blower

cant cry anymore.

sometimes, it all wells up inside.

but its been awhile.

n sometimes you just cant cry anymore.

the worse part is wanting to.

-

maybe you do it without thinking.

coz you dont see, that for me its so much more.


cant take my eyes off you.

wish you wanted me too.

give it up too easy.
i think we both knew that.

迁就

Yea, im alive.

like you ever really cared.

I know you hate that part of me.

so what do i do?

always keep you happy?

always always.
?

" 你已经远远离开, 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你 "

the game

i dont know how to play this game with you..

dont know how to play the game, the game for you.

im lost.
all over again.

its sad inside.

cant live a life.
cant live A life
without you
now

when i could.

again.

everything in my life is put on hold
until i see you again
starts with you
ends with you
when thats too much even for me to say.

do i tell you?
do i not?
do i try harder?
do i not?

its so different.
i know it is.

i know.

what do i do different?
how do i learn?
when to give and when to take
when to push and when to wait.

so much better when i could start over
with something new..
but now im stuck here with you.


i dont know how to play this game.
this game for you.

swing swing

I f*cking miss you.

haih.

*washes mouth with soap*



How do you(i) say 'no' when you're all i can think of.


n who to make me better.

mess

If I called you,

would you listen and not speak?

*counts the days..*
maybe its about the right time to feel..

Friendless,
and abandoned,
and longing for more.

and 2.0a and 2.0b have lost their novelty.

i wanted to dress up in black, and white hair, and blood today.

my rooms in some kinda mess.

But atleast theres a party tomorrow.
where 1.0 will be.

-
she was right.
you need to trust someone enough, to tell them.

n i dont.
dont trust anyone enough.

n so i eat chocolate digestive biscuits.

Someone to love

Things to be happy about :

- Swapping crappy mattress for nice full one.. with my new yellow bedsheet on it!

- Finding crushes in unexpected places, and Finally getting the opportunity to talk to them.

- Hot french guys. (who know how to pronounce my name (in their hot french accents!!))

- More awesomely hot guys!

- Strolling in the middle of the night, with people, and preferably nice music.

- Finding the same stars in the sky.

- Awesome, Awesome download speeds! (n finding long lost shows ive Always, Always wanted to watchhhhh!)

- catching up thats been long overdue.

- Things that right themselves in the end.

- n possibly, possibly, buying pretty little things for people, to make them happy. (tho how im gonna do that when everything closes at 5 i dunno.)

:)

WHY DO YOU NOT GIVE A DAMN!?!


(do you enjoy it when i hurt)

500th post (but probably including drafts)

8th of the 10th 86

(was blogging, den switched mood n tack half way)

One hour chats with your brother.
about your nephew and how he still remembers both of you. (despite distance in miles n time)

"ningleninglepauuu~!"

And pre-midnight phone calls (despite old-ing on one end, and classes on the other) to remind you how old you really are.

(that was all)

Might be a day with a nicer date than others.

but the same old rules still apply.

:)..

N yet i'll still keep my hopes up for 1.0 tmr. whee.

i'llmissyou

P.S. Man, I feel old.

i want you.

, that wasnt you

I Know you are doing things that i would have wanted you to.
asked for you to.
inside.

just that you dont.

you wont.
(not for me)

(youre doing it right now, but you wont for me)

But i dont want you to.
I dont want you.

I have prettier things to love.


Do whatever, as much as itd make you feel good bout yourself.

i'll give you back what you give.

because if you dont fight because you dont care.
i wont fight because i wont care anymore.

you're happy.
i'm happy.
(not because)

it's good that way.

there are better things in life to miss.

dont tell me you fall asleep crying.

no one heard me.
n you dont get my ear, without being mine.

-

Sometimes when he (semi) flirts with me,
i (semi) flirt with him too.
(Altho oddly enough, for two people who flirt so easily, we dont do it with each other.)

But most of the time, i just want him further away.

Sometimes i wanna love him.
because hes just like you.

But hes different, n im glad hes different from you.
He doesnt want to 'love' me, like you would. (if i was someone new)

But im glad its that way.
Im glad he doesnt want me too. (n that hes not that beautiful)
Hot. But not that kinda beautiful.

I couldnt stand another you.

Selamat Raya

Happy Eid.

Days over today.

i was thinking id missed the one in Malaysia by now, seeing as how we're 7 hours behind.
But that was because i forgot, over here we started fasting month one day earlier.
So eid would be a day earlier as well.

We made Raya dinner. :)

(it was pretty excellent)

Very Malaysian n pedas! :p

(and you were pretty excellent as well.)
=P

*psssssssssssssssssssss.
=PPP


I did forget it was Eid.
Not that the day was it.
Jus the name.

Coz obviously it isnt 'Raya' over here.

But. All right now. ('alrite~')


No raya cookies, no duit raya.
No open house, no endless kenduris.
No rendang.

coz no one knows how to make.
cept maybe Min. whos birthday i forgot.
(no la, not forgot la! I didnt knowww! Sorry laa~ :p U got chance to call it even la ya. :p)

Nasi lemak we had though.
haha.

n lots n lots n lots of chilli paste, curry paste, tumeric n all other Malaysian spices were used.
:p


Anyways.

Happy Eid.

We had a good one over here today.


Next week better be a great one as well. :p

(!!! no expectations, no disappointment.. no expectations, no disappointment...)

(imissyou)

drunken writing

A lil vodka

n i wanna make out.


i miss wills.

i miss you.

jus like you. oni different bcoz he doesnt 'care' about me.
not that you do.

Asked all i cud rmmbr bout Chorley d.
Gotta think up a new excuse now. dammit.

i want you~

Falling asleep in the toilet.
means its time to go.

Back

Online!

N to complaining about the same old things again!


Heads up!

(it is ok if you dont understand. ure not supposed to.)

NME (nutrition, metabolism, excretion) - Bad
Preston - Good! (as opposed to Blackburn)

Surgery - EXcellent!
but wait, CHORLEY!!?? - WtF?! (that means bad, (compared to Preston.))


Ah well.
Be grateful with what you have.

I am mightily pleased with the surgery bit.
(wait, they Dont expect us to Know anything Do they!? wtf! I am Not prepared for this!)

I can manage the Chorley bit.
(After all, 1.0 had to do the same. There! Right there, thats the excuse my dear. ;) ;) )
(They send all the Asians to Chorley WTF! 4 Asians in the NME group n All of em are kicked to Chorley! Racist *********** (thats not a word, dont bother counting :p)! I feel victimised!)
(N This after me telling Everyone at Chorley that this is my only week there n that im heading back to Prestonnnn!!)


Anyways.

Time to go its 3am n ive heaps to do!

Quiz time.

What do you do when you have Lot of work to do but you're too lazy to do it?

Set up your internet.
Set up your wireless.
Skype for 2 hours.
Chat away happily (not really).
Shower.
Eat cookies.
Try to dicepher your Really confusing timetable till its 3am
den Blog about how you have So much work to do but No time to do it bcoz its 3(.25)am and you need to sleep!

=p

Its 3.25am and i need to sleep.
I have So much work, 4 times (haha) the normal PBL (we've talked about this) to do and due on Friday n i have not touched a bit.
Whee.

:)

Obviously this having net thing is getting to my head abit.
just the tad.
:p


Off to dream of spending my next 4 months sleeping away on the shuttle to Chorls.
pfft.
Ta den!

-
i do not need you.

Oo, atleast Chorley has the Hot ST1 (i have No idea whats that) i have to present a history to tmr. (today)
Havent completed the hx tho. Dam.
Off to talk to old women in the mens ward tmr!
Have enough of the feeling stupid in Hot ST1s presence!

What visual defect do you get with pituitary tumours?!?

*&@^#* @@@@ Ask me 9 months ago n id tell you! Not now!

Bloody bitemporal hemianopia.

i have a dream

long emails

long chats

long nights

hungry

iii miss youu

ive got a plan.
:p

this wasnt supposed to be my post for today but its almost 7am
n i forget.
:p

i know (now) not to dream dreams that dont come true.
:p
(shudup i dont mean any of it)


expectations.

i miss you. :).

"The night is darkest just before the dawn"

feels stupid bout today.


does not help that


I miss you!

n the dam piano.


dam the piano.


the night is here.
n dawn is coming.

but with it, unfortunately,

no news on 1.0.

:p


*Allyssa is practicing self control

(no, not really)

piano

Selamat berpuasa.


over here it starts(ed) one day early.

n lasts from 4am - 8pm.


so much for 'would you still want me tomorrow'

but theres 1.0.

n yes, 'i think hes amazing'.


dam the piano.