrs n took away any slim chance i had of food! (n aNother scolding too! Argh! Not like its My fault! (which is what.. im sure.. the travel girl must be sayin to herself/her friends as well.. haha))
Can u believe it! A booking 6 months in advance n Still im having headaches over it! Bah I Say!

anyways.

im still hoping that the prob can right itself.

Btw. Men who can speak well n know how to be charming n build rapport (with such Ease man! Dammit!).. are very sexy..
n sure as hell look real good too! Bcoz that confidence and charm can go a very long way..
but they always make me feel so darn stupid.
aihyaii..

.
N then i rushed to buy some stuff today.

I got 3 bottles of different goo for.. womens vanity issues..
n with that, a Free bottle of one of em! Worth 139 bucks ok! No frikin joke! No frikin con ok bcoz id have to Buy this stuff anyways! Woot!
N Den! Bcoz id reached my number of chops! eventho they were actually expired! the girl let me redeem my gift anyways coz i had only been 1 chop short! so with That i got some perfumed shower gel thing. which i doubt im ever gonna use but hey, its free. :p
n den! I got 60 bucks voucher to boot! Haha.. n now This is the con one la.. :p since it was gonna expire soon (n i wont be around nex wk), we wanted to get it over with n use it today. N since there were a couple more things my mum thought i should get, we got them! for 27 bucks! Muahahahaha! (haha why am i so proud of this?! hahaa.. :p)
Hah! So that 7 bottles of goo n gunk in one night! HAHA!
(ok.. now How do i explain to you that i was not ripped off! hahahaaa...)

Also! They gave me a bracelet! A charm bracelet! hahahahaaa..
but since its supposed to be some womens thing.. its filled with charms that hav Not the least bit to do with me! (wait... this sentence aint right.... hahaa..)
a Bag! a Shoe! *can you sense my horror yet?! :p* a comb.. something that im guessin is perfume (tho atleast its orangey.. which is close to yellow.. haha), and what is supposed to be lipstick i guess.
haha.. so lost on me man..

.
Dinner was at Tony Romas.
which was surprisingly pleasant for me, and surprisingly not too impressive for my dad. haha. n tats all youre gonna get out of me for it after all the other crap. :p


-
Well gd night den!

Heading off to Seremban in the morn.
will be back the next day..

n by my word, i shall Strive to prevent the nerds from nerding together! Un-nerd em all! Hail the non-nerds! *pls pray for me that i shall not be sucked under their spell.. or doomed is my soul...*

-
all i have to do is look at you, to feel how i love you..
(why am i like this...)

how cud you?...
how cud you..

n how!? ........................ could you have expected me to be alright, the second after you showed me all that ive lost.. n all that i am dealing with...

have you no sense, n no heart?

You can tell me that there's nobody else
(But I feel it)
You can tell me that you're home by yourself
(But I see it)
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want
But I know,
I know~
~

back to zero

Im moody..

im sad..


im bored..

im lonely.


he laughed at me for not touching the games i had asked him to lend me..
n now when i think.. ok.. so maybe i'll try one..

i look.. n i dont see why i should.

*apathy. it is to be the doom of many.


as for another he, he said he felt really bad for not being a good friend, not being around n not treating me well..
which was most random n made me smile. (bcoz id given him up as a lost cause y'noe. n any surprise is good. :p)

but ofcourse that was a month ago n i havnt heard from him since.
haha..

so much for resolutions n intentions.

men.


its not that i dont think of you..
its just that ive shown that i do..
only to disappointment..

so if ure waiting for me to show again..
you'll never get it..

but hey, its all for the best..


-
i have to close my eyes for a moment..
before i can hit delete.


i need to go yumcha.

i know its childish..
but i need to.

without begging.
bcoz im moody.

without wanting to think much bout it.
:p

Hey, i got dress in new shirts two days in a row d only to have yumcha plans cancelled!
hah!

haha...

I think, before these last months.. ive never had the chance to yumcha before.. (which is most most sad i shall admit.)
i mean, i go out n stuff, n mostly i go out for the whole day when i do.. but never really actually yumcha. :p

but these few months (which come to think of it has only been 2.5 months...) ive had many chances to do it..
haha..
without really noticing how things have changed. (wa, why so drama)

but the later it gets the less we are able to make plans for it.
pfffft.

SHOOPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

ahem.
just needed to get it out of my system. :p (except it wont leave. ;))


-
who are you?
who are you to me?..

n how sad my life really is if theres no one i know...


its hit me again how stupid i was to believe
believe words n promises again..
but ive come to my senses.

we are but 21
n i wont believe in words anymore from all the lies ive heard..
but i wont blame anyone..
because theres only that much say we have in it.
(n ive long learn that we are only pawns that have to give in to life.)

we are but 21.
n we are only just moving into a new place..
a new place.
n what happens when we are older is beyond us.

what shall we have to say?
or do?

-
Im talkin to an optimist (who doesnt know she is one. Misguided that is.)
n her hope for those that are 18, that are 21...
its so frikin unreal...
that is not the way life is..
what if you get down, down to the real world..
n see how many of us dont have it that good.
n that what you think should be is hardly how it is for most n many.

how many ppl go thru the turns n turmoils (if u must) of life.. but yes they deal with it n come out stronger, i'll give them that..
but it aint a bed of roses. that much Has to be what life is about.

but if they have to live in the real world..
that must mean that we have to too right?

so that hope you have for us?
you must forgive me if i dont let myself anywhere near it...

id rather not crash farther than i probably will have to already.

-
lonely, oh lonely..

back to zero now.

till

you've left me..

n moved on to some other place..
(where important things are going on. ahem. :p)

its the love i cant take..

bcoz god knows i know better than anyone how it looks
moves.

hmm.

--

ladida

imma dumbididum..

*Happy people have no business going round lookin for things to be unhappy about.

(tho thats what happy ppl do, bcoz everyone needs a lil unhappiness sometimes. hmm.)

oso, it makes it jus that bit nicer when you find that happy people are happy after all.. somewhat. (shh.. dont tell them.. they'd never take it!)

--

You must have noticed (or not. well you should) that all the songs i ever put up
on the sidebar player
are sung by male singers.

cant help it..
they (n i think it quite expected) move me much much more than female singers ever do.

Kate Voegele - No Good

I never feared the unexpected
'Till I found myself in this peculiar place
Unaware of where I was headed
Turns out it was your footsteps I had chased

Well I should know so much better than this
But you've occupied the center of my universe

I'm moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving you
I turn my head away
But my heart will remain
'Till the day I learn you're No Good for me

It's illogical and it's outrageous
The way I let you keep me hangin' on
Your character is that contagious
I know I should have thought before I had done
I've gone and let my impulse be my guide
And on that note I'll be defenseless for some time

I'm moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving you
I turn my head away
But my heart will remain
'Till the day I learn you're No Good for me

Hey you there keep your distance
Don't you come around here
Don't test my patience baby
'Cause I aint gonna let you off easy

I'm moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving you
I turn my head away
But my heart will remain
'Till the day I learn you're No Good
'Till the day I learn you're No Good
'Till the day I learn you're No Good for me

You're No Good, you're No good, you're No Good, you're No Good for me
You're No Good, you're No good, you're No Good for me

Ooh you're No Good
Ooh you're No Good
No Good for me

But this one.
well.. mayb it does still somewhat fall under the same rules.
but right now, i really like this song.. bordering on beautiful..
n her voice is rather amazing.. (tho it also means that i cant catch half the things she sings.. hah..)

but im thinking i wont put it up yet..
coz it doesnt belong in the current playlist.

maybe later.. (n i hope i still really like it den..)
along with a number of songs from The Honorary Title that ive got.
Now Thats a voice (male obviously) that easily gets me saying beautiful.. hahaa

--

Today has beena drama of drama days for me.

n That started off at work. where there was (initially) nothing to do.
nothing.
tho ofcourse that quickly (not too quickly! 6 hrs i sat der rotting dammit) turned into unwelcomed activity!

Hah..

too sleepy to get into all the drama.. :p

we'll see..

ta..

fear

Look at my artwork!!

Heheheeeeee! =p
Isnt it pwettyyyy?? :ppp

Tat is what happened when i was at work with my dad.
With no internet n no email to entertain me in btwn work.
No msgr! N not even simple what is the name of that desktop game where u click on the dots... with the landmines!!! i forget... (oh SHIT! What is this! I just checked My comp! It doesnt have it either! Oh what has become of our world!) i think it was called mines.. but i cant rmmbr.. =p

Anyways.. i tot id open paint (since there was nothing else)
n den i was at a lost as to what to draw!!!
But den after a hell lot of squiggly lines for the heck
i discovered the wonders of 'fill-in'!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

n That my dears is a fusion of abstract art, with.. erm.. non-abstract art.
haha..
ok..

OBviously some people are most right about my joblessness n all. =P

BUt but but Look! Is it not most pretty! It IS most pretty!!
Wheeeeeeeeee! :D

(yes yes. insane. devils playground n all. :p)

ahhh.. but i am only unappreciated in my own time.... haha.

Can you See the Birds?!??

---

In other news.

Allyssa collected her blood test results this week.

n First, she finds out she has high cholesterol!
High cholesterol! Can you believe that!??!

B-A-H!

She always knew that at some point she might be at risk of high-cholesterol.. considering it kinda runs in the family.. n considering she is not very discriminating with her eating habits.. ahem.. (Allyssa likes her food!)
But certainly not at this age!
Control diet at 21! Oh how sad!!
Woe is she.

sigh.
Allyssa must give up on her much loved prawns n crabs..
SIGH.

haha. BUT she might Love em seafood, n eat em aLot n not very seldom..
but she does not exactly eat em all Too often... (she thinks..)
hmmm..
but there are other factors in her diet.. sigh..

AND also rather importantly.
Allyssa does not exercise.

Most unfit. most unfit.
she must certainly start some form of work out soon. motivation to start now. (ok not really.. haha) bcoz she has been thinkin of this (healthy lifestyle you know!) for Quite some time. tho ofcourse, nothing has materialised of it.. =p
Well..
Allyssa now has no friends to go at it with her..
but that is ok...
she has almost come to terms with this fact..

she shall hope to be able to do it on her own. :p

(oh.. n she also knows what she would like to do! wanted to for a long time now but now more settled on this idea! N she saw this really cute (in her opinion. which is the way she loves it.) guy in some place where she can carry out said plan!!! oh but sigh oh sigh... she doubts she will be going with that place. =p how sad.)

sigh.
Anyways..
CHOlesterol, BAD! =(

See! She Always said she was Fat! =p


Other complainable thing that Allyssa found out at the same time is that..
see, the reason she had to Do the blood test in the first place is bcoz she needs to test her Hepatitis B status.
N she has had all 3 jabs before so she was (Was!) un-worried about her HepB status...
But Lo n behold! SHocking results awaited her!
Her Antibodies were insufficient!!! (unless ofcoz the dr. was lying. sniff. have yet to confirm information.)

Oh how can that be! After all those Many jabs!
Sniff! (so drama! :p)
N now What will she do?!? Results to be sent to uni Asap!
n now uni will think she Never did her jabby jabs when we All know that not be true!
She Jabbebbedeh... (erm...... ok she is obviously confusing herself....)

oh sigh of sighs!
now she must be jabbedebah (watever) again!
sigh..

Allyssa be jabbed today.

:(


(On a happier note, Allyssa bought 2 turtlenecks that be Very Very nice! =D So she is most happy on that point. (she also wanted to buy more but ahh.. that is another story.) n yes many more stories where money n new clothes are concern... but we shall not get into that now.)

So now the confused Allyssa shall bid all good night. n sleep tight.

---

Why do people get scared?
why are there occasions when the heart gets all.. squeezed in n pushed down..
n your heart rate increases.
theres a cold jolt in your heart, n an empty pit in your stomach..

why do humans feel fear.

why do i feel this way?

Gonna be Darcy for a day... sigh....

(arghh.........................................)

fluff

Does anyone else find it really funny / amusing that Paris Hilton is now dating Benji Madden, the identical twin brother of Joel Madden, who is dating Nicole Ritchie (n father of her child), Hiltons ex best friend? Hmm?!

I mean what with all the, shooting a whole series which involves the two of them being in weird places n doing weird things Together, without being in the same room! You'd think this whole dating brothers thing (twin brothers no less! Who are both in the same band!) would.. i dunno.. be a problem.. Not to mention the usual "oh, she couldnt have what i have so she settled for the next best thing!" scenario.. which ok.. would be rather an insult to Benji.. if such a thing were said. tho i dont think it is. haha.. Maybe the twins do have the same tastes after all.. hahaa..

ok so anyways..
considering the news amused me and immediately brought me to this point..
it den ofcourse became a rather obvious doubt.. that if no one else (the media) had picked up on this thoroughly fun issue to jibe at, that maybe they had reconciled sometime ago and gasp! i failed to notice! (haha.. den you cant laugh too much at me actually knowing all these things.. :p) a completely possible erm.. possibility (haha) at this point. :p

so i had to google it up.. n hah!
They Did make up!
And that was 2yrs ago! hahaa! so lame la..

ish.. its so odd how if you go by the lives of the stars.. time seems to pass really really fast..
like certain things happen to certain famous ppl and you happen to think of it one day when boom you realise that it was ages ago.
hah.

ok ok..
now its begining to scare me that i can talk so much, analyze so many points on Paris Hilton n Nicole Ritchie. -_-"
I mean.. nvm if its Britney Spears! That woman has such a messy life that we could All go on bout it forever! =P
(but i guess.. what do i expect when we (ahem) can even talk about the finer points of tissue paper. =P)

aha.. so anyways..
if they arent gonna catfight over the brothers..
den good for them coz Now they can Gasp! Live the BFFs dream!
omg like, totally!
I mean What do 10yr old BFF's pledge to each other!
*in whiny voice* "We will be BFFs Forever! We will grow up and marry twin brothers! who are rich superstars! And live together in our 2 family mansion! And our children will play together and Marry each other! oh wait.. they cant coz they'll be.. cousins... *gasp* They'll be cousins!!!"

i am so lame. =Pppppppppppp


ok la..
enough of this mindless talk. :p

Oh but i must add.
"Are you smarter than a 5th grader" is one amusing show to watch.
kinda dumb la but haha.. who doesnt like shows where we can sit down n laugh at other ppl.
i know its evil. but admit it! You all love doing it too!
haha..
but i concede.. the questions arent always that easy. ;) (tho some definitely are!)
but ya la.. it is a million dollars la.. cant give away for nothing. :p

But But!
You Do learn some things on that show.
Like there are actually such things as cirrus clouds and stratus clouds???
haha.. ok.. shows how much our kids learn compared to them americans. (i wonder what happens after they grow up... :p)
UnLess! We actually Do learn all this useless stuff in school.. but i either never paid any attention, or it was in a different language n i didnt bother to remember.
Haha..


I accidentally (not-on-purpose. ya ya i know u know what it means) found a live version of Broken by Lifehouse and its a rather good one.. n the rawness of the song makes it kinda.. good in some ways.. so i thought id opt for that (to be played on sidebar) instead of the album version i had.

n others.


Oh and.
like i keep telling my dear friend,
not one day goes by where sucky things dont happen, where i dont exclaim bout how lucky certain ppl are to be so far away from home.
as much as that might suck.
it is a blessing in so many other ways. :p

bcoz annoying ppls are everywhere. =p

So count your blessings already woman! =P (*think bout all the you-know-whos!!)


N btw, People magazine is evil!!
I know you'll agree! =P

in you

Well, first off..

scratch that.

Hey, i resolve to be happy! (haha.. ya right..)
:p
well.. if other ppl are gonna be happy i shud too right.
we all shud. :p

(altho, yes.. 'happy' scares me. i dont believe in happy, without consequences. ;p hah..)
(ok watever.. :p)

--
Well i guess said 'nex few days' turned out to be just a day.

Hah.. told you it surprises me too. :p


I was supposed to write you guys about my sleepin pattern the last few nights, (which were really odd, or non-existent actually..:p) but..
i think im gonna go hide again. =/


Have begun to feel lonely again recently..
im not sure why..
or mayb i have an idea, like i always do, but i dont want to dig into it. :p

it wasnt too long ago that i had 3 weeks..
but as of now.. ive only less than 3 weeks before.. well..
things are gonna suck.

n i know, yes yes i know.. its dam drama n emo to word it like that..
but its very true.. more than you know..
contributed in part by a certain event that several people know about..
but i dont think its the only thing..
tho ofcourse its quite a huge factor..

ok, i apologize.. i know im not making much sense..

but i must say..
5 months.. it can past by pretty quickly in certain cases..
but for somethings.. its a very long time.
think about it, its half a year of your life.

lots of things can get messed up in half a year.

ahh.. screw bout mess ups..
i guess what im trying to say is that, life will run its course as time passes you by right
n thats exactly whats gonna happen..
just.. pass you by.

who wont be annoyed? that life is passing you by..
people are learning things, doing things, going through their lives..
n you're just..

stuck.

n no, im not talkin bout simple things like being idle.

aih.. i dont know how to word it.
which is why i havnt said much about it, eventho its been haunting me for a long time.
i guess i just have my grievances against life.


anyways.
so what have we been doing?
nothing much.
bah.

its quite interesting to think that in 2.5wks im gonna leave the country.
i havent done one thing about it. :p
but its the after thats gonna tank right.

maybe im just tired of waiting.
waiting for things to happen.
of having to wait.

having to resign myself to watever life brings
to things that we have no control over.

ive been screwed over enough n in all those times ive had to learn to accept many things as part of life.

so i guess thats what im worried about.
that life Will come n kick me in the ass, again.

that my future is on the verge of being formed.
that This is where the rest of my life begins
n i dont see what control i have over that.

"continuously all is such"

sigh...

叫我怎样原谅得了你..

when this is what i have to see....


fine.. i dun have to..
thats my fault..

but..

ok.. so maybe this.. is not bout 原谅.. not this.. but
放得下...?

..

我要的，

是想放弃。。只想放下。。

你知道了， 会高兴吧。。

若能放下这全部。。
放下这些。。感情。。
你以为我会觉得不好吗？

能放下一切。。再一次和你做朋友。。
该多好。。

朋友。。。

可是，说了这些。。
心，在伤着。。
因为， 朋友。。不是只有我做不到。。


hah.. 如果你听了。。只会不高兴吧。。

别管了吧。。。

去高兴着。。。

不是做不到的。。

..
心跳加速。。
一直都是这样的。。


n thats what i need to do too..

n i guess i know it wasnt worth anything..

n i was duped to have believed otherwise...

(ps.. i really need to learn that after good.. is bad.. real bad.. pfft..)

another day in paradise

He gives me goosebumps when he sings..



Really..
do you get them too?

For this song, mayb it wasnt as amazing as last weeks, the first time i heard it.. but i dunno..
seems pretty darn great now..
especially the part where he's still on the piano..

when he gets off its still amazing, but i guess its true that with last weeks 'Imagine' n this weeks song, its pretty much in the same category..
(tho i think that these emo, ahem, sad songs, show off his vocal prowess very well.. But u cant stick to one genre or it gets boring)
but the Week before last he did an upbeat song, n that was great too.

Anyways.. incredible, amazing.

n last weeks,



Also.
theres this older vid of him singing 'A thousand miles' AND playing the piano for it..
n goddammit i was so jealous.
that boy can Play. n sing.

gah.

n this is what happened :

Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:21 AM):
i wan marry him la
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:21 AM):
but he little baby ni
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:21 AM):
hahaha
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:21 AM):
haih
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:21 AM):
hahahaha
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:23 AM):
fleur lim
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:23 AM):
he s 17!!
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:23 AM):
yr 22!!
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
i knopw
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
haih
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
so sad
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:23 AM):
old aunty adi
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
hahahahhahahaa
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
nvm la
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
wen he 23 i'll be 28
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
ok la
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
hahahhahahahahhahahahaa
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
22 27
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
better
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
hahahahhahaha
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:23 AM):
sigh
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:24 AM):
now big diff la
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:24 AM):
but when yr 40, he 35
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:24 AM):
eh stil big diff
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
lol
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
no la
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:24 AM):
you ll look old
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
34 n 39
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
see
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
its not big
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
haha
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:24 AM):
den he ll look super good
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
oh ya
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
SHIT
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
dammit
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
haih
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
nvm
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
marry him 20 yrs
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
den he can run away with another woman
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
hahahahahhahahaha
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:24 AM):
den i go kao 80yr old rich man
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:25 AM):
get money
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:25 AM):
hahah
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:25 AM):
ahahahah
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:25 AM):
den can marry another 20 yr old
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:25 AM):
deesh
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:25 AM):
muahahahhahahahaha
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:26 AM):
u and yr weird ideas
sueann~ fallen for jason castro says (1:26 AM):
teachin me bad th ings ah
Fleur - joined the ranks of many, fallen for Mr. Darcy. =/ || Coz i'll wake up tmr wantin to do it again.. n again n again..|| says (1:27 AM):
hahahhahahahahha

Now Fabes is gonna call me miang.
haha.

It is Not my fault that the boy is so darn beautiful. its like, you can See his soul when he sings.

n Paula is just so stupid i dunno what to say. -_-"

(be gone for the nex few days too.. hey, all this going away surprises even me.)

whats worth

More Than Words

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

going nowhere

I was doing ok..

until i heard wat you did.
n that broke my heart.

---

i have been tryin to blog bout too much,
so i end up not bloggin at all. hmm.
makes alot of sense to me.

eventho mostly i tend to hide n stay away from the comp.
it is evil you see.

n oso der are alot of ppl about during normal hours. (which seems to extend to my abnormal hrs as well.. pfft..)

.

anyways its about time i wrote something here.
n so i shall take baby steps if i can.

.

n my dear friend woke me up (from a half slp. :p) n kept me up ;)
n also, put me in rather a good mood!
so ive stayed up longer! (its 8.40am! Gasp now!)

(oh crap.. someones woken up.. now ive to account for me being awake.. -_-")

anyways yes, good mood..
n den Friends came on!
which is whee! n funny!

n den when it was over it was time for the OC!
which is more wheee ofcourse!

for, eventho alot of ppl complain that after the 1st season, its not that worth watching (tho thats definitely not what they said when the show was Showing. :p)
atleast from the 2nd season n on, they have Amazing beginings. Hilarious stuff Right before the music comes on.
hehe.

but den ofcourse the maid has to come clean with the vacuum.
n den i cant hear a thing.
which Miight be ok when Ryan is struting around Half naked n stuff.. (oh so SO yummy..)
coz even if you cant hear him, all you need to do is admire all that sexiness.. ahem..
but y'noe.. with his Shirt on.. you Juust cant drool for all that long
n den its no fun when you cant hear all the funny things being said..

oh well..

n now im about to go i think. bcoz its no longer fun when ppl are about.

n look! I see Ashwin snooping around! *waves* hi Ashwin!

haha..

---

what more can i ask for?..

when i know i cant get any of it..

you can do what you want...
tho it hurts...

i cant do anything about it..

n neither can you..


You're not the only one.

.

she says its the destination shes worried about..
but i tell her that thats not the problem..

that in truth..
its the passenger, the boatman, and the boat..
that will determine anything..

coz in the end..
its always up to you.
how much you want
n what youre willing to do about it..

if not in one way,
to save what it is you think you want..
then atleast in the other..
to save whatever can be had..


i do what i do with hope ok..
dont cut it out..

.

Do you know how much i love you?
get it? do you get it??...

---

n then there are those times..
when you feel sad for what you are leaving behind..

which if you know me well enough..
isnt the family.. not yet, not right now.
isnt the friends, who will be there, or have already left here, or if they are here, have that bond that probably cant be broken, who know how to keep it alive..
not those with the promise of tomorrow..

but that which you dont know..
which you cant hold on to..
the ones without the promise of tomorrow.