the last 3 days

Number one.
what kind of relationship can it be when i have to be afraid?
its no wonder i dont really trust you.. or anyone..

Number two.
please stop using me, after 3 hrs sleep and 14 against my will.
im so tired inside.. because, it hasnt been good and its exhausting when you trample over my free will..

oh god, fear vs. will, who'dve thought i could apply a marvel movie to my life.

really, its only the people you love who can hurt and disappoint you.

want me a lil bit more..

"theres no gravity.."

How can you ask so much from someone you respect so little..

back

if you didnt hope, maybe you wouldnt want. as much.

i wish we weren't.


if we weren't,
there wouldnt be hope,
there wouldnt be want.
as much.


(but)
how empty would it be when there was no hope?

note,
i dont want to be something thats pretending to be special, but isnt really.
id rather we be honestly non-special.

id rather (???) we be none.

(but then again?)

but then again.

i guess when you cant have what you truly want,

nothing else can be good enough.

--
but i'm ok.

insomniacs hold

if you must know,

i think about going. alot of times.
this being one of those times.

(will u ever let me?)

not like theres anything Here for me anyways

its not like we can talk.

its not like you let me just, find you.

n thats great, thats where we are, if we weren't here i wudnt be where i am.

so.
anyways.

maybe when you dont just keep us where we are; it messes things up.

so.

Dont look for me, because i cant give you anything. because you wont let me.
so dont look for me. because it Sucks for me, when i cant give you anything.

ARGH, END already.

2.53am

to cut through all the whining :--

i found out what you keep me around for

(great timing, just as ive been questioning as well.)

..someone needs to get u to get, it doesnt make a difference if im there.


ps. wish i was allowed to whine more.
:)

you and me

Sometimes, many times, i'm faced with the decision of picking between you and me.

Most times i'll pick you..
and i'll regret it.

Sometimes i'll pick me..
and i'll regret it.

Win-win this, isn't it?

Dont sit outside the cave door

ah, its been awhile, again.

Today i learn that i am tropical weather. and green.
not just green green, but green of the grass during the night.

I dunno about the green though, but i guess i could be the still of the grass during the night.
Like dusk. I would like to be dusk.
But maybe i am a later time than dusk.

Rambles.

Tropical weather.
N if you wanna know why the outlook is overcast, its because having you in my life brings on the rain.
You are my forecast.
You are what gives them the scorching sun, and the relentless rain.
but now, mostly the rain.

Ah well.
Relented.
a moment of weakness and 'added more of you to my life'
well, well.
tumultuous.

Upsetting though..
To be like the guy in Perfume.
while you will always be, like the last girl he sought, the prized one.
hmm.
ah well well well.

i wish i may, i wish i might,
but whats the point of wishing on a star at night.


P.s. oh but dont let that make you think i am unhappy.